Never

Or who should never be a tribute in the Hunger Games

Take Two

Spoilers up to Mockingjay; if you want to avoid them, just skip Katniss's paragraph of complaining.

The Master blinked when he found himself in a large crowd. He blinked again; completely and utterly confused.

"What?" He exclaimed as he squinted at the around him. Why was he in a crowd of young humans? This made absolutely no sense.

He checked the back of his hands- he still hadn't regenerated. That was good he supposed, he kind of liked his most recent form. However, he wasn't a blue lightningy skeleton thing. He was back, in one piece, in a crowd of children, facing a stage.

If he had finally gotten to the afterlife he wanted a refund.

Effie Trinket leaned into the microphone, accidently jostling her extremely pink hair enough for a single strand to fall out of place. Not that anyone could tell. However, if anyone had noticed that the whole HAYRE CEMENT CO. would be in trouble.

"And our final tribute is Little Boy Blue! A five year old that somehow slipped into our 'random' Reaping! Oh look at him, he's so adorable! Too bad he's the only support system of his whole street and they'll starve if he leaves!" Effie trilled, only stopping when a man with an attaché case whispered in her ear, "Ooh, sorry, he's actually a victim. A victim of horrible tragedy! That... may be related to him having to support his whole street...?" Effie looked questioningly at the man with the attaché case, "Oh, you mean victim-victim? Someone who get's taken care of and protected? 'Cause they can't do anything for themselves? Oh, alright. The one supporting his whole street is his brother! His brother is called the Master by the way!"

"That's not my brother!" The Master protested,

"Ooh, goodie! A volunteer!" Effie clapped her hands,

"No I didn't! A volunteer for what?" The Master demanded, "Oi, Stupid-hair, I'm talking to you!"

"May the odds be ever in your favor!"

...

The renegade author from the Dalek Games had been sitting in a closet, hiding from the fallout. It was a very small and cramped closet, and the author was very uncomfortable. The author was also very sad. Extremely sad. Practically in shock. In fact, the author would go so far to describe itself as catatonic (even though it clearly wasn't).

The author couldn't understand what had gone wrong with it's fic! It had inadvertently brought down all of Panem!

Stupid Dalek. The author typed on a laptop it had managed to smuggle in the closet. Then it pressed the backspace key thirteen times.

It decided that it was an author! And authors wrote! No one and no thing would stop an Author! No, no. Nothing! The author would triumph! It would never let something so insignificant- nay, harmless- as a Dalek get the best of it!

The author didn't even realize the extent of stupidity that last sentence had taken.

So, the silly, silly, silly Author decided to try again.

The Author was drawing up a blank for Doctor Who characters. Who was there again? Ross? Mart? Dawnie? Mya? Rorrana? No... None of those sounded right.

It tells you something when this author couldn't even remember what the main character was called. Of Doctor Who.

Somehow the Author remember the Master and decided he'd be perfect. Through him it'd master it's story! It would! It would!

Nope.

...

The Master found himself in another room and was told he had a few minutes to tell his family and friends goodbye.

The Master's family was kinda dead and the term 'friends' to the Master was like the word 'platypus' to an orange- as in, the two really did not go together.

The closest thing to a friend, his greatest enemy, appeared for some unexplained reason.

The Master didn't recognize him.

"Don't tell me you're my other 'brother'?" the Master eyed the young man with... um... probably-close-to-sentient hair.

"I really don't think so. It hasn't been disproven but it certainly nowhere near confirmed. Ok!" The young man clapped his hands together, "I'm not even going to ask how you escaped the Time Lock- You are better at surviving than a cockroach and I suppose I never actually saw you fall in the Time Lock with Rassilon and the bunch- You just shot that blue stuff, flash off light, kabloom, you're not there anymore- so assuming you went with the rest of the Time Lords is just ridiculous and-"

"Eh, who are you again? Have we met?"

"Oh, yes! I forgot, new face and everything. Hello, I'm the Doctor!"

"I don't think you've been this young since the Academy." The Master observed, "But wait, you can't be the Doctor! Time Lords can tell who's a Time Lord and I didn't happen to notice you were one before!"

"Shh!" The Doctor hushed, "That's not important. What is important is why did you pull me out of my TARDIS! How could you, it shouldn't be possible, I mean it's happened before, but, how did you bring me here?"

"I didn't. I don't even know what I'm doing here."

"So someone's gathering Time Lords... " the Doctor snapped his sonic screwdriver out and took a quick reading, "Oh, that's interesting! That's really cool!"

"Cool?" The Master shot the younger looking man a disparaging look,

"This isn't actually real, I'm not actually here."

"Then where are we?"

"Fiction apparently, haven't been here for years- second incarnation I think, but,"

"Would you shut up!" the Master barked, "But are you real?"

"No. Hmm, never been not real before this-"

"Am I real. Doctor! Am. I. Real?"

"I can't say for sure, I'm not actually real, as I said before. Anything I say could be a plot point."

A man with an attaché case whispered in his ear.

"Oh-oh, actually, ignore everything I said. That dialogue wasn't actually written. This bloke here said that the Author just skimmed over this with the sentence 'The Master and the other alien talked animatedly.' It didn't actually specify me or what you could find out."

"It? The Author?"

"This is a fanfiction apparently and since it's online, no one can tell anything about the Author. I don't completely understand it myself, like I can't imagine who'd ever be a fan of you. Then again, you did have that cult."

"What can I say Doctor, people love me." The Master smiled before shifting back to the problem at hand, "But am I real? And who's the man with an attaché case?"

"This Author messed up on her last story so much that well- basically, he is going to try to keep the story from getting out of control."

"Times up!" A peacekeeper removed the Doctor. Little Boy Blue came in blubbering.

The Master didn't like blubbering.

...

The Author skipped the train ride in favor to jumping to the Chariots. The Master stood next to Katniss who was decidedly out of character.

"I'm so tired of this!" She cried, "They say they're my fans! They say they love me! And then the go and make me go through the Games, again and again- as if once wasn't enough! Then they write about my sister going through the Hunger Games! Then they create their own characters and make them fight to the death!"

"Would you shut up!" The Master was growing very annoyed of this universe. Everyone was ether prattling on or blubbering. If he got his hands on the Author, he was going to kill it dead.

"The worst thing is what my own Author did to me. Third book, last of the series, and she decides to either make everything go crazy or die! And then, she forces me to make a completely OOC decision and reinstate the Hunger Games- something against everything I'd ever said or done previously!"

The Master ran his fingers through his hair and looked around. He'd had enough. The world was officially to crazy when he started being the sanest one in the room. There was only one thing to do. His face took up a bright smile and he jumped out of the Chariot.

"Hello Panem!" He called, spreading his arms out wide, "I got another plan!"

...

The Master never made it to the Arena. He instated himself as President and sent Snow to his newly created Annoyance Games along with Katniss and Little Boy Blue. Anyone who annoyed him would have to fight to the death. Or something. He was changeable. The Master liked to keep things interesting.

The Master had decided that he was going to establish an EMPIRE. Not just Panem, but he was going to develop technology to break into other fanfics.

The Doctor could never stop him. He wasn't even real.

...

The Author resumed it's sobbing.

A/N: I hope this lives up to it's predecessor. I personally like it so I hope you do to.

Reveiwers-

Vilinye- Thanks! I'm glad I could make you laugh. In real life no one laughs at my jokes. I'm just glad I can write them.

The Random Panda- Your reveiw is the best I've gotten in a while. It seriously just made me smile when I read it. Thank you for that. Doing this with other fandoms would be interesting to say the least. Just imagine Hulk... Sherlock would drive everyone crazy and declare the Hunger Games boring. Moriarty would get a kick out of them. Loki... I think he'd get beat up, magic or not.

InazumaNeko- Thank you! I love when I manage to make people laugh- it doesn't really happen much. I hope this chapter also happened to make you laugh.

VoodooChild3000- A comic? That would be awesome. I would love to see that! Seriously, that would be epicipipical! I know I have a very clear picture of the dalek just going around gleefully shooting people and it'd be nice to see that. Unfortunately, my drawing skills are... I wouldn't say bad but they aren't excellent either. If anyone else wanted to do it though, I'd love to see it. But thanks for your review, I might write a chapter for the Doctor someday but not until I get sutibly inspired- I assure you that if/when I write his piece it's going to be perfect.