note; this is a crack fic, so they're obviously kinda ooc.

disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail. Hiro Mashima-sama does.

Unicorns and Leprechauns

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X784

"Hey, young boy. Want some…candy?" Makarov asked grinning like a rapist, holding on various types of candy and chocolates.

Natsu turned his head facing Makarov; he was currently sitting a table which was occupied by Lucy, Gray, and Erza and of course, Natsu himself. The rest of the group didn't seem to notice, as they had their own little world.

Natsu seemed a little unsure, but he nodded anyway. "Uh, sure Ji-chan." He returned the grin.

Makarov handed over the candy and skipped away like a love-struck girl.

This was only the start of the chaos.

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"Yo, Mira!" Cana half called, half slurred. Mira waved cheerfully at Cana.

"Ran out of beer?" Mirajane asked.

Cana shook her head. "Nope, but come join me." Cana motioned Mira to a stool beside her in the bar. "Have a break, will ya?"

She smiled. "Okay!" There was no hesitation in her voice. "Lisanna, can you take over for me?"

Lisanna turned and nodded with a smile. With that, Mirajane immediately handed Lisanna her serving tray and waltz to the stool.

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Gray was in a pickle.

Which was probably an overstatement considering the fact that he doesn't like pickles or probably any kind of vegetable, so let me rephrase that;

Gray was in a banana.

The fact that he had developed some feeling for his teammate was bothering him. He knew Lucy was beautiful, but he didn't think any of those loving feelings would get to him. Loke, who was visiting from the spirit world, pulled Gray by his sleeve.

"That dumb expression, don't tell me you love Lucy?" Loke asked in a whisper.

Gray blinked. "How—?"

"Lucy's mine." Loke threatened, he didn't even bother letting Gray finish his sentence, the he was disappearing with the flash of light.

Gray 'tch-ed'. "Not for long…" He trailed off ominously, and chuckled lowly, sooner his low chuckle turned into a malicious laugh.

"MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

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"Yeah, nee-chan, drink that beer, like a MAN."

"Oh, yeah you too, Cana. MAN" He gave a cheesy grin to the both of them.

"Gray, laughing like a maniac? That's like a MAN." He gave thumbs up for his icy friend.

"Lisanna, serve those drinks like a man!" Elfman said in an almost scolding manner then waved, and Lisanna visibly twitched.

"Natsu, eating candies I see, that's like a man!"

"Erza keep eating those strawberry cakes! MAN!"

"Happy, keep doing whatever you're doing, like a man!"

"Lucy! Man!"

Elfman sat down on a table that was occupied by Warren, Wakaba, Macao and Jellal who was visiting the guild, or visiting Erza. He took Warren's drink and sipped it without permission and sighed, ignoring all the questioning stares. Then he finally spoke in a whispered manner;

"I need a man…"

"…holy shit dude."

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"Is it just me, or is this guild rowdier than ever?" Lucy scanned the whole guild with calculating eyes.

Happy followed her gaze. "Maybe it's just you."

"HAPPY? IN THE FLESH? COOL, COOL, COOOOOL!" Jason brushed past Lucy, who was crying animatedly. In the background Lucy cursed at the cat and walked away.

"Aye!"

Jason wrote down on his notepad for no apparent reason. "Would you like to complete a FREE survey?"

Happy blinked, once, twice. "What would I get?" Happy asked.

"The satisfaction of completing a FREE survey." He grinned like a pedophile.

Happy nodded happily. "Okay!"

"What was the last thing you ate?"

"Fish."

Jason muttered the words cool excitedly, while scribbling on his notepad. "What do you do in your free time?" He asked, his grin growing wider, if possible.

Happy pondered for a moment. "Annoy Lucy, stalk Charle, kick puppies, steal candy from babies, mouth rape fishes and breathe."

"COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!"

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"Lisanna, I love you!" Natsu declared, while munching on skittles.

Lisanna gave him a look saying 'I don't believe you'. "Natsu put the skittles down." She ordered him, Natsu growled. "Never! We are madly in love and you're just jealous."

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Natsu ran over to Lucy who was reading a book. "Lucy, I got one of 'em celestial keys!" He said excitedly clutching on a bag of M&M's.

Lucy's expression brightened. "Eh? Really? Lemme see!" She said in a tone equal to Natsu's.

"TA-DA!" He held out a tissue holder proudly.

Lucy looked at him as if he were crazy. "Natsu, are you high?" And if possible Lucy would ask if she could have whatever he was on.

"It really works, Luce! Look!" He held the toilet paper holder higher. "Open the Gate of the Dragon; I summon thee, LIZARDS PEE!" He exclaimed then took a piece of candy from his bag.

"Natsu…" Erza was the one who talked this time.

"YOU'RE ALL JUST JEALOUS!"

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"Hey, Jellal. Lucy left the table." Elfman poked Jellal. "Now you can hook up with one of Natsu's teammates." He said.

Jellal glanced at the table and smirked. "Yeah, you're right. Erza's quite a beauty." He then stood up and walked away. Warren, Macao and Wakaba secretly watched Elfman as if he could pounce at them anytime.

He sipped his drink once more. "I was talking about Gray but whatever floats your boat, I guess."

"…holy shit dude."

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"OMG, CANA LOOK! A BIRD, IS LIKE FLYING. FER REALZ." Mira pointed at window.

"WE MADE A NEW DISCOVERY! LEZ TELL JASON AND, THE SUN, LOOKS SO HOT!" Cana slurred, taking a huge gulp of her drink.

"CANA, WHY IS THIS GUILD CALLED FAIRY TAIL ANYWAY? I DON' SEE NO FAIRIES, RAINBOWS, UNICORNS AND LEPRECHAUNS!"

"You got a point."

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"Erza." Jellal greeted. Maybe this time he would profess his feelings for the calm redhead.

Erza paused from eating her eighth strawberry cake. She nodded, "Hello."

Jellal sat across from her and held her hands. "Erza, there's something I need to tell you." He looked at her straight in the eye. Erza gave a look that said 'go on'.

Jellal swallowed. "The thing is…" He said in a firm tone, tightening his hold on Erza's hand. "I'm…" He stared at those beautiful amethyst-like eyes. Beads of sweat formed on his temples.

"A BALLERINA!"

"…holy shit, dude."

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"Hey Lucy." Gray called. Lucy looked at him and smiled. "I have something to tell you,"

She raised her brows, and the look he's giving her tells her that he's being dead serious. "What is it?" She asked softly.

Gray looked away for a moment; some sign of brief hesitation then looked at her straight in the eyes. He was determined. "Lucy, I love you."

Lucy was dumbfounded then her cheeks flushed, he felt the same all along, at first she was speechless, and then she found her words and voice. "Gray… I-I love you to—"

"Gray, Lucy! I learned another cool move! Better than Gray's!" He came running like an idiot. "Here goes!" He exclaimed.

"ICE MAKE," He did the same hand motions like Gray did when he used creation magic. "CREAM."

And sure enough, there was ice cream right there.

and the end.i was really bored. was it bad, good? i'd like to know what you guys think, XD please don't read then run, that makes me really sad. so uhm review. first crack fic. ;p

xoxo. :D