Prompts filled (from Tumblr):

teamaequitas: he thinks she's cheating, but she's actually planning something

plotweaver: he forgets his keys

I'm always taking prompts! And thank you to my marvelous reviewers, as always.

...

Mistakes

He's never been able to read Ruby like he reads other people.

But, he supposes, that bit of mystery is probably why he loves her so much.

Archie tries to reassure himself of that when, one day on the way out of his house on a work day, he realizes he's forgotten his keys and dashes back up to his bedroom-where he knows he's left them next to the table lamp-only to find Ruby, fast asleep a few minutes before, sitting upright chattering away on her phone, wearing that secret smile that he thought was reserved for him alone.

He clears his throat.

She turns, and at the sight of him her face falls. "Sorry, gotta go," she mutters to whatever charming bastard she must be talking to. When she presses the little red button on her phone to end the call, her smile returns. "Forget something?" And he can tell by the way her voice gets low that she is trying to tempt him back to bed.

"My keys."

Archie doesn't ask her who she was talking to. He's better than that, he convinces himself. Not one of those suspicious, jealous, crazy boyfriends like that vampire in those movies Ruby's made him watch-though she just enjoys it for the shirtless werewolf and not the pasty vampire, apparently. But he didn't let the shirtless werewolf with the abs that go on for days make him jealous, and he won't let this mysterious phone call bother him, either.

But he's got appointments to keep, so he kisses his Ruby on the cheek after he grabs the keys from the bedside table.

"I love you!" Ruby calls after him as he's halfway out the door.

He looks back at her, and despite his insecurities, the sight of her sitting cross-legged in his-no, their-bed, wearing a tank top of her own paired with a set of his boxer shorts, he can't not smile back at her. "I love you, too."

...

By the end of his long day, Archie finds himself utterly transformed into one of those suspicious, jealous, crazy boyfriends. He was attentive to his patients, as always, but at the back of his mind a nasty little thought gnawed away.

It began with wondering who Ruby might've not wanted him to see her talking to.

Next, he wondered who in the hell Ruby was talking to, that she apparently needed to keep so damn secret.

He convinced himself it was a man.

Not a specific man in Storybrooke, but someone, someone Ruby might prefer.

And then the nasty little thought completely devoured the rational part of his brain, and Archie managed to convince himself that Ruby was cheating on him.

After all, he considers, on the drive home-not going to the diner for dinner, as he typically does-he's so old, fourteen years her senior, a dried-up sweater-vest-wearing insect. He's done the best he can, loves her with all his heart, but sometimes that's not enough, and he was foolish to believe it ever could be.

Especially with someone as young and beautiful and vibrant as Ruby.

She's brought out the best in him, he knows that. Taught him how to laugh more often, and a little more freely, at that. How to loosen up his tie every once in awhile, and how to have breakfast for dinner. He didn't know how much he liked boxed wine until they shared some together several nights a week, while they cuddled on the couch and watched terrible reality shows.

And he thought he might've brought out the best in her, too. She's settled down some, quit smoking cigarettes and staying out all night, since they started dating. Spends less money on clothes and makeup, too, and wants to save up for something. She's not sure what yet, she tells him, but she wants it to be something important.

But she's young and vibrant, and of course she'd tire of him eventually, and that time has come, Archie decides. She'll be waiting for him for dinner at Granny's, but maybe it'll be a relief to her when her stodgy old man of a boyfriend doesn't show up.

He pulls into his garage, collapses on his couch. As if sensing his mood, Pongo doesn't greet him at the door, waits patiently to curl up on the couch beside his master.

His phone vibrates against his thigh, coupled with his cricket-chirp ringtone. The caller-ID reads: "Ruby 3"-she put her number into his phone like that. Archie hesitates to answer, but the nice-guy inside him wins out.

"Hello."

"Archie! Babe! Are you off work?"

"I'm at home." He tries to keep the gloom out of his voice, and mostly fails.

She drips with sympathy. "Bad day?"

"Mmm."

"I've got a delicious dinner for you at the diner. Come over, please?" She has the same tone that they both use to tempt Pongo with treats during a thunderstorm when he tends to go mad.

Archie's rarely strong under pressure, particularly when Ruby is the one applying it.

...

The blinds of the diner's front windows are closed, Archie notices, as he approaches the door. And, as he opens the door, he sees that the lights are off, too. He starts to wonder what sort of trap he's walked into when the lights flicker on and he's greeted by what seems like half of Storybrooke leaping out from under tables.

"Surprise!" they attempt to chorus, though no one can quite coordinate their shout with anyone else's.

Ruby emerges from the kitchen, and instead of her usual attire, she's wearing a red sheathe dress that falls past her knees. She's holding a cake in her arms, and grinning from ear to ear. "Happy birthday!"

Archie wipes his suddenly-sweaty palms on his trousers, looks around the diner. "Whose birthday is it?"

"It's yours, silly!" Though her gleeful expression wavers.

"No."

"Yes! September twenty-eighth!"

He shakes his head. "No. My birthday's in November."

"That's not what it says on Facebook!" She frowns, sets the cake down on the counter and crosses her arms. "Are you messing with me?"

Despite how upset he was feeling earlier, Archie chuckles. "Babe, I haven't used Facebook in two years. I made the account and used a bunch of fake information." He waves his hand, and suddenly feels foolish. "You know, in case someone was trying to stalk me."

The diner's patrons start to mumble to one another and pick at their food, already bored by the surprise-party failure. Ruby's eyes fill with tears, and without thinking Archie draws her into his arms, and she buries her face against his chest.

"I-I just wanted to d-do something nice for you," she says, words punctuating by sobs. "And I f-freaked out this morning because I-I forgot to order the cake, and I did it right away after you left for work, and you almost caught me, so I freaked out even more. A-and I got your birthday completely wrong." She pulls away, tries to swipe at the trails of mascara running down her face. "I thought it would be nice if I surprised you, you know? Without even having to ask you when your birthday is and maybe ruin the surprise." She hiccups. "I'm sorry. I can't do anything right."

And Archie forgets about his earlier suspicions, realizes how worthless they were, how worthless he is, for even considering them. "You do everything right," he assures her, and slips his arms around her waist. "Nothing better than a surprise early birthday, right? That's what made it an extra surprise."

She gazes up at him, a fresh smile teasing the corner of her mouth. "Promise?"

"Promise. You did get me pineapple upside-down cake, right?"

She bares her teeth in the most attractive smirk that Archie has ever seen, reaches behind him and smacks his ass. "I know what my baby likes."