Being Santana Lopez's best friend can be both a blessing and a curse. Today it's a blessing.

Only an hour ago Rachel Berry left on a train for New York. What does this have to do with Santana and I? Well the honest answer to that question is everything, because without Santana I wouldn't be on this train to New York to find her.

See what nobody knows is that I'm in love with Rachel Berry so much that sometimes it scares me. I never knew it was possible to feel so much for some one so simply that it seems like you've never felt otherwise, and never could. I didn't realize it until Santana not so nicely pointed it out, but once I did I knew I had loved her all along.

It was junior year. She just walked up to me one day in glee club and told me to stop drooling over the dwarf. Of course I told her she was insane and just because she was harboring lesbianic feelings for Brittany didn't mean that everyone was harboring lesbianic feelings. That was proceeded with her yelling at me in spanish and then spending the next couple of weeks calling me out on everything 'tottally gay fabray' or so she called it. By the next week I could no longer deny it and Santana then declared she would get 'faberry' together by the end of senior year or she wasn't from Lima Heights (Which she really isn't but I'm the only one who knows that.)

Well it's the end of senior year and Santana, never one to be wrong, has forced me onto this train to find Rachel Berry and tell her how I feel.

This isn't the first time that Santana has tried to set me up with Rachel but with my fear of rejection and the epicly horrible tragedy of finchel parts 1, then 2, 3 and so on I've never been able to 'man up' so to speak.

The first time was junior year right after she got me to admit my feelings for the girl. It was the night Rachels parents were out of town and we all had that glee party. The plan was to get a few wine coolers in for bravery and kiss her during spin the bottle. Santana said that one kiss from me and the man child would be forgotten and Rachel would be ready to get with the lady babies. Well instead of being all over me she was all over said man child and I got jealous. I yelled at Puck and then pouted in the corner while Rachel kissed every other person in the room during spin the bottle except for me.

The second time was in New York when we went for nationals. That morning I saw Finn and Rachel walking together. It was like watching a t-rex fondling a little adorable mouse. I couldn't help but imagine myself in his place. Watching her perform from the side lines, encouraging her to always chase her dreams knowing she would make them come true. To hold her hands as she waited impatiently to find out if she got the role, and celebrating when she does. I imagined an entire life with her shining bright on broadway, and with me finding my dream and living it. Every moment, happily, with her. It just wasn't fair that I couldn't have that. That's when I broke down. I could not understand why he got to be the one.

Once again Santana was there and even Brittany tried to cheer me up. Even if she didn't know the real reason for why I was crying over her having love. Santana knew that to get the girl I had to do something major, we all know Rachel likes grand gestures. I chopped off all my hair and while a new haircut wouldn't magickly make her into me I felt like this new me was just determined enough to be who she needed. Someone who would put themself out there for love and what better way to do that than with a song, especially a song to be used in the most important competition in our lives so far.

The next countless hours were spent with me locked in a room by myself with nothing except a pencil and paper to keep me busy. By the next morning I had it.

I left the room for five minutes. When I came back the paper was gone. I didn't know how it could have disappeared but I searched the entire room and it wasn't there. I searched all day until it was time to choose the original songs to be used and rehearsed. I made my way to Mr. Shuesters room where we were meeting. I should have known when Finn said he wrote a song that something was up but I thought maybe he could suprise us. Then he mentioned the title, 'pretending'. He stole my song and used it as his and wouldn't even look me in the eyes as he sang it aloud to everyone. I wanted to kill him, but what could I do? Call him out in front of everyone and have my feelings outed that way? I don't think so. It's not like they would have believed me anyway. Plus the way Rachels eyes light up in love and appreciation I couldn't tear her down like that even if that look should have been to me and not him.

The third time was that summer. We were chilling by the pool when Santana jumped up with this misheivious glint in her eye. I got it! She said. She tallked about how Finn always seemed half uninterested and careless. Like he didn't want her and just let her be around him. Of course I listened and by that night I had pink hair, tattered clothes and a very permanent Ryan Seacrest tattoo that according to Santana was ironic. She proceeded by telling me to join the skanks and get my 'act' together. Everything seemed fine until school started. I had actually fallen into my character and all the issues from my past I thought I was over came out in my new personality. Especially when Beth came back. I went a little insane. Besides I couldn't just act non-interested in Rachel when she was around. The girl is like a magnet always drawing me in.

Throughout senior year Santana has made many schemes to get us together but each time something, mostly me, got in my way. But not today. This is my last chance and I will go to New York, find Rachel, tell her how I feel and beg her to let me stay her friend when she rejects my feelings. Atleast I will have tried and won't always wonder what if.

I'm getting really nervous. What if Rachel won't stay my friend after she knows and I never see her again. God, I don't think I could deal with that, no I know I couldn't deal with that. It would break me. Is it to late to switch trains and head home until it's time for Yale? I look over to my left where Santana is sleeping. I could just wait to the next stop and sneak off without her ever knowing. No I can't do that, there are creepy people on trains and I don't want to leave her alone, nor do I want to ride on one alone. Oh god Rachel rode alone. I should have rode with her or atleast gotten Kurt or Puck or someone too. What if she gets kidnapped? Or worse what if she gets lost somewhere and has to survive in the wild with nothing but nuts and berries. Quinn you are being ridiculous! Rachel is fine and you are going to find her in New York and everything will be fine.

The train stops at the last stop before New York City. My mind once again weighs the pros and cons of getting off now while I have the chance. Be brave Quinn. You can do this. While my silent battle is going on Santana wakes up and notices my pained expression. She lays a comforing hand on my thigh and I'm reminded of why she is my best friend. She's my rock. No matter how close we are or if we are at each others throats when it really matters she is there. Without even telling her anything she knows when I need her. WIth one final squeeze and a half smile she lets go and drifts back to sleep. Sleep. That's what I need to do. So leaning my head against the window I watch as the train leaves the station and I drift off into wonderland.

When I wake up we are pulling up to the station. Santana is already awake and packing up our stuff. Without a word she leads the way off the train and out onto the busy New York street. Wow it's even more amazing then I remember. She hails a cab and gives a unknown address to the driver. The entire ride is silent which I'm thankful for. There is to much going on in my head to even try and make conversation.

We pull up to the tallest building I have ever seen. I stare in wonder as Santana opens her door and drags me out. I'm so awestruck over the building that I don't notice she's talking until she smacks me upside the head. I curse her and she tells me to listen because she's 'not bout to repeatz herself for noonez'. She tells me that this is Rachels place and gives me the floor and room number. How she got that I don't know but terror is encasing me. I can't do this. I just can't. I tried to be brave but I'm just not.

Unfortuantly Santana doesn't care about my not so braveness and is pushing me towards one of the many gold studded elevators. She holds me in place and the elevator makes it's way down to our floor and continues doing so all the way up to the 26th floor. She didn't even let go until we are in front of a door that I presume to be Rachels. I'm hyperventalating by now and I swear I almost see guilt in Santanas eye before she pulls me into a bone crushing hug. She whispers in my ear that I've got this and Rachel will be mine in no time and for some reason it gives me the slightest bit of courage. So before it can go away I pull out of the hug and knock three sturdy times on the wooden door. I see Santana run around the corner before the door opens and all the breathe leaves my body.

Standing before me is the girl of my dreams, the light to my world, and the love of my life. She's wearing lounge pants and a tank top with her hair in a bun but with the bags left in the doorway I know she hasn't been here long.

"Quinn." She says and I almost die right there on the spot. Just hearing her voice makes me light headed.

"Hi Rachel." I reply pulling my hand through my hair nervously.

"What are you doing here?" She asked just as confused as I feel scared.

"Can I come in?" I ask. Santana is going to be mad that I left her out in the hallway but I can't make this confession knowing she's listening. Especially if Rachels responce is as bad as I think it's going to be.

"Yes of couse, please come in." She says stepping to the side of the door so I can walk past.

I enter the apartment and am once again completely amazed. There is a full wall of nothing but window on the left side with a large living room and open kitchen. It's perfect and it feels like home. But the apartment isn't why I'm here so I turn back to face the brunette. She standing at the entry way looking shocked and well, happy. Before I can stop myself I walk up to her and wrap my arms around her in a vice grip. A few moments later she's hugging me back and my heart soars. I wish this could last forever but it can't and far to soon she's pulling me away with her famous smile.

"I can't believe you're here." She says still smiling.

"I can't believe it either." I reply honestly, smiling also because it's just so perfect to be here with her.

"I'm sorry I'm being a terrible hostess can I get you something to drink?" She says already walking towards the kitchen.

"No thankyou. I actually have someone waiting for me so I can't stay long."

She comes back with two water bottles anyway and hands one to me before sitting down on the couch in the center of the room. She motions her hand to beside her and I immediately sit down. Facing her I can see she looks a little sad.

"Oh so you won't be staying?"

"I'm afraid not. I just needed to come see you and tell you something."

Here it goes.

"What did you need to tell me?" She asked opening her water and taking a sip. I set my unopened one down on the coffee table and I take her unoccupied hand in both of mine.

"You're not going to like this but I can't keep pretending that it isn't happening. So just please don't yell at me ok?" I ask pleading with my eyes for her to be gentle.

"Quinn, honey what is it? You're scaring me."

I laugh humorously and cough to try and get rid of my regaining nerves.

"You remember the first day freshman year at lunch when you came up to me and asked if you could sit beside me. I let you and we talked all lunch period and even sat next to each other in the next class and talked more."

"Yeah Mr. Reynolds yelled at us for dissrupting his "intellectual description of the human psychological process" we both finish together.

"Exactly. At the end of that class I seen you laughing with Puck and I got jealous. Really jealous. The next day I joined the cheerios and ordered the first slushy on you, from Puck." I need to take a deep breathe before continuing.

"The school year went by and everytime I seen you with him I'd get jealous. I thought it was because I was in love with him and that's when I had sex with him."

Rachel is looking at me confusedly and I know she doesn't understand what I'm trying to say yet so I continue.

"Then you started talking to Finn and I was so incredibly jealous. So I ordered more and more slushies, I got the cheerios and jocks to call you names. I even began drawing those pictures of you in the bathroom. I didn't know why I did that but I just did."

"Then I joined Glee club to spy on you and Finn. There was no way I could let you steal my boyfriend. The thing was it didn't bother me when Finn was all over other girls, or when Puck hooked up with people. It was just when they talked to you that I got jealous. So I shrugged it off as hate. Hate that the school loser could get more attention than I could."

I see her grimace and I feel quilty. I have to get to my point and get to it quick.

"I thought that it was hate. I wanted it desperately to be hate, but Rachel it was never hate. Not then, not ever. The truth is Rachel.. I liked you."

She takes a deep inhale of breathe and I feel like I'm going to explode.

"I liked you and I couldn't deal with that so I took it out on you. Every since that first day I wanted you. Not Puck or Finn or anyone else but you. I called you those names hoping they would make me stop seeing you as beautiful and sexy. I slushied you because you were everything I couldn't be, and I drew those pictures because I kept seeing them in my head constantly and I had to get them out. Rachel Berry I have loved you ever since I have met you and I have been either to far in the closet or too scared to tell you. I can't keep pretending anymore. I love you so much Rachel. I know you don't feel the same but I just had to let you know. I am in love with you."

I can feel tears on my cheeks and I close my eyes waiting for the inevitable 'get out' but it never comes and suddenly I feel a pair of lips moving against my own. I instantly kiss back with everything in me and it's like everything in the world finally falls into place. I crack my eyes open quickly just to make sure it's real and sure enough I see Rachel Berry kissing me. My hand instinctly reaches behind her neck and pulls her into a deeper kiss. I feel a tongue swip across my bottom lip and I moan as it slips into my mouth. It's slow and perfect and over all to quickly. She leans her forehead into mine and when I open my eyes she's looking right at me.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She asks voice slightly deeper than normal.

"That's a long story." I say and dive back into another kiss. I don't know what this means for us or what happens now but Rachel Berry is kissing me and none of the rest matters, and as I hear a banging on the door and Santana hollering for me to stop making out with gay berry and open the door all I can think is

Thank god for Santana Lopez.