Saudade; "The feeling of longing for something or someone that you love and which is lost."

Fandom- Thor (HIPSTER/MIDGARDIAN AU)
Ship- Thor/Loki
Rating: NC-17 (not necessarily in this chapter)
Warnings- sex in upcoming chapters, foul language, mentions of drugs and alcohol, mentions of suicide attempts, mentions of Odin being a dickhead.
Summary; prompted by 'Thor finds Loki on earth after he tries to fling himself from the bridge.'

Damn, I'm sorry I've been dead on here for a while! I have exams and all that jazz going on, but after that I'll be on here much more; especially now I've broken my foot and have lots more time to lie around!
Okay, so here's my contribution to the hipster Thor/Loki movement. Tell me what you think.

The young man moved like smoke; graceful, quick. He was light and dark simultaneously. His endless legs merged with those of the others around him. His head was tilted back, flashing lights throwing shapes across the contours of his white face, playing shadows under high cheekbones in hollow cheeks. His eyes were shut as he let the deafening music soak through his being like the straight alcohol that had set in, burnt his throat and set his veins alight.

Thor knew what those eyes looked like, though. They were pale green and bright and dead and they blazed with no moral compass to temper the emerald flames.
His hair was jet black and had grown to the base of his neck, swept back, but the dancing had freed it from its form and strands fell in loose waves in front of his face.

His eyes opened and through the haze of whatever he had taken, and through the writhing mass of people, they settled on Thor and the illusion was shattered. Loki's expression fell no short of icy and without hesitation he turned, melting into the sweating crowd, and he disappeared. His eyes flicked left and right, and then he spotted someone tall and thin, clad in black jeans and a green check shirt slip out of the door. Thor groaned, barging through the drunken dancers in pursuit of his brother, the cold outside air hitting his hot skin like a slap.

He saw him sat on the curb of a pavement, breath creating shimmering clouds. With long, shaking fingers he drew a cigarette and a white lighter from the back pocket of his jeans. He didn't look up as Thor's footsteps neared and he sat down beside him. Loki flicked the lighter once, twice, but he trembled too much and cursed the thing under his breath. Thor gently took it from his hands, sparking it with ease and lighting Loki's cigarette for him, placing the lighter down at his feet. They said nothing for a while; Loki smoking and Thor watching. After several minutes, Loki's shaking lessened until it could have been simply put down to the cold.

To Thor's shock, his brother spoke first. "Why are you here, Thor?"

It was detached, unfriendly, and for a moment Thor couldn't conjure an answer.

"To bring you home," he eventually said. It wasn't a demand or an order, but a plea.

The younger man smirked, said; "I'm fine here."

"Here as in, on the side of a road outside a grimy nightclub?" Loki didn't reply and Thor winced, wondering if he'd messed it up already.

"London," Loki said after a bit. It was clear he did not want to talk; his replies clipped and he still hadn't looked at Thor. Thor glanced down at his own hands; pink and scarred here and there. He scratched the stubble on his chin with chewed nails and tucked a couple of long, blond hairs behind his left ear.

Carefully, he said; "The last time I saw you-"

"Thor-" Loki still didn't face him, but he shifted uncomfortably.

"The last time I saw you, you were about to jump off that bridge."

"I know, Thor," Loki said quietly.

"I thought I'd lost you."

"I know, Thor."

"I'm glad I didn't lose you."

"You only have yourself to thank."

Loki fell silent. He felt Thor's eyes upon him and finally he lifted his head and looked. Thor was frowning anxiously, biting his lip as though chewing on his next words. He said slowly,

"You should… set things right… with mum. And dad-"

Loki snorted incredulously, standing before Thor had finished his sentence, sourly saying, "Fuck you,Thor-", but Thor leapt up and grabbed his wrist as he turned to leave, fingers wrapping all the way round, gripping until Loki stopped trying to wriggle free and just stood still.

"Loki, Loki, please."

With a heavy sigh and a drag on his cigarette, Loki slowly relaxed and Thor let go of his arm, instead lifting his hand to cup Loki's face, running his fingers over his cheekbone, brushing his thumb over a patch under Loki's right eye. Loki averted his gaze and dropped his cigarette, watching as the embers glowed, then faded.

"Brother," Thor breathed. Loki smiled menacingly.

"Don't start with the brother thing, Thor," he said, not angry; just tired. "We're not."

Thor stilled his hand but did not drop it and when he spoke his voice was hard.

"We were raised as brothers, Loki. Being adopted does not matter; I know you as a brother-"

"Brothers don't do as we've done," Loki looked him in the eyes for the first time; stare cold and unyielding. "Not normal brothers. Whether in blood or in bond, we have never been brothers, Thor."

Thor's brow creased and he looked as though he might've said something, but instead, and in one quick motion, he brought his hand round to the back of Loki's skull and gently pulled his head forward, crushing his lips under his own. Loki stiffened visibly, before gradually melding into Thor's touch, then kissing him back. He changed the kiss; claimed it, turned it into something angry, nipping at Thor's lower lip, gasping out words in between breaks for air.

I hate you.
Thor-
I'm sorry.
Your fault.
Brother.

Thor pushed their bodies back until Loki's spine connected with the wall of the club and Loki kissed fiercely with an open mouth, coaxing Thor's tongue past his teeth as he slipped his tongue into Thor's mouth and they kissed for what felt like years. They closed their eyes and Thor moved his hands down Loki's arms, entwining their fingers and pinning him against the cold brick.

It was Loki who broke away first, and wordlessly, letting go of only one of Thor's hands, he lead them both back into the club. Thor felt the bass rattle through his bones and his eyes took a moment to adjust and Loki's hand slipped from his, his brother melting back into the crowd. Thor didn't lose sight of him, though, and Loki's eyes were still on his; dark, tempting, inviting. Thor followed. The song changed to something Thor hadn't heard before- not that he'd ever heard much of this techno noise. It was faster, heavier, and when Thor reached him Loki pressed his back against Thor's front and danced against him, the strobe lights capturing flash-photos of his pale face as he closed his eyes.

TBC