Cold and Broken Hallelujah

Summary: AU. Bruce Banner put a gun in his mouth every night since he became 'the other guy' but could never shoot. Now he has a reason not to shoot. Bruce Banner/Clint Barton.

A/N: For those who have seen the Avengers, SPOILERS we know what Bruce says about getting low and putting a bullet in his mouth. Ignore that for this story. This is my own take.

-x-

Another night. Another rush of feelings. Another pistol in his hand, loaded with a lone bullet. A lone bullet that would hopefully kill him. Kill 'the Hulk', taking Bruce Banner with it, leading him to be finally free of the monster that could, literally, burst from deep within. The gun felt heavy, like a rock, in his hand. He wanted to do it, God knows he wanted to, but something always stopped him. He told himself that he could easily do it another night, load the gun and put it in his mouth, let his blood paint the walls. Every night would be the same. I'm going to do it tonight, he thought to himself every single night, before he held the gun in his hand, feeling its weight, then deciding against it.

Tonight would be the night, he told himself over and over again. He sat down on a stool in the lab, his sanctuary, staring down at the gun. He stared down the barrel before he raised it towards his mouth. His hand began shaking, his whole body following as he opened his mouth and closed his eyes, the cold metal of the gun against his lips as the barrel slid inside. He felt ready to shoot and ready to hyperventilate at the same time, just like every other night. His finger slid over the trigger, the need to shoot himself radiating from his very being, but he was hesitant. Bruce felt a lone tear slide down his cheek, again just like every other night. He was so wrapped up in what he was doing he didn't hear the lab door slide open and the hurried footsteps until the gun was yanked from his mouth. Bruce's eyes flew open, his hold on the gun tightening as he grappled with the person who took it from him. His vision blurred with tears and his mind clouded with the thoughts of attempting suicide, he continued to fight.

"Bruce, stop ..." he heard, recognising the voice before the gun suddenly went off, the bullet embedded in the ceiling as splinters of paint fell, raining on him. Bruce sank to the floor in shock, two arms circling his waist as they sank down with him. "Bruce?" There was a hand suddenly on his cheek, turning his head round. Bruce's eyes met Clint Barton's, the relief in Clint's eyes evident. "Bruce, what the fuck?" Clint was shaking; Bruce could feel it.

"I ... I need a way out, Clint ..." he whispered. "The Hulk ... he's ruining my life. I can't do anything I want to. I can't take our relationship to the next stage because I'm afraid he'll kill you ... Clint, I can't ..." Bruce began to hyperventilate, grabbing Clint's shabby band t-shirt between his fingers as he buried his face in Clint's shoulder. The archer held him close, wanting nothing more than to comfort him.

"Bruce, listen to me," Clint whispered in Bruce's ear. "I love you. And, in some way, the big guy too. I've learned he is part of you and I wouldn't have started this if I didn't know what I was letting myself in for. Believe me, please." Bruce was still breathing heavy against Clint's shirt, his tears leaving a wet spot. "Believe me, Bruce, please." Suddenly, hurried footsteps were heard as Thor and Steve Rogers entered the lab.

"We heard a gunshot and ..." Steve began before he took in the sight in front of him. Clint looked up at the two men before pointing to the gun on the floor.

"Get rid of it, please," he mouthed and Steve nodded, guiding Thor back out of the room, picking up the firearm on the way out. Clint continued to hold his lover in his arms, keeping him safe against his chest.

"The Hulk likes you too ..." Bruce suddenly said.

"Huh?"

"He likes you. I can feel what he feels inside me and whenever you are near, he's happy," Bruce said gently, lifting his head from Clint's shoulder. "And he's never happy." Clint smiled gently and pressed his forehead against Bruce's. He felt they needed this moment, holding onto each other for dear life like each other's only lifeline. The only sound in the room was their breathing until Bruce spoke again. "I do this every night, load a gun and get ready to end my life, Clint. Every night. This is the only time I have ever been discovered. I don't even know if it would work."

"We won't ever have to find out. Bruce, you have me. I won't let the Hulk take over your life. I'll look after you, I promise," Clint said before he pressed a hesitant kiss to Bruce's lips. Bruce responded, running his hands up into his lover's hair, deepening the kiss until both participants were breathless. "Come on," Clint said. "Let's go to bed." Bruce nodded and both Avengers got to their feet, shaking slightly. Clint wrapped his arm around his lover's shoulder, leading him from the lab, suddenly noticing Steve, Tony, Thor and Natasha all standing in the corridor with sad expressions on their faces. Bruce didn't lift his eyes from the floor. He didn't want to see the judgement in their eyes.

"Not now, guys," Clint said. "We'll see you in the morning, yeah?" The other Avengers said nothing but nodded before going their separate ways. Clint pulled Bruce close, moving to their shared room. He closed and locked the door behind him. "Come on, let's have a shower."

"No, Clint. Please, let's go to bed. Let's just be together," Bruce said, holding Clint's hand in a vice-like grip. Clint nodded.

"Okay, babe. Okay, let's get into bed," he said before Bruce's lips suddenly smashed against his, kissing him within an inch of his life. Clint melted into the embrace, Bruce's hands suddenly on his rear, pushing him back towards the bed, his legs catching and letting him fall back onto the sheets. Clint seemed to know what was going on, sliding his hands in between their bodies to push Bruce off him. "Bruce, stop."

"No, I want to," Bruce said. Clint sighed against Bruce's lips before he managed to part their bodies.

"I want to too," Clint said, taking Bruce's face in his hands. "But you don't have to prove anything to me."

"Yes I ..."

"No, Bruce. You don't. Let's just cuddle up and sleep, okay. We can try another night. I don't want you to think that the Hulk is going to chase me away because he's not, okay Bruce? This is for keeps, in my opinion. I'm not going anywhere," he said, kissing Bruce's forehead. Bruce nodded, moving forward, sagging into Clint's embrace. Clint undressed them quickly before hauling the sheets up over them, holding Bruce close. "I won't leave you."

-x-

"Shit ..." Clint cursed under his breath when he noted he had no arrows left. "Double shit ..." The enemy was coming, fast, and he was on top of a high building. No arrows meant to grapple hooks to use. Clint turned to the edge of the building, looking down at the ground. He would die on impact if he jumped. It was either jump or be killed on the roof. He wasn't dying up there. Taking a step back from the edge, Clint took a run and he dived, like he would off a diving board, off the roof. Clint Barton closed his eyes and let the wind whip past his face. The sudden calls of the other Avengers on the ground caught his attention as well as the noisiest banging he had ever heard.

"Cupid!" he heard and all of a sudden he was grabbed around the waist and pulled into someone's embrace. Opening his eyes, he could only see a mass of green in front of his eyes. The Hulk. The Hulk had saved his life. He noticed they were still travelling through the air before landing on the ground with a deafening bang. The Hulk held him tightly, holding him to his chest as if he was hugging him. Clint looked up at the big guy's face as he fell backwards onto his rear, sitting down. "Cupid," he said again, a big green finger moving to touch Clint's cheek. Clint finally allowed himself to smile, taking the Hulk's finger in his hand.

"I love you too, big guy," Clint said, sighing with relief and wrapping his arms around the Hulk's neck. "What d'ya know? You like me after all."

The Hulk could only smile the best he could.

Clint wasn't going to complain.

My first Avengers fan fiction. Hope I did well. Feedback will be rewarded with Hulk hugs! :) xx