Preface (not really):

So after years of lurking, I finally gather enough courage to create an account and post my own story. The story in question? It's a self-insert fic.

...I know, I'm incorrigible.

I'm not a very motivated person in general, but I do care about improving my writing. So yeah, I will probably update like a slug and take about twenty years to finish (if I finish at all, which is unlikely) but hopefully I'll still get something out of it. At the very least, it'll be interesting to see how long I last.

Also, I'd like to mention that much of this was inspired by Silver Queen's Dreaming of Sunshine. (Read it now if you haven't already; it's well written and contains some wonderfully thoughtful analysis on various aspects of the Narutoverse.) If you see any elements in my story that are similar to hers, then there you go.

Now, without further ado, I present you:

Little Acorn

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-1-

delphinium

to transcend the bounds of space and time

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It is happening again.

The cycle has begun anew, and Spring has once more risen from the depths of Winter. All is well.

A little green sprout

The beginning of a new end.

shoulders its way out of the earth

New and different, and yet the heart is the same. It is happening again.

it twines and grows

All is well...

colored by seasons past

...No. Something is wrong.

splits into two flower buds, fast asleep

Two cannot share a single set of roots. It is wrong.

waiting for the day

It is happening again, but not the way it's supposed to.

that they bloom.

It is wrong. It is wrong. It is wro—

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"Let—let me see."

A gasp.

"Her eyes—!"

"Yes."

"Can anything be done?"

"We tried what we could, but her optic nerve was deformed beyond repair. I'm very sorry, Akadou-san, but the child will probably be blind for life."

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Fear.

It was everywhere.

What was happening?

It was very dark.

But it's always dark.

No...it was dark. Dark enough to claw at your heart, dark enough to chill the warmth beneath your skin. It reached deep inside you until all you could feel was dark and heavy and fear fearfearfear—

Something howled in the distance.

I shivered and burrowed deeper into my brother's side. Tried to calm the roiling panic in my chest. But I couldn't, not really. The air was stifling. Everything smelled like fear.

"Where's Mom and Dad?" My voice sounded so small.

"Don't worry," said my brother, not really answering my question. "They'll be back soon."

I didn't believe him. Couldn't. His voice trembled and I could feel the fear curling off his skin.

There was a distant boom. Frantic yelling.

"Promise?" I asked, trying to ignore the screams.

"I promise. Go back to sleep, Miyo."

I obliged, though it was more for his sake than mine. When I finally did fall asleep, though, it was far from relaxing. Monsters haunted my dreams that evening—nightmarish demons that I should never have been able to see.

The next morning, I woke up feeling strangely empty. The fear was gone, and the air was once again light and quietly humming. I propped myself up on my bed next to my snoring brother and waited for my parents to come back.

It was four days before my mother came back from the hospital.

My father never came back at all.

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Whistle. Thud.

"Yoroi-nii-san?"

"Mmn?"

Whistle. Thud.

"What are you doing?"

"Throwing kunai."

Whistle. Thud.

"...Eh?"

"You know...training. Got to keep in shape for the academy. I'm gonna be a ninja, you know? Like mom."

My heart skipped a beat. Mom was a ninja? Were we...a family of ninja?

Ninja. Assassin. Swathed in black, bringer of death.

"We kill people?" I squeaked, and then stopped. Where did that thought come from?

"Well, yeah," he said, matter-of-fact. "But ninja don't just go around killing people, you know. They protect things. Like the village, and the civilians. It's an honor to be a ninja."

I played with my fingers and stayed silent, unsure of how to respond. Then there was another whistling sound, quickly followed by a thud, and I knew he had resumed training. After a moment he began to talk again.

"When I become a ninja, Mom won't have to work so hard, 'cause I'm gonna get paid. And then I'll become strong enough to protect you, Miyo."

I stopped fiddling with my fingers. "Protect me?"

There was a chuckle. "Big brothers gotta look out for their little sisters. You know?"

The warmth beneath my skin hummed and grew a little warmer. "Yeah."

We both fell silent after that. Yoroi continued flinging kunai, and I flopped down in the grass of our backyard, enjoying the tickly feeling of the blades as they brushed against my skin. If I concentrated, very hard, I could even sense the vibrant feeling of life that the plants exuded. It was very much like the humming warmth that ran through my own body, but a bit different.

It was as I pondered this strange phenomenon that another thought occurred to me.

"So you train all the time," I said, over the rhythmic sounds of whistling and thudding. "Is that why you never play with me anymore?"

He was amused. I could tell. "Aww, didja miss me, Miyo-chan?"

I grinned. "Mm, not really."

"Hmmph. Brat."

Whistle, whistle, whistle.

Oh, was that three kunai at the same time? Wow, that seemed like it would take a lot of skill—

Splat. Splat. Splat.

Hmm, that didn't sound good. And judging by the location of the sound in the backyard...

"That was Mom's favorite tomato plant," I said.

Yoroi cursed.

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My brother graduated.

It was a big event and all of us were excited; even Mom was taking a day off from hospital work to come to the graduation ceremony. Ever since Dad...left us, Mom had to work twice as hard to keep food on the table. Late nights, double shifts...

We barely ever spent time with Mom anymore.

"Your brother is up next," Mom whispered happily, breaking me out of my thoughts. With one hand, she gently turned my face towards the direction of Yoroi. Not that I needed it; I could tell where he was just from the feeling of his vibrancy.

"Akadou Yoroi," one of the chuunin instructors intoned, and the ceremony commenced.

I did not know exactly what happened during the ceremony, and I didn't care. All that mattered was my brother's presence as he blazed with pride and joy.

"What are you humming?" Mom asked.

Surprised, I blinked. I didn't even realize...

"The Graduation March," I said, without thinking.

Mom laughed. "How fitting! Did you make it up yourself?"

"No, I—" I paused, confused.

Pomp and Circumstance. March No. 1, The Graduation March. It was familiar, but...

I was pretty certain I'd never heard of it before.

"I guess I did," I finally said.

"Mom! Miyo!"

Ah, that was my brother. He was still radiating joy; up close, it was like being next to the sun. My own warmth responded to his and I felt myself growing happier, lighter.

I smiled. "Nii-san! Congratulations!"

"Thanks, imouto-chan! It's kind of amazing, you know, I still can't believe I graduated, but I did, and the forehead protector is really cool!" he enthused, beginning to babble. "Earlier I thought I'd attach the forehead protector to my bandana, you know. The sewing was hard but Mom helped and—well? How does it look?"

For a second I just blinked, unsure of what to say.

Yoroi seemed to pick up on this, since there was a sudden slapping noise. (Did he just slap his own face? He certainly did that a lot.)

"Sorry, Miyo, sometimes I forget—"

"It's okay, nii-san," I cut in, not liking how guilty he felt. "I think you're very pretty! Almost like a girl!"

There was a spluttering sound, and my brother instantly switched from apologetic to indignant.

"Why you little—"

I gave a small shriek and tried to flee. Unfortunately, I wasn't fast enough to escape his brutal tickle attack.

"Save me, Mom!" I cried out in between helpless giggles. "The pretty monster is attacking me!"

Yoroi growled and increased the tickling intensity.

Mom just laughed.

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"...and then you end the downwards sweep with a hook," Mom lectured, guiding my hand in hers as I held the pencil. "There, see? Now let's retrace it a few times so you can get the hang of it."

"Okay," I said, trying to ignore the niggling feeling at the back of my mind.

We repeated it a few times, and the niggling feeling evolved into full-blown unease when I realized I recognized the characters.

美代

Mei dai.

But that didn't make sense. There was no way. Just no way.

"Mom?" I asked, as I retraced the words for the seventh or eighth time.

"Hmm?"

I squashed down my apprehension. "What does it say?"

"It's the kanji for your name, dear. Miyo."

"Oh." I wasn't sure if I felt relieved or disappointed to be wrong.

But I was so sure...

I frowned and shook it off. It didn't matter. Sighing inwardly, I cast my mind about in an effort to change the subject.

"Hey, Mom, you're going to teach me reading and writing and stuff, right?"

"Yes, that's what I said," she replied patiently.

I pondered this a little. She had more time to spare, now that Yoroi was also bringing in money for the family. It wasn't much, but it was something. She could, at least, afford to spend time teaching me now.

"So am I still going to school?"

There was a brief hesitation. Then:

"Maybe a bit later, Miyo-chan. I'm not sure I want you out of the house by yourself just yet."

My brow furrowed. "Am I going to be a ninja? Like you and Yoroi-nii-san?"

A much longer hesitation, this time.

"I don't think so," she finally said, very gently. A vague sense of sadness leaked from her, like cold drops of rain. It mingled with my own vibrancy, and I felt the warmth under my skin cool in response.

"Oh," I said again. Once more with the warring feelings of relief and disappointment.

"I think that's enough for today," Mom said, with that same gentle tone. "Why don't you head off for bed? Here, I'll help you."

I let her guide me to my bedroom, even though I could have easily done it myself.

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"Do you like it, Miyo?"

"What is it?" I asked my brother, fingering the tube-like object he had just presented to me.

"It's a bamboo flute. Here, you hold it like this—" he positioned my fingers over carved holes, and moved the flute so that the headjoint met my lips. "See! And then you blow."

I blew. A thin, reedy noise sprang from the instrument.

"Oh," I said, delighted, and immediately began experimenting with different fingerings. It was strange; I knew I'd never played a flute before in my life, but it just felt right.

"You were always singing and making up your weird little tunes, you know," said Yoroi, sounding pleased with himself. "So I thought, 'why don't I get her an instrument for her birthday?' Took about a mission's worth of pay, but I think it was worth it!"

A mission's worth of pay.

Of course. I had almost forgotten. With Yoroi working as a genin, I was the only one not actively contributing to the family.

Dead weight.

I slowly lowered the flute and set it on the table.

"Uh, Miyo? You in there?"

"It's perfect," I said. "Thank you."

"Well, um, I'm glad you like it," he said, sounding uncertain.

Mom must have sensed the heavy atmosphere because she hastily intervened. "Why don't you open my present, Miyo-chan?"

There was a light shuffling noise, and a small box was pressed into my fingers. Mechanically, I peeled off the wrapping paper and opened the box. Why did they even bother to wrap the gifts? It wasn't as if I could see them anyway.

"They're lavender seeds," Mom explained when I didn't say anything.

"Oh. Thank you, Mom."

"I'll show you how to care for them later. Lavender has the most gorgeous smell, I'm sure you'll like it."

"Okay," I said, voice blank. Carefully, I set down the packet of seeds next to the flute.

"If you get good enough with the plants, maybe one day you could help me in the hospital greenhouse!"

Gardener, huh?

"Mom, what do you think I'll be when I grow up?"

Mom hmm'ed. "You've only just turned five, Miyo-chan. There's still a lot of time."

I fidgeted a bit. "But what can I be when I grow up?"

There was an uncomfortable silence.

Yoroi spoke up hesitantly. "Miyo, I'm sure there will be plenty of safe jobs for you to choose from later..."

My head drooped. A safe job. A safe job.

My entire family were ninja. You couldn't ask for a more dangerous job than that. Dad had died in the line of duty, defending the village from the Kyuubi attack. Mom was a medic, but when the time called for it she was in the field, fighting as hard as anyone. And Yoroi...well, his missions weren't exactly going to get easier.

It seemed awfully unfair that I would get some cushy job watering plants while they were all out there, constantly risking their lives.

It's an honor to be a ninja.

I clenched my fists. Maybe I was being arrogant. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself. Maybe I was too young, too small, too weak...

But I couldn't help but hope that one day, I'd grow into something great.

And then I'll be strong enough to protect you...

"Well, what do you want to be, Miyo-chan?" Mom asked, voice quiet.

I lifted my chin and stared directly at where I knew her face would be.

"I want to be a ninja."

.

It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.

-Tony Robbins

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A/N:

Yes. That Akadou Yoroi. You've probably noticed that I'm taking some liberties with his character development. I mean, I kind of have to; in the manga he appears for like one chapter and is never seen nor heard of again. And we don't really gain much from that brief glimpse—we never even see what his face looks like. As for why I chose him of all people? Eh, I dunno. I guess his chakra sucking ability intrigues me. (Lame reason, I know.)

Concerning Miyo: she does not know about her reincarnation. She may have a few random flashes of memory, but for the most part, it's all gone.

Finally, if you find any errors (spelling, grammar, Mary Sue-ism, Japanese phrases and terminology, ambiguity, continuity, etc.) please feel free to tell me. Constructive criticism is always welcome!

Forgive me for monologuing, and thank you all for reading!

-Colors of Iris