A/N: And here it is! I'll be brief with my notes! First off, a giant kudos to my beta, Wynterkiss, and a huge congratulations to the winner of my little contest, Emperor's Sister! I had a terrible time choosing a winner, but in the end this was a clear choice. My actual notes are as follows: First off, this story operates on the assumption that both Marian and Garret exist, though they were born to very different families, so yes, Marian is the gorgeous default model, sans face paint with, let's say, Isabela length hair, but that's kind of irrelephant. (*snicker snicker*) Second, the entire story will not be in journal entries, I promise. Only pieces of Marian's actual journal will be written like this. Finally! This story will be written in relatively short chapters, that way I can get it out faster, I know that's probably a disappointment to some of you, but them's the works. Now! Read on, my brothers and sisters!

Entry #?

How many times? How many freaking times does this have to happen before I realize that mages are bad? Fenris is always mouthing off at me about how they're all the same, but time and time again I defend them, and for what? Aside from, well, me, the only mages I'm sticking up for are not good examples of how wonderful mages are. An abomination and two blood mages. Two! Absolutely exemplary. At least Garret and Anders can stick up for themselves. No, Marian, don't forget your family! You've gotta be kidding me. My family? Do you remember who my father is? Why would I even think that? Well, it's obviously because I'm still holding out that someday I'm gonna get hit over the head hard enough and find out that the last 21 years have all been a colossal joke. I'm really a noblewoman in Orlais! I just drank too much last night! I have a thousand dresses and a stockpile of jewelry and everyone is nice and- No! No! I can't think that way. I can't fault myself for loving him. He was good to me! He was the perfect father. Was. He was the perfect father.

It's my fault though, and I know it! His one rule, the one rule was that I don't leave home. I had a whole mansion to myself, everything I could ever want! If I hadn't left none of this would have ever happened. I would have never known anything and I could have lived my life in blissful ignorance! I set out to do something nice for him though! He was just so upset about the whole ordeal and- Stop, Marian, look at yourself. This is pathetic. Fenris is right, all mages are bad. It's just a matter of time before you go bad too. Ugh, Fenris again, stop thinking about him. Stop it. It's never going to happen.

But he was here and we kissed and it was wonderful! He even cares about me enough to overlook the fact that I'm a mage! He was thinking about me, he said it himself, so much so that he could "think of little else", I heard him say it! No. No. No. A thousand times no. This is a failed endeavor, I need to cut and run and go home and hope my father will forgive me for running off like this. But, I have friends! I've never had friends before. Again, Marian, no. I lied to them. I lied to all of them. Even Fenris. Especially Fenris. The rest of them would never forgive me, but him, no, he'd kill me. Kill me dead, right there on the spot.

I need to go home. He has to be looking for me. He'll show up any minute now and then everyone will know exactly how I've lied to them. I'm not from the Free Marches. My father isn't back home working as a tailor. I was born and raised in the Tevinter Imperium, and my father's name is Danarius.

Entry #1

Papa was right, the world is full of nasty, nasty people. I have spent the last few days wondering whether I should turn around and go home. I haven't even made it out of the Imperium yet! We took trips together, but, everyone was always so nice to us. The people I meet now, I mean, some of them are alright, but for the most part they're all scum. Last night I caught a man trying to grope me in my sleep! How he got in my room is beyond me, but I lit his head on fire and he went running. Maybe I left the door unlocked. That must be it, Nina always takes care of the doors at home, I must remember that.

Entry #2

I found a wonderful caravan traveling south that was willing to bring me along. They move fairly quickly at times, but that is all the better. All they ask in return is that I help with the cooking and cleaning and such. They are new concepts to me, but I have managed. I like to imagine Nina there with me when I'm working, it always makes it easier. Everything is so different without her. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind having to do things by myself, but her absence saddens me nonetheless.

I haven't told anyone who I am, and they don't seem to mind. Half of them don't even seem to know themselves.

Entry #3

The things I hear about my father are just awful. At least, I think they're talking about him. Every now and again I hear his name, but perhaps there is simply another of him around here. It's not like I'm the only Marian in the world. We made it to Vol Dorma today and the rumors about him have died down, but perhaps it is best that I keep my relation to him a secret. There's a woman in the caravan that keeps her face covered all the time, all you can see are her squinted eyes and age lines. Her name is Stanley, it's not a woman's name at all, but, she doesn't seem to care, and I suppose at times she does seem quite manly. She sounds it, too, but she dresses like a woman and that's good enough for me. She's taught me how to lie about who you are. She said that who I was doesn't matter, that the caravan is fresh start for everyone. We thought up this wonderful tale about how my father is a tailor and mother keeps house all by herself while he's away on business. We lived on the outskirts of Starkhaven, by the Minanter! It's a lovely story, and I think I like it better than my own.

Entry #4

I find myself homesick, and I have hardly been gone a month. I miss Nina. I miss my own bed. I miss Papa. I wonder if he knows I'm gone yet. No, probably not. He's been awfully busy lately. More than likely I have a few months before he'll even know I'm gone. That's more than enough time to find this Fenris character. I started asking questions and the man I spoke with this morning, name's Charles, said that it's no secret where he is, it's just that no one wants to go get him, says "the prize ain't worth the cost." I don't know why everyone is so afraid of him. I asked him but he wouldn't say. Nina was quite against talking about him for some time as well, apparently this isn't the first time he's gone missing. I noticed the change in my father then, but luckily Fenris came back. When I finally got Nina to say more than "Your father is simply upset because he lost something." she seemed terribly sad, like there was something she wanted to tell me, but didn't have the words. I remember the look on her face when I told her I was leaving, pure terror. I tried to convince her to come with me, but she would have none of it. Eventually I just told her that I had given up on the idea, she was quite at ease by it and stopped watching me so carefully. I left the next night. I felt terrible for lying to her, but it had to be done. Father doesn't deserve to be so upset, and he'll be perfectly happy when Fenris and I get home.

He's in a city called Kirkwall. Luckily for me, the caravan actually heads that way! They deviate from the Imperial Highway near Cumberland, then follow the coast up all the way to Antiva City! I'm not sure how they get through the basin of the Minanter, but I suppose I could always ask.

Entry #5

We reached Cumberland early this morning. We've stopped to stock up on supplies before heading on. Cumberland is wonderful city, all the cities we've been to have been wonderful, once you get past the bad parts of course. I talked to Charles about Fenris again, since we're getting closer to Kirkwall and he's quite knowledgeable about anything that offers a monetary reward. He warned me against looking for him though, said that a pretty young thing like me didn't need to go to an early grave, he said that I should just stay with the caravan, I fit in wonderfully here. He also said that if I really needed extra work that those kind of jobs were certainly not for ladies. He seemed awfully confused though, as if I were going to hurt the man. I only need to talk to him, I'm sure that any sensible being would listen to me. All I have to do is tell him how upset father is without him and ask him to come home. I don't know why anyone wouldn't, it's a wonderful place! Hot meals three times a day, fluffy blankets and new dresses whenever you want them, not that a man would want dresses of course. I miss that, too, father used to bring me a new dress every time he came home. I don't understand why this Fenris left in the first place, or why I've never met him if he's so important to my Papa. I'll have to ask him. It seems like there's something I'm missing though, like, everyone knows something I don't. Maybe they just assume that I already do know what it is, even though there's no way I possibly could! Not that they would know that either.

Anyway, after that we had a delightful talk about the people we'd met on our travels, and how I'd gone from cook and cleaner to entertainer! Oh! I haven't written about that, have I? The caravan has to make money somehow, so every three nights we put on a show for whatever passerby cares to stop. It's wonderful. Stanley caught me singing one of father's lullabies when I was working and decided that I just had to start singing for them. She's always quite eccentric too, put me in the oddest costume. I told her that I'm far too pale to wear garments like they do with all that skin showing and the beads and the colors, but she says no, it doesn't matter what color your skin is "as long as you're pretty, and the Maker made you pretty somethin' awful." That's how she talks, you know? There's always something of a crowd but many of them are stingy with their coin. The caravan always seems to come out ahead though, I sense that perhaps Filbert is being sticky with his fingers again, or they all are, I wouldn't put it past them.

Entry #6

Kirkwall is not far now. Only a day's journey. I have told Stanley and Charles that I'm leaving, and the rest know, too, but it's them I still need help from. Stanley has set me up with a fair amount of money, I should be able to afford lodging at a place called The Hanged Man for several months, with food and everything! She's given me quite a wardrobe, too, and not all of it those dreadfully hard to wear show costumes that she knows I'll never don in public. She says I should keep them anyhow, good memories are hard to find after all. Apparently the caravan is far richer than we seem, what with all the pickpocketing, it turns out it is everyone. They only take from the ones who are too mean to give it away though, so, I suppose that's... fair? I thought that maybe Stanley was being too nice to me, but she, and everyone else, said that that's what you do for family.

Family. It's hardly been four months and they're calling me family. I agree with them though, they really are family to me now. I told them I didn't know whether or not I'd ever see them again. Stanley just chuckled and said "Oh, you'll come back, they always come back." No matter how much I still find myself missing home, I almost hope that's true.

Before I left Charles tried to convince me not to go. He relayed all the information I had asked him for, about where Fenris was. He told me that he was friends with a relatively infamous (in the right circles) mage named Garret Hawke, the dwarven storyteller himself, Varric Tethras, and the Rivaini woman everyone loved so much, Isabela. He said that they're helping people, that this Hawke takes on all sorts of odd jobs and such, and brings Fenris along for support. Apparently this Hawke has put together quite the band of misfits. He said it like it would convince me not to go, and then he said something frightening. "But magic or no magic, Mari, that elf'll kill you deader than Sally's cat," Sally's cat is actually just the skeleton of a cat, she couldn't let go of the poor thing after he died, "no matter how profitable, slave hunting is no business to be in, especially one as dangerous as that."

I didn't know what to say. Slave hunting? No. That's not right. My father is politician and a scholar, not a- But it makes sense. All those things I've heard about him. They were about him. No, no, no, father said it himself, if I ever left home people would say terrible things about him because people are terrible. That's just what happens when you beat someone at something, they get angry and spread malicious rumors. That's why I was never supposed to leave home. These rumors are far spread though, and far too- detailed. Charles had told me why Fenris was so special. The story goes that he's laced in lyrium, you can't miss him, and a mage can sense him from a hundred yards. That's not something anyone would make up to make my father look bad, is it? No. This- this can't be right. I'll just, I'll go anyway, I'll talk to the man, I'll ask him if any of it's true.

What if it is, though? And how do you just ask someone something like that? If I just ask him and the answer is yes he'll surely want to know who I am and if he's as dangerous as they say- well, that's probably it for me. I'm not a skilled fighter on my own, sure, I'm a fabulous mage, but if I was close enough to ask him a question he's undoubtedly got the upper-hand. And what if he lies! Filbert taught me how to see lies, but I'm still not very good at it.

I know! I'll tell them that story Stanley and I thought up! That's who I've been for the past four months anyway! I'll- I'll ask for help with something and then try to get myself lumped in with that 'band of misfits' Charles was talking about! Everyone needs help from a mage sometimes, right? Right! It'll be fun! I'll make new friends, just like I did here. Then I'll figure out how to ask Fenris to come home. It'll work out perfectly.

Entry #7

The last stretch to Kirkwall was uneventful, aside from a small group of brigands that thought themselves quite cunning to sneak up on me. I did away with them, cunning indeed. Last night I thought up an ingenious plan, but I refuse to put it to paper lest I jinx it. Sally was always very peculiar about jinxes and curses and superstitions and such, and she's nearly a hundred, so I ought to take at least some of her ramblings to heart.

Entry #7, Part 2

The Hanged Man is awful, but exactly what I expected. It is already trash, but when compared to my home in Minrathous it is not even clean enough to speak the name. Per Stanley's orders I told the man there, Corff, that she sent me and he gave me quite the discount! I'll be able to stay far longer than I had originally assumed, and that was some time as it was! He told me that any friend of Stan's is a friend of his. He also said that he'd send Isabela to see me as soon as she woke up (which I hope won't be long now) to show me around the city! What luck I have! Perhaps this will go faster than I assumed.

I do not know if I wish it to, though. I have quite enjoyed my time away from home. It is hard to believe that the only time I set foot out of the place before this was at my father's side every few years. Everything is not so bad as he seems to think. I have begun reconsidering why he wouldn't let me leave. It is starting to seem more and more like the rumors are correct and it is I who has been the fool. No, my father loves me, that I know, he wouldn't do that to me. Nevertheless, I will approach the situation with due caution, and if it is true... Well, then it is Nina I fear for.

A/N: So there it is! I hope you enjoyed it! R&R, all that good stuff, thanks for your time, love you guys, I'll get more to you soon!