Note: A jian a type of Chinese sword. Also, there will be this thing mentioned called "the international language." I just assume via word of Himaruya there's a single language that all the countries are born knowing, and so that's how they communicate.

Axis Powers Hetalia is the property of Hidekaz Himaruya.

xXx

It was just a simple question, or so Italy thought. "Hey China, you're really old, right?" Easy enough to answer.

Wrong.

China stiffened and turned to glare at the pizza-holding Italian. "I am not," he growled. "I am only old when I look it, aru." The older nation's tone of voice did nothing to deter Italy, and he swallowed his pepperoni, staring at China with anticipation.

This got the attention of the other nations in the room. Age was something you did not speak to China about. "Italy…" Germany sighed. "Think before you start spouting things off." They didn't need China to flip out over his sensitive issues and destroy another meeting room with his head again.

"Shut the fuck up, damn potato bastard," Romano snapped from next to his brother. They had approached China with a purpose and they were going to get what they wanted. Anything less was unsatisfactory in Romano's mind.

"What we want to know is if you met our grandpa Rome ever," Italy explained happily.

All eyes in the room turned back to China, curious as to how this would develop. It's a good thing for the Italies that large metal objects were no longer allowed in the world meeting rooms after Switzerland brought a gatling gun, or China would surely have beaten them both with his wok by now.

China turned pale, then bright red. "I am not speaking about that, aru!" and he turned away from the Italians and tried to cover up his embarrassment. Italy bounced up and down excitedly. "You did meet him, then?"

"I said I'm not saying anything, aru!" China shuddered.

His reaction had of course stirred up the interest of everyone else, and soon enough he was swamped by others pressuring him to spill the beans. After a few minutes of this Germany put his hand on China's small shoulder and said "Look, I know it was Rome we're talking about and I'm sure it was a very painful experience but nobody's going to leave you alone now, ja?"

China shrank down in his seat and mumbled "It was very painful, aru." Then he threw his hands up in defeat and said "I give up, aru! Everybody just stop talking all at once!"

He waited until the rest of the world had taken their seats and was paying attention, and then began.

"First of all, aru," he started, "this was a very long time ago so my memory might be a bit fuzzy due to me attempting to block all memory of it from my mind. Second, I've had to fill some of the blanks on my own."

"We get it; just get the fuck on with it!" Romano yelled from across the table. After China shot him a shut the hell up look, Romano closed his mouth.

xXx

Two thousand years ago:

Rome burst into Germania's tent with an exhilarated look. "You'll never guess what I discovered!" he panted around a thick Latin accent that Germania still had trouble understanding sometimes.

Germania just sighed, looking and sounded exactly like an exasperated modern-day German we are all familiar with.

"What?" Rome's discoveries and ideas were useful some of the time, but Germania still had his suspicions. Rightfully so, too.

"I heard," Rome breathed dramatically, "that there was an eastern empire even greater than mine."

"Eastern? You mean China?"

"Yes, that's the name!" The Roman's expression quickly turned irritated. "Even if it's just a rumor I cannot accept the idea that someone would consider themselves better than me. Just look at me!"

Rome struck a pose and gave a flex that would make any woman faint. Germania just rolled his eyes. "I doubt China thinks he's greater. His ego would have to be massive. Just what were you planning—"

"We're going to invade, of course!" Rome announced. "I'll teach this upstart-y Asian that Rome is not a force to be taken lightly!"

"He never did anything to you…"

"Doesn't matter. I don't like him."

"Figures."

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Rome pouted. Germania suppressed another sigh of frustration and, as though he were speaking to a child, said "I don't think we need a whole army, do we? The two of us aren't enough?" He knew arguing with Rome was a lost cause once he got something in his head, so the best the blond could do was sway the odds a little. No need to waste a perfectly good army on something so trivial.

Rome's face lit up like Festivus lanterns. "Genius!" he said. "The two of us find this China person and kick the hell out of him! That's just the sort of thing I would come up with!"

I know, Germania thought. That's why it's so easy to manipulate you.

"Right!" Rome shouted. "Get your sword or spear or whatever and let's go!"

Later:

"You understand we're lost, don't you?"

"We are not! I know exactly where we are and where we're going!"

"Rome…you've never actually been to China, you know."

They had literally taken five steps inside the border and Rome had gotten them lost in an unfamiliar Chinese forest.

"This is a new record, even for you," Germania snapped. "We've been wandering in circles for hours!"

"If you tell me we need to ask for directions, I'm going to impale you. Gods, as if the long hair wasn't enough…" It was rare that Rome was in a bad mood, but his good moods typically took a trip down south when things didn't go as planned. Both of them were too busy fuming to notice the dark figure following behind them.

"I would ignore that last comment but unfortunately you've tried my patience a few too many times today," the blond said angrily. "You must want me to invade when we get back." "Like I would let you. I didn't cross the Rubicon for nothing," Rome scoffed haughtily.

"That was Caesar, you idiot."

"I was still there!"

Germania finally heard the slight cracking of twigs that was growing closer slowly. The feeling he was being watched crept up the back of his neck. "Rome," he breathed. "Be quiet for a moment."

"Oh, so now you want to tell me what to do, bossy-pants? Well, let me tell you something, I'm the Roman—"

"Rome, shut up," Germania hissed. "There's someone here."

Germania's blue eyes scanned the area around the forest in front of him. Rome did the same. When they didn't see anyone, Germania spun around and found himself staring down the long blade of a Chinese jian.

xXx

China broke off suddenly. Italy had raised his hand. The redhead was so much like his grandfather that China almost dropped his head onto the table in frustration.

"What, aru?"

"China~ why were you stalking my grandpa?"

The black haired nation let out an indignant snort. That was typical.

"It was not stalking, it was tracking. And I was getting to that, if you would let me, aru."

Italy just nodded with a confused look on his face.

"Thank you, aru. As I was saying…"

xXx

The person wielding the jian gave a sharp thrust, aiming for the space in between Germania's eyes. The bigger man dodged and drew his sword, noticing that Rome had already done the same. The person was noticeably smaller than the two of them, but that was all Germania saw. The person was moving so fast it was difficult to pinpoint his exact location, let alone individual features. Sensing movement to his left, Germania swung his sword and felt it connect. The person stumbled back and clutched his shoulder, blood seeping between his fingers. He was too disoriented to notice Rome behind him, who slammed the hilt of his sword into the man's back then swept his legs out from under him.

The man collapsed onto his back, blinking in shock. Rome pressed his foot against their opponent's thin wrist, forcing his fingers open. In a flash, he grabbed the jian and flung it into the forest.

"You see?" Rome gloated. "This is what happens when you pick a fight with the great Roman Em—"

He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence before the Chinese swung his body upwards, landing a flying kick to Rome's chest. Rome dropped his sword and stumbled back enough for the man to get to his feet. Germania rushed forward, but halted as soon as he saw the enemy not moving, just standing.

Germania took the opportunity to size up their attacker. He was much shorter than the two of them, and looked much younger, in his late teens maybe. His long black hair, disheveled from the fight, fell down his back far past his shoulders. It had probably been pulled back, but at some point had shrugged loose of the ties. His amber eyes were narrowed in anger and suspicion.

So, Germania thought, my first impression of the Chinese people comes from a short, skinny teenager who attacked us out of nowhere.

"Okay, calm down and listen," he said, before realizing he had forgotten to switch out of the international language. To his and Rome's surprise, however, the Chinese's eyes widened and he said "You speak this language, aru?"

"How do you know international?" Rome shot back, bewildered. Then the realization hit him like a Coliseum brick to the head. "A-ha! You're China, aren't you?" "I could have told you that much," Germania said to the Roman. "A Chinese who speaks international?"

China stood staring at them wearing a dazed expression, before his eyes took on the angry look again. "If you're like me, what are you doing here?" he hissed, loading his voice with venom. "We're here to invade you!" Rome announced victoriously. Germania internally facepalmed himself. Leave it to Rome to just blurt out things to make situations worse.

It got worse.

"You're so cute though, I almost feel bad about it," Rome continued to a dumbstruck China, despite Germania's frantic gestures for him to stop. "You're almost as cute as my grandsons! I'm just kidding of course, nobody's cuter than my grandsons." He kept chattering on to the small Asian, who apparently snapped out of his moment of shock and decided the line had to be drawn somewhere. That "somewhere" turned out to be when Rome started patting his head like he would a small child, at which point China grabbed him by his collar and threw him into a tree.

"Don't touch me, aru!" he snapped loudly. Rome slid down the tree trunk upside down, stunned into silence. China stiffly walked over to where Rome threw his jian and slid it back into its sheath. Germania watched the scene with a deadpan expression.

Rome sat up, disoriented. "What the hell was that for?" he demanded, shaking leaves out of his dark hair and tenderly massaging the back of his head.

China's eyes widened in disbelief. "What do you think it was for, aru?" He started counting on his fingers, "You came to invade me for no reason, you hurt my shoulder, and you treated me like a child while mocking my appearance and stature."

"Only a few of those things were on purpose! And Germania was the one who hurt you."

"Don't push this on me!" the blond insisted angrily.

"Look, I didn't have the sword, okay?"

"It was self-defense!

China rubbed his temples. "Your stupidity is almost painful, aru…"

The two Europeans turned to him, yelled "Shut up!" and went back to bickering. Eyebrows raised, China wondered how often this happened in their daily lives. Well, whatever. It didn't concern him. The Chinese turned to leave, figuring that they could find their way back home on their own. He didn't expect them to notice him.

However, they did. "Whoa, hey!" Rome shouted suddenly, breaking off his argument with the German and pointing to China's retreating figure. "He's getting away!"

China heard, and broke into a run. Rome followed him, not wanting to be beaten in any way, shape, or form by anybody. Germania sighed, and then took off after his friend. Really, he just wanted to go home.

China swerved and followed the path of a stream, looking for a place to leap over to the other side. Rome's heavy footsteps sounded loudly behind him.

"What is wrong with you, aru?" he shouted back. "Leave me alone!"

"I am the Roman Empire, dammit; I won't have someone like you beating me at anything!" Rome tried to sound confident, but it was difficult as he was highly out of breath at this point. For such a small guy China sure could run fast.

China, however, messed up. In his hustle to get away from the determined Roman he didn't pay attention to what was under his feet, and slipped on a wet river stone. The distraction allowed Rome to close the distance between himself and China and grab him by the hair.

"Aiyah!" China spun around, jerking his hair out of Rome's grasp and simultaneously kicking upwards towards Rome's face. Rome dodged, and caught his foot as it came dangerously close to breaking his nose. China hopped on one foot before swinging his other leg back to kick the larger man's shin. He didn't calculate his falling rate though, and knocked onto the ground roughly and sort of dangled as Rome howled in pain. As he hopped up and down trying to regain his balance after being kicked, Rome stumbled on a protruding rock and the two of them tumbled into the river.

Germania caught up with them then, panting heavily. He was getting out of shape. He stood on the bank of the river, face devoid of any emotion as he watched China climb out of the icy water clutching his wounded shoulder and dragging a limp Rome behind him. Sensing his struggle, Germania grabbed the elbow on his good arm and hauled him out onto the bank. China dumped Rome mercilessly on the ground and moved to wring water out of his long hair.

"Is he dead, aru?" he asked, gesturing to Rome. Germania shook his head.

"He's either unconscious or just asleep."

China stared. "He could fall asleep in that situation?"

"Believe it or not," Germania answered, rubbing his eyes.

"Idiot, aru."

"I know."

China managed to tie his hair back again and sat down on the ground, stemming the blood flow from his shoulder with his sleeve.

"That looks bad," Germania commented, feeling slightly guilty. He was the one who gave China the wound, after all. China just shrugged.

"I've had worse, aru. This isn't so bad."

"I apologize, even so. And I'm sorry about him," Germania said, nodding his head towards the snoring Roman Empire. China's amber eyes flicked from him to Rome, and he asked with raised eyebrows, "Why do you even put up with him?"

"What?" Germania said, surprised by the question.

"I mean, as far as I know, Rome and Germania are enemies, aru."

"Hm." The German sat down as well, reclining back. "It's true they are, but…I suppose the easiest answer would be we aren't."

"I can't say I'm following you, aru."

"What I mean is I guess people like us have to stick together. Even if our people are at war, and we're influenced as well, it doesn't mean we can't form our own opinions about others. We are people also." Germania paused here and considered. That was probably the most philosophical thing he had ever said.

China nodded slowly, thinking. "I suppose that can be true, aru… and with our aging tendencies, the friendship options are pretty limited, aru." He smiled a little wryly at this.

"Yes, there's that as well." Germania paused again before continuing, "The two of us are getting older. I'm not an expert about people like us, but I assume it means that our time is almost up. New nations are being born all over. I can't imagine that empires can last forever."

"I wonder," China said, leaning back on his elbows, "what that means about me personally. I'm older than the two of you, aru."

"Which clearly means you're using your money and resources correctly instead of squandering them on circuses, walls, forums, and women," Germania chipped in bluntly. "Unlike a certain someone here." He sighed. "I guess some of us have to learn our lessons the hard way, myself included."

"I understand," China said morosely. "Our lives are full of hardship, but if you don't learn from it people are going to suffer, aru. Personally, I—"

He broke off suddenly as he felt something snake around his waist. China glanced down to see a drooling Rome, pulling him closer in his dazed state and moving his hands up to China's chest and murmuring sexual phrases. Germania saw his eyes flash dangerously, but didn't act quickly enough to prevent the Chinese from grabbing Rome's arm in a death lock and flipping him over onto his back.

Rome sat up, bewildered and in pain. "What just happened?"

"You moron," Germania facepalmed.

"Get. Out." China said in a threatening whisper.

Germania grabbed the back of Rome's clothes and steered him away from China, heading home. "We're leaving now. Let's go." Rome struggled, crying "I need to invade, dammit! I'm not losing here!"

China landed a spinning kick to his face. "OUT! GET OUT! NEVER COME BACK HERE, ARU!" He chased them all the way to the border, stopping only when they were off his territory. "Europeans, aru," he muttered, aghast. "I think I seriously dislike them." With that, China turned to head back to the capital. He should probably report this to his emperor.

xXx

Present day:

"Rome was a creep, aru," he finished. "I'm somewhat happy the empire never expanded to East Asia." China was sitting in his chair slumped down with his arms crossed. "That man was ridiculous."

The meeting room was completely silent, digesting the story, until Italy spoke up happily, "Grandpa Rome was so cool!"

"Wait, what?" China stared at the Italian disbelievingly. "He was infuriating."

"I want to be strong like Grandpa Rome!" Italy skipped over and grabbed his brother's hands. "Wasn't he great, fratello? Grandpa Rome was strong!"

"…sure…" Romano answered, not entirely sure what to think.

China turned to Germany, bewildered. "At least your side is tolerable, aru." Germany frowned. "I now feel like it was inevitable that Italy and I would be forced together."

China shrugged and grinned. "It seems that the babysitting tendencies are passed down through the ages, aru."

"I guess," Germany answered, massaging his temples. "It's actually very frustrating." He caught China's amused and understanding look. "What?"

"Oh, nothing." China said casually, turning back to watch Italy chatter to anyone who would listen about his grandfather. "They did seem to be good friends, aru."

"…I suppose," Germany said, smirking a bit to himself. "The parallels are a bit uncanny."

China leaned back, closing his eyes and smiling.

"They are, aru. But like your ancestor said, people like us have to stick together."

A/N: For the record; this did not happen in history. As far as I know, Rome never joined up with Germania to tag-team China. No historical accuracy, just me using fictional characters for my own entertainment. Also, that ending sucked :/

Thank you for reading and please review!