The Avengers Compilations

The Nicknames

Steve Rogers (AKA Captain America) wasn't so fond of the lingo of the days. He also wasn't very fond of Tony Stark (AKA Iron Man). He had decided, though, to give the lingo a shot. He walked into the room that Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow), Bruce Banner (Hulk), and Clint Barton (Hawkeye) were gathered in. "Ey guys, what's 'appenin'?"

Banner seized the moment to comment. "I think you're missing a few 'h's' and a 'g'."

"Naw, man...it's cool. Hey, Snarky Starky. What's up?"

"What did you call me?"

Rogers sat next to Stark and Barton, who was losing his mind over laughter. "Y'see, I recently watched Jersey Shore..."

Natasha, who had made her way to the rec room promptly as he said this, shot the big, sleek flat-screen TV multiple times until it exploded into a million pieces. "Hey, Stalin! Get back in here!"

She walked back into the room, and aimed her gun at his head. "I swear to god, Rogers, I will shoot you in the head."

"No, cuz, get off that..." he said with exaggerated movement. Barton fell off the couch, laughing himself to the brink of death. Banner looked at Stark, then at Rogers. "What do you suppose we do about it?"

Natasha walked up behind them, a gun still in hand. "Cognitive recalibration: A very hard hit to the head."

Banner shrugged. "What do we have to lose?"

"You never know, gramps might have a heart attack or something." He looked at Natasha. "Have at it, though."

The butt of her gun met the back of Rogers' head. It fell back, his mind unconscious. He awoke seconds later and looked around quickly. He spotted Barton on the floor. "Man down! Man down!"

Rogers jumped from the couch and looked around. He turned and leapt over the couch to hide behind it. He looked up at Natasha. "Get down!"

He pulled her down. "What are you, crazy? What are you doing in the middle of a battle field?"

He noticed the gun. "You're a soldier? Axis or Allies?"

"Rogers..."

He grabbed the gun, and then jumped over the couch again to land on one knee. He held the gun up as the others stood up. "Whoa, Rogers..."

"Don't move, Nazi bastards, or I will shoot you."

Banner put his hands out. "We're not Nazis, Rogers."

"I said don't move!"

Stark attempted to switch feet. Rogers aimed the gun in his general direction. "Cap'n, chill. You're not in a war zone."

He attempted a roll over on the ground, but struggled to get back up. Barton was off the floor, but still laughing. Natasha walked up behind Rogers and slammed her foot into the back of his head. His forehead met the ground, and he blacked out. She grabbed her gun and placed it back in its holster. "Idiot."

While everything was going on, Nick Fury opened the door, stepped one foot in, looked around, then walked out again to save his sanity.

Stark and Barton had placed Rogers on the couch, while Banner made sure he was still alive. Rogers opened one eye slowly. "What the hell happened?"

Barton stepped forward to speak, but Stark grabbed him and covered his mouth. "Don't say one word, it might happen again," he whispered. Barton nodded. Rogers sat up. "What happened?"

"Nothing, you just randomly passed out on the floor."

"Really?"

Banner and Stark nodded. Natasha crossed her arms, but left no reply. "Oh...weird...I have a question, though."

"Let's hear it."

"How do you use that large thing on the wall in the recreation room?"

Stark sat next to him and patted his shoulder. "Don't worry about it now, Cap'n."

"Hey, Snarky Starky!"

"Oh no..." Stark looked at Banner as they were conducting an experiment. Rogers walked over and looked into the room. They both removed their goggles. "You're not watching Jersey Shore again, are you?"

"What? Oh, no. I think it's fun to call you that."

"It annoys me."

"I know, more fun."

"What do you want, Cap'n Crunch?"

"Oh, I was just coming to say that."

"Thank you for interrupting our experiment to annoy your friend, here Rogers, but-"

"What kind of experiment?" He looked at all the expensive technology he had never seen before. "Looks important."

"Yes, so, if you wouldn't mind..."

Rogers backed up. "Okay...okay..."

He walked off. "We should try to engineer his brain next."

Banner shrugged, and pulled his goggles back on.

Barton and Natasha were standing at a board. Rogers ran into the room and jumped into a rolling chair, which rolled across the room behind them, until he entered a doorway and was launched off. He crashed into boxes. They turned their attention to it. Rogers walked out of the room, rubbing that back of his head. "Really, Rogers?"

"Didn't work as well as it did on the TV."

"You know, there are warnings on TV shows for a reason?"

"So?"

"So? Does that mean that if Stark and I were to jump off a bridge, you would too?"

"Well, sure."

"Of course you would."

"It depends though, Tweety, how you're going to jump."

"Tweety?"

Rogers shrugged. Barton got up into his face. "I can shoot an arrow straight through you skull multiple times in the same place, and you dare to nickname me Tweety?"

"Don't get into my face, Son."

"What will you do about it?"

"Son, you have no idea..."

Natasha broke the two up. "Seriously, you two?"

"He started it! He called me Tweety!"

"Just shut up and get back to your homework."

"Yeah…" He walked back to the board.

Rogers shrugged. "I'll be at the gym, then…Oh, hey. When you see Fury, let him know we need more punching bags."