Title: Bundle in My Arms
By: Xmarksthespot
Disclaimer: I don't own YJ
Words: 700+
Notes: Spoilers for episode 2x04, Salvage

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When Jade looks down at the bundle in her arms, she sees her little girl's future: growing up with an assassin of a mother and ashamed of her father – her daughter would grow up to be like her.

Lian has her lips, but his nose; her eyes, but his hair. She hasn't heard her baby laugh yet, but when she does Jade bets (hopes) that she will laugh like her father instead of the wicked sound that she makes.

Jade had not wanted Lian in the beginning. The moment she found out she was pregnant, she headed straight for the abortion clinic. But the idea of being a perfect, happy family – something she never had – it was like luring Alice down the rabbit hole. Even though being on the side with all the torture and killing and yet sleeping with the enemy was thrilling, Jade craved for that feeling of being whole.

And as time went by, the more baby items Jade bought, the more doctor's appointments she went to, the more kicks she felt, Jade wanted to be a mother (not like her own). But at the same time, Jade also wanted there to be a father (not like her own).

Roy was a mess; she knew that when she hooked up with him – when she married him. She was with him, partially out of guilt for being a part of the brain control scheme with Sportsmaster, but also mostly out of love – something she was not allowed to feel.

She began planning carefully throughout her pregnancy. By the time she had left Roy, she was only two months along, which allowed her to travel places to find sources. The moment the baby bump appeared, Cheshire was in different alleyways each night with stolen cell phones so that she couldn't be traced.

She had to find Speedy. Once Speedy was in the picture, prancing in rainbows and daisies with the Justice League, Jade could get her husband back – she had to.

Then Lian was born and Jade felt that feeling again, the one she was trained not to feel. Suddenly, her own happiness stopped mattering and her desire to find Speedy grew greater.

She remembered that night in the hospital. Lian's fingers were so tiny, always reaching out her arm as if to catch something even though she could barely lift her head up. Her eyes, bright and full of life – they were so innocent, they hadn't seen death. The sounds she made, gurgling noises that made Jade smile the same way Roy (and no one else) made her smile. The instant Jade saw her daughter, she knew she needed Roy.

She kept searching, contacting old partners and agents in the Shadows. It scared her now that there's a baby's life at risk, but she was confident in her actions.

Finally, months after Lian was born, Jade got a lead from an old accomplice. He wasn't that trustworthy, but it was still something. But that something nagged in her head, over and over again, telling her that it was too risky. One wrong move and Jade would be dead. Lian would be motherless.

But as Jade put on her uniform and clothed Lian, wrapping her with several blankets to keep her warm, Jade shook the nagging thoughts away. Even if Jade would never feel whole again like she originally wanted to, and even if Lian was motherless, she would have her father. Her father would take care of her; he would know what's best for Lian.

And that's what mattered.

"Roy, I left because your obsession with finding Speedy was all consuming. There wasn't room in your life for anything else, or anyone. Not me, and not our daughter."

"We... We have a daughter?"

"Lian Nguyen Harper. She needs her father, Roy. You have to get your head on straight. For her. And that means you need to exercise Speedy's ghost – once and for all."

When Roy looks down at the bundle in his arms, Roy sees his baby girl's future: she would be happy and healthy, because he was going to do something right with his life.

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The italicized section near the end was taken from the episode.

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