A Mile in His Shoes: Dib is dead… at least that's what it seems like, yet Zim isn't cackling and taking over the world. He's silence, sad, and … like a boy trapped in another's shoes. Red can't help but wonder what's come over their once insane soldier.

Disclaimer: if only, if only, the plot bunny sings.

Image: Towering Malignance by enigmatia.

Rating: Teen.

…

I walk in your shoes,

Enemy from the sky.

Yet in all of its sullenness,

I can never fly.

…

The labs were dark, shivering… haunting. It was like someone had died and all the occupants were keeping silent to see if the spirit of the departed was still lingering about. The form of Zim stalled in his work, his clawed fingers delaying on the keyboard. His antennae perked up at the sound… if he didn't know any better he'd say it sounded like ringing, but the base only had one phone he knew of which was upstairs, and it didn't sound like that.

Turning his head, the lone occupant noticed something out of the corner of his eye: a pair of blue optics. He stared for a moment and then softly asked, "Yes, Gir? What is it? Do you need some money for a Durpy Doom Drink or nachos?"

The small robot shook his head, asking as he asked so many times in the past few weeks, perhaps months. Time was slipping away for the Irken even as Gir whispered, "Where is Master? You look like Master… but… but… you aren't."

Sad and strangely calm orbs for Zim turned to the small mech and in a warm voice, he stated, "You know where he is… He couldn't take the shock. All we have is each other, Gir. Now, is there something else you wanted?"

Gir pressed himself against the doorway shyly, tears forming in his optics as he whispered, "No, I came to visit Master and… the Tallest are trying to hail you."

The figure of Zim, though the mind inside that body was anything but, turned towards the small being completely, Gir now sitting in front of a specimen tank. The taller Irken walked slowly over to the small robot, looking up for a moment. He stared at the body of Dib whose joints were pulled close and awkward like he had had arthritis throughout his whole body and died in agony.

The mind inside Zim's body wished he could make the corpse of Dib Membrane look more peaceful, it had been his body after all, but at least it wasn't decaying… forever stalled in time a few hours after death. Invader Zim's mind couldn't take the stress of a human body, and he had suffered for nearly two days before dying. The mind of Dib Membrane had been in too much pain to help him, withering from electric shock after electric shock from the pak on his back as it struggled to keep him alive.

The pak's systems were probably the only reason this Irken body was still alive honestly.

Not that it made this body any easier to use. Dib was still having trouble with the pak legs. Plus, the pak was still weak from the struggle, though he had been having success crawling on walls.

Pressing off the thought of his new, grotesque body, Dib Membrane patted the little robot on the head and asked, "You never have to ask me to visit Zim, you know, but tell me… what is a hail? Is it important?"

The little robot nodded, "More important than tacos. The Tallest wants to talk. Wants to know if doomed the planet?"

Dib went stiff, his antennae going straight into the air, his voice shivered as he asked, "What? B-but what am I supposed to say? I'm not going to destroy my own planet and there's no way I'm-"

"Automated pickup program initiated," suddenly stated Computer and Dib only had enough time to duck into the shadows behind one of the dissection tables as the screen flashed on, dull light spreading across the room.

Holding his breath, not that his pak couldn't respirate for him, Dib's eyes became slits as he stared up at two slouching figures: one red and the other purple. Both seemed to be snacking, eyelids rising in confusion. The purple one was the first to lean forward as if trying to see around corners, turning to the other tall Irken as he laughed, "Ha, I won! He's totally dead because there is no way Zim would miss a call from us. Now let's have a parade!"

Dib raised an antenna, biting his lip. He recalled seeing these guys once when gallivanting through the base as a child, but he had never interacted with them more than once. He didn't know if there were cultural rules for interacting with these rulers. As a human he had been able to get away with it ... as Zim, he had no idea.

Swallowing nervously, he decided maybe it was best for them to think that he was dead. If they sent another Invader, well, he'd just trick them. He'd just say he was trapped in a vat of nacho sauce of something equally as stupid. He could see that happening to Zim.

It would have been funny ... but now the thought only made him sad.

The red leader leaned back in his chair and tapped a claw on the armrest before he barked out, "Zim's computer. Where is Zim's corpse? We wish to see it."

The screen was still, though more than capable of sliding forward like a floating head and scoping out the room from its placement on the ceiling.

The red Tallest waited a moment and then barked, "Did you not hear my command you dysfunctional piece of goop? I gave you a command and though the SIR unit might be damaged, I know that you are not."

The computer sighed and then replied, "I'm unable to follow that command unless you want me to make the corpse."

Tallest Purple groaned and threw his popcorn in the air, wailing, "I knew a few months was not long enough for him to be dead! I knew it was too good to be true!"

Tallest Red's antennae twitched and then he stole his co-Tallest's snack so it wouldn't be thrown all over him, adding, "Then where is he? Say stuck in an alternate dimension."

Computer's electric voice was silent for a moment before it complied, "Uh… stuck in an alternate dimension."

"Is he really stuck in an alternate dimension?" asked Purple hopefully.

"Um… no," added Computer.

"Then why did you…"

"You told me to tell you that," added the AI bluntly.

Red groaned, feeling a migraine coming on. He was the only intelligent being in this conversation.

"Fine," groused Red as he flopped back into his chair, "Tell me where he is right now or even better yet, show me."

The screen turned in Zim's, or more accurately the body switched Dib's, direction and the Irken body ducked down farther knowing it was a useless endeavor because quite frankly the Tallest could override any system. Plus, there was no way to completely escape the AI's gaze when the whole house was its body.

There was a moment of silence and Dib closed his eyes tight, praying that the two would bare their short attention spans and be bored with him, but instead, a bored voice added, "I can see your antennae, Zim."

Bustling Ghouls! Ugh. He hated those things! They had a mind of their own and Dib had yet to master them in any way. Well, there was no point in hiding, but he had … changed a lot from the last time Zim had probably been seen. Unsure of what to eat in this form had had an adverse effect on the Irken body and it was probably best for the other Invaders to see as little of him as possible so it wouldn't raise suspicion.

Peaking his head just high enough above the table for the viewers to see only his eyes, Dib stumblingly replied, "Hello my …leaders… lordships? I hope you have been well."

Tallest Red actually dropped the cup that he was about to take a sip from while Purple choked on what might have been a small invertebrate that had been made snack size.

"Uhhh," dang, I said something wrong already; what would Zim say? "I meant Tallers… Tallums."

"It's Tallest," grumbled Red as he sat up straight in his seat, eyeing the set of the eyes behind the table. There was something wrong here. True, Zim had just used 'well' correctly but the most frightening thing was that he wasn't screaming or yelling or being … Zim . Something was very wrong here. Surviving his years as a soldier himself, Red knew when to note something was strange.

"But you know that don't you?" asked Red, eyeing the other Irken lazily. "You screamed it for three hours once at us."

Red orbs going wide for a moment, Zim squeaked, "Yep… just … a minor hiccup."

Stealing one of the invertebrates and popping it in his mouth, Red asked suspiciously, "So Zim, why didn't you report in for the last few months?"

"Uhhh," dragged out Dib for a few moments before he blurted out the first lie he had, one of Gir's abandoned bowls a few feet away, "I was ... working on a gravy experiment?"

Finally coughing up the small creature he was choking on, said thing flinging across the room and making some poor bastard scream, "My eye!", Purple proclaimed, "Gravy huh? Sounds dangerous."

His nails coming to rest on the top of the metal table as they clicked nervously, the Zim impersonator added, "Yep… sure is."

There was a moment of silence, Dib looking around as the two Tallest stared at him, a few of the slightly taller robed Irkens stalling in their work behind the Tallest to stare as well. It became an awkward staring contest until finally, Dib could take no more of the gooey orbs staring, "So… will that be all? Got gravy experiments and stuff to do. Very busy."

Purple suddenly snorted and then whispered something to Red though Dib caught every word.

"Bet he covered himself in gravy like he did with the meat."

The two snorted at that and laughed almost hysterically in their seats until the red one managed to choke out, "S-stand before us, Zim."

Dib's eyes went wide. Oh, no, no. He hadn't realized how much Zim's acting at the cafeteria hadn't been a show until he started getting hungry. It was his pak. It was exhausted from the body swap and demanded to either be plugged in or to eat. He had no idea how to plug in and Gir wasn't any help. Plus, Computer was still under repair from the energy spike that had switched their bodies to begin with. Therefore, Dib was forced to eat and he had little access to all the levels in Zim's lab. He had been forced to eat human food and it had been horrible because he had no idea what was going to burn or sting or fulfill his pak's demand for calories.

All the hormones and chemicals … had had an interesting effect on Zim's body. Even now, now that Computer told him where the Irken kitchen was, he still had growing pains and still found himself puking up chemicals his body hadn't been able to digest.

Swallowing, he said, "Eh, can't. Leg cramps. Ooooh, the pain."

Purple stuck out his tongue, looking sick before Red leaned forward and growled, "Now! Or I'll make your Computer do it for you."

Dib swallowed and then slowly started to rise, his antennae down. If he thought saying 'well' properly had gotten a reaction, Purple and Red both dropping their drinks, one of the long robed Irkens passing out in the background and few Irkens even running around screaming, "it's the end" … well, being tall was a bad sign.

After a few awkward seconds, Dib finally whispered unable to look directly at the screen, "So, can I go now?"

Tallest Red, who still had a hand over his chest and was seemingly hyperventilating, couldn't reply yet so Purple stuttered, "H-have you gotten taller Zim?"

"Uh, yes… lots and lots of growth spurts," murmured the once-human nervously. "Hurt like hell. Can I go now?"

Red, who couldn't stop choking, was finally able to bark, "No. Why haven't you reported in?"

"Re-reported in? I-I thought you thought I was a joke? Why would I report in? You basically exiled me here," said Dib harshly, having figured out what the Tallest had done to Zim after speaking with Computer just a few times about Zim's assignment.

A stony silence set over the other side of the line before Red slowly growled, "Well, you've done more than just grow taller, Zim. It seems you are a little smarter as well."

Dib swallowed. He didn't like where this was going though sarcasm still bubbled forth.

"Yes, Hooked on Phonics. I know my ABC's. Now, I really must be going," stated Dib, his antennae shivering as Gir acted strangely quiet in the background.

There was something wrong here. Something was very, very, wrong and he had to ask Computer a few more questions about Irken culture before he talked to those two again. If ever again. Either way, he was doing something wrong and he had no idea what it was.

Tallest Red stood up this time, almost angry, "Answer my question!"

Dib, who had been walking towards the control panel, stalled his claw from clicking the end transmission button, "What?! What could you possibly want from me?"

Purple chuckled, murmuring, "Still dumb Zim."

Red ignored the other Tallest, placing his hands behind his back as he recited one of the Control Brains laws, "Any Irken citizen or soldier, upon the moment they reach a height over five-foot, is to report his claim to be evaluated for advisor or other command duties depending on his or her skills and transcriptions."

Dib swallowed.

"You look like a healthy five-six or five-seven to me, Zim. You should have reported centimeters ago," growled the leader.

Dib swallowed again. He had a feeling he had just stepped on a major taboo in the Irken culture and choked as he struggled for the right words that sounded like Zim and not Dib, "Oh-yes. That law. It slipped my mind. Yes, I forgot. So busy with world-conquering and the-the Dib worm. Yes, so much to do."

"I thought you knew that was a meaningless assignment?" asked Red, his eyes become slits as his far more professional and conquering mentality rose to the surface.

Dib opened his mouth and almost bit his tongue, again, but somehow he bumbled a collection of words together regardless, "W-what else was I to do? Lie down and die?"

Red glared for a moment more before stating, "Fair enough. A ship will be sent to collect you for assessment and …"

"What?!" squeaked Dib as he nearly threw himself on the controls.

No, no, no! He had had his family, his body, his life ripped away. He couldn't make a device crafty enough to fit into his life perfectly without one of his dad's security systems picking up on it. Zim's simplistic disguises were probably the only things that had kept him safe whenever he entered the Membrane residence. At least he could watch them in this state! He would not be taken from his homeworld as well!

"I-I can't. I-I don't have the experience for command duties," stated the once-human as he blurted the first thing he could, his mind grasping at his father's passed down intellect. "In fact, i-it would be inadvisable for the successful and profitable industry of forceful totalitarianism for me to even be there! I'd just screw it up!"

He was almost screaming at the end, panic rising in his chest as his pak beeped irritably, trying to keep homeostasis.

One of the taller advisors, if height was so important, suddenly peeked into the screen and stated, "You've learned a lot of big words, Zim, and proper pronouns it seems as well. You seem smarter than when you were at the training academy. Where did you learn these new skills?"

The green-eyed advisor was making him nervous as the Tallest both raised their antennae and waited for an answer. A breathes moment away from full out panicking, Dib choked, "Yeah, yeah, ugh, smarter. Umm… the internet? Yes, the internet has a wide collection of knowledge. And I might add considerably useless knowledge at that! My head is full of worthless knowledge. You should leave me here! Leave me to rot for … uh, whatever reason it was that you banished me."

They all stared at him since they didn't get the reference, which he didn't expect them to, before the tall advisor spoke again, not even noting Dib's objection, "Well, an IQ test will certainly have to be done to have you re-evaluated. Who knew a few years of exile where all you needed to get rid of some of your crazy, Zim. A ship will be by for you in a few weeks. Have your base ready to be put into stasis though I doubt anyone will be going back to that horrible planet. Your report on Halloweenees still gives new recruits nightmares."

And with that, the screen went dead; the last image being what was probably the Senior Advisor turning to talk to the Tallest.

Swallowing, the once-human at least had one good thing going for him. Apparently, Earth wasn't worth sending another Invader, as long as he was the sacrificial lamb, sentenced to be surrounded by the very thing that detested him for so long.

All to save a planet that had never given a fuck about him.

Beside himself, Dib collapsed on the floor and tried once again to do the one thing he knew was impossible for an Irken… and that was the ability to cry.

XXX

Paw07: This has been sitting in my 'Others' folder of fics for a while, waiting to be finished. This one was meant to be a multi-chapter. I, unfortunately, still have other IZ fics to finish so this one will just be a oneshot.

Revision June 2020.