A Thin Line between Love and Hate

A/N I would just like to apologise and pass all blame on to my dear friend rat4nesta who after watching S2 E2 pointed out that Jim and Sherlock are obsessed with each other. Hence this. Sorry. Oh and thanks to rat4nesta and Witty Dotard for suggestions towards this.

It was a warm sunny Saturday morning on which the two consultants intended to make the next step in their …. well, their relationship (it doesn't have to make sense now does it?). Yes Jim Moriarty was finally making an honest higher functioning sociopath out of one Sherlock Holmes of 221B Baker Street. After near two years of Jim trying to kill Sherlock and his only friend John Watson, he finally realised the only time he actually felt mildly - not happy, Jim never felt happy, but shall we say - content was when he had the younger Holmes in his presence (generally assisted with handcuffs, chloroform and ten heavily armed minions but that is neither here nor there). He therefore proposed with ten bomb scares, an abduction of one of the Queen's beloved corgis and finally by hacking into the Wall Street shares to write "Sherlock Holmes. Marry me or I will blow up your pet Johnny. JM". Sherlock, impressed by his audacity and intellect, accepted. The rest they say was history.

So therefore all concerned were now waiting at St Monica's Church on Edgeware Road, which true to its patron saint's reputation was willing to marry anyone even a man responsible for numerous crimes and a man who often flouted the law for a means to an end. However their - well - loved ones awaited their appearance. In the front row on the left side - Sherlock agreed to be the bride, the conclusion was reached when John pointed out that it was him who had been proposed to- was Mrs Hudson and Molly both sobbing although for very different reasons. Mrs Hudson, bless her, was still under the delusion John loved Sherlock in that way. He in contrast was at first shocked that Sherlock would want to marry someone like Jim who was everything that Sherlock fought against but after thinking it through, John realised that if anything they were made for each other. Neither felt emotions so wouldn't hurt each other unintentionally. Neither particularly cared for morals and most importantly both kept the other entertained (with crimes and deductions not that). And anyway it was only on the same level as having decapitated heads in the fridge and if you could have one archenemy for a brother, you could have the other as a husband. Therefore John's only comment was "Fair enough but I'm best man and you two had better keep it down!"

Hence Jim was standing at the altar with his best man Colonel Moran awaiting Sherlock's arrival in a black Westwood suit with a cream waistcoat with a black and green swirling detail. Jim for once in his thirty-two years on this green earth was calm and at peace - after all what could go wrong?

Sherlock, on the other hand, was hyperventilating outside the Church door after John's unfortunate question of "Well have you sorted out your luck charms?". Sherlock confused had asked "What charms?" "Well you know something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue". It turns out Sherlock had deemed these superstitions on the same level as a basic knowledge of the solar system and so had deleted it. Therefore, no Sherlock did not about this and thus had begun to get completely panicked to the point where neither John nor Lestrade -his best men - could get through to him. Fortunately Mycroft, calm and controlled as ever, slapped Sherlock gaining his attention long enough to state:

"Brother dear you are wearing your old coat and a new suit. You are wearing your blue scarf. All that is required is something borrowed which is easily solved. Here you may borrow this."

Mycroft then roughly slammed the umbrella into Sherlock's chest who quickly grabbed onto it and looked wide-eyed into his elder brother's eyes while subconsciously stroking the umbrella. Mycroft then smiled warmly at his younger brother and John mused that this was probably the most sentimental either had ever been.

However the moment quickly passed and Lestrade and John were pushed through the Church doors down the aisle with Sherlock and Mycroft following behind. Mycroft had been surprised that he had been asked to give Sherlock away and even more so for his blessing. Mycroft had been under the impression that they would marry anyway and would probably prefer it. However it seemed that Sherlock and Jim did care for family values and so Mycroft had been woken at 3:00 am to find a psychopathic mass murderer seated at the foot of his bed. However before he could press the button on his bed knob to alert his security service, Jim had startled him by asking him if they could talk. For once, the British Government was confused and merely nodded. After Jim had explained his wish to marry Sherlock and how he would look after and care for him with the help of his underworld connections; Mycroft nodded and agreed. The next time Mycroft popped round Baker Street, he was asked if he would like a cup of tea, his case was accepted immediately and he was rewarded with a Californian white, genuine smile. If he hadn't been the "Iceman" he may just have fainted.

As they walked towards the altar to the "Bridal March", Sherlock's hand tightened on Mycroft's arm for just the slightest second before he saw Jim and smirked. When they reached the altar, the corners of Mycroft's mouth turned up into an almost smile as he handed Sherlock over and sat down, with only the hint of emotion in his clear blue eyes.

And so the ceremony began and as the vicar spoke of love and harmony which made John and Lestrade giggle, the two betrothed chatted quietly to each other.

"I like your suit darling. And absolutely adore the umbrella. Did you have to fight him for it Sherly dear?"

"No. He has allowed me to borrow it. John mentioned something about tradition and you know what a stickler he is for that type of thing. And you look quite… well quite … pleasant."

"Pleasant? I look gorgeous and you know it you sexy thing. Yes I like the suit but I would have preferred a bed sheet. The Queen gets a bed sheet, why can't I?"

"Well you'll have to see what happens tonight."

Before Jim could respond to this, there was a muttered "For ever hold your peace" followed by an almighty crash from behind and in waltzed a -well- lady (yes we'll say lady though it is of course missing the suffix of "of the night") who goes by the name The Woman. She marched up the altar screaming "I object". Looks of confusion and irritation were plastered on the faces of all present - the former emotion on the majority who either did not know who the lady was or that her status was currently "living"; the latter emotion on the remaining three faces - the two Holmeses and one soon to be Holmes.

In a calm, authoritative tone that she was famed for amongst many men and women through a number of continents, she stated:

"I object because Sherlock does not care for him! He loves me. I know he does! I felt his pulse too!"

Sherlock could take no more of this and instead said

"No I do not "love" or "care for" you. You were interesting for a short time but I am marrying Jim because he is a thousand times more interesting than you. And as we both know dear - genius IS the new sexy."

And so with a characteristic death glare, he turned his back and proceeded with the difficult business of getting married.

Eventually, two hours later following an awkward moment where neither Jim nor Mycroft could sign the marriage certificate lest they would compromise their identities - solved by Sherlock marrying a Mr Richard Brooks with a certain Mr David Cameron acting as witness; Jim Moriarty and Sherlock Holmes were officially husband and husband for as long as they both shall live (including possible resurrections after jumping from hospital buildings).

After a toast down the local pub when Lestrade had declared he "needed a stiff one to deal with all this" (in his defence he had only found out three hours earlier when he'd been abducted by a dark governmental car); the two lovebirds were waved off on their honeymoon to Jim's secret criminal mastermind base in the Bahamas - much to the whole of New Scotland yard's relief (on both counts).

And all lived happily ever after- in between domestics which almost destroyed the International Space Station and fits of boredom which didn't just cost Mrs Hudson a wall but also a fireplace, five doors and a toaster. But for arguments sake we'll say they all lived happily ever after.

Oh and the bed sheet did make an appearance as promised.

The End

A/N 2 Just to say that I have never written Jim before and I had an absolute blast doing so! Am very annoyed with Moffat and Godtiss for killing him off however I must say they own all characters even their just for the craic weddings.