Deep Space Effect

A Star Trek: Deep Space Nine oneshot by Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fanwork of prose. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine is the property of Paramount. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.

Just some random silliness I wrote after watching DS9 and playing Mass Effect.

"So, any idea how long the Chief will keep us waiting? It's not like him," Kira said as she leaned back in her chair at the conference room table. At the head sat Sisko, and along the sides sat most of the rest of the command crew.

"No idea," Dax said. "He said it was a surprise." She smiled. "It's not like him, you know. Surprises."

"He does tend to hate them," Worf said with a sage nod. "A sentiment we agree upon."

"Maybe you're just both naturally grumpy," Bashir suggested. Worf scowled.

"Klingons are not... grumpy," he growled. Bashir shrugged.

"All right, you're not. You're not easily amused."

"You're pouty," Dax suggested. "No, wait! Broody!"

Worf merely sighed as his lover giggled and Bashir smirked that smarmy smirk of his.

At last, the Chief entered... In attire that made everyone's eyebrows rise. Well, except for Bashir. He just grinned.

"Chief... You're out of uniform," Sisko observed. O'Brien shook his head and tapped the breastplate of his armored suit.

"Not exactly, Captain. Same coloration, same insignia..."

"With strength enhancing servos, personal shielding and disruptor resistant armor," Dax observed. O'Brien shrugged.

"Pretty much."

"This is what you wanted to show us, Chief?" Sisko asked.

"Well sir, if I may speak plainly?" O'Brien asked. Sisko nodded. The Irishman scowled.

"I'm getting a little tired of getting knocked around by aliens." He held up his armored hand and closed it into a fist. "And with the Dominion gearing up for invasion, I thought I'd put together something that would let usknock them around for a change." He looked over at Worf. "It's fully adjustable as well, for multiple heights and body forms."

Worf actually nodded approvingly.

"So, you want me to approve this armor for use as a standard uniform," Sisko said.

"Just for combat situations, sir," O'Brien said.

"And for holodeck runs," Bashir said with a grin.

"You knew!" Kira said. Bashir shrugged.

"Well, it is fun for use in the Clontarf simulation."

"I thought you only did historical reenactments," Kira said flatly.

"We do! We just sometimes do the run with advanced body armor, and give the Vikings disruptor weapons," O'Brien said, a bit sheepishly.

"Given the situations we run into, Captain, this makes an enormous amount of sense," Worf said. Sisko nodded.

"Agreed, Mr. Worf. However," and here he rose from the table with a grin. "I have one condition."

"What's that, sir?" O'Brien asked.

On the shores of Ireland, hundreds of Viking warriors burst out of their ships and came running up the beaches. Among them were Klingons with disruptors and bat'lethsas well as some Jemhadar.

Standing at the top of the mountain, between O'Brien in his gold lined battle armor and Bashir in his blue lined armor, stood Sisko in red with the registration number of the Defiantproudly emblazoned on his shoulders and across his right breast. He smirked and hefted up his favorite phaser rifle.

"Gentlemen! Let's make it clear who the hell owns Ireland!" Sisko growled.

"Aye aye, sir!" O'Brien and Bashir cheered as they charged into battle.

The doors to the security office opened, and Odo looked up to greet Kira per his usual tradition.

"Good morning Maj...or?" The Changeling asked. Kira smiled cordially to Odo as she walked in, wearing the new, sleek armor Dax had been showing off. It was deep red, like her uniform, with dark paneling. While not up on fashion, Odo did have a healthy sense of aesthetics.

Particularly when it came to Kira.

"Before you ask, I have to wear it to ensure it properly fits," she said. She thumped her fist on her chest. "Adjust to it." She rolled her eyes. "Garak wanted me to go through a manual adjustment with him but it's easier if I just get used to it. It's not much heavier than my uniform, after all."

"Ah... Quite," Odo said. "Strange. It's... Thicker but..."

"More revealing. I know right?" She said, rolling her eyes again. She smiled a bit. "Well, not like the Jemhadar will care, right?"

"Of course," Odo said.

"Or the Changelings, for that matter," Kira laughed.

"Agreed, Major," Odo said, a bit uncomfortably. She smiled brightly.

"So, what's on the agenda for today?"

"Well, your favorite Cardassian is due at the airlock today," Odo said, reading off the PADD. Kira nodded.

"I took care of that already."

Odo looked up. "Oh?"

"Yes," Kira said, her smile turning into a grin. "I had to see the look on Dukat's face in this."

"And?" Odo asked, keeping his irritation regarding Kira teasing other men out of his voice. Well, tormenting in the case of Dukat. She had no genuine attraction for him. That would be ridiculous.

She coughed.

"Well... I had to rough him up a bit."

"Hrmph," Odo grunted. Kira frowned.

"What?"

"You know, given how Cardassians express sexual interest through insults, deception and aggression... How do you think he'll take that?"

Kira's eyes slowly widened. "What?"

"You never noticed?" Odo asked, with a hint of bitterness. Honestly, the woman was so oblivious it was embarrassing sometimes.

"You mean... He... And because I...?" Kira trailed off in horror and disgust.

"Ziyal!" Dukat said, smiling at his daughter despite the black eye he now sported. Ziyal smiled and ran to hug her father.

"Oh Father! How are... Where did this come from? Are you all right?" She asked, holding a hand up to Dukat's cheek. Dukat smirked.

"I have good news."

"What?" Ziyal asked happily.

"I got you a new mommy..."

Sisko, Bashir, and Worf came down to Garak's tailor shop, entering through the door and taking seats the proprietor directed them to. Garak smiled cheerfully.

"Gentlemen, I believe you're going to enjoy what I've put together for all of you."

"Well Mister Garak, what is it?" Sisko asked. Garak smiled.

"With a great deal of gracious help from Lieutenant Dax, I've put together a female variant of the Chief's combat suit."

Worf grumbled slightly, in a mix of anticipation and exasperation. Bashir smiled wryly.

"Oh? Dax was involved?"

"While the Chief's sense of aesthetics is fairly decent, there are always ways to improve them," Garak said cheerfully. He reached up to the nearby curtain of the dressing room and smiled. "As I believe this will demonstrate." He pulled the curtain aside and Dax emerged in a combat armor that was blue, advanced... And, dare Sisko say it, "slinky".

"Well," Bashir said, taking a deep breath, "I'll definitely say the aesthetics are an improvement."

"Glad you approve, Julian," Dax said cheerfully. She looked over at Worf with a wink. "What's your opinion, Worf?"

"It is... Worthy of a warrior woman," Worf said, as though speaking a prayer to Kahless himself. Sisko bit back a chuckle.

"It's certainly... Thinner," Sisko said.

"Ah! But it has the same protection thanks to a duranium nanoweave," Garak said. "One that breathes."

"A simple tailor would, of course, be able to perform a duranium nanoweave," Worf said dryly.

"You'd be amazed at how well it breathes," Dax said with a wink.

Sisko staggered forward across the deck of the pinnacle of the Citadel, dazed and confused. The visual filters of the holodeck had adjusted to make it look to him as though he'd taken a bad blow to the head, and he was now waking up. He shook his head free, and the visual settings went to normal.

He stood in front of three devices, each glowing a different color: Red, Green and Blue. He looked between them, confused.

A hologram activated, resembling a little boy, and it stood before him.

"I am the Catalyst," it said. "I created the Reapers."

Sisko blinked, and stared at the child.

"What? Why?"

"The created will always rebel against their creators. Organic life would have perished if not for us. We preserve organic life through the Reapers."

"What?" Sisko balked. He was actually feeling furious about this. "You're destroying organic life and synthetic! WITH synthetics! I forged peace between the Geth and the Quarians and without EDI we could have nevergotten this far!"

"Irrelevant," the Catalyst said. "It is inevitable." The Catalyst eyed him coldly, like he was a piece of tissue on a sample slide. "However, you are the first being out of three trillion to be reaped to construct the Crucible. You are allowed three choices."

"Uh huh," Sisko said skeptically. "And what are these choices?"

"You may take direct control of the Reapers, destroy them and all synthetic life, or you may merge them with all organic life in the galaxy in a synthesis to end the cycle," the Catalyst informed him. "Whatever your choice, the Mass Relay network will be destroyed."

Sisko glared at the hologram. He then tapped his commbadge. "Sisko to O'Brien."

"Go ahead sir."

"I just reached the ending," the captain growled.

"And?"O'Brien asked.

"You're absolutely right," Sisko said as the Catalyst continued to stare at him. "It's crap."

"Well sir, Bashir and I whipped up a patch for the program. We can run it now if you'd like,"O'Brien offered.

"Do so," Sisko said. The holodeck wavered, and reset. The Catalyst appeared again.

"I am the Catalyst," it said. "I created the Reapers."

"Uh huh," Sisko said with a nod.

"The created will always rebel against their creators. Organic life would have perished if not for us. We preserve organic life through the Reapers."

"So by destroying organic life with synthetic life, you preventsynthetic life from destroying organic life," Sisko said. He shrugged. "Well, makes sense to me," he said, sarcasm practically dripping from his voice.

"You are the first being out of three trillion to be reaped to construct the Crucible. You are allowed three choices," the Catalyst said. "You may take direct control of the Reapers, destroy them and all synthetic life, or you may merge them with all organic life in the galaxy in a synthesis to end the cycle."

The Catalyst stared at him, unblinking, unaware of the stupid, useless, wasteful illogic that had ended so many lives. Unable to comprehend that the beings it sought to save weren't being saved.

"Whatever your choice, the Mass Relay network will be destroyed."

A Renegade icon appeared in mid air and glowed. Sisko went with what felt natural.

He pulled his fist back and slammed it into the smug face of the little holographic brat, shattering the hologram into nothingness.

"I'd like to make a counter offer," Sisko said grimly, holding up the Valkyrie assault rifle. "Burn in hell."

... Yeah, I dunno. I just went nuts one day and I've only recently noticed it.