Chapter 1: I'm That Guy

Disclaimer: Yes, I own Big Time Rush! They are mine! (INSERT EVIL LAUGH HERE) Yeah, I'm kidding, I don't own them, but still that doesn't stop me from pretending… or dreaming. Is pretending dreaming?

Author's Note: What's up people? This maybe the delirium talking, but at the risk of overworking myself on this and my other stories, I'm just going to go ahead and do it anyways. Why you ask? Interesting story: I was reading this Japanese comic (translated to English of course), and I thought to myself… you know, this would make a pretty good Kogan story I want to dedicate this entire story to dnChristensen, I hope you're out there reading this! Please enjoy guys, and tell me what you think!

'Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.'

Anonymous

"Come on, it's the one day when women actually WANT to get laid, and you're telling me you're not even considering banging your wife?" Logan Mitchell closed his eyes and slid back into the comfort of his chair with a weary groan. It always came to this with James; he absolutely loved playing the sexual version of Twenty Questions with him until he snapped. "The way things are with Camille right now, I guess I'm pretty much booking myself for self-service for the next couple of weeks" he sighed, blinking his eyes in frustration. He laughed softly to himself. "It's all a matter of time before this thing blows up in my face. The more we try, the more we fight and the more we drift apart." He looked up at his colleague, clicking his tongue impatiently. "Don't you dare do that" he said loudly, feeling a mild irritation at the look of sympathy on his colleague's face. "Stop feeling sorry for me, I'll be fine."

"Can I ask you something kind of personal?"
"Do you really have to? Everything you ask me is personal, and you won't stop until I tell you."

"That is so not true. I asked you what you had for dessert last night just this morning!"

"Yeah, and when I told you it was ice-cream, you asked me if I licked it off of Camille's perky nipples" said the brunette in a bored tone. He'd been playing this same old game with James ever since he'd started working here – he knew that the taller brunette won by sheer persistence alone. Surrendering was always the better option. "So anyways, what are you doing for Valentine's Day?"

"I'm so glad you asked" beamed James excitedly, tapping his fingers together in a perverted rhythm. "But first, let me ask you my question."

"Shoot."

"Would you ever cheat on your wife?" Logan arched his eyebrow quizzically. There it was in broad daylight – the million dollar question that had plagued him for so long. Had it really come down to the point where he could no longer take his own fidelity for granted? "I don't know" he said quietly, lowering his gaze to the smooth mirrored surface of his desk. "Honestly James, we're in such a bad place right now that an affair wouldn't really make a difference anymore." He smiled sadly to himself. "Eight years ago, I thought to myself that if nothing else went right in my life, that at least I'd have her. Now, I'm not so sure."

"I think I might have something that could help" said the taller man, smoothly pulling out a card from his pocket and laying it on the table. Logan frowned as he pulled the small piece of cardboard towards him. "For your every desire and fantasy give Kendall a call" he read slowly, deepening the thoughtful furrow in his forehead. "A hooker? Really?"

"You said you weren't sure. I'm giving you an option."

"Whatever weirdo" muttered Logan, absentmindedly putting the card in his pocket. "You didn't answer my question."

"My cousin's having a party" said James excitedly. "That kind of party."

"So basically you're going to be wandering around his mansion humping any guy or girl that can still speak coherently move after five tequila shots?" asked Logan dryly. James nodded his head vigorously. He leapt off the chair with lustful vigor and headed towards the office door. "Oh, by the way, the boss said congratulations on that award you won. I'll say it too. I'd hug you, but I only hug people I sleep with."

"Oh my God, am I blushing right now? That's such a compliment."

"Damn straight it is!"

The brunette heard the lonely slam of the door in front of him, but his eyes were captivated by the photo that stood so innocently on his desk. Eight years ago wasn't that far back, but it seemed like a lifetime to him. The two people that smiled back at him from the thin silver frame were complete strangers to him now. "Logan Mitchell, the best advertising executive in Los Angeles" he muttered softly. "But he can't even keep his own marriage alive." He let out a tired cloud of breath into the air, wishing for nothing more than to disappear into the world around him. It hadn't always been like this. Once upon a time, he and Camille were happily in love with each other. One night of passion had rung out consequences for the rest of his life – an unwanted pregnancy and a quick marriage to save what dignity they both had. It had changed the rest of their lives irreversibly, and even the heaven-sent blessing of their son couldn't save them from the fact that their relationship had existed for far longer than it was ever meant to. Somewhere along the line, love had changed into hate, and the two of them went out of their way to deliberately hurt each other at whatever cost. Every single minute in his home had become a battle for Logan, and of late, he'd become tired of fighting. Slowly, but surely, the small fights collaborated into thunderous showdowns, with each one of them matching the other in brutal scorn. "I'd have left this place a long time ago if it weren't for you Leo" thought the brunette, closing his eyes. The agony of every single day he spent in a relationship he wasn't sure he wanted was starting to take his toll on his very being. "I want out."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"I'm home" called Logan, slowly closing the door behind him. Almost immediately, his ears picked up the light patter of footsteps coming towards him. A few seconds of waiting rewarded him with the sight of the gleeful seven year old running to him with a grin that threatened to split his face. "Dad, you're finally home!" exclaimed the boy, earning himself a gentle pat on the head. Logan smiled at him, secretly grateful that his son would never know the turmoil that often replaced the contentment that so many other people were used to. It was small moments like these that always made him stay – little pockets of happiness that could cloud over the harsh reality of it all and make him fall into the fantasy of a perfect family. "And how is my little man today?" he asked, sliding his arms around the boy and picking him up. "Dad, Mrs. Albright said that my name means 'lion'" said Leo, practically buzzing in his father's hold. "Did you and Mom name me after a lion?" Logan laughed. "Well, sort of. But did you tell Mrs. Albright that it was your grandfather's name too?"

"Oh… I forgot that part."

"It's OK little dude, tell her next time." Leo giggled as his father gently set him back down, racing to the kitchen as soon as his feet touched the floor. The brunette took a deep breath in as he followed his son, feeling the grin drop from his lips as if he'd been smacked in the face. "Five minutes past five – cue snide remark" he contemplated, shaking his head. Eventually, even the shards of bliss he desperately hung onto for dear life would fade away as quickly as they had come. It came down to this, it always has. It always would.

Bracing himself for what was about to come, Logan took a cautious step into the kitchen, letting his gaze rest despondently on his wife. He watched as she turned around with the same blank expression she always wore. Each time he saw it, he felt dumbfounded as to why the two of them couldn't simply sit down and talk about their problems sensibly. Surely this had to be hard on her too; she couldn't be that sadistic to take pleasure in each and every altercation they had. "Hey" she said quietly, dropping her gaze back down to the vegetable she was chopping. "You're a little early. Dinner should have been ready by now; I'm sorry, but-"

"Its fine" said Logan quietly, never once allowing his gaze to wander off from her. He could practically feel the tension spark between them. If it wasn't for the mini-Logan raiding the fridge for a soda can right now, the brunette had no doubts that they'd be at each other's throats. It was sad that the two of them wanted nothing more than to collapse the air in their lungs into scathing insults just waiting to be hurled across the room until one of them gave in. This was their fate, till death does them apart: to faithfully stand by each other in a life of misery and hate, slowly corroding until there was nothing left.

"Sweetie, why don't you go play on Mommy's laptop up in my room" smiled Camille, turning her attention towards Leo. "I'll come get you when dinner's ready, OK?"

"Are you about to fight?" asked the seven year old fearfully. His head swung fearfully between his mother and father, tears starting to sting his eyes. "Please don't fight, I don't like it."

"I promise you we won't fight" said Logan softly, squatting down to his son's height. Leo let out a sniffle. "Promise?"

"Promise. Now go show that evil wizard who's boss!" Leo gave both of them a suspicious glare but followed their wishes, leaving the kitchen with soda can in hand. Logan sighed as he rose, turning his line of sight once more to his wife. Temporarily leaving the sanctuary of chopped carrots and potatoes, she lifted her head and forced a smile through her lips. "Happy Valentine's Day" she whispered. The brunette raised his eyebrows with surprise. "Eight years we've been married and you're only saying this now?"

"God, you know, must you go and turn every little thing into an argument?"

"I turn everything into an argument?" repeated Logan incredulously. "Sure, I'm the one who loves to nitpick and start a war; you're innocent in all of this, aren't you?"

"Just… don't, please" said Camille, turning around to the stove. She unceremoniously threw in the medley of vegetables into the steaming pot and gave it a series of quick stirs. "We promised him we wouldn't do this."

"We promised him that ever since he could talk Camille" said the brunette softly. "And every single time we break it."

"Were we too young?" asked Camille, slowing down her stirring until it came to a stop. "Is that why we can't make this work?"

"Is that what you think?"

"I don't know what I think anymore" she mumbled softly. "We were only eighteen and expecting an unexpected kid. Everything we did since then – it seems so rushed."

"And the two of us only make it worse, don't we?" Camille slipped her head into a nod. She gave the pot one final stir and turned to face her husband. Her face wore all the marks of her battles, each line of stress a testament to sleepless hours at night and weary tears shed by sunlight. "I went to see a divorce lawyer today" she said quietly. Logan stared at her, his mouth slightly ajar. His face was completely unreadable. "You did what?"

"I want out of this. I can't take what we're doing here anymore."

"We agreed on this Camille" said the brunette with widened eyes. "We said that we'd stick this out for Leo's sake."

"I know what we agreed to. But do you honestly think that any kid would choose to have his parents kill each other everyday rather than split their time between two different homes?"

"Two different homes huh?" growled the brunette, his eyes burning with rage. "Obviously you've given this a lot of thought."

"Like you haven't!" cried Camille, brushing her mahogany locks from out of her eyes. Her voice quivered with a desperation that Logan heard only in his own thoughts. Was this really happening? "Is this what you want?" he asked icily. "To destroy our family?" He watched his wife's every move, sickly fascinated by her indignant stare. "I'm not destroying anything. This is the only way to save us."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

"Save us" muttered the brunette, allowing the acidic tang of the glass of champagne in his hand to settle on his tongue. "She isn't saving anyone." He took a hardened look around the luxurious trappings of the hotel room. Of course, it was a bad sign that the hotel staff instantly knew him by name: they could even predict his dinner and breakfast order. His life had become nothing more than a mere source of entertainment to them. "I'm the one who's been one the edge for years waiting to end this and she comes off as playing the heroine? How the fuck does that work?" He downed the rest of the champagne in one gulp and poured himself another glassful. "Hey Logan, happy fucking Valentine's Day" he screeched mockingly. "Oh and by the way, I WANT A DIVORCE!" His teeth caught hold of his bottom lip anxiously. If anything, this wasn't the way it was supposed to go. They had sworn to each other to stand together as man and wife through thick and thin, if not for love then at least for their son. "I'm sorry Leo" he whispered tenderly. "I'm sorry Mommy and I couldn't give you the loving family you deserved."

Laying the glass on the glass table in the middle of the room, Logan proceeded to empty his pockets with careless abandon. Car keys, cell phone, hotel room key; it all came out. He was about to pick up the glass again when the hand in his pocket groped around a thin piece of cardboard. He pulled it out and gazed back at the card James had given him. The appearance seemed simple enough, black background with curly red writing. "Kendall" he murmured, feeling his head nearly float away. "Pretty name. If James recommended you, you must be one hell of a woman." It wasn't really cheating seeing that his marriage was already over. It was more of a physical solace, something meaningless to replace the sucking void of hate. "We'll see how good you are" smiled the brunette wryly as he picked up the phone and dialed the number. His heart started to pound as the dialing tone rang in his ears. Perhaps this wasn't the best decision to make while he was drunk, but screw logic and reason for tonight. If he couldn't be the one to save his family, he would at least have this piece of revenge. "The subscriber you have dialed is not available. Please leave a message after the tone."

"Kendall, this is uh… well, this is a potential client of yours. Room J14 at the Velvet Ribbon Hotel. I'm waiting for you."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

The shrill squeal of the bedside telephone pierced through Logan's eardrums with an abysmal amount of pain. "No" he moaned, turning around to the other side in the false hope that the ringing would get softer. "Not yet, five more minutes." Fifteen seconds of failed ignorance forced his eyes open. As he faithlessly stared up at the ceiling, he stretched out his hand for the receiver and cynically thanked whatever divine force that watched over him that this day couldn't really get any worse. "Hello?"

"Mr. Mitchell? It's Valerie here from the front desk-"

"Wait, before you carry on" muttered the brunette, wiping his face with his open palm, "what time is it?"

"A little past midnight sir. Uh, I'm sorry for the disturbance but I just sent up someone named Kendall to your room." Logan's heart started to hammer in his chest, instantly clearing up the inebriated haze weighing down on his head. "Oh… um, well thanks for that Valerie" he said uncertainly, placing the receiver back in its place. "She came" he whispered, not missing the hint of astonishment playing about in his voice. "She actually came! Oh dear God, I went and hired a hooker!"

With an anxious vigor, he leapt to his feet and immediately began to pace around the room. Thought after thought ran after in his head, each one slightly more ridiculous than the last. Damn it, if just hadn't made that call and sulked about his impending divorce like any other working class man, he wouldn't be having this panic attack! "Fuck it, why the hell am I so nervous?" he groaned, feeling his stomach sickeningly twist itself in a series of knots. He ran a frantic hand through the dark forest of his hair and turned around, hoping the room would produce some magic solution to get him out of this situation. A dark grimace mused on his lips as James came to his head – if he ever got hold of that sex-crazed maniac, he would gladly slit his throat. "OK, I can deal with this." He stopped where he stood and drew in a deep inhalation to settle the rising nausea forcing its way up his throat. "I'll just pay her and send her away for the night" he said, his voice comically rising by several octaves. His heart sent out yet another deplorable pulse of energy, hysterically dancing away within the confines of his chest. "I hope you're enjoying yourself James, this is the last night you have to live."

A quiet knock on the door sharply swung Logan's head towards its direction. "You can do this" he whispered nervously. "Be a man – do the right thing." Of their own accord, his feet trudged along the floor towards the door; carrying him against his will to a person he didn't want to meet. He was wrong – this day had gotten a lot worse. Taking in one last breath, he gently opened the door to see a blonde young man grin wryly back at him. The brunette raised his eyebrows bewilderedly as he took in the dimpled face smiling at him, momentarily losing himself in the intense green of his eyes. He stood about a head taller than him. "You rang?" he said softly, his voice washing over the brunette like heavenly lilts. "Can… can I help you?" asked Logan, mentally cursing his voice for forcing itself into that of a little girl's instead of a man's. The blonde's chuckled softly to himself. "Well, I'm kind of here to help you. You're the one who called me."

"I don't think I did."

"Yeah, you did" said the taller man cheerfully. He quickly rearranged his face to a faux concentration. "You said room J14 at the Blue Ribbon Hotel and that you were waiting." He continued to grin expectantly at the brunette. "Surprised much?"

"Wait, I left that for… are you Kendall?"

"The one and only" laughed the blonde. "You were expecting a girl, weren't you? Ah well, can't say I blame you. My parents wanted one too." Logan stared vacantly at Kendall, feeling his sanity slowly slip away from his lessening grip. Evidently, today wasn't done toying with him. The blonde tilted his head at Logan, examining him through his emerald gaze. "It's a bit awkward with us having this conversation out here in the hallway, don't you think? What do you say we take this inside and we split that bottle of champagne?" he said quietly, pointing to the glass table behind the brunette. Not waiting for an answer, he lightly pushed the blonde aside and walked into the room, shutting the door behind him.

Logan watched on in a dazed interest as the blonde took a hold of the champagne bottle, only to frown irately at it and set it back down. "Something wrong?" he asked tentatively, unknowingly fidgeting with his hands. The blonde threw him a tiny smile. "It's kind of warm."

"Yeah, sorry about that. It's been sitting out all night." Kendall rounded his lips to a knowing circle. "So you know my name. Would it be too forward to ask yours or are you into the whole mysterious stranger thing?"

"Logan" said the brunette, feeling his head grow lighter with each passing second. The blonde nodded. "So how did you get to know about my… I guess services would be a good word."

"I got your card from a friend."

"I see. And do I know this friend?"

"James Diamond?"

"Ah, James!" exclaimed Kendall. "Haven't heard that name in a long while."

"One of your regulars?"

"He used to be. Then he said something about that he had to stop calling me because it was unfair to rest of the Earth's population. The guy's a total nutcase if I ever saw one."

"That's him alright" said the brunette faintly. He gave his wrist a tight wring. "Look, I don't want to come up as rude or anything, but can you leave?"

"You did call me."

"I know, and I'll pay you for your uh… services. Its just that…" Logan's hands fell limply at his sides as he felt a powerful helplessness displace the edginess that possessed him earlier. The time had come for him just to forget about today and try to walk with alongside his grief. Funnily enough, it wasn't that different from the life at home he'd soon be pining after – this was just another form of pathetic with someone else. "I can't do this."

Kendall walked over until he stood right up against the brunette. He reached out his arms and gently let his fingers lay against the smaller man's hips. He rubbed his thumbs gently against the hip bones jutting out against his hold. He grinned as he felt the brunette shudder in his hold. "Would this be your first time with a man?" Logan nodded. Dropping his gaze to the floor, he felt the blonde slide his head against his shoulder. "I'll be good, I swear" he whispered, throwing the brunette into a lightheaded nirvana. "Let me be your first Logan."

"But-"

"No words." He slid a hand up the brunette's body, picking his chin up so that swimmingly confused chocolate eyes met the sharp clarity of green ones. Kendall leaned in and soothingly collided his lips with Logan's. The smaller man emitted a moan, feeling his knees wanting to collapse to the floor. He was too weak to fight this, and the blonde's tongue made quick work of his defense of closed lips. Somehow, this man had magic within his touch, paralyzing him where he stood by a simple kiss, easing all his tensions away. He wasn't supposed to feel this way, not with a prostitute, and certainly not with another man, but in the end did it really matter? What else did he have to lose?

"Bed" whispered Logan, feeling his body surrender to the blonde's. Kendall smiled, taking the smaller man by the hand. Leading him towards the bed, he swung the brunette around his body and shoved himself against Logan's, pushing them down to the mattress's awaiting yield. The blonde sinfully attacked the brunette's neck, relishing the clean taste of his milky skin against his mouth. His hand blazed down the smaller man's shirt, skillfully undoing the buttons with his nimble fingers. Down further he went, unzipping Logan's pants and tearing them along with his boxer from his legs. The brunette hissed as he felt the air caress his body, throwing his head back in sinful ecstasy. His knuckles turned white as they gripped the sheets beneath him, feeling a dark lust take over his body. "Ah" he mumbled headily, feeling the blonde's tongue swathe down his neck, teasing his nipple with mirthful flicks. "Nh!" Kendall taunted his growing erection with feather light strokes as his tongue travelled southwards across his heaving stomach. The blonde lifted his head to look deeply into the brunette's eyes. "Still want me to leave?" he asked playfully. Logan's mouth hung open. "Don't make me answer that" he breathed. Kendall laughed softly as he continued to stroke the brunette's steel hard member, causing the smaller man to writhe in pleasure beneath him. Deciding to toy with him further, he dropped his head and slowly took the head of his member into the moist warmth of his mouth. Logan let out a hedonistic cry, tightly shutting his eyes. Unspeakable tendrils of passion curled around in his head, shutting all conscious thought down. Instinct was all he needed. His fingers lost themselves in the sunshine forest of Kendall's locks, feeling the blonde bob his head up and down his member. A sordid pleasure filled his body, ardently ripping itself through his entire being. Almost immediately, he felt the blonde's mouth leave his erection and grip the sides of his body to pull himself up. He focused blankly on Kendall's grin, unable to comprehend anything that was happening. He just knew he wanted more. "Where's the bathroom?" asked the blonde breathlessly. Without a word, the brunette pointed to his left. Kendall's impish smirk deepened. "Come with me."

Logan silently followed the blonde to the bathroom, bewitched as the taller men steadily shed his clothes along the way until he too was in glorious nakedness. Before he finally freed himself from his pants, he unconsciously slid his hand into his pocket and drew out a small silver package. The brunette couldn't help but let his eyes wander up and down his body. Kendall's form was the perfect mixture of muscle and litheness, commanding a seductive air with every step he took. It seemed ironic that such a beautiful temple of a body belonged to someone who willingly violated it every day of his life. A playful smirk curled around the blonde's rose-petal lips as he pulled the smaller man along with him into the shower. He leant down and licked Logan's neck once more, reaching behind the brunette to turn the tap on. A warm spray hit their bodies, steaming up the glass doors of the shower with a heavy mist. "Know how to use one of these?" asked the blonde smilingly, raising the small package to Logan's sight. "I don't usually play bottom, but I did promise you that I'd be good." Entranced by his partner for the night, Logan slowly took the small package from the blonde's hand. With an impatient tug, he ripped open the silver foil and discarded it to the snow white shower tiles. He dropped his head and carefully rolled on the thin latex onto his erection without a single bit of logic running through his head. Everything that had happened today… Camille, Leo – all of it had disappeared by now. The ardent desire he felt now, that swept him up so completely but yet was so alien to him, was the only fuel that kept him running now. Kendall turned around and rested his hands against the steamed glass. "Go ahead." The brunette slowly entered him, gasping at the welcoming tightness of the blonde's body. Kendall moaned weakly, slamming his fist repeatedly against the glass. Logan froze his body. "Does it hurt? Maybe we-"

"Don't stop" groaned the blonde, screwing his eyes shut. "Just go." Logan slowly thrust his hips forward, building up a steady rhythm. He felt the same rapture from before course through him once more. "Fuck!" cursed Kendall, his hands sliding down the glass. The warm water spread across their heaving bodies like hot dew. Logan breathed out a profligate cloud of breath, increasing his speed. He couldn't hold back much longer. Kendall's body was too enticing for him to restrain himself, too beautiful to let go. He could feel his climax rumble deep inside of him, just waiting for the right moment to erupt itself into existence. With a yearning yelp, he pushed his hips forward one last time, letting his orgasm break him down completely. His hands found their way onto the blonde's hips for support; his breathing was ragged shards, wantonly dragging him down from his high. His eyes slowly blinked away the lust, giving him clarity to see what he had done – he had nothing left to lose, but nothing else to gain either. The ones he loved might as well have been a million miles away, and here he was trying to fill that void with a desire that amounted to nothing at the end of it all. In this game against life, he had truly lost it all. There was no coming back from this… ever.

So guys, what do you think? Should I continue? Please leave a review and let me know, I really appreciate all your feedback! Till next time