Hey, loser!

I hear your defenses are starting to blow,

So I'm packing my things. Just want you to know,

I'll be in France in a week so don't you feel low.

I'll be there to save you and be the star of the show!

.

But I'm still amazed at how incredibly you fail,

you have "the world's best navy" that can barely sail.

You're like the 300 Spartans, defending a narrow pass,

and yet the Germans still manage to be kicking your ass.

.

I know your eyebrows are so thick they block out the sun,

but how the hell did you idiots lose at Verdun?

"A fortress dug so deep it neighbors the pits of hell"

- yeah. That fell after getting hit by a few artillery shells.

.

Back home it's so boring, I think I could yell

about the circle of grow-mine-make-smelt-and-sell.

All we do is plant corn and wheat, and then watch it grow,

while you guys get beat. That's why I decided to go.

.

I've got my shining mess kit made forged of stainless steel,

and my Springfield, loaded, with that cool metallic feel.

It might not be the best equipment but I've still gotta say,

it beats your crappy Lee-Enfield any fucking day!

.

I bet you're running out of cigs, so I'll bring you a pack,

and two cans of pudding if there's room in my sack.

Ugh. All that extra weight is gonna make me crack.

Jesus, Arthur, you're such a pain in the back!

.

I bet once you read that I'm coming to the front,

you'll think to yourself, "Oh that bloody cunt!"

in your stupid little accent. Did you know that it makes

you sound like a kid at the dentist with a tooth that aches?

.

Well, anyhow, I guess I'll win this stupid war for you,

I don't exactly want to come and find you cut up in two.

So I'll try to hurry up, but I don't make big promises

since the seas are so dangerous due to your navy's incompetence.

.

So worry not, my Union Jack-wearing friend,

I'll save your ass, since you're so fucking brittle.

I'm kinda kidding. I sorta guess I miss you.

But don't get any ideas! It's just a little!