A/N: Well Gossip Girl has left me pretty heartbroken. And my heart will just keep breaking until I get a resolution. Which I'm pretty sure we won't get so I'll continue having breakdowns and whatnot. No big deal, my heart can take it. Well not really.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even the right to a decent breakup scene. Goodbye world. I don't like you anymore.
She sees him first.
He's sitting on a bench, a cup of coffee in one hand, a book in the other. She debates whether or not she'll approach him as she watches him turn the page with the tip of his chin, his forehead crinkling in frustration. It's one of the things that used to frustrate her but she eventually grew fond of it.
'There's a reason for having two hands, Dan.'
'My hands are full.'
'Maybe if you put the cup down first you'd be able to turn the page properly. You have to treat your books with care! Give it love.'
'Well this is how I love my books.'
She laughs quietly at the memory, not realizing that she's standing right in front of Dan. He lifts his head, gives her a curt nod and stands up to leave. She grabs his hand just as he's about to walk away.
"Dan… wait." He looks at her hand and shakes his head, his eyes not giving away what he's really feeling.
"I really have somewhere else I have to be right now." He pulls his hand away and starts to walk away. She follows him, making sure she's keeping up with his pace. He looks at every direction but hers and lets out a sigh.
"You have somewhere you have to be or you have somewhere you'd rather be?" She asks quietly, stopping in her tracks as he continues to walk away.
"Same banana." She hears him say.
'No two bananas are ever the same.' He used to say.
…
She seeks him out first.
She still has her key to the loft. It's not hers anymore, she tells herself. But she can't let it go. He never asks for it back. If she thinks about it, he doesn't ask her anything, doesn't even seek her out. She doesn't know why she's still expecting him to. After all, he never expected anything from her. Except that one time.
The door to the loft is staring her at the face, mocking her for her presence. She slips the key in and turns the knob.
'Hey, sleepyhead.' She scoots over to his side, laying her head on his chest. He shifts his head to face her.
'Hey, how did you get in?' He asks sleepily.
'Spare key under the rug, Humphrey? That's not really a safe hiding place. '
'Keep it.' He pulls her closer, placing a kiss on her head.
'It's mine?'
'I'm yours.' She sighs happily and drifts off to sleep in his arms.
"Why are you here?" She hears his voice, hard and tired and is suddenly put on the spot. She sees him walk towards her his eyes dark.
"I… I just wanted to give your key back." She manages to say taking a step back as he nears her, scared of the resentment she sees in his eyes.
"The perfect time to give the key back would have been when you broke up with me. But I have no recollection of that happening so I really don't know what you're here for." He turns around and starts to walk towards his bedroom.
"We didn't have to end that way." She says after him.
"Except we did." He stops just for a few seconds to answer. He doesn't see her out.
…
She seeks him out another time.
Except he's changed the loft locks. She stares at the key he didn't take back and slowly slides down unto the floor. A frustrated groan escapes her throat. She never thought that she would ever find herself sitting outside Dan Humphrey's door. But there she is, tears streaming down her cheeks as she quietly cursed herself for how things turned out.
'You're not so bad after all, Humphrey.' She says after a moment of silence between them. He told her about his parents' divorce, an obvious attempt at giving her unsolicited advice. The funny thing is she appreciates that moment and the closest she could get to saying 'thank you' was by telling him he's not that bad.
'Uh thanks.' He lets out a nervous laugh, stands up and reaches out his hand. She gives him a doubtful look but takes his hand to lift herself up.
'Time to face the music.' She whispers. He nods and they walk towards different directions.
Blair doesn't notice Dan slide down against the wall in front of her until she hears him cough. They look at each other, not exchanging words, only sharing silence. The air feels damp and heavy against her wet face. He silently takes out his handkerchief and folds it inside out before handing it to her. Blair accepts it but just plays with its edges, glancing at him every now and then.
"Why do you keep coming back, Blair?" Dan brings his knees up to his chest, his eyes fixed on a spot on the door, not looking at her. He feels her looking at him. He knows she's still crying, letting tears flow freely from her eyes as she does.
"I… I don't know, Dan. I just thought we could go back to how things were." She wipes her cheeks with his handkerchief and is reminded of how much she hated the roughness of the cloth but loved the comfort that comes with it.
"Go back to what? Living a stupid lie? Pretending we were friends when we clearly weren't? You could not even give me the dignity of a decent break up! You went to Chuck, remember? You told me you were on your way –" He doesn't finish and just stares at her, not wanting to relive the memory of that night. When she doesn't give a hint of responding to what he said, he stands up and waits for her to do the same.
"Believe me, Blair. You don't want a friendship with me. I screwed up too."
"By sleeping with my best friend? Yes, I know." Dan stares at her, not at all shocked that she knows, but someone disappointed that she ever had to find out. She gives him a knowing look and smiles sadly.
"I told you I always find out." She says quietly, putting her attention to the handkerchief's edges. If there's any indication that she's harboring hard feelings about the fact, she doesn't show it. She takes a few more seconds busying herself with the handkerchief before looking up to him. "You aren't the only one who's breaking, Humphrey."
"Then why is it that I'm always the one left alone?" She takes it as her cue to leave and takes his handkerchief with her.
…
…
…
…
He runs into her at the airport hotel. Literally.
"Oh shit, I'm so sorry." He silently curses himself as he bends down to gather the loose paper he dropped. He scrambles as he tries to put them back in order, cursing under his breath as another set of hands joins in on his mission to save his manuscript from disarray.
"Oh no, it was my fault. I wasn't loo – Dan?" He stops at the sound of the person's voice, slowly realizing who it belongs to.
'Always.' He tells her when she asks him to be there for her. She hugs him, her arms circling around him tightly, her face softly buried in his neck.
'You're my best friend, Humphrey.' She whispers silently and he knows she's crying when she sniffs. He pulls away to look at her, smiling. He wipes her cheek with his thumb and his hand lingers longer than it should.
'Too bad. I like Nate better.' He grins at her and she giggles, slapping his arm playfully. He pulls her in for another hug. 'You're my best friend too.'
Blair hands him the pile of paper and he takes her hand to help her up. She's the one who goes in for a quick hug and he quietly receives it, his free hand resting lightly on her lower back.
"How are you?" They say at the same time. He smiles and gestures for her to go first.
"Uhm… I'm fine. I'm really good, actually. You?" She nods towards the manuscript he's holding. He starts walking and she follows his lead.
"I'm OK. I'm just here to bring this up to Alessandra, her flight to France was delayed and she wanted a copy of this." His arms swing lightly to wave the papers up in the air. "Are you here with Chuck?"
She shakes her head, laughing sadly to herself. He knows better than to push the topic. "I was going to see my mom off, but she's probably in the same flight as Alessandra." He nods quietly and they find themselves outside a coffee shop. He gives her a quick look and she nods. He opens the door for her, holding it open while she gets in.
"Hey, Humphrey?" Blair turns around to look at Dan. He looks back at her the same way he did when she used to tease him about his ties and scarves and Brooklyn roots: careful but amused.
"Hmm?"
"It's nice to see you." She touches his arm lightly and he gives her a small but genuine smile.
"It's nice to see you too, Blair."