TROLLING THE OTHER WORLD

'Cuz sometimes it's fun to be a troll, you know?

CHAPTER NEGATIVE FOUR: STRAWBERRY LEMONADE

I can't see where I'm going at all.

I have no idea if I'm swimming up or down, and my lungs and limbs are tired, and if I breathe, I drown.

I try to find the surface. I try to tell which way is up.

I just try to swim up, and up, and up…

Eventually, my head bumps into something. It was hard metal.

I think I'm about to faint and die, for a moment, before I try to see if there's air above it.

I kick up, once, twice…

My head shoots out of the lemonade. I have no idea where I am, but I breathe, over and over, let my breathing slow down as I relax.

I look around and find that the place I was led to, the exterior of this strange house, has been completely flooded with strawberry lemonade, except for a few of the highest towers.

Come to think of it, those towers are very similar to the ones on my house…

I swim over to the roof and crawl up the side of it. The smoke-gray shingles are very rough, and with my soaked PJs, it isn't exactly the most comfortable combination, especially if I have to sit here until the lemonade all sinks into the ground or whatever is outside of this house.

I look around and find what I didn't know I was looking for: a yellow raft out in the ocean of lemonade.

I swim out to it, hurrying. It looks like it's paddling away pretty quickly.

"Hey!" I shout. "Come back! Please!"

Whoever is manning the boat – it appears to be a boy of around fifteen years old – looks back at me for a minute. He seems to recognize me before he starts paddling the boat in the other direction, towards me.

"Well, you got caught in the middle of my troll, I see," the boy says, laughing apologetically. "So you were the kid the lady was talking about…"

"Huh?" I ask. "What lady? Who are you? Where am I? How did this place become flooded with strawberry lemonade?"

"Do you want in the raft, or not?"

"Please."

"I'll explain on the way out of here," he says, helping me into the raft.

I sit quietly on one end of the boat while he begins his explanation.

"The lady was the one I was talking to earlier," he says. "Apparently you just missed her, and she fled either after she shut the tap off or without shutting it off at all. Chances are likely it was the second one."

He laughs. I don't.

"And… before you trust me…" he whispers nervously, "You might want to see what I did to your portrait first…"

He steers the boat over to a patch of water like any other. I can see there's something below the strawberry lemonade, but it's too pink to be able to tell anything other than shadows.

"Try these," he says, handing me a periscope of sorts.

Surprisingly, they actually work, annihilating the pink shades that prevent me from seeing the stuff on the bottom. And then I'm angry.

It would have been a very beautiful portrait… had 'LOSER' not been written over its forehead in red, a darker, elongated shape below it, near my mouth, and more flowers below it spelling out 'GOT PENIS?'

It was exactly the kind of thing a boy several years older than me would probably think was hilarious, and here I was, sitting in a rubber raft on a sea of lemonade with a boy several years older than me, staring down at work he claimed to have done.

I had one thing to say.

"Fuck you."

"I was expecting that," he replied.

"But," I said, as I had not quite finished what I was going to say, "I guess it's nice of you to let me stay with you, since I'm pretty much an orphan now."

"Why?"

"Well, wherever this lemonade came from, it just separated me from my parents is why," I explained. "I opened a door to try to catch a mouse, and all of a sudden all of this strawberry lemonade shot out of it, and I knew my parents would kill me on sight if they saw it and I was still there, so I found the tunnel, and swam through it, and almost drowned twice, and now I'm here, sitting in a boat with you."

"Well, then, I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Well…" he said, his eyes shifting, "I was… kinda… the one that was trolling… that turned on the infinite strawberry lemonade tap… and glued it in place…"

He turns toward me, and I remain calm. I mean, this will be a really epic adventure together.

"Whatever."

"Thanks."

"What's your name, anyway?" I ask him.

"Hmm…" he says, like he's never had a name, or known what it was. "Call me Ted. Ted the Troll King."

"Okay, then, Ted. Where are we going, anyway?"

"Depends. Where you wanna go?"

I take a paddle from him, and we paddle together across the pink ocean, a family in the loosest sense; truly, we are nothing more than a group of orphans on a journey for trollolols.

OTHER MOTHER

It's been several weeks.

Chances are good by now that he's left, and that the lemonade levels have dropped severely.

And then I remember the kid.

SHIT!

I run back upstairs to the regular apartment, slipping through the acidic river that pours from it.

The kid is gone.

I think I know where she went.

I'll get those trolls someday.

(A/N): Woo! Anybody like?

Yes, this story is over, complete, at last, with a godforsaken cliffhanger!

Troll me if you want. Flame me if you want. This whole fic was a trollfic about trolling the Other World. Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a trolling review for a trollfic about trolling? Count the trolling! One layer, two layer, three layers of troll right there!

Fuck you if you don't think that's awesome.

And by the way! You know that random poll I told you guys about? You know, the pick-your-favorite-fandom one? Well, guess what!

Yes, the godforsaken cliffhanger right here is going to lead in a Coraline-MostVotedFandom crossover! And then Coraline and Ted will go and troll, for example, Hogwarts, or, uhm, uh… I don't know. I'll think of another example later, when, you know, it's not in this A/N. Heheheh. *does not do shifty eyes*

So far I've gotten one request, and the person wasn't even aware that they made the request, so Death Note gets one vote up so far! Yay!

…What the fuck would I do for that, though? Light's house?

I have no fucking idea. Oh well.

WAIWAIWAI! THE SHINIGAMI REALM! OYES!

If Death Note gets the most votes, Shinigami Realm wins! It'll be awesome to watch them piss off all the gods of death that can kill them whenever they want to… of course, I don't know if that will be chosen yet.

And Hogwarts has STANDARDS, specifically those set by Freddie Fish and Georgie George!

And then there's all of those other epic places… 12 Grimmauld Place would be really epic, too, with Sirius' great motherfucking aunt or whatever screaming at them in the portrait… oh, yes.

So either one of those fandoms would be awesome.

Fuck, I'm thinking of all of these ones that would be so awesome… I'll make a series, then.

Yep! Look out for all of Coraline and Ted's adventures, coming soon!