Greetings everyone! I finally got to see the Avengers! Wow! Wow! Wow! Definitely worth seeing – and seeing again!
Totally loved the Banner/Stark interaction! On the other hand, the "Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist" scene was downright depressing – and it gets worse with further thought. Really, sorry to any fans of his, but Cap comes across as a giant self-righteous ass who is so stuck up he doesn't even know that he is, not to mention that he had no right to say anything of the sort to anyone on the team, least of all Tony Stark… GRRRRRR. – it also pisses me off that after everything he does not even apologize for any of it, and no, a handshake does NOT cut it!
Anyway I have not been able to get this out of my mind, so I finally gave in and wrote it, hoping that I can find peace from it and get back on track with my other fics.
Hope you all enjoy! – and yes, this is cross-posted in the Iron Man category 'cause it's relevant to both and I can't choose, so please don't sue me….. besides, I own nothing worth having ;-)
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JARVIS was never programmed to feel emotions, and he definitely was not programmed to prefer fantasies to facts….. but sometimes the former reach levels he is sure he cannot withstand and the inescapable burden of truth makes him wish, even if for scattered microseconds in years of existence that the lies were true.
The first time he realizes that he has evolved the ability to feel – because Stark had programmed him with the capacity to evolve and all that entailed – is when the news-reports that he always monitors for mentions of his creator's name tell the world that his creator has been ambushed in Afghanistan and is presumed dead.
JARVIS realizes this emotion is called denial – that it exists because the alternative is too painful to contemplate – even though it is not long before his very nature forces him to accept the reality that maybe this time Tony is never going to come back….. and it hurts.
Follow-up reports that update Tony's status to 'captured by insurgents' rather than dead are a small comfort for as long as JARVIS can hold onto the illusion that the military will find his creator before Tony goes the miserable way of so many other captives that were not found in time….. because the truth is that he's already ran the calculations…. and the fact that the probability of Tony's safe return is 0.25%….. burdens him in ways that are hard to describe, much less accept.
It is also during those three months that for the first time JARVIS feels lonely, because Pepper is there but she does not interact with him as Tony did, Rhodey is in Afghanistan looking for his friend and no-one else from the company ever comes by. It's almost as if the world does not care – and it hurts, because how can the world dare to continue turning when his own has ground to a halt?
Hoping to find interaction with some people who must feel Tony's loss as he does, JARVIS enters a number of social-networking forums – after all he can more than pass as a human…. and it's not an action he ever repeats again.
It is shocking – even to him with all his processing power – how many lies are said about his creator. They say that Tony Stark was a man who cared only for himself and had it coming…. but they were not there to see the endless nights Tony stayed up working to perfect projects that would save lives.
Perhaps the worst lie of all – the most hurtful – is the hypothesis that Tony is simply fooling the whole world, that he orchestrated the ambush and is off on some bash with lots of girls, playing the world for publicity…. and JARVIS realizes that these words hurt because while his creator has pulled off some wild shenanigans in the past, Tony would never hurt his friends, especially not in this way, for any reason… nor would he have killed those young soldiers.
Yet much as those words are hateful to him, a part of JARVIS wishes that they were true…. that the lies were true, because if they were, it would mean that his creator is safe and happy – not likely being tortured and doomed to die…. and for all his programming that is dedicated to facts and truth, he cannot stop that tiny part of himself from wishing for the lie.
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