Part One: Shock

Shepard left. The doors hissed shut. Garrus turned back to his workstation. He'd been here... almost all the time, since he rejoined the Normandy. This room was just the same, but... everything was different.

He'd been flirting... had he? It was playful, telling Shepard about his past, about the affair with his second. She hit back, like she always did, a little caustic, a little knowing, and then... wow. She'd started saying things. New things.

He tried to collect his thoughts. She wanted him. Shepard wanted him. In a... physical sense. He'd thought about it, sure. In an abstract way. Idly. Sometimes. Two years ago had been different. Shepard was a rising star in the Alliance, the galaxy. He'd admired her, followed her into the mouth of hell and back, and she was a fine officer, and... he'd made a friend.

That was the most important thing. Shepard was his friend. The only person who knew him. And when she'd gone, and he'd found himself drifting again. And then, a short time ago, she'd returned.

The memory still made his heart leap into his mouth. But since then... It was almost back to normal. Shepard in charge, an enemy to face down, and... she was still his friend. Still the only one he could talk to. Still the rock on which he stood. And now she had returned, somehow she was more solid, more caring. She'd said Cerberus rebuilt her. They had obviously excelled themselves.

Garrus wasn't an anthrophile. There were enough of them among Turians these days. Less in the military, but... he'd always found it uncomfortable when he saw a young cadet waxing lyrical about a human invention, an Alliance stratagem. And the pornography... well, he hadn't seen it. But it was popular enough among the anthros. And yet, of late, he thought he understood why... those people might want it.

Shepard wasn't just a human. Not just some strange, light-fingered, cunning primate with an authority problem. She was a soldier. And a leader. And a woman.

That last part had taken him longer. Women had always been strong, in Garrus' mind. Tough, disciplined, wilful, and Turian. Shepard had been the first human female he met who ticked all those boxes. And she did something else. She cared. She was special.

But this wasn't that. His strong, tough Commander had pretty much flat out propositioned him. She wanted someone to keep her warm, not a shoulder to cry on, and that felt... strange. What did she think he was? She was a moralist, someone who'd never back away from her ideals. Was that what she saw in him? No. This was a physical thing, it must be. She'd been... very candid about that.

He rubbed his scars with listless fingers. Was that it? Was it that he'd taken a beating in the line of duty? Was he strong enough to take his place by her side, now? Had he passed some kind of human mating test? That... would make sense. It's how he'd always thought of himself finding a partner. Of course not. That was ridiculous. Humans didn't work that way... no-one did.

Something inside him quailed as the wound itched. What if it wasn't about him? Maybe... maybe he was a wounded animal, something to be nursed, and fixed?

Or worse. Was it because he was alien? He'd seen how she looked at Liara T'soni two years ago. Had that been... less than personal? He understood, of course he did. Of course. Shepard's life was her own, and her personal tastes... Was that what turned her on? Having... something different in the bedroom?

Garrus banished the thoughts once again. This was Shepard. She wouldn't manipulate this, or take advantage. She'd taught him about action and inaction. If she wanted him... well, it was one hell of a compliment, whatever way you looked at it.

But... did he want her? Really? He'd made this happen, made all the right moves, but for her to follow through like that... that was unexpected. She'd taken his bit of fun and run with it, and she'd moved far ahead of his expectations. He'd have been happy with double-entendre, a bit of banter. This had gone too far. It had. It was unprofessional.

And it excited him. That was the strangest part. He wasn't an anthrophile. What had he said? He didn't "have a fetish for humans"?

Wait, what? Had he said that? That was like saying... he didn't find her physically attractive! Which... well, it was half-true. He wasn't sure whether he did or not. He'd fantasised about other species before. Asari, sure. Head tentacles aside, they were just like Turians. He'd... imagined a Salarian girl once. Just once. He'd had one very weird dream about a Hanar maiden which he dreaded the memory of. But humans... they weren't so dissimilar that it revolted him. Hah, that was a backhanded compliment. It was... interesting. It was... worth a second thought. Maybe a few. In private.

Oh, wait. What had he said? He'd do "some research"? Why had he told her that? Why would he tell her that? Why would anyone?

But he had to. This was too weird. He needed to know more. Humans were different, and he couldn't afford to screw this one up. Shepard wanted him. He needed to make this worth her while. He needed to give her... what she wanted. What she deserved.

Part Two: Physiology

"So, what do you know so far?"

"Well, Humans are... a lot like Turians. Hard skeleton, organs inside, skin and muscle outside, four limbs, two eyes..."

"You know what I mean, Garrus." Dr. Chakwas was unfazed. "You know what you mean. You're not here for vertebrate biology. You came to see me for something more personal."

Garrus clenched and unclenched his fists. This was torture. Damn it, he could do this! It wasn't awkward. It was normal. She was a doctor.

"You have erogenous zones, like us. Nerve bundles, they... they're there for stimulation." He sounded too wooden. He needed to relax. "but I... I'm having trouble visualising it. It's the flesh thing that's getting to me. It's... too soft. I don't get how you feel things through it. Also it looks like it tears easy, I... don't want to hurt anyone."

"Oh, we feel it. It's just as intense as through your spines, but... you need to be gentler." Chakwas nodded. She understood. Of course. She was a doctor.

"Not so much rubbing against it, or..."

"No, rubbing's good. Digging in is bad. That's when things start tearing."

"Ok, so easy up on the grip. Now, this fur thing..."

"Hair. Look, Garrus, you will know when you're doing something too hard, she'll tell you."

"No, I understand that, I just need to... check ahead, you know? Get an expert opinion." Wait, what had he said? "I mean, I'm not implying... I'm just saying... you're a doctor."

Chakwas smiled thinly. Garrus fidgeted. He tried again. "So, this hair thing..."

"Alright. Hair is like a devolved version of the Turian fringe. We went down a different evolutionary lane and used fat to store heat instead."

"I get that, I'm just less clear on how it relates to me."

"Treat it the same way you'd treat the fringe. Just more gently, it's not so strong and there's not so much of it."

"You've got it... there, and there too, though, right? Same idea?"

"I can't speak for Commander Shepard, it's very much a matter of personal taste. But yes, and no... it can be a lot tougher, and more sensitive. Go easy, I'd say."

"Doctor, you're killing me here. I'm afraid I'm going to break something. I just... it seems like everything's more fragile. And all the soft tissue. It's freaking me out. I... I don't know if I even feel anything about it. I mean, like that."

"Well, you're here, so I assume you feel something. A lot of people get this way about their first interspecies encounter, Garrus, it's normal. You don't have to be a raving pansexual to want to try it."

"I do want to try it. I do, really. But I just don't want to screw it up."

"Well, do you really think you're going to cripple the Commander with a roll in the hay? You've been with her on missions, you've seen what she can do. She floored Saren with her bare hands, I saw the footage. I don't see her being crushed by your undoubtedly considerable strength."

"I know, sure. It's not like that, But..."

"She's in peak physical condition. I can tell you that. And she'll tell you if you're doing anything wrong, or too hard. Or not hard enough, you never know."

Garrus' blood ran cold. "Damn, I hadn't thought of that. What if she does, you know, have needs I can't... fulfil?"

Chakwas looked at him in disbelief. "If you're asking what I think you're asking, I think you're doing both yourself and the Commander a great disservice. I wouldn't even be thinking about that as an option, right now. Do you have protection?"

Garrus thought. He didn't, not right now. "Is it really necessary? What's the worst that could happen?"

"There are a couple of cross-species diseases to worry about, I'll send you a few links about them. That's not my point, you need to focus less on how your body parts fit together and more about giving her a good time."

"Of... of course. I know, you're right. What do humans... like?"

Chakwas sighed. "Now that, I couldn't tell you. You'll have to ask Shepard about that yourself. Some of us have preferences for certain body parts, some of us like speed and pressure... to be honest, I think you should go for trial and error. That'll be far more interesting for both of you."

"Great. I'm fighting blind. There's nothing you can give me?"

"I'm certainly not going to tell you my tastes!" They both laughed, Garrus nervously. "But there is a psychological element as well. Humans have a wide variety of thoughts and ideas we connect with sex. It can be quite exciting if you play along, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. But I definitely can't speak for Shepard there. If you ever find out more, though, I can give you some advice on staying safe."

So humans had fetishes too. Of course. This day just got easier and easier. Garrus sat in silence for a while, mulling over the dreadful, but predictable revelation that he would have to fumble awkwardly through his first night with Shepard without any fore-planned strategy. Chakwas noted his silence and promptly broke it.

"Garrus, are you comfortable with this yourself? It is alright to have doubts, you know."

"I'm just... it's new, Doc. I've not thought of myself being with a human before, but... there's not a huge amount between us, physically. I suppose I just don't know if... when it comes to it, if I'll actually want to. Go through with it, I mean. I don't know if I'm really attracted to humans. I mean, it's interesting, there's enough there to get excited about, but..."

"Like what? Come on, Garrus, don't just sit there feeling sorry for yourself, let's talk about what you want out of this."

That tore it. She was right! "I... it's weird. I do feel... excited. When I think about Shepard. It's like... cracking open a Krogan's carapace. You're not just curious to see what's inside, you want to see your enemy... without his defences. Not even on your level, somewhere else. That's when you see what they're really like, when they can't hide anything. I want to see that part of her. Not in... not in a violent way. That's not what I mean. Just... what she is when she's not the Commander."

"I understand, Garrus. But you've brought up the physical differences as an obstacle a few times."

"I'll have to work through it. We'll see where that goes. I've always fit in with the Turian sexual ideal. We're all contours and lines, to you, I guess, but that's what does it for us. Humans... well."

He motioned through the window looking out over the mess. Miranda had emerged from her quarters and Garrus pointed her out. "Human sexual perfection, right? It's too... lateral to do much for me right now. I'm just not familiar with it. But I'm beginning to think about how I'd handle... all of that."

"Well, now we're getting somewhere. The Commander's a bit more compact than that, of course, but you'll have to see for yourself. And do you think you're up to it?"

"I don't know. I... feel better about this. But... give her a good time, you said? You're right, I get it."

"Not just in bed, Garrus. I don't know what you two are planning, but it seems to me that there's more than just a close encounter in this for you. You might want to think about steering this your way. I'm not encouraging mutiny, mind you, but you're allowed to set the pace of a relationship as much as she is."

Damn. She was perceptive. "We'll see. Right now I'm just putting together a whole picture. Thanks, Doc, I needed that. I guess I just want to look good, like I know what I'm doing."

"Of course you do. Everyone does. Good luck on your way into the great unknown."

Part 3: Psychology

Garrus was in the main battery again. Waiting. Had she got his message? Would she come? He needed her. It was necessary.

There were steps outside the door. This was it! He hoped. He couldn't cope with Shepard right now, no ma'am. Please let it be...

"Kelly! Good to see you. I need help. I need... your advice. There's something that's been bothering me. We need to talk."

Kelly Chambers had a strange expression on her face. Garrus wasn't sure what it was.

"Of course, Garrus. You can tell me anything."

"I... I guess that is your job. Look, I need to know about human... courting... ritual? I guess? I need to know what you do when you're... starting up a relationship. But not a mating thing. Because you're not sure where it's going. Or even what it is. Like... like an expeditionary thing. I mean, there's some mating-type hormones involved. And, you know, instincts. But that's not what it is. Because of the different species thing. And because you're not sure where it's going. Or even what..."

"I get it, don't worry. I'd love to help. You don't have to tell me who we're talking about, either. We can take this at your own pace. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."

She was getting closer. This was uncomfortable. He couldn't compromise Shepard. What should he do? Questions. Ask questions.

"Ok, let's say I wanted to make her feel special? Ok? Like this wasn't a one-time... sex... thing, but also that I didn't mind if we left it at that level. I mean, I don't know if you do that. At all. I get the impression there's more formality. About, you know, relationships."

"Well, not so much. Under pressure, like on a ship that's heading off on a suicide mission... we sometimes lose our inhibitions, you know? It's ok to do that. With anyone you want. Especially if they're not part of the same unit. Or they do a very different job."

"Uh-huh. Well, fine, but I'm interested on... a deeper level, too. I want her to know that I feel that. But not in a clingy way. And she doesn't have to."

"She might feel like that, too, if you asked. You can ask."

"I don't want to come on too strong."

"Some girls like that in a man."

"Well I don't know. About this one. She's... hard to read."

Kelly's eyes narrowed. She seemed to be thinking something through. Her face changed, but Garrus saw a lot of emotions in there and couldn't keep up.

"Ok, Garrus. You want to know what to do? Ask questions. Find out what she likes. What her dreams are. Why she's here. What she wants from the relationship. Don't ask about what she thinks of you. Let her steer the conversation. Actually listen. Can you do that? Can you take that in?"

Kelly stormed out of the battery, lips tight. What had he done? More to the point, what now? Garrus followed her out, wanting to apologise, but she had already gone. This was too much.

It was later. Garrus had gone down to the hold to tinker with the Mako, only to find that Cerberus hadn't supplied one with this Normandy. It wasn't the same. One more thing that had changed. One more thing that he couldn't hold on to. He couldn't even talk to Shepard about this. This was for her. Some fling this was going to be. Pondering in the hold wasn't going to help.

Zaeed got into the elevator on the way up. He got out with Garrus and headed for the the mess. Zaeed... maybe he would know. He'd probably slept with shiploads of humans.

"Zaeed."

The mercenary looked up. His good eye was dispassionate.

"I need to ask your advice. You're pretty old for a human. You've seen a lot."

"Alright, Turian, that's enough laughs for one conversation. What do you want?"

"I'm interested in sleeping with a human. What can you tell me?" This was a good idea. A good, solid exchange between old soldiers. Just like when he was with the fleet.

"You should prepare the way. Get her... or him... something to drink. Shows 'em you thought about 'em."

"Ok. What do I say? How much should I say?"

"Steer the conversation. Tell her how hot she is. Talk about... whatever there is to talk about. Does she dance?"

"...I think so. I've not seen it myself."

"Get some music you like, then. Get her moving. That'll get the blood flowing in the right direction, heh."

"You're serious? Ok. How do I... keep it going? After the first time?"

"Give her a reason to stick around. You've got to be fun. And a bit scary. The scars'll help, you've seen a lot of action. Tell her some of the dangerous stories. That keeps 'em interested."

"Right. Thanks, Zaeed, I'll take it from here."

"Any time. I'd wish you luck, but I don't really care."

...Ok. So this was simple enough. Garrus thought about compliments. You've got a great... right hook. I loved it when you pushed that guy out of the window. I totally agree with you about the Genophage.

No, no no! This was idiotic. He didn't know what she wanted to hear. He didn't know what she liked, either. This wine selection made him dizzy. What was this... sparkling. That meant carbonated. Was it the red stuff you chilled, or the white? Why didn't they call it gold? Gold was a more valuable colour to them than white.

Champagne. They used to anoint their kings with that. That sounded pretty good. But this... Tokaji? That was the king of wines? Fortified wine sounded kind of appropriate for both of them, but what if she got the wrong idea?

He couldn't talk about violence, or the mission. He didn't want to. That was... the whole point of this. What if she didn't want to dance? Better find something, anyway. What was the most popular song in Flux right now? Ok, that would do. It would have to.

How did they... begin? No-where seemed to say. Maybe it just happened naturally. Maybe he could tell when to start. There were some signs, apparently. Maybe she would initiate.

But wait, apparently that wasn't traditional. He was the male, apparently that was supposed to mean something. Would it with Shepard? Damn it!

Part Four: Madness

This was it. Garrus fastened his jumpsuit. It was good enough. He'd washed it after the last mission. It didn't smell. It didn't. He would have to buy some civvies after this mission was over. The clothes on his back just didn't cut it for luggage any more.

These were his C-Sec fatigues. Not quite a dress uniform, but they reminded him of how far he'd come. Garrus, the ex-cop. Garrus, the renegade lawman. Garrus, the fanatic who got his men killed.

What was he thinking? This was going to be a disaster. She didn't need this right now. It was a tough time for her. They might be about to die through that relay, nobody knew what was on the other side. This might be the last downtime any of them got.

It might. But... what else was this for? It wouldn't have been an issue on a Turian ship. She'd started this with him. This was her idea. She wouldn't mind. She's probably relish the opportunity. Would she?

What the hell was there to relish? Garrus was a withdrawn, dogmatic vigilante with a mass of gauze where half his face should be. She... who knew what she wanted out of this? He had to get moving. Time was wasting. They'd be there soon.

Garrus dragged himself down the walkway to the mess. The wine felt like a bottle of lead in his hands. He straightened up. He was fine. He was himself.

They'd notice. People were in the mess. People would be in the elevator. What are you doing, Garrus? Where are you going? Just taking my wine for a walk. You know, up to the Commander's quarters. Or to the airlock. Where I can leap out into space.

Mess Sergeant Gardner looked nonplussed to see Garrus out of his combat armour, Well, he hadn't spent much time without it in the last couple of years. It was a weird feeling, like being naked. His fatigues started to weigh him down more than the armour. Had she ever seen a Turian out of armour? How would she react? She'd been with Liara, she was no stranger to anatomy. It would be fine. It would be fine.

He'd never seen her out of armour, either. What the hell did she look like? He'd... find out. Soon enough. Or maybe he wouldn't! That was an option.

He was at the elevator. He got in. His fingers hovered over the keypad. Maybe he wouldn't. Maybe it... it was inappropriate. She'd tell him to come back another day. She needed some space. He shouldn't have brought the wine! She couldn't turn him away if he had wine!

Black panic gripped him. He... he could call it quits right now. It wasn't the right time. Mission or not, she wanted time to herself. Of course. He'd go back and send her a message. He didn't think it was a good idea. Maybe they'd try it after the mission. Or in a few years. Or never! Never was good. Never was safe.

He could head down to engineering right now and throw the wine into the trash compactor. Maybe that would feel good! Or he could sneak it into the bar. Then they wouldn't see him going back to his quarters with it a minute later, like a schizophrenic. He could say that was his plan all along. Just restocking the bar.

Let's face it, what were the options after this? Even if they lived through it... was Garrus going to stay on the Normandy forever? Of course not. Not after this. Maybe Shepard knew that. Maybe... maybe their conversation had been like her... discharging him? Giving him an option so crazy he'd have to leave?

Something fired up inside Garrus. What a load of crap! He was going to see Shepard. They both wanted this. They both needed this.

Shepard had given him revenge on Sidonis. She'd kept him going when he flagged. She'd given him a reason to live when he left Omega. She was a good woman, and she wanted... something from him, and whatever it was, he's do it. It'd be the best damned two hours of their lives. He pushed the button to her quarters. The doors slid shut.

This would be fine. She wanted a pleasant distraction. She wanted something to blow off steam. This would be fun! It would be okay. He'd done his homework. He knew how to give a human a good time. Maybe.

She'd take the lead, probably. She knew what she wanted. That was kind of exciting. Maybe he could sit back and watch it happen. Sure, why not?

And afterwards... did... did he stay? Would she tell him to go? Would she want him to stay? Maybe she'd want him to hold her. Apparently that could happen. Shit! He hadn't looked that up. Did... did they lie alongside each other? Maybe he was supposed to cradle her? I guess they'd see. Whatever worked.

But... afterwards. When all this was done. What was it all for? What did he want? Of course he respected Shepard. She was the best officer he'd ever served under. But... where did he want this to go? What would he want... if they lived through this? She was the reason he got up in the morning. She was all he really had, in the galaxy. He couldn't let her just... disappear, again. He couldn't miss another opportunity. Not with someone like her. There was only one Shepard, and he'd already been given a second chance. They were going through the relay, fine. They'd come back. He'd bring them back. Afterwards... well, he wouldn't lose her.

Best not to think about that right now. Cross that bridge when we come to it. Or... talk to her. See what she wants. Had to be better than uncertainty.

The doors opened. Garrus was on the landing. This was it. Here he was. This was Shepard's quarters. What would he find? What if he found something... different? Weird. Whatever happens, her business is her own. She's got a private life. She can have... plants, or something. Whatever.

Maybe she wasn't interested in anything long-term. She might have mementoes of Liara in there. Maybe they were still together. Maybe Garrus was just... the guy who was there. That was ok. Two comrades, making the best of the time they had. Was... was it ok? He hadn't talked about Liara with Shepard before. Maybe they would talk about her. Wait. If they didn't talk, what did that mean? Did that mean more emotional issues, or less? Maybe he shouldn't bring it up. We'll just see where this goes. This is about us. It has to be.

He went in. Party time. Time to tell her how he felt. But wait, what if...?

The End