"Dad? Is this… is this magic?" Evan's voice is hesitant. "Like, I mean… Real magic? Am I magic?"

"Yes, "Dudley sighed. " It is. And yes, I think there's no way to deny that you are. It… it runs in the family."

"Really? Can you do stuff like this?"

"No, I can't. My cousin Harry can. You remember Harry? And his mother, my aunt, could, too. Before she died."

"Can Gramma and Grandpa?"

Dudley shook his head. "No. And you can't tell them that you can."

Evan looked shocked. "Why not?"

"It's complicated. Just promise me you won't, all right?"

Evan scowled, bitterly disappointed. "All right. Fine." Evan glanced back up at all the possessed bathroom products. "How do I make them stop?"

Dudley's heart sank. "I don't know. Let's try catching them."

"Okay!"

Evan chased after the bars of soap, occasionally sliding on their slippery, bubbled trail. He eventually fell on them, reducing them to soapy smears on the floor where they remained stationary.

Dudley reached up and yanked the Windex and Tilex down and stuffed them back under the sink. He could still hear them thudding around in the cabinet, but he hoped they might grow tired after awhile. He snatched the nail clippers and tweezers out of the sink and threw them in a drawer. He looked up and saw that Evan had hold of the shampoo bottle. It was now empty, but it jerked wildly in Evan's grasp, making his arms rattle.

Dudley charged forward and pulled it away from Evan then threw it in the closet. The conditioner and liquid soap bottles soon met similar fates.

Dudley and Evan smiled at each other. Although the room was a mess and smelled strongly of cleaning chemicals and apple-scented soap, it was still and quiet. "C'mon. Let's clean the rest up."

They used paper towels to wipe up the soapy residue on the floor and walls. As Dudley turned on the water to rinse off the shower, he tried to think of a way to break the news to Gianna, his wife. He figured he would start with, "I know this might sound crazy, but please promise you'll allow me to explain…"

After about twenty minutes, Dudley and Evan sat back down in the sitting room, noticing that Gianna had arrived. She sat across from Evan's plate, looking a little uncomfortable as she always did at Number 4 Privet Drive. She gave her husband a slight smile as he and Evan took their seats. Petunia and Vernon exchanged curious looks but didn't say anything.

"Hi, Mummy," said Evan brightly, making a grab for a nearby plate of cookies.

"Hello, darling," replied Gianna, pulling the plate out of Evan's reach. "Not until you've finished a sandwich." Evan frowned and stretched his hand across the table. After a few moments of ineffective reaching, the plate slid towards Evan's fingers.

Vernon, who had just taken a bite of sandwich, gaped in horror, spilling lettuce and tuna onto his lap. Petunia spluttered into her tea, staring down at her grandson in horror. But Dudley could only look at his wife, who was meeting Dudley's gaze, looking utterly petrified.

"Uh, Gi," he started to say, not sure what he was going to say, when she cut him off.

"I can explain," Gianna said in a shaky voice. "I know this will make me sound mad, but promise me you'll just hear me out… You see, my brother is a wizard."

Dudley let out a surprised laugh just as a clatter of breaking china announced that Petunia had fainted.

The End

A/N: JKR once said in an interview that she thought about Dudley having a wizard child, then thinking the "wizard gene" wouldn't survive Vernon's DNA. I could see her point there. So I thought it would be funny if Dudley married a woman who had said "wizard gene." xD

For anyone who wanted me to continue with this story, I'm currently posting a sequel called "What We Grow To Be."