"And you were wild and crazy just so frustrating. Intoxicating, complicated, god went by some mistake and now. I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name, so in love that I acted insane and that's the way I loved you. Breaking down and coming undone it's a rollercoaster kind of rush and I never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I loved you."

-Taylor Swift, The Way I Loved You

Disclaimer: I don't own House of Anubis. I only own my plotline

July 6th, 2012

"So Nina, what do you do?" Fabian asked as he sat down in a booth across from Nina. He pulled her chair out for her. He was proud of himself for remembering to do that.

"I'm a florist. And a server for a catering company." Nina said, "What about you?"

"I'm in marketing." Fabian sighed, "It's great but, I really like just relaxing home."

"Yeah," Nina smiled, "I love just relaxing. I have a greyhound and he loves to crawl up on my bed."

"I love dogs." Fabian sighed, "What's his name?"

"Mason." Nina replied, "Did you ever have any?"

"I did," Fabian muttered, "His name was Max… he was uh… a German Shepard."

"When?"

"Two weeks ago." Fabian sighed, "He was eight. He got out of his collar and ran into the middle of the street. Cab didn't stop quickly enough."

Nina moved over from her chair and sat next to Fabian, rubbing his back, "Are you okay?" Nina knew what she would be like if she lost Mason. Especially the way Fabian did. She'd be broken. She wouldn't be out of her house for a month. Probably only to get food or something. Pets… they become family.

August 16th, 2012

When Fabian told me about Max… that was probably when everything really connected between us. It was like, just one comment and everything was changed for me. I remember hearing that sparky sound in my head. Like… magic just being flung everywhere. At the time, I couldn't even think that he was hiding something. That he didn't ask me out because he was attracted to me. That there was something else besides love behind those green eyes.

August 16th, 2012

"Nina!" Mick shouted, pounding hard on the door to Nina's apartment, "Open this door or I'll break it down!"

"Go away Mick!" Nina yelled as she published her blog. She set her lap top down and put on a movie. Julie and Julia, one of her favorites.

"Nina stop being a tool and open the door! I'd like to explain!" Mick said.

"Nina, he really just wants to talk." Eddie's voiced joined the conversation.

Nina sighed, uncrossing her legs and pausing her movie. She got up off the couch and unlocked the door, opening to the reveal Mick and Eddie. Eddie smiled and walked straight to her refrigerator while Mick stood in the doorway rocking from heel to toe.

"Yes Mick?" Nina spat coldly.

"I'm really sorry about what happened." He began, "But, I was drunk when I gave him the idea to… you know. But, that's no excuse anyway. I was really wrong and I'm sorry."

Nina sighed, mentally going back to that night and re-calling that he was very drunk. She hadn't been exaggerating when she'd said he was very drunk in her blog, that was the most drunk she'd ever seen him. He'd never taken his shirt off like that…

"Mick… I forgive you." Nina sighed.

"Really?"

"Yes," Nina stated.

"Yes!" Mick shouted, "Thank you thank you thank you!" He ran up to Nina and squeezed her so tight, Nina could have sworn he was about to cut off her circulation. The one thing that proved to Nina that he was truly sorry was his happiness.

"How you doing Neens?" Eddie asked, putting an arm around her shoulder when she plopped sadly onto her couch.

"Been better."

"You know what would make you feel a whole lot better?" Eddie said with a smile.

"A truck load of ice cream?"

"No, that'll only make you fat." Eddie pointed out, "What I was going to say was Fabian, dummy."

"You really think that would make me feel better?" Nina asked with sincerity in her voice.

"Yeah, I do." Eddie said, nodding enthusiastically.

The next thing Eddie knew, a couch pillow had come in contact with his face followed by Nina saying, "Well how do you feel now?"

July 6th, 2012

Fabian and Nina bonded quickly, almost instantly connecting. It was like, they were meant to just sit in that booth for an hour and a half. Like they were meant to find each other. Nina shook her head to herself. She knew that couldn't bet true. There was no one out there for her anyway, there was no point in trying. She was actually contemplating getting a tattoo that said 'forever alone' on her arm.

Then as if out of nowhere, Fabian leaning in and kissing her. Nina pulled away immediately, staring at Fabian with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said immediately.

Nina couldn't stop staring into his endless green eyes. Nina slowly leaned in again, finally meeting Fabian's lips in the middle. His hand snaked around her waist pulling her closer to him as he smiles in spite of his situation. He could feel her asking for more as he pulls away this time, simply stating;

"My place or yours?"

"Nina! What the hell? Where have you been?" Amber asked as she flipped through a magazine in her "hair chair" as she calls it.

"Out." Nina told her with a simple shrug to her shoulders for affect.

"Look at you! You're hair's a mess! Sit down now!" Amber scolded, getting up from the hair chair and running a brush to the tangled mess on Nina's head.

Nina neglected to tell them the reason her hair was so bad was because Fabian had been running his hands through it for an hour.

"So, where have you been really?" Joy asked while she shampooed Nina's hair at the sinks.

"With Fabian Rutter." Nina smiled, as she plays back the scenes on their heavy make-out session in her head.

August 16th, 2012

And know you know. You know how we met, how it all happened. How I'd fallen into his arms like a helpless little dog. Now that you know, you're probably wondering why I'd break-up with him. We'd spent three hours together that day. You may think I'm crazy for calling him the devil. But I'm not. I thinking something similar sometimes though… I'm wondering how someone who made me feel so good, could make me feel so terrible. For a bit more than a month, he was mu world. And right now… he still is. He's always on my mind (as you can probably tell). Even though he hurt me worse than anyone before. I'm still getting over him. And believe me it's hard as hell. Joy told me that the heart doesn't forgive too easily or whatever. Sometimes I just tune out when she goes on and on about that True Love mumbo jumbo because I could care less (sorry Joy!). Sometimes I'm afraid of what my heart thinks. When my heart says go back to him and tell him he's forgiven, my brain tells me I'm being an idiot who's setting herself up to be hurt again.

I don't know why I let my heart break. I've known for a while what it feels like, I've known what to do to stop myself from falling so hard that I end up hurt worse than ever in the end. Somehow, meeting him made me put all that in the back of my head and practically forget that it was there. And look where I am now. I'm hurt, again. I'm sitting cross-legged on my couch with a laptop perched in my lap, blogging to the world about my heartbreak. I am enjoying blogging to you though. I love those of you who review saying that I seem strong and I'll make it through this. It's reassuring for me.

Some of you review saying that Fabian seems like a douche. He's really not. I was a bit… overdramatic in my first entry. I'd just had the most terrible break-up of my lift, so I think I had the right to be! Fabian, as you'll soon find out, is actually a very kind person. He's one of the kindest people I know actually… well until that thing happened. And can't stop myself from telling you all that either. But, he did do what he did and I'm having a hard time forgiving him for it.

Ever since he left there's been something… amiss almost in my life. Maybe it's him being gone or just me readjusting back to my life without him (or sort of… I've mostly been wallowing in self-misery and hitting Eddie with pillows). Sometimes I have to stop and think for a moment. I'll reach for the phone prepared to call him when I wake up… then I remember. You know, it could also be the feeling of having my writing out there for people to read. And I'm actually getting positive feedback. I used to write a lot in High School. I was in creative writing classes, journalism, I was even Editor of my schools newspaper. Then someone told me that my writing sucks and my ideas were pointless and stupid. So I put down my pen and closed my notebook for a while. Not that I hadn't been secretly writing some short stuff in notebooks or word documents that were immediately deleted. You guys who read this are the first to read my writing since I was seventeen.

So, back to the topic at hand. I'll admit it. I do still love him. He made me happier than anyone in the world. But he hurt me worse than anyone in the world too. So… how do I know what to do? You'll find out exactly what he did eventually, then you can give me your opinion.

This is a pretty long entry, I know. But the entry after you actually find out what he did will be even longer. I guess the long entries are fun for you to read. Maybe in one of them… you'll end up in tears. Trust me, things are gonna get pretty sad. But don't say I didn't warn you! In my first entry I told you that this wouldn't be a sappy romance story!

He used to make me smile you know. Fabian I mean. He told me he'd never seen a better smile. One so bright. One so true. That must have been a lie. But, once he let it slip that I had pretty eyes. He hadn't been planning to tell me because I'd seen his eyes get wide and his cheeks flush red. Did he mean that? Or is he just an amazing actor? I'd love to believe the first choice, but how can I know? Oh right, I can't.

Some of you reading this probably have boyfriends or fiancées or husbands even. I dreamt that Fabian and I would be there one day. Have those dreams gone away? NO. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, screaming from them. They scare me. Because I know for a fact that they'll never be my reality.

He doesn't want me. Never did. He never will. I can't force him too, just like he can't force me to forgive him. If he really wanted me he wouldn't have done what he did. Right?

Every kid has they're dreams. Some want to become a Barbie doll who lives in a dream house and has the amazing husband named Ken. Others wish for a fairytale life. With castles and dragons and horses that fly, complete with a Prince to come and sweep them off their feet. But me? All I wanted was someone who would make me feel pretty or like I was worth something. But I didn't get that. The kids soon learn that there are no Kens or Princes for them. There's just heartbreak.

And then there's Fabian.

Okay, I know it seems like I've dropped off the face of the earth the past couple days and I'm sorry but I've been a bit busy! PREVIEW!

"You admitted that you still love me. Why can't you just come back? I've said I'm sorry over a million times in those messages you deleted. Why can't you forgive me?"

She stopped the answering machine and sighed, "Because sorry isn't good enough."

'Till next time!