Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

To Have You Forever

One-shot

Carlisle's POV

"I just don't get it," she went on. "If he cares so much about taking away my free will, my soul, then shouldn't it be my decision to make? I mean it doesn't even make sense to call it my will if he's the one making the decision… Let me make it. Then he wouldn't have to blame himself."

"I think that's the mistake he's trying to avoid," I told her softly. "You two talk so much about turning you, and not turning you. I know that almost all of them had that decision taken from them because of me. And I suppose he is just trying to keep himself from feeling the guilt I feel everyday when I look at Rosalie."

"Guilt?" she asked me. "Carlisle, no Carlisle. There is no guilt; you shouldn't have to feel that!" she whispered loudly as she put her unharmed hand over my free one. "I mean that's Rosalie, that's one. Out of all of them she's the only one that feels that way; you saved her life, and Emmett! Without you having saved her first he wouldn't be here either."

As much as it killed me to do so, I pulled her hand free of mine and continued gently fixing up her arm. "Try not to excite yourself; your blood will flow faster."

"Sorry."

Few moments passed in silence.

"How did we even get from talking about changing me to Rosalie?" she laughed softly.

"Well," I began as I started wrapping her arm in gauze. "I told you about my guilt, and you told me how I shouldn't feel any."

"Oh, yeah. Well I guess that was pretty smart of me, because without you, none of them –well, most of them- wouldn't be here. And…" her tone changed as her eyes slowly pulled up from the floor to meet my eyes. "…Carlisle, without you… you never said no to them. It was always you, you wouldn't take that free will away from them, would you? If you could, I mean."

"I suppose I… Bella, they were all dying."

"And here I am, bleeding, getting fixed up by you, again. And if I keep up this track record…"

"Bella, I know what you're thinking. But I can't. I'm sorry, I just can't."

"But I would," I thought selfishly. "If you were mine. I would do whatever you wanted of me, just to hold you, to kiss you, to make love to you… I would do anything you asked if you were mine, and I yours."

"Carlisle, you know you're the only one who'll do it. You know as well as I do that Edward never will; he's too stubborn," a thick cloud of tears were filling in her eyes as she went on. "This life isn't for me… I'm a klutz. I'm not very personable, I don't get modern language. But most of all it's not a life I want. I don't want to get old, I don't want to just die off and become nothing, I want to watch and be here as the world changes."

"And Edward?"

"He doesn't want my-"

"No, I mean, you listed all the reasons you want to become one of us, but you never said Edward was one of them."

"H-he is. I just… When he's the reason I am still like this I can't help but wonder if he wants to be with me forever as badly as I want to be with him."

"Of course he does," I told her honestly, painfully, with a sigh. "It's just he is afraid of what might happened to you after."

"What you mean like Heaven and hell, like, damned?" she wondered. "Carlisle, no, you can't be. If everything is like they say, and God did create everything, then he created you, too. Vampires. And why would he create a race like that just to have them all be damned for doing nothing but living how they were made to?"

"I suppose because not everyone believes in those stories."

"Yeah," she laughed. "And not everyone believes in vampires, either. But you look pretty real to me."

"Yes," I laughed back. "But where's your evidence to support-"

"Bella I think it's time I took you home," Edward said as he appeared silently in the now open doorway.

"Edward," Bella said sounding half disappointed. "I drove myself, and Carlisle's still working on my arm."

"Well it looks done to me," he disagreed as he looked down at her now fully cleaned and dressed arm. "And you're hurt; I should drive you. I can walk back."

"Edward, I think Bella should-" I began.

"Decide for herself," he cut me off. "It's getting late, and she has school tomorrow. Tonight has been a very fulfilling night, and it might take her a while to get to sleep tonight."

"And she's right here, and learned to talk just like everyone else," I cut him off. "Edward, I think you are being very rude right now."

She looked at me for a moment, deeply into my eyes, and then turned to Edward with, "I can drive myself, Edward. I'm not completely incapable of fending for myself."

"Well," Edward sighed. "It looks to me that's debatable. How many times have I saved your life now?"

"Edward, stop," I told him seriously. "She's been through enough; she doesn't need you putting her down this way. It's her birthday, after all, and even though we had a little…" I paused, searching for the correct word. "Excitement," I went on, "It shouldn't give her reason for the rest of the night to be negative."

Edward shook his head with his lips closed in a tight line. He knew. I knew he knew, and it wasn't until this night that I had let myself slip so badly into my wishes about Bella with him being so close around – close to my thoughts. I hadn't been careful, and now he knew. "Bella," he said with strain. "I am going to drive you home; it's for the best. As I am your boyfriend," he enthused, glaring at me with putrefied hatred. "I'd like to see you good night. I am sorry about what I said; this has just been – as Carlisle put it – an exciting night for all of us," he said with a forced smile.

"No," Bella breathed after a long moment of silence. "Boyfriend – if you can still call yourself that after how you've made me feel tonight. I know I'm hurt, and I agree it wouldn't be responsible for me to drive in the emotional state that I'm in. And I do love you, but honestly, I really don't care to be around you right now. I'd really rather just be alone, but as I see you won't let that happen… Carlisle?" she asked, pulling her eyes away from him and looking up at me. "Will you take me home?"

Looking down at her, I couldn't stop myself reaching my hand out and slowly running my fingertips gently over her cheek and brushing her hair behind her ear. Edward let out a low growl, too soft for Bella's human ears to register, but loud enough for mine to hear as well as anything else. "Don't you dare do anything foolish, Edward," I thought quickly as I felt his anger growing more and more rapid at each passing second. "I know she is your girlfriend. But I can't help the way I feel about her, I have tried, and I can't. I love her, and you are just going to have to be okay with that," he growled again, this time loud enough to catch Bella's attention, and turning from me she looked over at him curiously. "She loves you, Edward, you, not me. So even if I did tell her it wouldn't change anything, so stop being such a child and get your act together before something else terrible happens to ruin her birthday."

"I'll meet you in your truck," I told her after setting the blooded medical supplies aflame.

"I can't believe you!" Bella spat hatefully as I sat waiting patiently, listening, in her truck. "You think all of what happened tonight is my fault? I mean, yeah, okay, I got a damn paper cut, yes, that was on me – though not my fault as I am human and stupid little accidents like that happen – but my arm? The glass? I had nothing to do with that! Carlisle and Emmett could have held Jasper back and drug him from the room; the house! But no! You! Yes, YOU had to go on and shove me half way across the room and just make everything that much worse! So anything you have put on me tonight Edward, anything about this all being somehow my fault… you are wrong."

"We should have never had a party – I knew something like this could happen. Bella, I'm s-"

"So now it's Alice's fault," she stated calmly, cutting him off matter-of-factly. "Anybody's but yours, right?" she didn't give him a chance to respond as her footfalls crossed the room and stopped only briefly with the sound of the door slamming shut.

"Carlisle," Edward said from my office, taking my attention momentarily away from Bella. "Don't you dare try anything."

"Did I ever say I was going to?" I asked. "But I must say, Edward, you aren't exactly helping the situation with your attitude."

It took him a moment to respond. "The only reason I am allowing you to take Bella home right now is because she is clearly upset and needs some time by herself. We'll talk when you get back," he added while crossing my office. I heard the chair behind my desk squeak and his feet as they rested atop my desk. "I'll be right here," he told me with a what I could imagine to be satisfied expression on his face – he, like everyone else in the house – knew I hated feet on my desk. But looking at the situation, at how I was the one taking Bella home and not him, I let it go.

"Hey," I said as Bella climbed into the cab beside me. "Are you alright?" I asked as she pulled her belt across her lap and buckled it. She nodded her head while looking over at me with a half smile.

"Yeah," she told me as I started up the truck and pulled out of the drive. It wasn't until we were about a quarter of the way gone that she spoke up again. "I didn't want to say anything when we were still in earshot," she began as she brought her eyes back to me. "But I was wondering… is it okay if we don't go right to my house? I just need some air, and I really don't feel like walking into the house and having to explain myself to my Dad."

"No," I told her with joy filling me. "No, of course not, we can wait as long as you want until we head to your house Bella – it's still your birthday after all," I smiled over at her, and she smiled back. I couldn't stop myself sliding my hand across the seat and running my fingers over hers. With my peripheral vision I could see her looking down at our hands; an expression on her face that suggested she was having difficulty breathing – I could hear her breath get caught in her throat and her heart rate quicken. I cautiously took her hand into mine and turned it over, so the back of her hand was pressed against the surface of the seat, and laced our fingers together.

She pulled her attention away from our hands and focused her eyes to her darkened passenger window. My own breathing picked up as she turned our hands over and began sliding her fingers away from mine, only to lace them back together before running the tips of her fingers along the underside of my fingers and curling them together with mine. I pulled my hand away from hers and began exploring the surface of her hand, feeling the warmth and smoothness of it with my fingertips before bringing our hands back together, keeping my thumb in a steady rhythm of running over her skin.

"Were did you want to go before heading back?" I asked her softly, breaking the spell. Somehow, surprisingly, however, it remained intact.

"The woods," she suggested softly, with her eyes on mine. "Edward always tells me not to go in there by myself – especially at night when it's dark – but you'll be there to keep me safe."

I pulled off to the side of the road and parked, killing the engine and reluctantly forcing myself to pull our hands apart. "How long?" she asked as she reached her hand out to open her door.

"As long as you want," I told her as I looked over at her, knowing longing was clear in my eyes - in my voice and expression. "We can stay as long as you want," I said again as we both pushed open our doors and stepped out into the night.

When I came around her side of the truck she was leaning against it with her back pressed up against the door and her arms folded over her chest, looking up at me. "Are you cold?" I asked her as I graced my hand down the side of her cheek. She nodded slowly and I slid my jacket from my shoulders as she took a step away from her truck. She looked up at me with unblinking eyes as I wrapped her up in my jacket. I smiled down at her, thinking of how amazingly beautiful – and adorable – she looked in my overly-large jacket.

She folded her arms back over her chest as we headed towards the woods. "So," I began as we entered the mouth of the woods. "Besides all the excitement earlier how has your birthday been going?"

She deliberated on the idea for a moment before responding. "Eventful," she breathed. "Honestly I'm not one who likes parties in general, when Alice first told me about it I just got morbidly depressed and upset. But," she went on as I lifted a branch out of our path. "Jasper and Edward were there, and I know Jasper wasn't a lone agent when he sent calm, soothing emotions into the air around us forcing me to cave."

"That doesn't seem fair," I smiled, shaking my head as I slid my hands into my pockets.

"No," she agreed. "It doesn't. I was blindsided and cornered – there was no escape for me, and then it was too late," she sighed as we made our way down a slight hill. "But I guess it wasn't all bad, I mean Alice really loves throwing these things, and I think she loves me… Just no one was planning on the finale."

"No one ever does," I said sympathetically. "Bella, what happened wasn't your fault. But I can't say I don't agree with what you said to Edward about it being his fault about your arm. He shouldn't have thrown you like that, you're lucky all you got was a cut up arm, he could have broken something."

"Well he did break the dishes," she suggested, making me laugh. "And the piano. I can't imagine how much he'll miss that."

"I was talking about you, Bella," I told her after a moment. "Dishes and piano's can be replaced, but you can't. There's only one of you," I said softly as I pulled my hands from my pockets. "I don't know what we'd do without you."

"Yeah," she huffed. "You might want to tell that to Edward – he seems to have forgotten it as of late," she said as she dropped her arms from her chest and stopped in her tracks, looking before her at the darkened forest.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I turned to face her.

"He just," she began, dropping her head and shaking it sadly. "He just seems to have… stopped caring, or, at least acting like it. I just seem to be this huge inconvenience to him recently," she let out a long sigh. "I just don't know why I am still with him sometimes," she confided while bringing her eyes back up to meet mine. "I love going over to your house, seeing and hanging out with all of you… I guess I just feel like if Edward and I weren't together that would change, and none of you would want to have anything more to do with me."

"That would never change Bella," I told her as I cupped her chin in my hand. "Edward has nothing to do with the way the rest of us care for you."

"Doesn't he?" she asked softly as she reached her hand out to mine, and slid her fingers over mine. "Without him, before him I was just another human to you guys – another leaf in the wind that will one day die and decompose and be replaced by another one."

"While I do appreciate that analogy," I said softly as I ran my hand up the side of her face and into her hair. "It isn't true."

"And it never could be," I thought, remembering the moment I first saw her when she came into the hospital after the car accident with Tyler. Edward had stopped her from being crushed between his van and her truck, and she had hit her head against the pavement. I walked into the hospital room with her and Tyler, and the moment my eyes met with hers I knew love at first sight wasn't a fairy tale. It was very real, and she made me see that.

"Carlisle?" she asked, bringing me back into reality. I didn't even realize, but when I was thinking back to the first time I had seen her I put myself into a self-induced trance – which I didn't even know could happen to a vampire - and ended up kissing her. I stepped back and looked down at her, remembering the feeling of her lips against mine, and how she didn't hesitate to kiss me back – surprise had presented itself at first, but then she kissed back…

"I'm sorry," I told her, closing my eyes and placing my forehead into my hand. "Bella, I'm sorry, but I… I love you…" I confessed, turning myself away from her and taking a few paces away. "I didn't even realize I had kissed you until you said my name," I breathed. "Please forgive me Bella," I asked as I turned back around to face her. "I didn't mean to force myself onto you like that – I didn't mean to make you cheat on Edward. I just couldn't stop thinking about the first time I saw you, and how it made me feel, and you have made me feel ever since… I just lost myself in my thoughts… in you…" I trailed, crossing my arms over my stomach apologetically.

"You love me?" she asked after a moment, pulling her eyes up from the earthy ground to my eyes.

"Since the first moment I saw you when you came to the hospital," I nodded. "I know it's selfish because of Esme and Edward, but I couldn't control it, and I still can't. I have tried – how I have tried – but it seems the more I try to push it away, to push these feelings away, this love away the stronger and more powerful it becomes," she leaned her back against the base of a tree and placed her palms against the sides of it, looking back down at the ground, and then up at me. "You are so beautiful," I added, unable to stop myself.

The way she was looking at me, the way her breathing caught in her throat – like in the truck with our hands – the way she didn't hesitate to trail a line with her eyes from my lips and eyes, told me she wasn't mad at me. I took a step towards, waiting, to see how she would react, if she would tense up or draw back, but she did neither. In fact, she seemed to do the complete opposite. She seemed to be fighting something inside of her, something willful and strong. I took another step towards her, and another until my body was mere inches from hers. She turned her head away from me with closed eyes and fingers clenching onto the bark around the tree. Her body was trembling as I placed my hand onto her stomach and slid it around to her side, doing the same with my hand opposite. As I took a quarter step towards her, just barley leaving space between our bodies, I thought back to all the times she had come over to the house; ways she would look at me and how her entire persona would change when we were alone… She was fighting it, too. Only she seemed to be the stronger of us.

"We're alone Bella," I said softly as I leaned into her and brushed my nose along the side of her neck, just grazing my lips over her skin. "You don't have to fight it," I whispered as her trembles multiplied by tenfold. Her breathing picked up as I kissed my lips against her neck and made a trail up to her earlobe. I could feel as her lips fall apart and her jaw began bobbing up and down with the rest of her trembling body. "Please Bella," I added as I slid my hands up her sides and kissed along her jaw line teasingly. "Don't make me suffer anymore… I need you Bella, I need you… I love you."

She turned her head so she was facing me and looked up into my eyes. I waited as she pulled her hands away from round the tree trunk and took one of my hands into hers, lacing our fingers together - still trembling uncontrollably - as she ran her other hand up my chest and into the nook of my neck and there laced her fingers into the base of my hairline. Our hands still entwined she reach her hand up around my shoulder and slowly leaned into me, kissing me deeply. She was hesitant at first, pulling her lips away from mine every few seconds, always looking at me in between kisses, before finally giving in and kicking away from the tree and throwing herself around me.

"Bella," I moaned as she wrapped her legs around my hips and I embraced her in my arms, pulling her into me. "Oh, Bella," I called as I allowed myself to trip over an uprooted tree root, sending us to the ground with her atop me.

"I love you," she told me, breathing heavily as I rolled us over so I was holding myself over her and kissing her endlessly along her neck and collar bones.

"I know," I breathed just as heavily. "I know – I love you – I love you."

She ran her hands down my chest and stomach and began tugging at the base of my shirt, pulling it free from my pants. Once it was loose she began fumbling her hands from my waist up and unbuttoned each button until it was fanned open around her. She ran her open hands over my bare chest, reaching her head up and kissing me, causing me to moan at nearly every caress of her lips. She reached her arms around my body and pulled herself up as I looped my hands around her and unzipped her dress, pulling it up and over her head, leaving her in only her bra and panties. I took a moment to just drink in the beautiful sight before me before bringing my lips back to hers.

A moan escaped her lips as she reached her hands down and pulled open my belt, sliding it away from my pants and tossing it to the side before continuing onto the button and zipper of my pants. I moaned into her mouth as her fingers grazed over my raging sex. My pants were pulled down to my knees and I reached my hand down and ripped off her panties. A low grow escaped me as I cupped my hand around the back of her head and laced my fingers through her hair. She reached her hands down and shoved my boxers down my legs, freeing my sex from its confinement.

She gasped a moan as my tip pressed against her wet lips. "Bella," I said with our foreheads pressed against each other, her arms looped around my back to my shoulders. "I love you."

"I love you," she panted, gripping her fingers into my skin as I slowly slid into her. I whispered affections in her ear, apologizing for the pain, but promising it would be brief, as I slowly slid myself in and out of her.

Her gasps of pain slowly turned into moans of pleasure. I pressed my lips against hers and our tongues danced together in a heated passion as I quickened my pace, causing loud, sexy moans to escape her lips. She was nearly screaming my name as I pounded my hands into the dirt around us, grabbing handfuls of the earth as I felt myself drawing closer to climax. "Carlisle," she moaned loudly, pressing her hips into mine and pulling on my hair to pull my lips back into hers. The sound of her panting and moaning for me, calling my name and begging for me to keep going intensified everything. I was barley able to hold myself together a moment longer when her voice broke my name into little parts, screaming in between, as we climaxed for each other.

Residual moans escaped both of us as I pulled myself out of her and rolled us over so she was now cradled over me. I reached out beside us and pulled my jacket up to cover her back and part of her legs and wrapped my arms securely around her, holding her against me and planting kisses against her forehead and temple, telling her over and over how much I loved her.

She lifted her head away from my chest and looked down at me. "Carlisle," she began, still trying to steady her breathing. "What would you say if I told you I wanted you forever?"

I smiled and hugged her closer. "To have you forever, Bella," I whispered as I rubbed my hand over her back. "To be able to have you and hold you and love you forever, like I am now… It's all I've ever wanted."

"Forever?" she asked softly as she traced her hand over my bare chest.

"Forever," I whispered, kissing her softly.

THE END