I wake up with Tris running her hand along my chest. Then she quickly jumps up and sits beside me, poking my shoulder.
"You're really cute!" she says in a singsong voice. Earlier today she had another big fight with Peter, in front of a bunch of Amity, so they gave her another dose of 'peace' serum. They must have upped the dosage because she's been out of it for almost ten hours. I have her trapped in my room. I wedged a chair under the doorknob, which the sober Tris could knock over in a second, but the serum induced Tris just looks at it quizzically, giggles, and then gives up. I had to block the door because she'd already got out twice and I couldn't have her running all through the compound, wearing only a t-shirt, telling people they smelled good and had nice eyelashes.
"Tris, go to sleep. Please," I plead.
"But I want to kiss you again," she pouts.
"I'll kiss you tomorrow, I promise," I say, exhausted. She wakes me up every half hour wanting to talk and kiss. I love kissing Tris, but the serum induced version of Tris gushes and giggles the whole time.
I manage to get back to sleep. I don't know how long I sleep this time, but it starts up again when she rubs her hand along my chest. I lose whatever patience I have left.
"Tris," I say, grabbing her wrist a little too roughly and pushing her to the other side of the bed. "Go back to sleep and leave me alone!" I don't feel bad anymore because I've done this too many times tonight.
She gets out of bed and moves to the door. I wait for the giggle. Instead, I hear the chair crashing against the wall. I jump up and barely make it to the door before she's flown out of it. I grab her around the waist with my right arm, lifting her off the ground and slam the door shut with my left. She spins around and her eyes are filled with hurt and anger. I'm so happy that the serum has finally worn off that a big smile takes over my mouth and I move to kiss her. She slaps my face away from hers.
"What the hell is your problem?" she barks.
"Tris, you were under Amity's peace serum again," I say. Her chest is heaving and there is such a fire in her eyes I have to supress my smile but I'm beaming inside. She's back! She looks at the chair, trying to piece things together.
"Why was there a chair in front of the door?" She clenches her fists.
"I had to; you were wandering the halls in just your t-shirt."
"What? Did anyone see me?" she asks.
"Just an old guy. You told him he had beautiful white hair and that you were sure he had been a very handsome young man." I say.
She scans the room, confused. "Why can't I remember anything?" she asks.
"I think they gave you a higher dose this time, to teach you a lesson."
"We have to get out of here. I can't do this again." She rubs her wrist where I grabbed her. "And why were you so rough with me?"
"Sorry. You kept me up all night and I was exhausted."
"Kept you up all night, how?" she says.
"Uh, you kept climbing on top of me, trying to kiss me."
"I did?" she asks, her eyes wide with confusion.
"Yeah, and that's not all," I say, trying not to laugh.
"There's more?"
"You kept telling me I was cute while you twirled your hair."
"I twirled my hair? I never twirl my hair."
"There was a lot of hair twirling," I say, my lips curling into a smile.
"Oh my god, how did you not punch me?" She hangs her head down and covers her face with her hands.
"Well, you said a lot of sweet stuff too."
"I did? Like what?" she tilts her head upward.
"Well, you talked about my eyes a lot. Apparently, you really like my eyelashes. Is that true?" I ask, batting my eyelashes to embarrass her.
"Yes," she says shyly. "Did I say anything else?"
"You said you liked when you could see the outline of my collarbone through my t-shirt."
She covers her mouth with her hand, "I said that?"
"Is that true?"
"Yes."
"Then you said that you liked how you could feel me looking at you from across a crowded room. And that you liked if we are in a crowd and I'm standing right behind you, it feels like I have my arms wrapped around you."
She bites her lower lip.
"Is that true?" I ask.
She nods. "Maybe they mixed a little truth serum into what they gave me."
"And then you also said 'you're cute,' and 'you smell good' about two hundred times. And there were lots of sloppy kisses."
"Really? Did we, uh, do anything else?" she looks toward the bed.
"No, but you were pretty determined a few times."
"But why did you stop me. I mean, if I was willing to go further?"
I grab her face in my hands and tilt her head to make sure she's looking right at me. "Because it wouldn't have been with the real you." I touch her forehead to mine. I kiss her on the cheek.
"It's not fair. I've made a fool of myself twice now. Maybe next time you should have a big fight with Peter so they'll inject you," she says. "I'd like to see you a little loopy, saying all kinds of crazy things."
"Then I could tell you what I like about you?" I ask.
"Yeah," she says, not meeting my eyes.
"Tris, I don't need to be injected with peace serum to tell you what I like about you."
"You don't?"
"No. First, I think you're really cute," I say, mockingly.
"Forget it," she says, pushing my shoulder and moving away from me. I grab her wrist, stopping her.
"I like how bright and alive your eyes are," I say, pulling her back towards me. I let go of her wrist and interlace her fingers with mine.
I touch the tip of her nose, "I like how your nose scrunches up when you're deciding whether to trust somebody."
"I do that?" she asks.
"Yeah, I remember when you did it to me."
I touch her tattoos lightly. "I like how you run your fingers along your raven tattoos when you don't think anyone's watching you."
"I like how your eyes light up every time you see me."
I bend down until our cheeks are almost touching. "I like how you always hold your breath when I lean in close and talk quietly in your ear. And if it's really quiet, I can even hear your heartbeat." We are inches apart, neither one of us breathing. She finally gasps in air and then her lips find mine. I grab her around the waist and then move my hands down to her butt and pull her towards me. She stands on her tiptoes and presses into me.
My fingers find the skin under her t-shirt. I wrap my hands around her sides, up her rib cage and then I brush my fingertips over her small, perfect breasts. I nibble her earlobe and feel her hot breath against my ear. I push her t-shirt up, then grab it from behind her neck and pull if forward over her head. She hangs on to it, covering herself. I tangle my fingers in her hair and we kiss, harder.
I feel the t-shirt drop. I keep my fingers in her hair, and tilt her head so our foreheads touch. I can feel her hot breath in my mouth. I look down at her pale skin, her chest rising and falling.
"You're so beautiful," I say. I kiss her lips softly. Then my kisses work their way down to her neck, down to her collarbone.
I wait for her to stop me.
She doesn't stop me.
She slips her hand under the hem of my t-shirt and her fingers brush my stomach, sending an electric current through me. She pushes her hands up along my chest. I reach over, grab the edge of my shirt and pull it over my head. She lets out a little gasp and drops her hands to her side. She timidly puts her hands back on my chest, tracing patterns with her fingertips. My breathing is shallow. I can't get enough air. My muscles shake every time she touches me.
"You're trembling," she whispers, placing both hands steady on my chest. I don't say anything. I can't say anything. My heart is pounding, my whole body pulsating.
I grab her around the hips, lifting her up. I carry her over to the bed, kissing her the whole way. I lay her down gently. My kisses work their way down her body again. I reach her stomach and I feel her shiver. I pull her panties down slightly, kissing the skin that I've just uncovered.
I wait for her to stop me.
She doesn't stop me.
I don't want her to stop me.
My heart starts racing.
I slowly pull her panties down her legs and throw them on the floor. She pulls me to her; our limbs tangled together, our kisses desperate.
I stop.
Our breaths heavy, wanting. I have to be certain.
"Are you sure?" I ask, staring into her eyes. Those wild, bright eyes where I've lived and breathed since that day she fell from the sky. Those eyes that never lie, and aren't lying now, give me my answer. But I need to hear her say it.
"Tris, are you sure?"
She looks at me. Fearless.
"Yes, I'm sure."