World on Fire

A/N: And they said it couldn't be done. Ha! (Those of you who this pertains to, know what I am talking about. Let me know if I did this chapter justice or if you did just burst out laughing at the whole situation ;).)

Chapter 4

It was so bad and yet she couldn't help but get lost in the words time and time again. The professor speech was flowing into her ears but her mind was to busy with the words on the page to pay attention. They had a test next class; she should probably listen to the review but she couldn't tear herself away. She had already read this novel. In fact, she had already read all of his novels, all ten that were out anyway. She had devoured each of them and then gone back to read them again. This was probably her least favorite, and definitely the least plausible and most offensive: angry Wiccans out for revenge, but she read it anyway, just as intensely as she had read it the first time. He was about to come out with a new one and a new character: Derrick Storm. Kate was excited. The PR blurbs had said that it would be a series centered around a private investigator. One man solving crimes, righting wrongs, finding justice for helpless victims. It would be fantastic.

"That is all for today. Remember to get your blue book for the exam on Friday. I will not have extras. If you forget yours you'd better pray that one of your classmates will lend you one or else you will fail."

Kate sighed as she shut the novel and leaned over to shove it into her backpack. She had been so close, only one or two more paragraphs and they would have had him. The bastard. She pulled her hair back into a hasty ponytail before rising out of her seat and slinging the bag over her shoulder.

It was October and she was plodding her way through the remainder of her general education courses so she could dive into her criminal justice courses. She would be taking criminal psychology in the spring and she was excited. She could almost taste it, the zeal, the passion, the drive for justice. She could do this. She could find them, and nothing would get in her way.

"You ask her."

"No, you ask her."

Kate cocked her head to glance over her shoulder at the two guys standing in the row behind her as she adjusted the strap of her bag. One cast a glance her way before turning away suddenly and nudging his friend in the shoulder, pushing him forward. Kate turned back around, rolling her eyes. Men.

She sighed as she moved towards the edge of the row, turning back towards the rear doors and the sunny October New York day waiting for her outside.

"Excuse me," one of the guys stated as he stepped out into the aisle in front of her. His hands came up to grasp the strap of his messenger bag, which was slung across his body.

Kate raised an eyebrow as she appraised him and his friend. His red hair was short, almost buzzed, his pale skin peppered in freckles making his bright green eyes shine behind his thin wire-frame glasses. He had on a sweater vest over his button up shirt. She let out a slight huff. Definitely not her usual type.

"Can I help you?" She asked impatiently as she glanced past him to the door. Only a few more feet and she could leave European History WWI-WWII behind her and focus on the present, for now.

"Hi," the first one said, sticking out his hand. "I'm Anthony, Tony for short, and this is Michael."

He gestured over his shoulder at his friend before offering his hand back out to her. Kate peered past him as she took his hand with a squeeze and glanced over "Michael". He had a completely shaved head and mocha skin. He was clad in a pale yellow polo and khakis and also had a messenger bag slung across his body. Her eyes glanced down to see that they were both wearing loafers.

Kate quirked an eyebrow again. Loafers? Really?

"Kate," she offered slowly in reply.

"Kate, nice to meet you," Tony continued, both of his hands grasping the strap of his bag again as he swayed to the side, with a nod, to allow a couple of girls to pass. He glanced around for second as the room cleared out and Kate let out another sigh in annoyance, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Look, I don't know what this is about but I am really not looking to date anyone right now and I have places to be, so if you don't mind, I'm going to go," Kate interjected when Tony still failed to continue and stepped around him towards the door.

"No! It's not that. Trust me, I'm not looking to, I mean we are together," Tony called after, gesturing between Michael and himself.

Kate paused, looking back over her shoulder in surprise. "Oh, well, um, sorry?"

She stepped back down the aisle towards the pair. "Then, what's up? Why so awkward?"

"We were wondering," Michael spoke up for the first time. "We are art majors and well, you are gorgeous and we are looking for models…"

Kate let out a laugh in surprise, her eyes darting between the pair. "You want me to model for your art class?"

Tony and Michael nodded their heads in tandem, timid smiles gracing their faces. "We couldn't pay you but we would take you out to dinner, you know since it is the proper thing to do after seeing a girl naked."

Kate let out another startled laugh. "You want me to model naked?"

"Um, yes?" Michael chimed in, poking his head around Tony's shoulder. "Trust me, it will be totally professional. I promise."

Kate bit her lip as she shifted her weight onto one foot, swaying to the side slightly as she debated. It might be kind of fun and she had never been particularly shy about her body. She shook her head. She was going to become cop. She was going to be the best and she was going to solve her mother's case. She couldn't be doing things like this anymore. She had to be an adult. She already had those embarrassing modeling pictures from when she was a teenager, she did not want to add fuel to the fire.

"No, sorry guys. I can't," she moved to turn back towards the door and Tony let out a sigh.

"Okay but if you change your mind. This is the address of the student gallery. Some of our work is there. Go check it out. My number is on the back," Tony held out a business card to her and Kate grasped it between two fingers with a hesitant smile. "It was nice to meet you, Kate. We'll see you in class on Friday."

"Dad? Are you here?" Kate called as she pushed through the door to her parent's, her father's, apartment, pulling her key out of the lock. "I just wanted to stop by."

"Katie, hi!" Jim called as he walked out of the bedroom, a flicker of light shining in his eye. "What a wonderful surprise. I haven't seen you in weeks."

"Yeah, I know, sorry. School's been crazy," Kate justified as she came forward to embrace her father in a hug, letting out a breath she hadn't known she was holding. He was doing well today. He had said he was going to try to clean up his act and maybe he had.

"Good crazy though, I hope," Jim offered as he pulled back, turning towards the kitchen. Do you want something to drink?"

Kate shook her head. "No, I'm fine. I can't stay long."

Jim nodded, a flicker of disappointment shining in his eyes. "Oh, I understand. Are you going out with your friends?"

Kate shook her head, as her arms came up to wrap around her body, her eyes surveying the apartment. It was tidy but not as clean as it had been a year before. There was a thin layer of dust covering everything and the air just seemed stale, stifling. A reminder. She lifted a hand to push a lock of hair behind her ear. "No, not going out with friends. I just have a lot of work to do."

That is what she was focused on now: work. No more partying, no more drinking and making out with frat boys. No more one night stands. Paul had cured her of that. No, now it was work. She was going to graduate at the top of her class. She was going to go to the police academy. She was going to bust her ass and become a detective. She was going to prove herself to them and to her mother. She was going to solve the case. That was all that mattered now.

Jim let out a sigh. "You need to have some fun, Katie. It's not a crime to have friends."

Kate nodded in agreement as she forced herself not to roll her eyes. He didn't get it, he didn't understand. She watched as he plucked his coat off of the back of one of his chairs.

"Wait. Where are you going?" Kate asked bewildered.

"Out. I'm meeting up with John. Going to watch the game," Jim answered with a tired sigh.

Kate peered at him more closely. He still had the dark shadows under his eyes. He looked tired, so tired. His shoulder's hunched slightly. "You're going to a bar?"

Jim nodded, not looking at her. "I'm fine, Katie. I'm just going to watch the game and have a beer with my friend. I'm allowed to do that."

Kate let out a sigh, feeling the anger swelling up inside of her again. "Fine. Have fun."

She whirled around and threw the door open as she strutted out of the apartment.

Her fist connected purposefully with the punching bag as she let out a grunt. Stupid. Idiotic. Son. Of. A. Bitch. Her fists connected with each though, each word rolling around in her head. She could feel it in her gut; that ache, that knowledge that she would be getting a call in the middle of the night: her father sobbing to her over the phone. Sweat dripped down her forehead, trailing down the side of her cheek and she swung a fist at the bag again.

But he's grieving; give him his space. He'll work himself out of it. He just needs time.

Stupid.

Naïve.

Another punch. She could feel the impact reverberating through her stomach. It felt like someone had punched her, too. Her fists moved faster and faster; grunts and groans echoing through the empty room. It was Wednesday night during midterms. No one else was here; they were all studying, like she was supposed to be doing. Instead all she wanted to do was drink. How could she blame him if she still wanted to do the exact same thing he was doing: drown her sorrows?

Hypocrite.

She wanted the same. She wanted to lose herself in something, in someone. Her body was tingling. Her fist connected with the bag again. She wanted to feel alive. She could just go out to a bar, pick up some guy and leave before he even woke up the next morning. There was no shame in that.

No. No.

She couldn't do it. It always seemed like it would be a good idea but she would wake up filled with regrets and emotionally raw.

No. Not this time.

Her fist connected with the bag one last time and she fell forward, clutching the swaying object as she slid to the floor, her head resting on the side of the plastic covering. The smell of sweat, disinfectant and plastic filled her head, swirling with the over active thoughts.

The world spun around her as she gasped for breath and brushed a hand over her face in a futile attempt to dry the sweat.

No, the next time she went to a bar or a party, she would be sociable with friends. The next time she slept with someone, it would be because she loved them, was in a relationship with them. Until then, she would have to figure out another way.

She should call her therapist; make another appointment. She sighed. But she had been doing so well. She had gone religiously over summer, twice a week in May, down to once a week in June and July and once every two weeks in August. Then in September she had only gone one time in the whole month. She had thrown herself into her work and her workouts, and it had been going well. If she brought this up again: the men, the drinking then she would be placed back into weekly sessions. She didn't want that. If she had to answer the question "and how does that make you feel?" one more time, she would scream. Not metaphorically scream, no. She would seriously just start wailing and then she would have to go back to twice a week sessions.

No, that wasn't happening.

She was fine. She was finally fine. She just needed… she needed a thrill. She needed something to take her mind off of everything. She needed a night out with friends.

She pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth as she reached for her backpack, lying sprawled out on the mat so that she could reach two fingers into the side pocket to pull out the business card, her eyes studying the information. NYU Student Art Gallery. Anthony Little. She let out a small huff of a laugh. It could be fun and it was art. She did like art. Anthony and Michael seemed like nice enough guys and it wasn't like they would try anything.

She sighed again as she pushed herself off of the sweat-slick surface. The least she could do was check it out.

"Kate! You came!" Tony called, clapping in glee as he rounded a sculpture to greet her.

"Hi, Tony," Kate replied with a small wave. She adjusted her purse strap across her shoulder as she stood awkwardly inside the door of the student section of the gallery. The space was surprisingly big and some of the works were breathtaking.

Her eyes wandered over the walls as Tony stood next to her, patiently waiting. "Some of it's amazing isn't it? That's Michael's right there."

Kate's eyes followed the line from his outreached finger to a sketch on the wall, a woman running through a warzone, trying to keep her composure. "Wow."

It felt like a punch to the gut as she studied the woman fleeing from the burning city behind her. "Her world is on fire."

"Yeah, it's just the beginning for him. He's in love with that scene. He leaves sketches of her all over the place. He's talked about paintings and sculptures."

Kate nodded. "I would buy one."

Tony's face broke into a proud grin. "I'll add your name to the list and by add, I mean that you are the start of the list."

Kate let out a slight laugh, a true smile breaking onto her face for the first time in weeks, perhaps months. She glanced around again, the sea of vibrant colors and scenes assaulting her senses. Everything was alive here: vibrant. Stories begging to be told, threatening to burst off the canvas with child like enthusiasm: an idealism that came with still being in the shelter of school and not yet exposed to the harshness of the real world: heartache and rejection.

She turned to look at Tony as he peered at the art around them as well, not awkward, just comfortable around each other. She was comfortable here, she felt safe.

"So, you still looking for models?"

A/N: Covered in this chapter: Kate's line from 4x05 that she once posed for an art class nude. And Stana's statement that she wanted Kate to have a gay best friend. Thoughts?
:)