AN: Hey guys! This is a song fic based on the song Siguro by Miss Yeng Constantino. The English translation-ish (meaning, rather) is enclosed by a/an *. I didn't directly translate it because it sounded a little awkward, like the first line of the first verse for example...
Gusto ko, gusto ko, gusto ko sanang sabihin sa iyo
*I want to, I want to, I wanted to tell you*
So, yeah. It sounded awkward to me. Okay. Also, this has a Rated M version, check it out if you want to. But I personally prefer this version because I like this ending better. Basically, it's the same. The Rated M version simply had a slightly graphic sex scene. So, yeah. Oh, and by the way, if you're waiting for By Chance, I'll update in a few more days. I'm still writing and arranging the way the chapter will go in my head. And if you are not reading it yet, go to my profile and do so. Nishishis. X3
Anyways, ENJOY! And don't forget to leave a review... Please?... :)
Love Starts with a Crush
Gusto ko, gusto ko, gusto ko sanang sabihin sa iyo.
Pero paano, paano, paag malapit ka'y nauutal ako.
Nahihiya. Tumitiklop. Nawawala bigla ang sasabihin ko.
*I want to you how I feel. But how? Whenever you're near I start to stutter, I feel so shy and timid, I usually close off and I tend to forget what I want to say.*
It was raining. Again. It was the third time that day that it rained in Palawan, Philippines. The rain just falls and then suddenly stops for a few hours and falls again.
Castiel Novak—correction, Castiel Winchester, twenty-five years of age, literature professor at Kansas High, was watching his co-teacher and now husband, Dean Winchester—twenty-six years of age, Math teacher—once again as he sat by the window listening to Filipino music on the radio while the older man conversed with someone on the phone.
They have just gotten married three days ago and just got to a place they have rented for two weeks. All their stuff were already fixed inside a cabinet in the room.
As Castiel continued to watch Dean, he can't help but smile at the lyrics of the song playing on the radio at the moment. Before the music started, the DJ introduced the song as 'Siguro' *maybe* by a female artist named Yeng Constantino. Castiel can understand some Tagalog because he usually goes to the Philippines for a short vacation because it was a little cheaper to be there but the place was really wonderful at the same time. The beautiful nature of the Philippines was one of the things he loved about the small country. The natural resources should be nurtured and given more attention, because, the way he sees it, it was the country's best aspect.
As the song continued to play, he can't help but go down to memory lane, when he first realized he might have a crush on Dean Winchester.
Dean was his senior back in high school but he never dared to talk to the guy; despite the fact that two of his brothers were in the football team with him. They ran along different crowds anyway. Dean used to hang out with his friends in the football team which consisted of Raphael Anderson (same age as Dean), Michael (upperclassman) and Lucifer (same old as Dean) Novak (Castiel's two older brothers) and Victor Hendrikson (upperclassman). Castiel on the other hand spent most of his time with his twin brother, Jimmy Novak, and his friends from the swimming team which consisted of Jo Harvelle (same age), Balthazar Raven (upperclassman), Gabriel (same age) and Anna Milton (upperclassman) and Adam Winchester (upperclassman and Dean's older brother).
Since Castiel first laid eyes on him during his first day in high school, he's got this crazy crush on the older boy. Whether it was that killer smile or the shining green depths of his eyes that got to him, he didn't know. All he knew back then was that he wanted to be with Dean, settle down with him and have kids of their own in a simple but beautiful house somewhere. But like every teenager, Castiel was shy and had a hard time trying to face the situation at hand and talk to the older teen. But that didn't mean he didn't try at all. He did. So many times in fact that he thought he looked stupid.
The first time he tried to talk to Dean to at least be friends with him was two months after he admitted his feelings towards the older boy to himself and three months after the start of classes. He decided on talking to the older boy during football practice—once they were given a break—because he and his twin usually waits for their older brothers anyways after their own short practice.
Of course, Jimmy knew about his twin's feelings for the older boy. Hell, he knew even before Castiel told him two months ago. They always knew how each other felt without any words or any obvious gestures. Jimmy liked to call it 'Twin Mind Reading' while Castiel preferred to think that they were simply in sync of each other's thoughts and emotions because they did come from a single egg cell; something that Jimmy rejected for being too geeky.
The twins were waiting by the benches while the team practiced. Lucifer was with them to have a short break. Castiel knew how football worked but hated the game because he can't play it. He can hardly play any game that required throwing anything—or manipulating objects. He has no idea why but he just can't throw anything properly and make the object do as he pleased. He sucked at baseball, volleyball, basketball, table tennis, lawn tennis and even at dodge ball. He's pretty fine with soccer but he really worked so hard to actually look like he knew what he was doing.
As they watched, the coach used his whistle to stop the game for a while and called Dean. He waved at Lucifer to come over and substitute Dean. Lucifer stood up and wore his mask back on while Dean walked towards the bench—where Lucifer sat beforehand—as he removed his mask and ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick up in odd directions.
Castiel's heart was in overdrive as his stomach did a somersault at the sight of Dean. Without his brother noticing, Jimmy smirked and stood up. Castiel was startled when his brother stood up and smirked at him.
Jimmy leaned down to whisper in his ear. "Now's your chance Cassy." Castiel's eyes widened as his cheeks flushed red while Jimmy walked away. Yes, it was his chance today to tell Dean how he felt. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself as the older boy got closer and closer to him.
When Dean got to where Cas was, he gave the younger boy soft smile as he sat down beside him. Castiel returned the smile with a small and shy but sweet one before he abruptly stood up, forgetting the whole deal of confessing to Dean.
"I uh…" he started as he looked straight ahead, cheeks tinted with pink as he shifted his weight from one foot to another. He fidgeted and played with the hem of his shirt before he cleared his throat. "I'm gonna, uh… look for my twin." He quickly said and bolted out of there, trying to make his heartbeat return to normal as he looked for his twin. Dean simply frowned at the younger man's sudden weird actions but shrugged it off.
When they got home, Castiel never heard the end of it from his twin.
Ang nakikita ko lang ay ang mukha mo. Lahat sa paligid ko ay naglalaho.
*All I can see is your face; everything else around me fades.*
Time passed by and Michael, Victor, Anna and Adam finally graduated.
The new school year began for the twins with them walking down the school hallway when Castiel suddenly stopped when he saw Dean. The older boy was putting some books into his bag. Castiel simply stared at him as the rest of the world suddenly faded away from him, making him and Dean the only two people in his own world. Until his twin nudges his arm, that is.
"You do know you can talk to him, right?" Jimmy asked with a smirk.
"Right," Castiel started sarcastically, "because whenever he's near, I can hardly speak. I'm sure that'll turn out great." He finished with a big fake smile which made his twin snort in amusement.
"Fine, fine. Let's just get to class."
Siguro'y umiibig kahit di mo pinapansin.
Magtitiis nalang ako, magbabakasakaling ika'y mapatingin.
Kahit sa panaginip ikaw lang ang aking hinihiling.
Sa bawat ngiti mo sa panaginip ko, parang ayoko nang magising.
*Maybe I'm in love with you even though you hardly notice me. I will endure it and hope that somehow you'll glance my way. Even in my dreams you're all I ask for. With every smile of yours I see in my dreams makes want to never wake up.*
It was in the middle of his second year in high school that Castiel considers that he may be in love with Dean Winchester. He did try to stop himself from feeling that way but he just couldn't. With everyday that he watches the older boy, he falls even deeper. Dean's seemingly unlimited kindness, the pride in his voice when he talks about his little brother, Sam, the way his enthusiasm doesn't seem to falter; all of those made him love the man more.
But the love he feels came with a consequence. Dean was a natural flirt who seemed to be hitting on anyone with two legs and breasts. Dean's one of the school's playboys—wherein his older brother Lucifer was a part of. Castiel had to endure seeing Dean flirt with every beautiful female he sees. It was really hard on him to see the older boy's attention on those girls who only wanted him to be in their pants. It annoys him too much that he might be capable of strangling any of those girls. But even with that extreme jealousy, he just wants Dean to look his way. He simply wants the older boy to give him a second glance and consider him; that he's better than all those girls.
Cliché as it may seem, but even in his dreams, it's all about Dean. When he dreams about him, it was perfect. In his dreams, Dean looked at him with love in his eyes, even through his kisses, love was all Castiel could feel from Dean. When they made love in the Impala, there was this certain gentleness that made him feel so loved. Those were the reasons that at times he preferred to remain in his dreams.
Ayaw ko, ayaw ko ayoko sanang magmukhang tanga sa'yo.
Pero nalilito, nalilito, pag sasabihin na'y nagbubuhol ang dila ko.
At tulala nalang sa'yo. Ano ba naman bakit lagi nalang ganito?
*I don't want to look foolish in your eyes. But I feel so confused because when I try to speak, my tongue ties itself in knots. And all I can do is to stare at you. Why is this always the case?*
At the same time that Castiel finally addressed the fact that he was indeed in love with Dean Winchester, it was right about the time they were having a Prom. By this time, his whole family knows how he felt about Dean. Lucifer, Jimmy and their mom kept on teasing him about it while Michael and their dad simply watched, amused at how red Castiel's face could get.
Castiel knew he looked good; wearing a white shirt underneath a black overcoat with a sky blue tie around his neck, black jeans and his black chucks. Even his brothers insisted that he looked good. But he still felt as nervous as hell. He didn't feel that he was wearing the right attire even though his twin wore the same thing; except for the color of their shirts and their ties and the fact that Jimmy's overcoat was a lighter shade of black. He simply didn't want to look stupid when he sees Dean at the party.
Both Jimmy and Castiel took their friend Jo to the prom which made most girls—and some boys—immediately jealous. The two boys became known as the 'Twin Princes' when they performed in a school event once with the two older Novaks. They both got a lot of random love letters from students—both male and female. But most love letters from the boys were given to Castiel because they loved his innocent face and the fact that they knew he was bisexual.
Gabriel took his girlfriend for three months, Kali San Antonio while Dean, on the other hand, took his cousin, Lisa Braeden, because she was quite new.
Castiel has thought of manning up again to admit his feelings for Dean. Right then and there. At Prom night. And before he knew it, his feet started walking towards Dean, while the older boy conversed with his peers, smiling at some joke. When he was close enough, he tugged at the older boy's sleeve and looked up a little to look at his face.
Dean turned, confused because who would tug at his sleeves when they can just tap on his shoulder? His confusion instantly turned softness and gladness at the younger and shorter man now in front of him. "Hello there, 'Prince Castiel'." He said with a smirk and a light bow, teasing the younger man in front of him. Castiel frowned and pouted lightly at the teasing in Dean's voice, something the older boy found quite adorable but never voiced out. "How can I be of service?" he asked, continuing his teasing. They may not be all that close but he's had quite a number of drinks that night that he really didn't care.
"Don't…" Castiel started then frowned, realizing Dean didn't mistake him from Jimmy, given the fact that they weren't close. "How'd you know I'm Castiel?" he asked, seeming to forget why he was there and as well as his nervousness.
"Well, for one," Dean started as he straightened up and put his drink down, "your hair," he continued and put his hand atop the younger man's head, ruffling his hair a little in the process and making younger boy's breath hitch, making him remember why he was there and that he was nervous as hell, "it's kind of messier than your twin's. And two," he continued and leaned down a little, his hand still rested on the younger boy's head while his face was a few inches from him. Castiel swallowed thickly and flushed lightly while his eyes widened ever so slightly at the older boy's proximity, "you're a lot cuter." Dean whispered seductively with a smirk before he moved back and let his hand drop.
Dean was still smiling at him as he stared up at the older boy. His heartbeat was in overdrive and his mouth seemed to be too dry. He opened his mouth to speak, ask Dean if he would like to go outside then finally confess, but no words came out of his mouth.
"What's up Cas?" Dean finally asked as he crossed his arms across his chest, a little concerned that the younger boy just kept on staring at him with the face of a deer caught in the headlights. "Cas?" he asked, now with a frown, as leaned down once again, one of his hands settling on the younger boy's forehead to check if he has a fever.
Ang nakikita ko lang ay ang mukha mo. Lahat sa paligid ko ay naglalaho.
* All I can see is your face; everything else around me fades.*
Castiel's breath hitched at the action and grabbed Dean's wrist lightly, shoving his hand away gently. "I, uh…" he started to stutter as he tried so hard to shift his eyes away from Dean even though the older boy's the only thing he was seeing at the moment. "I'm… uh… I…" he continued to stutter while Dean simply raised his eyebrows at him and crossed his arms once more across his chest. Castiel started to rub the back of his neck. "I'm… I'm gonna look for my twin." He said as he made a hundred and eighty degree turn and quickly walked forward.
Dean frowned at Castiel's behavior. The kid's been behaving like that around him for a long while now and he doesn't even know what he did wrong for the younger boy to act that way around him.
Parang wala nang mangyayari sa nadarama.
Sa bawat araw parang lalong lumalala.
Bakit ba sa'yo hindi parin ako nagsasawa?
Aasa nalang, kahit sa pangarap lang.
*I feel like nothing will come out of my feelings for you. With each passing day, it seems to get worse (my feelings for you grow). Why can't I get over you? I guess I'll just keep on dreaming.*
Castiel was sitting outside on the hood of his dad's old Lexus LS400. The car now belonged to him after he fixed it with some help from his older brothers and Jimmy. He was simply staring at the sky, watching the stars twinkle around the bright moon. His heart rate has returned to normal and all the blood that settled to his face went back to where it belonged.
Castiel sighed as he watched the sky. He's been trying to at least tell Dean how he felt but he always loose the nerve to do so. He knew the older boy could never return his feelings because he was straight—obviously. But it was also getting harder and harder to bear. His feelings for his senior grew as time passed by. From the simple crush he used to feel, he started to fall in love with him. He still couldn't understand how the hell he can't seem to get over Dean even though he knew there will never be a Castiel and Dean as lovers. He knew the only way that he and Dean could be together were in his dreams.
As he continued to daydream of a life with Dean, someone cleared their throat behind him. When he turned his head he was surprised to see the man he's been thinking about standing over there, fidgeting a little and smiling nervously at him. He was simply frozen in shock after his jaw dropped open. "Hey Cas." Dean said hesitantly, smile still nervous. "Mind if I…" he said and gestured towards the car, emphasizing the omitted 'join you'. Castiel simply nodded and moved aside to give the older boy some space.
They were both silent for a while, not directly looking at each other but still watching through the corners of their eyes. Dean was the one who broke the silence by clearing his throat to get Castiel's attention. "So, uh…" he stuttered at first and cleared his throat once more and looked at the younger boy beside him. "Lucifer said something." He started, hoping Castiel would get a clue of what he was implying.
"Oh yeah? What did he say?" Castiel asked innocently. He knew his brother must've drunkenly teased Dean with him. He simply hoped his brother didn't tell the older boy of his feelings. That was why Lucifer and alcohol were never a good mix. He tends to blurt out things that don't really seem necessary.
"Not much. It was about you though." Dean replied, testing Castiel if he would break and prove to him that Lucifer wasn't just saying some random drunken babble.
Castiel didn't know that Lucifer told Dean to kiss him already (because he swore he'd kill Dean if he got the idea of having sex with his baby brother at prom night). Lucifer also told Dean that his affection for the younger man wasn't unrequited, that Castiel has feelings for him as well.
"I hope he didn't blabber about my embarrassing childhood." He replied to the older boy, making sure he wasn't giving away anything and chuckled humorlessly. He felt stupid for not saying his feelings out loud. It was what he wanted to do for a while now, right? As he shifted ever so slightly, Dean simply sighed heavily, hoping that the younger boy would get a clue already that he's interested, and looked at the stars as well. They were silent for a little while before Castiel finally blurted out five little words softly. "I'm in love with you." Dean's head snapped to the side to look at younger boy's face. Castiel was now fidgeting slightly while he bit his lower lip, his face flushed red while his eyes looked like he was about to cry.
"What?" Dean asked dumbly, an unnoticed goofy grin on his face.
Castiel sighed lightly and bit his lower lip once more before he responded. "I'm love with you." He whispered once more, waiting for the expected rejection.
"Good." Dean said softly which made the younger boy's head to snap up. When he turned his face to see Dean, his face was cupped gently by the older boy's right hand. Dean kissed him chastely, leaving his lips tingling even before he can flutter his eyes close as well and respond. Dean rested his forehead against Castiel's and sighed contentedly before slowly opening his eyes and gave the younger boy and soft smile. "Good."
Castiel leaned towards Dean, claiming those sweet lips once more. The older boy smiled into the kiss and moved his hand to the back of Castiel's neck. They kissed passionately and sweetly under the moonlight until they both needed to breathe. The kiss wasn't rushed nor hard and rough; it was simply filled with longing and love. When they broke apart, foreheads resting on each other, Dean smiled at Castiel while the latter boy bit his lower lip shyly. Dean claimed his lips one last time before he pulled him to his chest, slowly leaning their body down on the hood of the car, so that they were in a lying position. Castiel rested his head against Dean's chest, wrapping his arms around his waist in the process while the older boy pulled him closer and ran his hand up and down his spine. They simply lied there, watching the stars while the rest of the school danced in the school gym.
Castiel was still smiling widely as he remembered the first time he and Dean have kissed on their prom night; the way they were just laying on the hood of the car, watching the stars as they listen to the soft music inside the gym.
He was brought out of his trance when Dean started walking his way as the song ended. He didn't even realize that he was playing with his engagement ring that was now hanging on a pendant around his neck.
When the older man reached him, he found himself trapped between Dean and the chair he was sitting on. Dean put his hands on either side of Castiel's body, resting them on the arms of the chair. He leaned down further so that his face was only a few inches away from his husband. He kissed the younger man chastely before he murmured, "What are you thinking about?"
Castiel simply smiled and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck "I was thinking…" he started and gave Dean a peck on his mouth, "that we…" he kissed Dean once more, "should be…" another kiss was given, "having sex on our honeymoon." He finished the sentence with a seductive whisper, a teasing smile and a nip at Dean's bottom lip. Dean smiled widely at his husband's not so subtle attempt at being seductive.
The older man crouched down a little so that he could put Castiel's legs around his waist. Gently, he was able to stand up and carry the younger man. He walked them to the bed and fell down together, still tangled together with Castiel underneath.
Needless to say, their clothes were thrown all over the room and they stayed in bed all day and all night on the first day of their honeymoon. Castiel knew he'd feel the effects of having sex with Dean for almost twenty hours straight for a long while. And, as they lie together in bed, exhausted and spent, he realized that maybe, love actually roots from a simple, innocent crush.
ME: Sooooo. Watcha think? *smiles sheepishly.*
DEAN: Its... Okay?... I guess?
CAS: I think it's quite sweet. But I think it's quite cliche.
SAM: Why am I not in it? *bitch face.*
ME: Um, well... *fidgets. rubs the back of neck uncomfortably.*
GABE: At least we were mentioned Sasquatch. Quit complaining! *tries to smack Sam's head. nope, too short.* Get your head down so I can smack your head.
ME, DEAN, CAS and SAM: *looks incredulously at Gabe.*
ME: Oookaaayyy. Don't forget to review, m'kay guys? I love ya'll! *blows a kiss to you.*
GABE: Wait, we said the exact same things with other version. *scratches the back of his head. frowns.*
ME: So?
SAM and GABE: *bitch face.*