A/N: No idea where this came from…Okay, I'm lying, I know exactly where this came from. A random case of mild insomnia will do that to a person. Or, well, maybe just to me. Inspiration strikes me at the most randomnest (is that a word?) of times. But I'm pretty sure nobody's complaining, you get something interesting to read. Enjoy!

Warnings: *scoffs* You've read the title and you've read the summary, you can bet your ass that there's gonna be some OOCness in here! Oh, and Nero/Trish (not a pairing btw) FTW. You'll see what I'm talkin about.

Disclaimer: If I owned DMC I would have cherished it to my dying breath and not have given it to the ninjas.

The only reason he had gotten out of bed that morning was to answer the damn phone.

If it was up to him, he would've just let the stupid thing ring, but since lives were on the line and demons were out in the world wreaking havoc for no other reason than just wanting to cause chaos, he had to get up at six in the morning-a Saturday morning mind you- after a very late night to take care of a couple of Scarecrows and an Assault that thought it would be fun to terrorize a newlywed couple that lived two hours from where his business resided.

So, not only was the devil hunter cranky from a lack of rest and unable to go back to sleep-because he had a warm bed upstairs that he was more than willing to go back to- but he was expected to spend more than two hours traveling in forty-degree weather to head for the richer part of the city to save said couple while they trembled away in their expensive silk sheets and awaited his arrival. No matter how entertaining the action may be, he, surprisingly, wasn't in the mood for demon slaughter.

Moreover, as he dropped the phone in its cradle and his eyes cleared enough for him to efficiently take in his surroundings, he was so not in the mood for this shit.

"Why're you always here?"

On the other side of the room, three different shades of blue and one pair of brown eyes blinked back at him.

"Well?" he demanded when all he was met with was silence. He could feel the muscle of his left eye twitch uncontrollably in irritation.

"Um…" From where they sat on one of the worn out couches that made up the half-demon's furniture, Trish shared a look with Nero before she turned back to him, "I don't know if you can recall, but we work here." With that finishing statement, she turned back to the DB user, "You think maybe the Alzheimer's is kicking in?" the demoness asked under her breath.

Unfortunately, she didn't ask quietly enough if a particularly hard twitch of Dante's eye had anything to say about it.

Sparing the senior devil hunter a quick glance out of the corner of his eye before once again setting his sights back on the television where he was watching re-runs of Scooby Doo, Nero responded in a voice a bit louder than his regular speaking tone, "It should be. He's pushing forty after all."

"Keep that up, Kid, and you won't be reaching thirty." Slamming the notepad-because he didn't trust his tired brain to remember the address to the place- down on his desk harder than necessary, Dante brought up a calloused hand to rake through the disheveled mess of pale strands people liked to call bed head, wincing when he caught a knot or two. "If you damn freeloaders were down here, why the hell didn't one of you get the phone?"

From her spot on the floor, clad in her girly-themed rose colored pajamas, Patty paused in her self-pedicure to glare up at him. From what she could recall-and yes, unlike him, her ripe sixteen-year-old brain had enough memory storage to recall current events- it was her that was always cleaning up after him. The blonde didn't know about the other three, but she earned her keep and she didn't appreciate being called a freeloader. If she wanted to spend her weekend hanging around his place, she would do it with or without his permission. With one last huff, the teenager whipped back around, golden curls bouncing about as they followed the sharp movement, and went back to applying the second coat of Electric Pink to her toenails.

Trish sighed through her nose, flipping through a couple more pages of her magazine and marking down a pair of heels that would look good on her before she decided to take action and bless the irate half-man with an answer. "We didn't get the phone because we were too tired to." the she-demon stated, shifting comfortably in her black silk robe.

"…" Through messy bangs the color of untainted snow is where half-lidded cobalt irises gazed through to give her a dead-panned stare. Letting his hand drop slack by his side, Dante blinked twice then rounded his work desk. "Seriously, why're you guys here?" he inquired to himself, starting for the stairs.

"Because we needed somewhere to crash after a hard night of partying and this place was closest." Patty, still sour about the earlier comment, responded plainly.

"A party?" Coming to a pause with one foot planted on the first step, the cold metal that made up the staircase seeping into the sole of his bare foot, he glanced at the four persons occupying his living space before letting his gaze rest on the silent form of Kyrie. The poor soul, dressed in similar sleepwear to her junior, shifted in her seat uncomfortably. "Where was my invite?" he asked. Sure, he was busy-very busy, may he add- last night, but that wasn't the issue. It was the principle of the matter.

"Invite?" Nero echoed. Slinging the arm that had previously been resting on the back of the couch over the chocolate-eyed female's shoulders to pull her into his side, he continued, a cheeky smirk pulling at his lips, "Sorry, Old Man, but where we went there weren't any rocking chairs for you to sit in when your feet finally got tired."

And as the three extroverted members of the quartet laughed outright and the one introverted woman hid her giggles behind her hand at something that wasn't even that funny, Dante mentally calculated the amount of time it would take to show the kid just how old his feet really were and decided that that would just take up too much time. So, to improvise-as time was of the essence- he came to the decision that it would simply be best to just make him disappear.

Fortunately for Nero, before he had a chance to call his trusty claymore-like blade to his side, the door on the landing of the stairs groaned open, effectively silencing the bouts of laughter raised at his expense and garnering their attention.

Stepping out of the dark recesses that held the upper level of the shop, Lady emerged, looking just as tousled (if not, more so) than her male counterpart. Arms stretched over her head, the huntress let out a satisfied sigh when the audible pops and cracks indicated the kinks in her back coming undone.

Feeling a stare on her, she turned so that her side was resting against the banister, her gaze coming up from the floor to settle on icy blue. Taking in his messy appearance, Lady slowly began to descend the stairs, her eyes lingering a bit longer than usual on the muscles lining his torso the lack of a shirt left visible before bringing her gaze back to his.

"Hey," she greeted easily, one hand coming up to rub the sleep out of her teal eye.

"Hey, yourself." he replied.

Blue orbs scanned her figure, catching sight of red lace before it vanished from his line of sight as the woman let her arm return to her side. She was wearing his shirt, he noted with a smirk. While the black fabric stretched taut over the muscles of his chest and abs when he wore it, the top was loose on her, its hem reaching low enough to cover the tops of her thighs and leaving long slender legs bare to his scrutiny.

His eyes roamed up her small frame-seemingly made smaller by the fact that she was practically drowning in his shirt- to come to rest at chest area where the shirt's collar shifted enough to leave the milky white skin of her collarbone exposed. Eyeing the creamy skin greedily, he took notice of the newly formed bruises dotting her throat and collarbone, only a few of the many blemishes he had left on her person. He licked his lips at the memory.

"Had a nice nap?" the half-devil inquired, leaning his hip against the cold metal of the railing as he watched her descend.

Lady gave a soft "Mmm," in affirmation, a yawn pulling at her mouth when she failed to hold it back. "Would've been better if you came back to bed. I take it that that call was a job."

"Yeah," Dante held back a grimace. He knew he was forgetting something. Shrugging in confidence that the couple would be fine, he turned his attention back to the lady. "Wanna come with?"

"No, thank you," The huntress breathed out a laugh, coming to a stop as she reached the second to last step so she could be at eye level with the taller man. "I'm still recovering from earlier. You tired me out."

A pale brow rose in interest at the confession. He silently came to the conclusion that she was still half-asleep, else she wouldn't have willingly been giving a boost to his already overinflated ego. With a smirk, Dante decided to milk this for what it was worth, damn the consequences that would undoubtedly befall him when her mind cleared enough for her to regret her words. "Did I now?"

"You did. But you know," she started, one hand coming up to hook a slim finger into the waistband red-plaid cotton bottoms from where they hung dangerously low on toned hips, "I think I have enough energy to go one more round. What say you?"

"Uh…" came his less than intelligent retort. Not that he could be held accountable. It wasn't easy to think, let alone form a coherent response when one's full breasts were pressing into your chest. And, God, could he feel everything through the thin fabric that all but kept him from the delicious feel of skin-on-skin contact. Looked like she decided to forego wearing a bra today. Dante didn't blame her. If the obliterated material laying in a pathetic heap somewhere on his bedroom floor was anything to go by, he'd say she hated the dreaded thing as much as he did.

Wrapping one strong arm about her, he was just about to give into temptation and let his eyes flutter shut at the feel of her soft lips brushing against his-why was he resisting anyway?- when the sound of somebody making a garbled noise in the back of their throat had him standing at attention. He internally cursed himself when he felt the uncomfortable heat of a blush (of irritation, you see) come unbidden to his cheeks.

Oh yeah. That was why.

"Dante?"

"Relax, love," He barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he took in the sight of the furrowed brow on her frustrated expression when he jerked away. He brushed a quick kiss across her temple before he gestured towards the group of four taking up space in his home, "We got company." he said crossly. If there was touch of disdain in his voice, they didn't react to it. Which was a shame because he was really hoping they'd take the hint.

Turning to where he motioned to, Lady brushed her dark colored bangs to the side, catching view of the four present occupants of the shop. Looking surprised for a second (had they actually been there the entire time?) her expression fell into a sleepy smile as she eyed them hanging about in their sleepwear. They looked like they were having a sleepover. Her fogged up mind found the sight rather cute.

"Hello there." she said, resting her head on devil hunter's chest contentedly.

"Morning." They (unnervingly) replied simultaneously.

With the greetings out of the way, they settled into a somewhat awkward silence. Well, at least awkward for him. Lady didn't seem to be too bothered by the weird/lewd/awe inspired/flat-out creepy looks Kyrie, the kid, Patty, and Trish, respectively, seemed to be sending their way.

Dante let it continue on for about a minute longer, in hopes that they would grow tired and go back to what they were previously doing. Or possibly, if he had enough luck, even leave. Alas, he was not that fortunate. He could feel his eye twitch return with a vengeance.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" he snapped, the arm around the black-haired woman in his grasp tightening unconsciously.

Nero scratched at an itch on his thigh through the plain royal blue cotton pajama bottoms he was wearing, looking for the world like he was truly considering the question. "No. Not really." he responded with a shrug, his blue-gray eyes going back to rest on the couple at the foot of the stairs.

"This is way more interesting." The blonde demoness retorted, an unsettling grin stretching her features into something quite disturbing.

To the left of Nero, the songstress remained silent and continued to gawk at the scene like what she was witnessing had to be the dreamiest thing she had ever chanced upon.

Patty, the hopeless romantic, was (surprisingly) also silent. A pink tint dusting her cheeks as she observed the proceedings in front her in a state of awe- because, seriously- this was so much better than her soap operas.

Shaking her head at their antics, Lady made to brush by the devil hunter, pausing in the action when he refused to budge. She rose a perfectly groomed eyebrow in question.

"Go put some pants on." He ordered as way of explanation.

She rolled her eyes in exasperation, her hand traveling to the edge of the black fabric that covered her top half. "I have shorts on, dummy. Se-Ow! Don't hit me!" Punching him in the chest in retribution for slapping her one on the hand, she successfully-and huffily- shoved past him.

Grumbling under his breath as he nursed his injury, Dante watched as she strut across the room, steely irises focused on the flash of crimson that peeked out at him every other step. As much as he enjoyed the sight of the juicy flesh of her ass clad in his favorite color, he wasn't willing to share. Dante frowned to himself when he found that he wasn't the only one watching. Knowing he really couldn't do anything about it, seeing as how her mind was made up, he returned his gaze to the woman.

Coming to a stop at his work desk, the black-haired beauty took hold of the notepad tossed precariously on its surface, teal and russet eyes studying the sloppy handwriting before she gave him a warning glare. From what she had just read, he would be traveling to the suburbs which would be about a four to five hour drive. Knowing him and his need-for-speed manner, she knew that he would probably run red lights and go over speed limits to get there in two.

Satisfied that she had gotten her point across, Lady tossed the pad back on the desk, giving off a sigh when she overestimated her strength and it instead bounced of the side of the desk before smacking against the floor. Muttering a curse under her breath, she bent over to pick it up…

…effectively giving everyone in the room the perfect view to what the hem of his shirt just barely managed to hide.

"Damn." From where he was seated, Nero drew in a sharp breath through gritted teeth as he took in the sight with appreciative eyes.

Trish gave off a low whistle, mumbling something he couldn't quite catch under her breath but otherwise making a rather red-faced Patty giggle.

Dante damn near popped a blood vessel.

"Lady!"

"What?" Narrowly managing to steer clear of hitting her head on the sharp corner of the desk as she shot back up in alarm at the volume of his voice (it was too freaking early in the morning to be yelling), Lady slowly twisted back to face him. Regarding him strangely, like he was the one going around giving people a free show to their red sexy lingerie-'shorts' his ass- she turned around, making her way to the kitchen to start on breakfast-and get some caffeine into her system- without another word.

"You know," Trish started, blinking out of her stupor, "if I was gay, I'd do her." Stopping short of going back to her magazine, the blonde crossed one leg over the other as she snorted to herself. "What am I talking about, I'll still do her."

"Wish I had a camera." Nero commented, staring at the place where the huntress was last seen.

"Pretty butt." Patty added absentmindedly.

Glancing up from where he had been previously pinching the bridge of his nose to keep his aggravation to a minimum, Dante eyed each and everyone one of them in contempt. He really shouldn't have minded. They were only doing it to piss him off. It was how they staved off boredom when there was nothing else to do. But for a devil hunter only running on three hours of sleep after hours of 'strenuous activities', they were succeeding.

And that wasn't necessarily a good thing.

"So you all wanna die, is that it?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…I would die happy."

"I see you wanna go first."

Demonic hand twitching at the prospect of a fight, Nero eyed Blue Rose from where the gun lay on the coffee table at close proximity. "Ready when you are."

"You better be. And you!" From where he stood, Dante pointed an accusing finger at the brown-eyed woman sitting with her hands clasped harmlessly in her lap. Said brown eyes widened as they turned their attention on him. "Why aren't you offended?" the half-devil questioned suspiciously.

And he had all the reason to be suspicious of her. Was it not in a woman's nature to feel at least a bit insulted when their male interest went around checking out other (taken/off the market/unavailable) females? It wasn't like they could help it though, right? Wasn't it encoded in their DNA or something? From what he saw on TV screaming or crying would be a perfectly normal reaction to this kind of situation.

This woman was doing neither.

But then again, now that he thought about it, none of the females he was acquainted with could be considered normal.

Bringing a finger under her chin, the hazel-haired songstress cocked her head to the side, her expression a perfect picture of naivety as she asked with utmost confusion, "Should I be?"

Dante had never face-palmed so hard.

A/N: I confess that my favorite part in writing this fic was saving it on Microsoft Word. I think I clicked the save button ten times just to see "Word is saving That Ass:" on the bottom of the window. Oh, btw, has anyone played RE:ORC yet. I'm hesitant to buy it because I heard it sucked…which is why I kinda spent my money on the cough-dmccollection-cough and why you haven't heard from me since February. No worries though, I'm still working on my fics. Sorry if there's any spelling or grammar errors. Well, anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Til next time!