XD I literally could not resist. Just imagine everything from Cartman Finds Love except it happens in high school, so I can be happy and not into creepy ten-year-old-boys love. Enjoy the crappy, collectively-written-in-two-hours, mistake-ridden work :D

000

Stan sighed, sitting back in the couch with his beer and chips to try and enjoy the game.

The game that Kyle had taken that Girl to.

He felt sick just thinking about it. Ugh. Why did Kyle have to be so insensitive? He'd given up Wendy to be with him, why couldn't Kyle just let them be open? Why did it always have to be a cover up?

"Attention! Attention please!"

Was that…

Cartman came onto the screen.

He'd slimmed out a little over the years, losing those extra pounds during the hot summer, working at any job he could get. He'd decided on what he'd wanted to be when he was an adult, and there was no way his mom would pay for his college, what with the bills already piling up, and he'd decided to work for the money himself a few years earlier. Now he was mildly attractive, though even with the loss of fat, and those bad qualities in his personality simmering out as he grew, he'd been ruined for most of his friends in that way. You can only see a guy throwing up and shitting over everything so many times before the thought of anything sexual with him reduces you to vomiting in the toilet.

"This is a message for all of you out there who have just ended a relationship."

What…the fuck….?

"Sometimes, love is hard. But you can't just run away from it. When you start to have something special you have to work at it!"

What the hell was the fatass blabbering on about?

The closes thing he'd ever been to love was in the last few days. Stan had let him get away with the rumors about he and Kyle. He didn't like it any more than the Next secretly-in-a-relationship-with-your-best-friend guy that some douche was going around, taking His place in the relationship. But, Hell, if it kept Kyle from asking that new girl out, he was okay with it.

"Even though it might seem like the world is against you, you still have to hold on! With both hands!Don't let society dictate who you can and can't be with."

Stan's eyes narrowed.

That was surprisingly mature, especially for Cartman. What the hell was he up too? Stand knew Cartman had no idea what he was going on about. He'd proven that with this stupid Token-Nicole escapade. Really, it was His fault that Stan was home alone and not making out with Kyle. God, if Cartman were here, Stan would-

"Kyle, I love you man. You can run all you want, try to pretend you like girls, but damnit, when we kiss there's magic! Don't let it go, Kyle."

Oh, hell no.

Oh, Hell No.

"I want to hold you every morning and love you every night, Kyle. I promise you mothing but love and happiness."

Stan felt his body heat up in rage, and he stood, hardly listening to the bastard start to sing a love song to His Kyle.

"I'm going out!" He called over his shoulder as he pulled on his jacket and grabbed the key's to his dad's car and slamming the door shut behind him.

When he got to that stadium, Cartman had better hope to God that he wasn't there.

Stan was seeing red and if he got his hands on that fatass son of a bitch…

Kyle growled loudly as he slapped Cartman.

"You fatass!" he snarled, "Why the hell would you say those things!"

Cartman whined loudly, gingerly touching his cheek, though Kyle couldn't hit for shit.

"Token and Nicole belong together, Kyel!"

"You're so racist!" The Jew threw up his hands, "Just because two people have the same skin color, doesn't mean they belong together!"

Eric rolled his eyes, "You're just jealous, Kyel. You don't have a nice girl and you're mad that Token does."

"I don't want a nice girl, you asshole!" Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose.

Fuck, Stan had been watching the game. He'd told him so, before the stupid thing had even come on TV.

"God, damn it. You're in so much shit, you don't even know. Get the hell out of here, Cartman, before you get yourself killed." Kyle glared at him, pulling his hat off to run his fingers through the crazy curls.

"Are you threatening me, Kyel?"

"No I'm not threatening you, you stupid motherfuck-Just get the hell out of here before Stan gets here and-"
"To Fucking Late, Cartman."

Both Eric and Kyle twisted on their heels to look in the doorway to the stadium.

Though the crowd was still outside screaming about the Batmobile, and he should have blended in with the rest of the citizens, Stan stood out like a sore thumb. His hair was ruffled from driving at top speed with the window town, his fists were clenched, and his jacket was unbuttoned, showing how quickly he'd left the house.

Kyle looked almost scared, and Cartman looked completely confused.

"What're you doin' here, Stan?" He asked.

Stan narrowed his eyes, "I'm here to kick your fucking ass, shit-for-brains."

Cartman blinked, and slowly horror donned his face.

"Oh, man, I didn't know." He squeaked, putting his hands up, "Ser'usly. No need to get violent."

Stan's eye twitched, he was so angry, and Kyle sighed, stuffing the hat back onto his head.

"Come on, Stan, can't we just go home? I don't want to be here anymore."

"Yeah. Right after I stick my foot up your fucking ass, Cartman. No One sings love songs to Kyle but Me." He practically snarled, eyes narrowing on the larger boy.

Cartman had girth on him, but Stan had muscle from football almost every day, and height due to good genes.

"I already said I didn't know, dude!" Eric whined, stepping away from him quickly.

"Staaaan…" Kyle gave him a look, crossing his arms, "You didn't give a shit when he was telling everyone we were together." He whined, frowning.

Stan growled, stomping over to him and grabbing his wrist, pulling him close without farther adieu, kissed him deeply.

Kyle struggled for a moment, before relaxing and melting into the boy's chest, his eyes fluttering close as he wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

Cartman took his chance and left the room quickly, praying Stan wouldn't notice him. His prayers were answered as Stan pressed Kyle against a large support poll, his arms wrapping around his waist as they kissed, their tongues twining together almost harshly, their lips working together as they lost themselves in each other.

Finally, Stan pulled away, eyes still angry, though less so than before.

Kyle gasped for air, his face flushed and red from the lack of air.

"S-Stan…"

The raven pressed his body close to him, "If what you have with him is magic, then not even God himself could compare to what we have." He hissed, hands clenching in Kyle's shirt, pressing him closer to Stan's body.

Kyle blinked up at him for a moment, before he slowly smiled and leaned up to kiss him gently, one hand knocking the hat off and gripping it tightly as the other hand ran through his dark hair, his green eyes sparkling as they met the slightly younger boy's angry blue.

"Not even God, himself." He agreed softly, with a gentle smile, pressing onto his tiptoes to kiss Stan's forehead.

And then he punched him in the shoulder.

"But don't Ever insinuate I'd let that racist fatass touch me the way you do." He wrinkled his nose, glaring up at Stan with that cutely irritated look that always made Stan smile.

It didn't fail this time, either, and Stan cracked a soft smile, the punch barely making him wince as he pulled him close.

"I fucking love you, man…" he murmured, kissing his forehead, "And don't think for a second that I won't kick the ass of anyone who even Thinks that he can pretend to be me."

Kyle snorted softly, losing the irritated look and wrapping his arms around his neck tighter.

"I don't doubt it." He murmured, grinning slightly.

Stan snorted, purring, "Come on, dude. I'll take you home."

The Jew snorted, leaning up and kissing him lightly.

"Mmm, you're here with me, babe. I'm already home."

And then Stan's face went red and he completely melted and Kyle laughed, and Cartman was completely forgotten in the Real magic of Kyle and the only man he could ever truly love.