Warnings: cyber sex, fluff, character death, depression, other sad things, etc, etc.
A/N: I'm so sorry..

After serving guard duty for twenty-four hours straight, Thor finally gets a break. He goes back to his barracks, strips down to almost nothing, and climbs into bed. One hand goes underneath the pillow, the other falls over the edge of the cot, knuckles scraping the ground; Thor doesn't mind, not anymore, and he falls asleep quickly.

His slumber is filled with dreams of home; Thor dreams of his family and friends, seeing places he hasn't seen in almost a year and, more importantly, he thinks about getting to see Loki for the first time. When he wakes up from these dreams, Thor's always in a better mood; he forgets about the carnage surrounding him and he sits up in bed, scrubbing a hand down his face.

Thor's after-sleep routine is fairly simple: he wakes up, goes to the bathroom, washes up as much as he can, and puts on a few more articles of clothing. After this, he gets breakfast (usually something quick or something he can take back to his barracks with him) and he grabs his laptop, situating himself on his bed. He sits with his back to the wall so his fellow soldiers can't see what he's doing, and he opens the computer.

The computer turns on and thrums to life while Thor eats, watching the screen come to life. His heart beats in his chest, fingertips growing sweaty, and he finishes his food, wiping his hands on the sheets. With a few clicks of the track pad and a couple buttons, Thor signs onto Skype and waits for the log in page to go away.

With a 'ping,' Thor's contact list pops up and he grins when he sees that Loki's already on. Swallowing hard, he moves his cursor over and hovers over Loki's name before double-tapping it. A window comes up and Thor immediately starts typing, the grin on his face never leaving.

"Hey," he types quickly, hitting the enter button harder than necessary, leaning back against the wall, arms folded over his chest. As he waits for a reply, Thor stares at Loki's icon - which is a picture of him in casual clothing, apparently laughing from the way his head is thrown back. The icon always makes Thor laugh and smile, something warming in his heart when he sees it.

Another ping and Thor snaps out of it, his eyes going to Loki's reply: "Hey, soldier. ;)"

Laughing quietly to himself, Thor shakes his head and hovers his fingers over the keyboard, flexing them a bit; he tries to decide what he wants to go with and, after a beat, he starts typing.

"Miss you. Miss seeing you, Loki. My day doesn't start until I see your beautiful face." He hits send, chewing on his lower lip, eyebrows lifted in anticipation. Thor can imagine Loki sitting on his bed, laptop on his legs, laughing at Thor's words, and he smiles softly, bringing his thumb up to his lips, biting his nail nervously.

Loki doesn't reply, just hits the video call button and waits for Thor to accept it — which he does, eagerly. The video takes a moment to connect and Thor's heart is pounding harder than before, he bites down on his thumb until Loki's face comes up on his screen.

"You look beautiful." Those are the first words out of Thor's mouth and he pulls his thumb away from his teeth, wetting his lips slowly. "Really beautiful, Loki."

Loki bows his head a bit, teeth worrying over his lower lip, strands of black hair falling in front of his face — if Thor didn't know any better, he'd guess that Loki was blushing. A laugh leaves Thor's lips and he shakes his head, sitting up, moving the laptop with him.

"Thank you," Loki squeaks out in reply and his voice his sleepy; Thor wonders what time it is there, and chews on the inside of his cheek. "You're looking very — rugged," he laughs out and Thor watches as he gets closer to the computer, hears the noise that tells him that Loki is moving the laptop.

There's a muttered apology and Thor laughs, deep and low in his chest, watching as Loki's collarbone comes into full view. Biting his lower lip, Thor brings both arms up and bends them behind his head, resting it against them. He waits until Loki is situated and notices that he's sitting in the middle of the bed, his legs crossed.

"Hi," he says, voice small but still audible.

Thor laughs again and leans his head against his bicep; "Hi," he replies.

Loki twists the sheet between his fingers, head bowed toward his chest, green eyes locked on the computer screen. The irises of Loki's eyes look darker under the light and Thor swallows hard, counting down the days until he gets to see them in person.

"What are you thinking about?" Thor blurts own, chewing on the edge of his lip, brushing his jaw against his bicep, listening to the soft noise his stubble makes when it slides against his flesh.

Shrugging his shoulders, Loki chews on his own lower lip and looks at Thor through black bangs. "You," he answers, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips, "and me."

"Mmm," Thor growls out, swallowing hard before he shifts on the bed, bending his knees a big, digging his heels into the bed. "And what are we doing?"

"You've got me on your lap," Loki starts as he gets closer, his voice growing louder, and Thor swallows hard, shutting his eyes as he listens, "and you've got one of those big, rough hands in my hair. Fingers twisting in it, pulling and tugging until I'm begging you to stop or put that hand somewhere else.."

Thor moans quietly and drops his arms from behind his head, moving both hands to the front of his sweats. He palms himself with the right hand and undoes the ties with the left, breathing in deeply before mumbling, "Keep going."

A giggle comes from the speakers and Thor raises a brow, smirking. He listens to Loki moan quietly, peeking an eye open to look at the screen. When he does, Thor opens both eyes and swallows thickly, gripping himself through his sweats.

Loki's on the bed, legs spread slightly, cock already in hand, on perfect display for Thor; it's almost enough to make him come right then and there, but Thor somehow finds the strength to keep from doing that. Shifting again, Thor sits up and moves the laptop to the bed, tilting the screen back a bit.

"Wanna see you, baby," Loki half-moans, half-whispers, licking his lips slowly as long, pale fingers slide up and down his shaft. A groan racks Thor's body and he swallows, pulling his sweats down. He lifts his hips a bit and pulls the fabric down over his knees, letting it fall around his ankles.

Sitting back against the wall, Thor wets his lips and tilts his head to the side, moving a hand to his cock. He brushes his fingers over the head, dragging them down the shaft and over his balls, before bringing it back up.

Loki moans and bucks into his hand, biting down on his lower lip harder. "Gorgeous; you are absolutely gorgeous, Thor. And your cock - ngh, fuck - it's perfect," he practically purrs the word 'perfect' out and Thor feels his entire body grow warm.

"And you're —" Thor goes speechless for a second when Loki tips his head back, exposing his long neck. Loki then arches his back and lifts his hips, giving Thor a better view of his ass, and he growls. "Fuck, Loki. Your body is perfect; so smooth-looking and pale, perfect cock… Jesus, Lok."

Thor swallows hard and wraps a hand around the base of his cock, eyes glued to the scene in front of him: Loki brings his body back down and wets his lips seductively before moving to his knees. His ass faces the computer and Thor growls again, eyes fluttering shut for half a second before snapping open, locking on the screen.

On the middle of the bed, Loki arches his back and dips his chest forward, pressing it against the mattress, his legs spread slightly — his ass on full display for Thor. A moan settles deep in Thor's chest and he swallows thickly - once, twice, three times to try and dislodge the lump in his throat - and he strokes his cock slowly.

"Loki," Thor moans loudly, hips bucking forward. He watches Loki's head lift and turn, his green eyes peeking over the curve of his shoulder. There's a hand between his legs, moving along the shaft of his cock and Thor suddenly wants to see Loki play with his ass — something they haven't done yet.

Wetting his lips slowly, Thor leans forward and jerks his cock a little harder, speaking in a raspy voice, "Finger your ass for me, Loki."

Loki's hand stops and he drops back onto the bed, rolling over until he's on his back; he blinks, staring at Thor on the screen. "You really wanna see that?" His voice is shaky and unsure and Thor nods his head enthusiastically, smiling.

"If you want, yeah. I think it'd be hot to watch that," Thor speaks in the same voice, throwing on a pout for dramatic effect. Chewing on the inside of his cheek for a moment, Loki thinks and then nods, sighing as he rolls over onto the bed, reaching for the nightstand. When Loki moves, Thor watches and bites back a moan, admiring his boyfriend's body.

The bed springs squeak as Loki pulls back with a bottle of lube, popping it open as he leans back on his elbow. For a split second, they lock eyes (or at least, it seems like they do) and Thor smiles, slowing the hand on his cock as he watches Loki lift his hips. Thor's mouth waters as he watches his boyfriend's hand move down, fingers slicked with lube, before they press against his entrance.

"That's it, Loki," Thor whispers encouragingly, not entirely sure if Loki can hear him, "just like that. Go slow for me, okay? I know it's been a while since you've done this." He chuckles quietly and then stops, dead silent as Loki pushes two fingers in; his head falls back and he moans loudly, the noise going straight to Thor's cock.

Loki hisses and pushes his fingers in further, letting his torso fall against the mattress, his free hand going to the base of his cock. He strokes it slowly, getting the digits in all the way, Thor's name leaving his lips in a strangled moan and Thor swallows hard, repeatedly.

"Getting me so close," he rasps, hand flying up and down his cock as he watches Loki's hips rock back against his fingers. "Gonna come because of you; 'cause of those fingers in your ass. I bet it's tight, isn't it, baby?"

"Thor!" Loki whines, keening loudly as he lifts his hips off the bed, pushing them back against his hand as he strokes himself. Thor can hear his breathing, can hear how ragged his panting is, and he knows that Loki's close; he watches in anticipation, thumbing across the head of his cock slowly.

And then Thor's entire body shudders and, for a moment, he thinks that he sees Loki's body do the same; thinks he sees some sort of tremor rock his boyfriend's body, and he loses it. "Fuck, baby, I'm coming. Loki, shit — fuck." Thor babbles as he comes, grunting once, twice — moaning loudly as he spills out over his hand, before slumping back.

A near-scream comes from the speakers and Thor watches as Loki arches his back; thick ropes of come shooting onto his stomach. His own name is a constant on Loki's lips — coming in the forms of moans and pants, groans and small grunts; he chuckles, coming down from his orgasm, and swallows thickly.

After a moment of calming down, Thor asks in a tired, fucked-out voice: "You alright, Loki?"

"Huh — oh, yeah.." Loki chuckles and pulls his fingers out of his ass, squeaking at the feel of the digits leaving his body. He lays back on the bed, breathing brokenly for a moment and Thor chuckles, leaning over the edge of the bed to grab a rag to wipe himself off with.

Once he's clean, Thor tosses the rag onto the ground and pulls his pants up, grabbing the laptop to set it on his lap once more. He watches Loki move slowly, cleaning up his own mess, his hair a mess, and he chuckles.

Sitting back against the wall, Thor chews on the corner of his lip. "Hey, Loki?"

"Hmm?" Loki moans in response as he turns back to the computer, a hand moving over his hair in an attempt to smooth it down.

"I've got something to tell you," Thor says, voice even.

"What is it?" Loki leans forward, eyes blinking slowly, and Thor thinks that he's never seen someone as beautiful as Loki in his entire life. His heart pounds in his chest again (both from the physical exertion he just put himself through, and from his feelings for Loki) and Thor swallows hard, lifting a hand to scrub against his stubble.

"I'm coming home on Valentine's Day. I just got word a couple days ago and, since we haven't talked since then, I thought I'd tell you now." Thor squints a bit, turning his head toward the side, watching Loki from the corner of his eyes, chewing on his lip nervously.

Silence hangs between them, only the thrum of their laptops filling the air, and Thor swallows hard, opening his mouth to say 'don't worry about it,' or 'no pressure,' but Loki speaks first: "So, you're coming home in a month? In thirty - or so - days, you'll be home? I'll be able to kiss you?"

"Yeah," Thor replies, breathing a sigh of relief. "I figured we'd go out when I get in, you know, go on a real date for the first time in our relationship." He smiles wide, watching Loki quietly; Loki sits in silence, a soft smile on his lips, and Thor thinks he can see his eyes glaze over with tears.

"I'd — I'd like that," Loki finally speaks, his voice cracking in a few spots. "I'd really like that, Thor." Loki smiles and lifts a hand, wiping at his eyes, chuckling brokenly.

Thor smiles back, soft and sad, wishing he were there to wipe those tears away for Loki. "Hey," he starts, chuckling a bit, "don't cry; this is a good thing! In a month, we'll be able to kiss and I'll be able to hold you…"

"A whole month." Loki whispers, making it sound like a question.

"Thirty days. It'll fly by," Thor replies before there's a knock on the door and he sighs, looking at the door, then back to Loki. "I've got to go, Loki. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" He presses his fingers to his lips and kisses them, bringing them to the laptop.

Loki returns the gesture and smiles. "Talk to you tomorrow, Thor."

[February 14th; a month later.]

Loki waits at the airport in his best clothing - nothing fancy, just something that will impress Thor - and his entire body thrums when a voice announces Thor's flight has landed. His entire body is shaking and the roses in his hands are trembling against the paper, the noise only making his nerves worse.

He waits at the gate, bottom lip caught between his teeth, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. When the soldiers start filing out, Loki cranes his next to look over the people coming toward him, frowning when he doesn't immediately see Thor.

Dozens of soldiers pass by him, running into the arms of their loved ones, and Loki's starting to lose hope. He starts thinking that, maybe he got the time wrong, or maybe they put Thor on a last-minute flight instead, and he didn't have time to tell anyone. With a worried and heavy heart, Loki stands off to the side and looks out the window, squinting in the sun.

That's when he sees the caskets being loaded off of another plane and Loki's heart drops into his stomach. He feels sick all of a sudden and he presses his forehead against the cold glass, eyes locked on each of the coffins. Five in total are lifted out of the plane and Loki shuts his eyes, telling himself that one of those is not Thor; that his boyfriend is merely on another plane, coming to him safe and sound.

Loki doesn't know how long he's standing against the window - just knows that several long and dreary moments pass before he feels a hand on his shoulder. Instinctively, Loki thinks that it's Thor — that he was tied up on the plane, or maybe he wanted to be last to surprise him — but when Loki turns around, he pales at the man standing in front of him.

"Loki Laufeyson?" The man asks and Loki starts to cry, silent tears falling down his cheeks as he nods his head numbly. A hand moves to his shoulder again and the man in front of him is speaking, though Loki can't hear anything past "I'm sorry, Thor didn't make it". When the words die away, Loki feels something in his hands and he looks down at an envelope resting in the palm of his hand.

"I'm sorry, son," the man says again, squeezing Loki's shoulder once more before pulling away. When the contact is broken, Loki slumps to his knees and presses his hands against his face, the envelope pressed against his cheek. Tears stain it and, before it can be ruined, Loki drops it to the floor in front of him, sobs racking his body.

After ten minutes, Loki feels calm enough to stand up and he grabs the letter, slowly rising to his feet. People around him give him sympathetic smiles and glances, to which he manages to return with a sad, soft smile.

He walks out of the airport, dropping the roses on the sidewalk before he steps off, heading toward his car. The envelope is clutched in his hand, and he lifts his head, looking off to the side, watching caskets being put into hearses. Morbidly, Loki wonders which one is Thor's and he bites back a sob, moving toward his car, getting in immediately.

Loki drives himself home and doesn't break down until he's inside, with the door shut and locked. He slides down the length of the door, sitting against it, bringing his knees to his chest as he sobs, tearing the envelope open with shaky fingers.

He manages to get the letter open and he pulls the paper out slowly, unfolding it as he entire body trembles. Sucking in a deep breath, Loki wipes tears away from his eyes and reads the letter, which is from Thor.

The letter tells Loki that Thor was in love with him, but didn't want to say anything until they saw each other face to face. It went on to tell Loki, in great detail, what they would do on Valentine's Day when Thor got back, and Loki sobs harder, letting the letter fall to the ground.

[Three days later]

Loki goes to Thor's funeral and hardly speaks to anyone; he gives his condolences to Thor's mother and father, says a few words to the friends that set them up, but doesn't say much else. He has no reason to say anything to the living among him — all of the important stuff needed to be sad to the man they're about to lay in the ground.

He does, of course, ask Thor's parents for a moment alone with the casket and Thor's body, to which they give him. When the family clears out of the room, Loki shuts the doors and moves toward the coffin, swallowing thickly as he opens it, looking down at Thor's body. A sob leaves his throat and he closes his eyes tightly, blindly moving his hand to one of Thor's that are folded on his chest.

"I loved you too," he says in a quiet, shaky voice, chuckling brokenly, "and I'll always love you, Thor." Loki opens his eyes and looks down at Thor's face; his eyes are closed, but Loki can see them clearly in his mind, smiling sadly at the memory. There's a hint of a smile on Thor's lips and Loki swallows, lifting his free hand, kissing his fingertips before pressing them to Thor's mouth, tears streaming down his face.

"Welcome home, soldier," Loki whispers, moving his hands away as he leans down, barely kissing Thor's forehead. Tears fall onto his face and Loki straightens up, closing the casket before turning on his heels, walking out of the room. He leaves the funeral home quickly and sits in his car until they move to the cemetery.

When they put Thor in the ground, Loki stays off to the side and watches, leaning against a tree; his eyes are dry, for once, and he doesn't think he could cry, not even if he wanted to — and Loki really wants to cry, wants to let it all out.

They toss roses on Thor's casket and Loki moves over, grabbing one before letting it drop onto the coffin. It falls onto a pile of other roses and he swallows, turning away, heading toward the car again.

He turns his back on a love that never got to have a chance; on a man that became his entire life for a few short months, and a man that Loki would give just about anything to have back. Though he never got to see Thor in person, Loki loved him with everything he had and more — and will continue to love him.