A.N./ Okay, funny thing. I actually wrote this for school. It was so funny when my teacher turned it back to me. She said, and I quote, "You have a very… unique style of writing." It was AWESOME! :P

I would like my Beta to know how much I love him for always being patient with me. I love you man! :D

Anyhoo! It's not finished and I don't know when I'll get back to it but hope you enjoy. This was inspired by a Merthur video on Youtube.

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, sad isn't it?

Hate Myself

Merlin's eyes opened slowly as the light from his window warmed his skin. He sighed contentedly, stretching his arms over his head before sitting up. He lightly rubbed his eyes, driving away the sleep that still attempted to consume his body. He got up and went to change his clothes into his normal wear for the day. Once he had changed he walked out of his room to visit Gaius who was preparing their breakfast.

"Morning."Merlin said in high spirits. Gaius looked at him oddly before he put two bowls of steaming porridge onto the table.

"What's got you so happy today Merlin?" the old man asked.

"What? Nothing," he paused, a look of confusion crossing into his blue eyes, "Can't I be happy?"

Gaius stared at Merlin once more before a small smile feel onto his lips.

"You don't have to hide it Merlin." Gaius said. Merlin stared at him in confusion.

"I know that you had a present from a visitor last night." Gaius explained. Merlin flushed lightly, remembering the note and single red rose he had found on his bed last night. He had been getting gifts like the rose for about a month now but they had never had a note with them. He wondered who all the gifts had come from and soon found out when he read the note.

"Meet me tomorrownight at midnight under the window of my room.

-Arthur."

Merlin had been so surprised when he had learned that Arthur was the one who had been leaving gifts for him. They had grown up together with Merlin appearing like an old man in front of Arthur. Once he had revealed himself as a young man, like Arthur, the Prince had been shocked. It had taken awhile for him to get over it but welcomed him as his old friend once more. A month later, he started receiving the anonymous gifts. They were never anything to expensive, which had made Merlin think they were a commoner, just little trinkets that were always unique somehow. His favorite had been a clear, glass orb that glowed blue once it hit the sunlight. It always started in the middle then slowly consumed the whole orb in blue. It would shine in the dark when the candles couldn't produce that much light.

Once he had learned that Arthur was behind all of the gifts, his body had filled with a strange sort of happiness that he had never felt before. Hopefully he'd be able to talk to Arthur later to thank him for his gifts and maybe ask about the reason behind them.

"I should go wake up Arthur." Merlin announced as he shoveled the porridge into his mouth, leaving before Gaius could question about the contents of the note. He walked towards Arthur's chambers with a smile on his face and a spring in his step. When he reached the double doors, he pushed them open slowly, peeking to see if he had awakened Arthur. He found Arthur, or what he assumed was Arthur, bundled in his heavy blankets. He walked closer to the blob that was breathing and pulled down the top of the blankets to reveal the golden hair that belonged to Arthur. He pulled the blankets lower, revealing the Prince's face, slightly tanned from always being out in the sun.

Merlin's fingers softly traced his jaw, feeling the growing stubble that he knew he'd be forced to shave later. His fingers drew away as he stared at the Prince's sleeping features. He snapped his eyes away from his peaceful face and went to open the closed curtains. A groan came behind him as the light streamed through the window, informing him that the Prince had woken up.

"Good Morning, Sire." Merlin cheerfully said as he walked over to the bed a bright smile on his face. A huff came from Arthur as he turned toward Merlin, his eyes squinting against the invading light.

"Merlin, may I ask you something?"

"Yes Sire." Merlin questioned.

"Why were you touching my face?" Arthur asked.

Merlin felt himself pale with horror.

"No, I wasn't," he tried to cover it up.

"Yes you were. I felt it." Arthur wouldn't back down that easily. Merlin thought hard as he tried to figure out how he could get out of this.

"Eyelash,"Merlin blurted out.

"What?"Arthur asked in confusion.

"Yup."

"On my jaw?"

"Must have moved when you were sleeping. I mean it's not like you're graceful all the time. You should see yourself sleep, you move around a lot." Merlin smiled. Arthur stared at him with a quirked eyebrow.

"You watch me sleep?"

"What?"Merlin looked shocked. "No."

"But you just –"

"Arthur,"Merlin stopped him. "I think you're still asleep."

"No I'm not, Merlin!" Arthur roared in rage.

"How about I go get you some breakfast?" Merlin stated as he walked out of the room.

"Merlin!"Arthur yelled after his servant, but he was already gone.

A few minutes later, Merlin came back holding a tray of assorted cheeses, breads, and meats. Arthur was once again lying in bed. Merlin sighed as he placed the tray on the table before going to wake up the Prince once more.

"Arthur,"he shook the bundle in bed. "You need to get up now."

A hand shot out of the blankets to grasp Merlin's wrist and brought him down face first into the blankets.

"What the hell?" Merlin tried to get free but by that time, Arthur had come out from under the blankets and has pinned him to the bed. Merlin stared up into Arthur's sapphire eyes while his hands were being held next to his head by Arthur's hands.

"Why did you touch my face?" Arthur demanded.

Merlin blushed lightly as he averted his eyes from the Prince's.

"I told you. It was an eyelash."

Arthur studied Merlin's face. He knew that the dark haired boy wasn't telling him the truth, but he let it slide to question him about the other issue.

"Do you really watch me sleep?" he asked, his tone no longer demanding, but still authoritative. Merlin was trying his hardest not to look at the Prince but failed when he glanced back into those blue orbs. Merlin gnawed on his bottom lip, contemplating whether or not he should tell Arthur the truth.

"Merlin?"Arthur asked, wanting desperately to know the answer.

"No."Merlin said, barely able to hold his gaze with Arthur.

"Oh."Arthur let go of Merlin's hands and felt a sense of disappointment envelop his being. He shook his head but theywouldn't go away. Merlin got off the bed and went to the wardrobe to pick some clothes out for Arthur. Arthur stared at Merlin's back, his small shoulders, his thin waist, his nice butt.

Wait… What the hell!

Arthur covered his eyes. 'Did I really just check out my manservant and best friend?' While Arthur was panicking, as was Merlin. 'Oh Crap. Dollop-Head almost knew I watched him sleep. I need to be more careful.'

Merlin turned around just as Arthur had removed his hands. Both eyes met before Arhtur's gaze flew down Merlin's body before being covered by his hands once more, a groan escaping his full lips. Merlin flushed lightly when he realized that Arthur had just checked him out.

"I'll just leave your clothes next to your breakfast." Merlin said shyly, making a quick departure. Arthur watched him leave with a heavy heart. He didn't mean to scare his friend away, his eyes just kind of moved on their own accord. Sighing, he got up and dressed, all the while thinking about this morning. He munched on a piece of bread as his mind drifted. He had never really found Merlin as a romantic possibility, but the past month had him looking at his friend in a new light.

The more he thought about it, the crazier his thoughts became. What if his father found out about his growing… feelings? What would he do to Arthur, or worse Merlin? He then decided that he had to distance himself from Merlin.

When training came around he avoided Merlin like the plague. He swiftly grabbed his sword and shield from the dark haired man and practically threw them at Merlin when practice ended, making a quick exit from the field. Merlin had tried to corner Arthur throughout the day but he always seemed to elude him or get away without Merlin noticing. Merlin growled in frustration as he turned away from Sir Leon to confront Arthur to just catch his red Pendragon crest disappearing in the distance.

"Merlin? Are you okay?" A deep voice asked behind him. He turned and was met with Sir Lancelot.

"Yeah. Arthur's just being a clotpole right now." Merlin sighed, allowing his anger to diminish.

"I could talk to him if you want."

Merlin's eyes widened in shock and turned to the brunette knight with hope and friendship.

"Would you do that? Really?" Merlin was amazed. Lancelot was always helping him, yet never asked for anything in return, a trait Merlin loved about the knight. Lancelot nodded and Merlin flew his arms around his friend, drawing him into a tight hug.

"Thank you so much." Merlin let go, a wide grin on his face. Lancelot blushed from the action but quickly recovered before Merlin could see it and maybe tease him later about it.

"No problem."

Sapphire eyes glared down at the two men still in each other's arms. A tanned hand ran through blond locks as a frustrated sighed passed through his full pink lips. Why was Merlin hugging Lance when he could fit much better in Arthur's arms. Arthur shook his head, demanding those thoughts leave, but they never did. They seeped lower until his mind was consumed with thoughts of Merlin. He growled in annoyance and slammed his hand against the wall he was leaning against, ignoring the dull throb of pain afterwards. A knock on his door broke him out of his thoughts.

"Come in." he said. Lancelot walked in and bowed slightly to the Prince before straightening.

"I was wondering about something earlier." He started, watching Arthur with calculating eyes.

"And?"

"Something I noticed between Merlin and yourself."

Arthur froze and turned his gaze away from the window to have them land on Lancelot's face.

"Nothing's between us. He's just my servant." Arthur replied sternly. Lancelot's hand drew up into a defensive posture.

"Alright, I was just wondering."

Arthur relaxed more and moved to sit down on his favorite chair that sat facing the fireplace. Lancelot bowed and headed towards the door but stopped short a few feet to turn and look back at Arthur.

"So you two really are just friends?" he asked. Arthur's heart beat faster, "Yes, we're just friends," his own heart broke at his next words, "Besides; I'm to wed a beautiful woman, not some idiot of a servant."

Lancelot held his tongue as anger surged inside him. He walked the rest of the way towards the door and grabbed the handle, opening the door.

"Then you won't mind if I take him." He said, eyes boring themselves into Arthur. Arthur's head snapped towards Lancelot, fear and anger in his eyes. Lancelot smiled lightly before he left the room. Arthur seethed in silent rage as he glared back at the fireplace.

"Stupid Lancelot. Stupid Merlin." He sighed in agitation, raking his fingers through his hair.

"Why did it have to be Merlin?" he asked to no one in particular.

"Why did what have to be me?" a curious voice asked him. Arthur turned around to see Merlin holding his dinner. He hadn't even realized it had gotten so late.

"Merlin."He smiled.

"Sire?"Merlin asked, looking at the Prince with a quizzical expression.

"Make me a fire."

Merlin sighed, placing the tray down and walking to the fireplace, right in front of Arthur, to kneel down and grab some firewood that's stored close to the fireplace, but not too close so as not to catch fire.

Arthur smiled and sat back to enjoy his view that was kneeling right in front of him. He yearned to reach out and drag Merlin to him but stopped himself when his conversation with Lancelot came back into his thoughts.

"I'mto wed a beautiful woman, not some idiot of a servant."

"Thenyou won't mind if I take him."

Arthur looked out the window in regret. He hadn't meant to say those words, but it was true. His father wanted him to marry a woman. There's no way he'd be allowed to marry a man. Maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to get Merlin out of his head if he started getting 'intimate' with women, something he had never done before.

His thoughts filled with ideas for potential mates who he might be able to tolerate. Gwen could work; she was a sweet and beautiful woman, or maybe Lady Vivian, even though she had an over-protective father. While his thoughts were filled he never noticed Merlin had already lit the fire and was standing next to him, waving his hand in Arthur's face.

Arthur had been acting distant lately and it was slightly worrying him. Merlin gave up trying to get the Prince's attention and left the room, getting ready for his meeting tonight with Arthur. He just hoped that he remembered.

Arthur soon came to a stop in his thoughts and looked towards the fireplace. The fire was slowly diminishing barely giving off any heat now. The castle bells chimed. Arthur counted the numbers. …Ten….Eleven….Twelve… The chimes stopped and Arthur realized that he had been spacing off excessively today. He got up from his chair, stretching his sore muscles and walked over towards his bed. He pulled off his boots first, flinging them over his head not caring where they landed. Next was his shirt, which he also tossed somewhere in the distance. He climbed into bed only with his trousers on. He looked toward the discarded clothe sand thought of Merlin and how he would complain about the mess he had made. He closed his eyes, allowing sleep to consume him, never noticing the letter lying on his desk a few feet away addressed to him. The inside was similar to the one that had been given to Merlin earlier.

"Meet me tonight at midnightunder the window of your room.

-Merlin."

Pale hands grasped the note as the castle bells chimed. …One…Two… He stared up at the full moon and stars that illuminated the cascading tears that were freefalling from his eyes without his permission. He wiped them away, anger and fury fueling themselves into the pit of his stomach. How could Arthur do this to him? Merlin sighed and walked back into the castle towards his room. He had been out late - scratch that, early - and needed to get some rest for tomorrow. His stomach churned uncomfortably when he thought about seeing Arthur later that day. Hopefully he would have a good enough excuse as to why he wasn't there last night.

The light flooded in through the window, stirring the raven-haired man, a groan of disinterest flowing through his thin lips. Blue eyes opened and blinked rapidly trying to drive the sleep away. He got up, still in his clothes from last night, and went to go eat breakfast with Gaius. After breakfast he dressed into some clean clothes and walked towards Arthur's chambers with heavy footsteps. After last night he was so upset he really didn't want to see Arthur, but nevertheless it was his job. He reached the doors and waited a few minutes trying to compose himself before pushing the door open.

The sight before him made him want to do three things, cry, scream, and faint. Arthur, the Arthur that had been sending him presents for the last month and asked him to meet him last night, was kissing Gwen. They pulled apart and stared into each other eyes before Gwen looked down in embarrassment. Merlin's mouth dropped and he silently walked away from the sight. That's why Arthur hadn't been there last night, he was with Gwen. Merlin felt his heart sink as he walked away.

Arthur blinked at Gwen who had just burst into his room early this morning. He had been asleep but her sobbing and door slamming had woken him up. He had tried to console her while she babbled on and on but he couldn't understand what she was saying so he just nodded and kept nodding every time she looked at him for some sort of answer. Then suddenly after one of his nods she had smiled at him, he had thought that it was finally over and she had calmed down. Apparently not though when she leaned in and kissed him. Her soft lips against his were warm, but their was no spark with it. Once she had pulled away, he stared at her confusion and sorrow in his eyes. He felt so sick after that kiss, but he didn't want Gwen to think that he had thought she was disgusting so when she looked away he lightly kissed her cheek. She looked up, hope in her eyes. All he could was shake his head sadly.

"Sorry Gwen, but I'm not your knight."

Her face fell but she nodded.

"Arthur?" she asked.

"Yeah?" he pushed some hair behind her ear, trying to comfort her in some sort of way.

"Are you Merlin's knight?"

Arthur froze and looked at her in shock.

"W-what makes you say that…" he trailed off as she looked at him with a wicked smile plastered on her lips. She lightly slapped his cheek playfully before turning on her heel and walking right out the door. Arthur stood in confusion as he thought about what had just happened.

An hour later Arthur was walking down the stairs to get to practice when he was suddenly pulled into an alcove.

"What the he-" he was silenced by a pair of lips against his own. He pushed his assaulter away wiping his mouth. Standing before him was Lady Vivian herself.

"What? Didn't like it?" she asked him, "Well I can make it better."

Arthur went to protest but she was faster then him and had once again pressed her lips against his. A loud crash broke them apart. Arthur backed away from the very persistent blonde woman and looked around for the source of the noise. Standing at the bottom of the stairs stood someone who made Arthur's stomach drop when their eyes met.

Merlin stared up in horror as Lady Vivian pulled Arthur towards her and started kissing him. The armor he had been carrying to go get polished clashed against the tiled floors of the castle, indicating his presence. When Arthur pulled back and turned towards him, his heart sank deep into his stomach. Arthur'slips were bruised from all rough kissing and his hair was disheveled. Merlin couldn't help the tears that fell down his face as he ran from the scene in front of him.

He kept running even when he heard Arthur's insistent calling and his footsteps slowly growing louder. Merlin willed his legs to go faster as the tears fell in a steady stream now. 'Almost there.' Merlin thought as he turned a corner, a few more turns and he'd be at Gaius' shop and be able to hide in his room. Unfortunately a hand grabbed onto Merlin's wrist holding him still.

"Lemme'go." he choked, his breath coming in pants and his tears still falling. He struggled against his captor attempting to free himself. 'I was so close.'Merlin thought hopelessly as he struggled more.

"Merlin, what's wrong?" a gentle but concerned voice asked him. Merlin turned and came face to face with Lancelot. Relief flooded into him and he collapsed against his chest, wrapping his arms around the taller man.

"Merlin?"Lancelot questioned, "What's wron-"

"MERLIN!"

Merlin's eyes widened and he tightened his grip on Lancelot as he heard the unmistakable clicking noise of Arthur's leather boots. A few seconds later, he could hear Arthur's panting just a few feet away. He tightened his already tight embrace with Lancelot and burrowed his face deeper into Lancelot's chest.

"There you are." a relieved Arthur said. Merlin didn't answer, he didn't want to be around the man who had just broken his heart twice in one day.

"Merlin, look at me." Arthur asked, voice soft and comforting. Merlin felt his willpower lessen as Arthur spoke to him like that. Lancelot, noticing this, wrapped his arms around Merlin's waist, holding him close to his body. Arthur noticed the action and a stern look crossed his face. Jealously was clear across his face as he glared at Lancelot.

"Let him go." Arthur demanded.

"No."Lancelot countered.

Arthur seethed but remembered what Lancelot said,"Then you don't mind if I take him."He slowly backed away hurt and sorrow flashed across his face. He shook his head. No, he would fight for Merlin.

"Give him to me, Lance." Arthur asked.

Lancelot looked at him, his eyes softening in sympathy. His shook his head and turned picking up Merlin and started to walk away.

"Lance,"Arthur yelled, effectively getting his attention, "I will get him back."

Lancelot smiled challenging, "Bring it."

A.N./ Hope you enjoyed. :D