A/N: Had a random idea for a one-shot and just churned this out. Harry tells his kids a bedtime story! And the story runs away with itself...

It was Harry's turn to put the kids to bed. Usually, this followed a very specific routine. The children would grumble and declare they weren't all tried, they'd moan and mope and yawn, and eventually concede defeat and go upstairs, with the condition that a story was read. This condition was then followed by an argument about which story in particular. Surprisingly enough, it was James who always argued and sulked the most, despite the fact, at eight years old, he had declared himself "far too old for stories."

Today, however, was different. All three children climbed into Lily's room, like always, and Harry took his standard position in the large, wing-backed armchair by the tiny fire. Lily clambered up into his lap (having decided not to squabble with her brothers) and then James and Albus threw themselves down on a giant squashy cushion by the hearth.

Completely bookless.

"Hang on, guys," said Harry, looking around in an overly dramatic fashion, "where's the book?"

Albus and James looked at each other and grinned. Harry had learnt several things being a parent. One of them was that inevitably, when his two sons put their minds together and agreed on something, mischief and chaos were surely afoot. It happened very rarely, but whenever they did wear those identical, sly smiles, he was always reminded of their uncles Fred and George. A memory that made him sigh fondly, as well as repress the urge to duck and cover for fear of imminent explosion.

"We thought, that tonight-" started Albus.

"You could TELL us a story." James' grinned widened unenthusiastically. Harry looked about hopefully, as if Ginny would sacrifice her night off and come in and rescue him. No such luck.

"I always tell you a story," Harry said, trying to look them in the eyes.

"No, you always read us one," James said matter-of-factly, as if this made all the difference.

"We want you to tell us one!" clarified Albus. "You know, just make one up!"

"Yes, yes, Daddy!" Lily beamed cheerfully, clapping her little hands together. She flashed Harry a brilliant smile that was much more convincing than either James' or Albus'. Harry could feel resolve ebbing away...

"I don't know, kids," he struggled. "I'm not so good with making up stories. Your mother's much better... or your Auntie Hermione-"

"No!" said Lily crossly, and she gave him the sweetest and most ridiculously unthreatening of scowls. "You tell us! It's easy! You just start with, once upon a time..."

Although she did not know it yet (and Ginny and Harry were constantly struggling to keep it secret) Harry found it very hard to say no to Lily. He supposed it had something to do with her being the most adorable little girl in the world, although he wasn't sure. It was equally possible she was using some very powerful subconscious magic.

"Oh, all right then," said Harry, throwing up his free hand in defeat.

Lily smiled smugly and settled back down in his arms. Albus and James edged in closer, their elbows knocking.

"Um, so, once upon a time..." Harry was desperately trying to remember how the Muggle fairy tales from his very brief childhood went. Of course, the kids knew most of them, one of Hermione's earliest Christmas presents had been a beautiful, illustrated edition of beloved fairy tales, but there had to be something in them he could use...

"Yeah, once upon a time, in land far, far away... or, not that far, really..."

Harry racked his brains, trying to search for any kind of inspiration, real or imaginary, when an idea struck him, as thin and fragile as the wing's of a Snitch. But it was enough.

"There was a Castle," he said. "A Castle haunted by a terrifying, unseen monster."

James grinned wickedly and Albus shivered. Lily gasped into Harry's shoulder.

"What kind of monster, Dad?" asked James, looking far too happy about the impending terror.

"No one knew," Harry went on. "No one had seen it. But students -er, guests, and servants- in the great Castle kept being found petrified, a look of horror on their faces. Something terrible and deadly was stalking the halls, and the people grew very, very afraid."

"What does petrified mean?" asked Albus innocently.

"It means they were still as statues, fast asleep-"

"No one died?" James looked disappointed. "That's not scary."

"I assure you, it was. No one knew, see, how they were being petrified, because the monster had haunted the Castle once before, and when it did... someone was killed. And everyone knew it was only a matter of time until it happened again. Now, luckily, in this Castle, there was a young orphan called, er... Henry, and his two wonderful and brilliant friends, um, Reg and... Hyacinth."

James snorted. "Those are stupid names."

Harry felt a little insulted. "That's what they were called," he insisted, and carried on. "Now, Henry, Reg and Hyacinth decided that they were going to find out exactly what was attacking everyone, because they were young and brave and thought that everything was their responsibility... they did everything they could think of to find out more about the monster. They went sneaking about at night, spoke to everyone they could think of, they pried information out of the Castle's oldest residents, and, at one point, even disguised themselves to try and investigate a particularly big suspect. All to no avail. No one knew anything about this monster. What it was, who it was, who put it there... Hyacinth read nearly ever book in the library, and she still couldn't figure it out.

"Now, also in this castle was a lovely young girl called-"

"Ooh, was she a princess?" asked Lily eagerly.

"Er, yes. She was. A princess called Jenny. The loveliest of all the princesses in the land. She had beautiful, flowing red hair, and all the suitors in the world-" Harry remembered Ginny in his sixth year, being chased left right and centre by what felt like every available boy. He pushed out his sentence with a clenched jaw. "All the suitors in the world wanted to ask for her hand."

"I like Princess Jenny," said Lily.

"I don't," grumbled James. "Could she, you know, fight and stuff?"

"Oh yeah," said Harry quickly. "Ordinarily, you didn't want to be on the wrong side of Princess Jenny. But the Princess had fallen under a dark spell, a curse. No one in the Castle seemed to have noticed. Not her many other brothers. Not her tutors. Not faithful Reg. Certainly not little Henry."

"Ooh, curses are good." James said hungrily. "What kind of curse? A bat-boogey hex? One with warts and stuff? Massive-"

"He just sad no one had noticed!" Albus glared. He had been listening very attentively. "You'd notice if she looked like that!"

"Oh, yeah," James said stupidly.

"Anyway," Harry was starting to get bored of all the interruptions. "Princess Jenny was under a curse. No one had noticed. Henry and Reg and Hyacinth were trying to find the monster before it got anyone else, because they were worried, if they didn't find it soon, they would all have to leave Hog- they would all have to leave the Castle and find somewhere else to work. This was particularly sad for poor Henry. The Castle was the only home he had ever known-"

"Poor Henry," said Lily softly.

"Indeed, poor Henry. And then something even worse happened."

"Oh no, what?"

"His best friend, Hyacinth, was found petrified!"

Lily gave a frightened cry. "Oh no! That's so sad!"

"It's all right, it has a happy ending."

"Did Henry like Hyacinth, Daddy?" Albus asked, wide-eyed.

Harry made a gesture between a shrug and a nod. "Henry liked Hyacinth very much," he explained. "But as a sister. You see, Henry suspected that Ro- Reg and Hyacinth were secretly very fond of each other. They were always fighting and bickering-"

"Like Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione?"

"Yes, just like- I mean, no! Yes. Sort of. Let me finish the story. So, Hyacinth was petrified, and the Princess was still under a secret curse. Henry and Reg were both very upset. But then they found a message that Hyacinth had managed to leave for them before she was attacked. She had realised that the monster was a giant snake – a Basilisk- and had been slithering through the pipes in the walls!"

Both Lily and Albus gasped, looking slightly stupefied. James however, raised a sceptical eyebrow.

"That's really convenient," he said.

"I'm telling you, that's how it happened!" Harry said impatiently. "Now, shortly after this, the Princess' curse came to light! It turned out that she had accidentally er, stumbled upon the slumbering monster, having been tricked by an evil wizard! She had been letting it out against her will, completely unaware of what she was doing... but now, the evil wizard had other, more sinister plans for Princess Jenny. He kidnapped her and took her to the monster's lair!"

"No!" shrieked Lily.

"Yes!" said Harry. "The two boys knew they had to act quickly if they were to save her life. Realising that the monster was using the pipes, and remembering how the previous victim had died, they deduced that the entrance to the lair was in fact inside a bathroom-"

"Inside a BATHROOM?" said James incredulously. "That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard-"

"Quiet, James! So, the boys hurried down into the deep, dark depths of the monster's lair. But before they could locate the princess, the tunnel, collapsed, separating the two best friends! Henry was forced to go on, alone, unarmed..."

"Well, that was stupid. Who goes to face a giant snake unarmed-"

"When Henry came face to face with the monster, terror unlike any other griped him. He realised how foolish he had been to come here alone, how young he was, how that any smart child with parents back home that were worried about his safety should never even think to... ahem. Anyway. Henry knew he was outmatched. Luckily, just then, a phoenix dropped out of the sky, blinding the basilisk so that it could not petrify him, and gifted Henry with a magical hat."

"A hat?" roared James. "What's he going to do with that? Make it laugh itself to death?"

"SHUT UP JAMES!" said Harry, Lily and Albus all at once.

James sulked and settled back down.

"Like I said, it was a magic hat, and when Henry drove his hand inside, he pulled out the Sword of Godric Gryffindor!" Harry leapt out his seat, swung Lily around the room, and deposited her on the bed. He snatched up a nearby toy broom, held the bristly end, and brandished it like a sword. "He went at the basilisk like that- and then like this- he swooped in and out of its ferocious, snapping jaws, looping around its massive, coiled body, and then, finally, in lunged for him and he drove the sword straight through the roof of its mouth!"

"Yay!" screamed Albus.

"Hurrah!" screamed Lily.

James managed a half-hearted "whoop."

"The monster died instantly! The curse on the princess was broken, and Jenny and Henry went back to the entrance of the chamber -er, lair- where they found Reg waiting for them, having cleared a gap through."

"What about Hyacinth- and the other people?" asked Lily thoughtfully.

"Luckily, a master potion-maker was visiting, and he was able to restore everyone to full health. The whole castle rejoiced."

"And Jenny and Henry were married?"

Harry grinned at his daughter, and then around at his two sons. "Yes, Jenny and Henry were married."

"And Reg and Hyacinth?"

"Them too."

"This," James said, unfolding his arms and straightening up, "is the silliest story ever. Why was the lair in a bathroom? Who put the monster there in the first place? Who was the dark wizard? What happened to him?"

"Ah," said Harry knowingly, leaning over to ruffle his son's hair. "That's another story, for another night."

"Your father's right, kids," Ginny said, appearing at the door, a very sly smirk lingering in the corner of her mouth. "Bedtime."

There was a chorus of "Awws!" and "Oh nos!" and it took another ten minutes to settle them down in their own beds. James proved to be the most difficult, reeling off a dozen questions and refusing to admit he was even remotely interested in the story at all. Albus was satisfied when Harry told him that there were plenty more stories about Henry and his friends. "Enough to fill seven books."

"Or eight films," Ginny added, to no one in particular.

Lily wasn't sure she wanted another story. "I don't want to spoil the ending with what happens next!" she squealed.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," Harry said, tucking in the covers around her. "Jenny and Henry get married and live happily ever after, and have a little princess even more lovely than Jenny herself."

"I don't believe it's that happy," said Lily sleepily, and rolled over onto her pillow.

Harry smoothed back her hair and kissed her head. He darkened the lights with a flick of his wand.

"Believe it, Princess Lily," he murmured, and quietly tip-toed out of the room. The silence from the rest of the corridor told him that his other two children were already asleep. Ginny would be upstairs, waiting for him to join her.

Harry and Ginny's room largely consisted of shelves were he kept nearly all of his belongings on proud display. He had proved incapable (much to Ginny's annoyance when they first moved in together) of ever throwing anything away. There was the Golden Snitch Dumbledore had given him, right next to his mounted Gryffindor scarf, the razor given to him by Fleur and Bill on his 17th birthday (broken now, but kept for sentimental reasons). His omnioculars, his DA coin, stacks of organised letters, a pile of carefully-folded Weasley jumpers, the Sneakoscope Hermione had given him next to Ron's "12 Fail-Safe Ways to Charm a Witch" and a mountain of other books he'd accumulated over the years. Above all, the shelves were stacked with moving photographs of all the faces he called family. These, Ginny minded least.

She came out of the bathroom to the side, ready dressed for bed in a long white nightgown. She grinned at him as she flopped down on the covers.

"Nice story."

"Thanks."

"Don't think it happened quite like that though..."

Harry shrugged. "Close enough," he said, pulling off his shirt.

"Hurry up, Henry," Ginny said. "Your Princess Jenny wants a kiss..."

A/N: There you go! Hope it wasn't too OOC. It's difficult writing characters as parents! Hope you all enjoyed. If you did, so your appreciation... with a review!