A/N: I've always wanted to write a SeBlaine fic that talked a bit about Sebastian's parents. This idea had been in my head for quite some time now so here it is. This is my attempt at humor as well as my headcanon of what Sebastian's parents might be like. I hope you enjoy this as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Please feel free to follow me on Tumblr at "rykerstrom(.)tumblr(.)com", I talk about my fics and other WIP on there and can also answer any questions you may have about them. Also, reviews are like air to me so please review and rec the fics if you like them!

THE THING WITH PARENTAL UNIT

Sebastian Smythe was many things. He prided himself on being complex, so complex that most people would not be able to figure him out. But underneath all the complexities, there were some things about Sebastian that were very grounded and in some ways, traditional.

While Sebastian might have done his share of crazy things, he was one of those individuals who believed in introducing the love of his life to his parents.

Actually, Sebastian had wanted to introduce Blaine to his parents since they started dating. He didn't consider himself a romantic, but Sebastian knew for a fact that Blaine would be the one that he wanted his parents to meet. Sebastian wanted to show his parents what a great person Blaine was; he wanted to show off Blaine's kindness, altruism, charisma, and charm to the people who were important to him.

Unfortunately for Sebastian, things weren't always that simple.

Sebastian loved his parents. He really did. Sebastian loved them more than anything in the world. But sometimes Sebastian couldn't help but wonder if he was adopted. Anyone who knew him well would be surprised to see that his parents were nothing like him.

Sebastian's childhood and early teenager years were full of excitement. Most children his age would find them overwhelming; but not for Sebastian Smythe. Sebastian Smythe was a child with many hobbies. He was a believer in diversifying his interests and becoming a master of many things. He had many past-times and things he enjoyed doing. But out of the many options available, Sebastian would be lying if he said hanging out with his parents was not amongst them.

It was all going very well until Sebastian hit puberty.

Sebastian was an early bloomer, both emotionally and physically. By the age of twelve, he was already taller than most people in his class. The sudden growth spurt signaled the onset of puberty, and that also meant certain awkwardness with his parents.

"Now, your mother and I believe that it's good if we have the talk now before it's too late." The smile on Sebastian's father's face was a little bit too wide for Sebastian's comfort. He wondered what they meant by "too late".

"You've always been such a mature child," his mother added. "I think it's best that we talk about this now, as adults."

Sebastian swallowed hard. He never thought he would have to have "the talk" with his parents.

"Shall we?" Sebastian saw his parents exchanged a look and he did not like that look at all.

"Well then," there was a rustling of the paper bag as his parents looked for something. "Aha! Found them."

Them? Sebastian hoped that they were not some kind of figurines or dolls. When his mother finally took out the items in question, Sebastian paled visibly.

"This, son," his mother held one of the items up. "As you know, is a model of a man's penis."

"And this," his father held up the other item. "Is a condom."

"Mom, dad, I really don't think—"

"Uh-uh! Now, now, don't interrupt me," Sebastian's mother held up a hand. "Your dad and I actually rehearsed this."

They rehearsed this? Sebastian's eyes widened in disbelief. This was a nightmare.

"We sure did," Sebastian's father looked pleased with himself. "Now, son. You know that whoever you decide to date, we don't really mind as long as that person makes you happy."

"Oh yes, and by 'that person' we're talking about any genders," his mother added. "Your dad's bad at clarifying."

"Mom, I get the idea." Sebastian mumbled. He wished that his parents would just get this over and done with.

"Sebastian, you're a smart kid. So we're going to skip over the whole puberty talk and get straight to the point," his father continued. "If you ever decide to have sex—"

"Okay, that's it!" Sebastian threw his hands up in the air. "Mom, dad, I'm not going to have sex. Not right now."

"Calm down, young man." Sebastian's mother was firm. "We're going to finish with the demo and that'll be that."

Oh god, a demo?

Sebastian saw his mother ripped open the condom wrapper. There was just so many things wrong with this picture.

"As you can see, your mother is going to put the condom onto the penis model," his father narrated. "And this is how you do it."

Sebastian winced at the imagery. This was traumatizing.

"Tadaa! See? That wasn't so bad!" His mother declared.

"Right." Sebastian hoped that his parents would not ask him to "demo" as well. It seemed that luck wasn't on his side in this matter.

"Now, to test your understanding, we're going to need you to show us how you'd do it."

"Are you serious?" Sebastian raised his eyebrows.

"Do you hear me laughing?" His mother raised her own eyebrows in challenge.

Sebastian sighed and pulled out a condom from the paper bag. He pulled off the one on the model and proceeded to throw it away.

"Nope nope!" Sebastian's father stopped him. "See, this is why we need a demo. You're supposed to tie it up like this. That way your little Sebby swimmers don't spill out."

Sebastian knew he would never look at swimmers in the same light again.

"Stop looking so glum," his mother scolded playfully. "I told you we should've put him on Prozac. Junior always looked so serious."

No, not the nickname. Sebastian sighed.

"Okay, so you want me to put this … on that?" Sebastian gestured warily at the model.

"This is called a condom, and that is a model of a penis, or dick, or eel, or cock." His father pointed out the obvious.

"Yes, dad, I know." Sebastian rolled his eyes and slipped the condom onto the model. "There, happy?"

"Excellent!" Sebastian's mother clapped her hands together.

"Now that you know how to properly put on a condom, always remember to wrap your sausage before you put it in the bun," his dad gave him a thumbs-up sign.

Sebastian ended up not eating any sausages for the rest of the year.

So no, it wasn't because Sebastian didn't want to introduce Blaine to his parents; it was more along the line of he was afraid that his parents would scare Blaine away. Sebastian really wanted to ensure that Blaine was ready for the unconventionality that was his parents. After all, most parents, especially the ones with Sebastian's parents' kind of career and connections, did not act that new age.

Sebastian decided that his parents and Blaine were both too important for him to risk their not getting along.

One of Sebastian's favorite past-times was to spend time with Blaine. Long weekends were often the perfect opportunity for a quick getaway, and Sebastian had plenty of options for last minute getaways, one of them being his relative's lake house. There was just something very appealing about getting away from civilization and reveling in all that nature had to offer.

Nature, in this case, also included Blaine Anderson.

It was a challenging feat for Sebastian to truly enjoy the lake when there was a half-naked Blaine before him in waist deep water. Blaine was truly a sight to behold, with the water running down his back, tracing every muscled contour while making his golden skin gleam under the daylight. Blaine raised his arms to stretch, and Sebastian's brain almost short-circuited right then and there.

Sebastian had seen Blaine naked before, but this was the first time that he noticed Blaine's muscle definition in such details. Blaine was perfection, even his arms were perfect. The way the muscles would move under the skin with every move Blaine made, and the way the veins would shift as Blaine threaded his way through the water.

Sebastian swallowed hard as he felt blood rushing south. He might not be able to properly enjoy the swim after all.

There was the sound of distant thunder, signaling the coming of a storm. They clambered out of the water and got dressed, as it was a slight walk from the lake to the lake house. In spite of their best effort, the rain had started pouring before Sebastian and Blaine managed to reach the lake house. By the time they got into the house, both were soaking wet.

"They weren't kidding when they say when it rains, it pours." Blaine commented as he kicked off his sandals. "Sebastian?"

If Sebastian thought Blaine looked amazing half naked in the water, Blaine in a wet shirt was even better. His white buttoned down shirt was completely drenched through, clinging to Blaine like a second skin. The top few buttons were undone. Water dripped from Blaine's hair, rolled down his face before it ran down his chest. Sebastian could see the muscle through the translucent fabric, moving and gliding against the white shirt as Blaine tried to tousle his now damp hair dry.

Fuck it.

The door banged noisily from the force of Sebastian shoving Blaine against it, kissing and devouring him hungrily. Sebastian reached under Blaine's shirt and felt his way up the toned muscles underneath. He needed more; he needed everything from Blaine, now.

"Upstairs." Sebastian breathed as he almost manhandled Blaine up the steps.

They stumbled through the bedroom door and fell onto the bed, not caring that their wet clothes were dripping water onto the bed covers. Sebastian pulled off his clothes quickly and worked to pull off Blaine's.

"Somebody's impatient today." Blaine looked amused but Sebastian noticed that his boyfriend's pupils were blown wide.

"If you don't want it, we can always stop." Sebastian challenged, knowing that Blaine wouldn't say no.

"I didn't say I was against the idea." Blaine got on his tiptoes to kiss Sebastian, who met him half-way.

Sebastian had always liked the fact that Blaine was a good five inches shorter than he was. The thought that Blaine had to make an effort to reach him was a bit of a turn on, although Sebastian couldn't explain why.

They settled onto the bed. Sebastian scooted up so that his back was against the headboard and motioned for Blaine to follow. Blaine straddled him and settled onto his lap before leaning down to kiss Sebastian again. Sebastian cupped the back of Blaine's neck as they exchanged kisses, each one more heated than the last. He slipped his tongue into Blaine's mouth and ran it along the back of Blaine's teeth, tracing and exploring.

Finally, they both pulled back for air, breathing heavily.

One of the things that Sebastian found surprising about Blaine was how his boyfriend could sometimes read what he needed without his needing to say anything. There was no need for words as Sebastian prepped Blaine, just as there was no need for directions as Blaine rolled the condom onto Sebastian. As Sebastian felt himself being engulfed by that tight heat, he wondered what he had done to be so damn lucky.

Above him, Blaine's eyes were shut tight, his brows furrowed, mouth in a frown as he tried to get adjusted to the sensation of being filled. To Sebastian, he had always found this part to be extremely hot. The idea that this was Blaine, the boy that he loved so dearly, above him and taking all of him inside and allowing Sebastian to touch him places that only he could touch. It was both endearing and incredibly intense.

Sebastian knew Blaine was ready when he opened his eyes. They established a rhythm quickly, Sebastian slamming up into Blaine as Blaine dropped himself onto Sebastian. They met thrust for thrust, moving together, faster and harder every time. Sebastian leaned forward and sucked at the juncture of Blaine's neck and shoulder, biting and marking him. The small whine that he extracted from Blaine was definitely one of the sexiest things Sebastian had ever heard.

"Oh, god! Ohgodohgod!" Sebastian could tell from Blaine's erratic pace that he was getting close. He gripped Blaine's hips tightly and drove deeper into him, wanting to reach completion together.

It was the sound of a heavy bag dropping onto the floor that got Sebastian's attention. He turned his head to the source of the noise. Sebastian could feel his own face drained of color when he saw the all too familiar figure before him.

"Holy shit! Dad!"

It all happened so quickly. One moment Sebastian was still inside of Blaine and the next thing he knew, Blaine was scrambling off of him and Sebastian had somehow fallen off the bed.

"What's all that racket?" A woman walked through the door.

"Oh fuck, Mom!"

"Junior! Watch your language!"

"Oh my god!" Sebastian could hear mortification in Blaine's voice as his boyfriend hid behind him.

This was possibly the worst scenario ever.

"What are you guys doing here?" Sebastian couldn't believe this. His parents were not supposed to be here.

"I could ask you the same thing, young man." His mother had her hands on her hips, although Sebastian could tell from the twinkling in her eyes that she was more entertained by this than anything.

Figures.

"You must be the Blaine that Sebastian is always talking about," Sebastian wanted to crawl into a hole when he saw his father waving at his boyfriend. "Hello there!"

"Um … Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Smythe," Sebastian didn't have to look to know that Blaine must be blushing.

"Nice to finally meet you, Blaine!" Sebastian swore that his father seemed to be enjoying this embarrassing situation just a tad too much.

"Junior, you're bleeding," his mother pointed. Sebastian reached up and felt a small nick at the hairline. He must have bumped his head on the corner of the dresser.

"What the hell …" Sebastian muttered.

"We should put a Band-Aid on that," Sebastian saw his father coming toward them.

"Dad!" Sebastian pulled the cover onto Blaine and himself.

"Oh, right. You two were riding the skin bus into tuna town. Well then, carry on and come on down whenever. " his father nodded. "You know we're totally cool with you banging your boyfriend in our house."

This isn't even our house.

"And son," Sebastian's father gave Sebastian a thumbs-up sign as he followed Sebastian's mother out the door. "Good to know that you're wrapping that sausage."

Sebastian cringed at the sausage reference.

As they were about to get up and put on their clothes, Sebastian's parents popped their heads in again.

"What the hell!" Sebastian suddenly had the urge to throw something.

"Calm down, junior!" His mother waved her hand dismissively. "We just want to let you and Blaine know that we absolutely approve of your relationship. We're happy to have you, Blaine."

"I concur. Anyone who makes our son happy is a keeper." Sebastian's father added. "Have fun, kids!"

With those words, Sebastian's parents closed the door behind them and headed downstairs; leaving behind a very bewildered and concerned Sebastian.

Actually, Sebastian was relieved and worried at the same time; relieved because it was evident that his parents approved of Blaine, worried because his beloved parents might have traumatized Blaine for good.

The silence between Sebastian and Blaine was deafening. With every passing moment, Sebastian became more worried.

What if Blaine doesn't like my parents?

"So Junior, eh?" The tone in Blaine's voice was definitely anything but negative. His boyfriend actually sounded entertained.

Sebastian stole a look at Blaine and was relieved to see a smile on his face. "That's my … nickname."

"Really?" Blaine's lip curled up slightly. "You have to tell me."

"No."

"Come on!" Blaine nudged at Sebastian. "You owe me after that mortifying encounter!"

Sebastian sighed.

"Stop being so melodramatic!"

"One of my dad's middle names is Sebastian," Sebastian confessed.

"I see, junior." Blaine teased.

"Don't!" Sebastian warned.

"What are you going to do, Junior?" There was a mischievous gleam in Blaine's eyes as he leaned closer.

"Brat!" Sebastian growled and pinned Blaine to the ground. "You're just asking for it now, aren't you?"

"I can't help it, your parents are hilarious." There was now a grin on Blaine's face.

"You're okay with them?" Sebastian was hopeful.

"Oh, yes." Blaine gave Sebastian a sidelong glance. "Anyone who embarrasses you is golden in my book."

"You are mean."

"I only learn from the best." Blaine gave Sebastian a quick, chaste kiss. "I think we should probably head downstairs."

"Right, let's just grab our belongings and drive back."

"Oh, no no no. We can't do that." Blaine shook his head. "Your parents are here, I want to get to know them better. Besides, it'll be rude and they'll be hurt."

"Trust me, Blaine. They'll be fine." Sebastian really wanted to avoid any awkward conversation that might take place later.

"Oh, Sebastian. It won't be too bad."

"Easy for you to say," Sebastian muttered. He would probably never live this down.

"Well … how about this? If you get through this weekend with your parents," Blaine leaned closer to whisper into Sebastian's ear, his tongue tracing the shell as he spoke. "We can finish this when we're back to civilization and you can do anything you want to me."

"Anything?" Sebastian could feel blood rushing southward and groaned.

"Anything."

"I'm going to hold you to that." Sebastian pulled Blaine toward him and gave him a rough kiss. "When we get back, I'm going to pound you so hard that you won't be able to get out of bed for a week."

"Sounds like a wonderful plan."

Sebastian couldn't agree more.

(END)

ADDENDUM: I hope you've had fun with this one. I've always wanted to write about a flustered and embarrassed Sebastian, and it seems the only way he would get that way is if his parents do that to him. For those of you who are waiting for "Apex Predator" and "We Are The Night", they have both been sent to beta so I hope to get them back in the next few days. If you would like to find out more about the background info as well as what's going on with my SeBlaine fics in general, please feel free to follow me at "rykerstrom(.)tumblr(.)com". If you like this fic, please rec it and feedback on them. Feedbacks are like air to me! Thanks!