Author's Excuse: I don't even know how to start this. I promised I'd update sooner. I didn't. I can't even say I was busy. Because I wasn't (well, sort of). But still. I'm sorry? Again? For the third time?

Author's Note: So, I've decided that whilst I like how the story is going, if I were to upload another lovey-dovey-honey-bumkins sort of chapter, it'll a tad bit too mushy for my liking. So this chapter is going to be, hopefully, more humour than anything else. But don't worry - there will definitely be more kawaii-they're-so-in-love-please-have-babies-already chapters in the near future. So don't stress. It's chapter 3 and half because I had already started working on Chapter 4 prior to this and then couldn't be bothered editing the title. Meh.

Curiosity Made the Cat a Loser

"If we get caught, you are so dead."

The threat was said plainly enough but, accompanied by a rough shove in the back and a heated glare, the underlying seriousness wasn't lost. Naruto heaved a sigh. "I told you, teme, we ain't gonna get caught. Geesh."

But Sasuke had a bad feeling and wasn't about it let it go. "Why are we doing this, again?" He asked, watching as Naruto's head disappeared around a corner.

"Because we want to?"

"Because you want to." Sasuke corrected.

The blonde rounded on his best friend, hands placed unhappily on his hips. "No, because we want to." Blue eyes insisted they were absolutely right and when the weary Uchiha couldn't muster a reply, Naruto grinned and continued on his exploration. He didn't really know what he was looking for but seriously, with a house this big, there had to be something interesting on the premises. Dozens of images grappled for his attention because for all he knew, even though he'd been to the Uchiha manor multiple times now, there was probably a dungeon somewhere around here filled to the brim with disobedient servants, all chained to the same moulding wall and whipped on a regular basis. Naruto shuddered - knowing Itachi's sadistic personality, that possibility didn't seem too far off.

"Are you even listening?"

Sasuke's terse shout snapped Naruto out of his daze and he jolted hard enough to go into labour. Taking a few seconds to recover, he made sure his heart was no longer stuttering like a scratched record and scowled. "What, teme?"

The raven-haired boy crossed his arms. "That's my parents' room. We're not allowed in there."

The words hung there, suspended in the air until Naruto's mind caught up with his mischief and a funny kind of fire lit his eyes. The kind of fire that had Sasuke apprehensive and annoyed all at once. "No. Whatever it is you're thinking, we're not doing it."

The smile that had been growing on Naruto's face immediately faltered. "But I haven't said anything yet!"

"I don't need to hear it to know it's stupid." Sasuke turned and headed for the staircase, aggravation growing as the blonde tugged desperately on the back of his shirt. "Your plans are always stupid."

"This one isn't! I swear! Come on teme, it'll be fuuun!" Naruto whined, digging his heels into the floorboards in an attempt to stop the sour raven from leaving. When this and a series of pleas proved unsuccessful, Naruto tightened his grip in the dark blue shirt and heaved his weight backwards, only to plunge bottom first on to the floor. He ignored the painful sensation that shot up his spine and instead slouched forward with his hands clenched, head hung pathetically in defeat. "You never listen to me."

Sasuke stopped, muffled a groan and sighed. Cast an eye back to the miserable blonde, before rolling his eyes and sighing again. There was a small 'thump' and then Sasuke was seated cross-legged in front of Naruto, head resting on one hand. "Fine then. What's your plan?"

Naruto glanced up, still grumpy and a little peeved. "Why do you want to know?"

Sasuke felt his right eye twitch. "Just because."

"You're gonna say it's stupid."

"No, I won't."

"...Promise?"

Sasuke had never really liked making promises and usually, he would have slyly danced around it. But those sky-blue eyes were suspicious and focussed entirely on his face and Sasuke knew, he just knew, there was no way out of this one. Promises... Ugh. "...Fine."

And that was all it took. Throwing caution to the wind, Naruto scooted closer until their knees were touching, a smile that was all teeth and excitement firmly planted on his face. He touched his hands to the ground and begun to draw out all the delicate details of his plan, feeling the exhilaration building in his bones. When he was done he leaned forward, nose almost touching the other boy's and asked, "So what do you think?"

"..."

"...?"

"I told you your plans are stupid!" Sasuke was on his feet in a matter of seconds and irritated all over again. He growled and batted at the tanned hands that were once again scrabbling for purchase on his clothes, halting his movements only to make sure Naruto didn't pull his shorts right off. Turning back, Sasuke prepared himself to snap something rude at the boy but stopped because dear god, Naruto was wearing that idiotic expression on his stupid-baka face again. The watery eyes, the turned down mouth, the pathetic snivelling - all of it was just frustratingly out of place on the Uzumaki's face. He was pretty sure Naruto had 'moronic joy' set as his default expression and, whilst that did piss him off (because, honestly, who was happy like that all the time?), seeing anything else irked Sasuke to no end.

He ground his teeth together, raised his right hand in the air and brought it sharply down on the back of Naruto's head, feeling more than relieved when the wailing stopped. "Cut it out already. We'll do it." Anything to stop that pretentious blubbering.

The smile that he received almost blinded him and Sasuke idly wondered how anyone could switch from one mood to another in the space of a breath. That had to be damaging for the brain. It interested him, vaguely, but Sasuke had given up trying to understand how the cogs of his best friend's mind worked a long time ago. Grabbing Naruto by the collar, Sasuke hauled him up and brushed the dust off his clothes. Once satisfied, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts and raised a fine black eyebrow.

"Well then?"

White drawer, black drawer, white drawer, black drawer.

"Sasuke?"

"Hn?"

"If you were a woman, what colour drawer would you put your make-up in?"

Naruto looked up in time to see a flicker of 'what the fuck' cross Sasuke's face. "...What?"

"I said if you were a woman- "

"No I heard that, dobe!"

"But you- "

"Just open the white drawer."

Muttering a 'bastard' under his breath, Naruto did as he was told and upon finding the desired items, gingerly picked out a tube of god knows what. It was a glossy black all over with a small strip of pink in the middle and smelt an awful lot like shoe polish. Lipstick, apparently. Popping the top off, curious azure eyes peered inside and Naruto was somewhat startled to find it was a vibrant shade of red.

"Haven't you ever seen a tube of lipstick before?"

"Shut up, teme." It was a half-hearted insult more sung than spat, Naruto too absorbed in the little thing he had discovered. Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned away to lean against the door frame - he was losing braincells just looking at the dazed moron. He didn't even know why they were in here. It wasn't like his parents' had anything interesting to hide or secrets to keep. Sasuke let his eyes scour the room, trailing indifferently over the ivory table and cream white bed covers, the dark oriental wallpaper emblazoned with the Uchiha crest. Amongst thoughts of how much it suited his family and their untouchable reputation, Sasuke was dimly aware of his name being called, but brushed it aside. Personally, he preferred simplicity over something extravagant and hence, his bedroom was scarcely decorated at all. No picture frames, posters, flowers on the beside table. It was just hues of blue, and a touch of black and white. That was it and he liked it that way.

"-ke! Are you even looking?"

Sasuke gave a non-interested hum. Because that was exactly what he was. Not interested. He winced when Naruto continued yelling, eardrums positively vibrating with the force. It had been almost 8 years since they had met, forming the most unlikely of friendships, and a million and one hours spent together afterwards - but Sasuke didn't think he'd ever get use to how loud the blonde was. At most he had learnt to tune the obnoxious boy out but even then, when that voice did penetrate his little bubble of peace, it shocked him down to his bones. It was surprising, really, that he could keep his cool and not openly spazz out like anyone else would. Then again, he was an Uchiha and that was expected of him.

So the next time Naruto yelled out his name, Sasuke merely turned his head, offered a bored glance and let another insult roll off his tongue. The Uzumaki was being a baka again, those stupid sapphire eyes filled with such childish excitement, grinning widely like a fool. And that lipstick, god, it wasn't even on properl- Wait, what?

Sasuke felt his eyebrow twitch as he slowly spun around and came face to face with a mess of colour. For whatever bizarre reason he would never understand, Naruto had not only taken an interest to his mother's (expensive) make up, but apparently tried to apply it as well. Without much success. Taking a step back, Sasuke tried to take in the bright pink eyeshadowing framing amused blue eyes but when he was finally able to look away, the sight of lipstick-smeared cheeks reign his attention back in and the raven-haired boy was back to square one - train of thought derailed, confused and a little terrified.

"What," he began, the twitch in his eyebrow intensifying when he realised Naruto was holding back a smile, "Are you doing?"

Naruto ignored him and dashed over the the mirror on the wall. It was a little high for him so he stood on his toes, dismissing the snide comment about his short stature. Turning his head this way and that, Naruto decided that even though he was the manliest of boys, he didn't look half bad. "I'm kinda pretty, neh Sasuke?"

There was a muffled guffaw and Naruto glared at his best friend's chuckling reflection before going back to staring at himself. It surprised him, really, that whilst the lipstick was as bright as bright could be and he was as tanned as tanned could be living in Konoha, the colour still stood out dramatically. And it made him wonder what it'd look like on someone whose skin hadn't received so much sun. Like Gaara, his brain supplied, and he snickered at the mental image. The guy had the hair to match.

"What are you laughing at, dobe?"

"Nooothing."

Sasuke gave him a pointed look and for a moment, Naruto was intrigued at the contrast between the sleek black eyebrows and its pale canvas. Because everyone in the Uchiha family was paper-white and hey, Sasuke didn't like to go out a lot. He preferred to stay inside, where the room was always at a nice temperature and he didn't have to worry about the rain or the wind or the sun or the dogs or the cats or for god's sake the people and their annoying inabilities to just shut the hell up and be quiet.

And that was when Sasuke realised that Naruto was staring at him and had probably been staring at him for the past five minutes. He struggled not to squirm under the curious gaze but when Naruto showed absolutely no signs of stopping, he snapped. "What?"

Naruto took a few long strides closer and leaned in closer than Sasuke was comfortable with. There were a few more seconds of awkward silence and then, "Can I put some on you?"

Sasuke spluttered an are you serious? and panicked when he received a grave nod in return. "But why?"

"Because I want to see." Said Naruto, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You're paler than I am."

Hands planted themselves firmly on Naruto's orange jacket and kept him at arm's length. "So?"

"So?" Naruto started, almost shocked at the question. "It'll look really different on you and-"

"No!"

"-I want to see what it looks like!"

"No!"

"Come on, teme!" Naruto whined, whiskers scrunching up. "Just once!"

"NO."

"Please?!"

"No!" Sasuke was getting desperate now. Because it wasn't really that big of a deal, putting lipstick on, but putting it on in front of Naruto? No. Hell no. Uchihas did not place themselves in embarrassing situations. That was definitely not happening on his watch. "I don't want to."

"But why nooot?" Naruto's hand tugged at the other boy's shirt.

"Because- " And for the life of him, Sasuke couldn't think fast enough when Naruto had those blue eyes trained expectantly on him. "Because- uh- because-" Because? "Because lipstick is for girls!" Yeah, that'd do.

Naruto stopped his tugging and his groaning and his pleading for a few seconds to think about it. He couldn't deny that makeup wasn't for girls, because it was. And Sasuke was, he'd admit, a little more grown up than himself so it was sort of understandable that he wouldn't want to play with the same things. But nonetheless, the image of Sasuke wearing such a contrasting colour had taken him by the collar and refused to let go. Plus, he had put the damn thing on and he hadn't feel any less manly, now had he? "Who cares! Pleeease?"

Sasuke vigorously shook his head. "No. End of story."

Naruto fisted his hands in Sasuke's shirt and gave the boy a firm shake, sending midnight hair flying. "But temeee!" He complained as he threw his head back in exasperation. "I did it!"

"So?" Sasuke retorted, trying to disentangle himself from Naruto's grip, "It's stupid."

Naruto opened his mouth to say something, snapped it shut when a thought hit him and gaped at the bewildered Sasuke a few seconds later. He let go of the shirt. "Are you," Naruto gasped, a smile working its way onto his face as Sasuke promptly began to stalk away, "Are you chicken?"

Sasuke stopped in his tracks, whipped his head around and immediately fired back that no, he wasn't chicken, he just didn't want to. Naruto narrowed his eyes and studied the indignant expression on the other wore, before his eyes caught that funny understanding light and he collapsed in a fit of laughter. "You are!"

"I am not!"

The fox-faced boy lay on the floor, a giggling mass of limbs. "Sasuke's scared of lipstick!" He taunted, ducking when Sasuke stormed back over and sent a ferocious punch his way. "Scaredy cat! Scaredy cat!"

Sasuke felt his teeth clack together as the competitive nature that came in his genes flared up - the need to protect his honour, his dignity, his family name. Uchihas were competitive in every sense of the word and fearless before anything. Most importantly, they never backed down. Especially not to bumbling, ramen-loving blondes.

"Fine!" He cried, in a voice that was an octave higher than normal and all too defensive, "I'll put on the stupid lipstick! God, you're so annoying."

Naruto peeked open an eye and peered up at the boy, pleasant surprise evident on his face. He mouthed a really? and before Sasuke could take back the words he was already starting to regret, Naruto was up and over to him with the lipstick in hand. Tanned digits grasped his chin and as uncomfortable as it was, Sasuke remained still, reluctantly opening his mouth when instructed. A few mess ups, clean ups and embarrassing minutes later, Naruto was nodding and congratulating himself - applying lipstick was so much easier when he could actually see where he was going and thus Sasuke's cheeks had remained untainted, the vibrant colour confined to the contours of his lips.

Sasuke pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. This was ridiculous. Forget pride, he looked like an idiot and he knew it. Honestly. His shoulders jerked forward as Naruto forcefully pushed him to the mirror, all the while happily chattering to himself he'd done a good job, hadn't he? and Teme, you look kinda cool. Kinda weird, but kinda cool. At the same time.

"See?" Naruto gave him a cheesy grin, eyes curving up into little sideways crescents. "You do look kinda cool."

And Sasuke had to admit (internally, of course) as the two stared at the red on his face, the sight did make him curious and he turned his head left, then right, then left again just as Naruto had done before him, to admire the view. "Baka." He stated, eyes still locked on his own mouth. "I- "

"Wow, outoto, I never would have thought you'd be into this sort of thing."

No no no no no no, NO. This could NOT be happening.

For a moment there, the room spun and colours blurred into one as Sasuke whipped around to face the drawling voice. And he should have known, should have guessed, that out of all the people who could have possibly caught him out doing such an act, Fate would be cruel and choose his sixteen year old brother.

Black eyes gleamed with evil intentions, a promise of mockery and blackmail for the rest of Sasuke's life as Itachi stood from his position leaning on the door frame and swept out of the room, dark chuckles following him down the hallway. And before Sasuke could crumple into a ball and just die right then and there this was so embarrassing oh-my-god, Itachi popped his head back in.

"By the way, outoto, red is so not your colour."