A/N: Very sorry for the long pause; life has been busy. But here we are – update time! Also, if anyone is interested, Garrus's babysitting bit in here is actually a reference to a story linked with this one called 'Garrus Vakarian: Sharp Shooter not Babysitter' that I am writing/have wrote as a companion piece. You can find it on my profile.

Disclaimer: Bioware owns it, but I like to write about it anyway

After Our Darkest Hour

Chapter Eleven – Expectations versus Reality

Shepard was not sure what to expect after the children were born. She was a soldier through and through, even if she had spent the last nine months winding down to a more subdued life on the Council. Taking care of the girls was not as easy as she might have thought; this coming from someone whom saved the galaxy from a race of sentient machines bent on galactic annihilation.

Piercing cries woke her during the night, though she was almost thankful for that. Often the girls would wake her from her nightmares. Cries kept her on edge during most of the day. Getting work done turned out to be nearly impossible. At times, when she couldn't get them to stop crying, she felt like weeping herself and tearing out her hair.

If it weren't for Kaidan she was sure she would have broken. The doctor said it was normal, what with her hormones still spiraling out of control, but that didn't help ease her frustration at not being able to handle being a mother more appropiately. The girls loved Kaidan and they rarely cried when he handled them, a fact that both made her happy and frustrated her.

The reality of parenthood seemed far off from the expectations. But that was how it went usually, didn't it?

One night she couldn't hold it together anymore. She had been up late working on paperwork and then Riley had woken her a mere hour after she'd finally fallen asleep. Shepard climbed out of bed and tried to soothe her daughter; changed her, fed her, burped her, and yet, nothing worked. Riley continued to cry. Soon, her crying woke her sister and then this process was repeated. Eventually, Shepard slumped into the rocking chair beside their crib with them in her arms and started crying.

That's when they stopped crying and looked up at her with perplexed, almost concerned, pale blue eyes. Then they both giggled and reached out their hands, wiggling their little fingers at her. Shepard laughed softly through her tears and then cradled them close.

After that, things began to seem less like a chore and more like it should. Riley and Rhiannon seemed to understand how far they'd pushed their mother, something that astounded both Shepard and Kaidan. That one night seemed to change them into a family. Things began to follow a somewhat normal routine after that. When Shepard had to work, Kaidan would stay with the girls(though often times, Spectre Vega would stop by and help keep an eye on his nieces). Since he was on protection detail for the Council, he would only have to leave the home if the Council demanded it(they didn't often, considering). The Council had even granted a grand ceremony to see Kaidan and Shepard married, a moment that went down in history like every bit of Shepard's life often did.

Since the wedding, Tali stopped by often to spend time with Riley and Rhiannon. She just simply couldn't get enough of Shepard's daughters(she had even dubbed them Riley and Rhiannon Nar'Normandy – which, in quarian, meant they were children of the ship Normandy; they'd been conceived there, even if they had been born on SS, was Tali's reasoning).

Garrus visited rarely and often appeared uncomfortable around what he called such 'fragile' creatures. Shepard could see that he feared hurting them. Liara stopped by as often as Garrus, too busy as the Shadow Broker to pull herself away from work; Shepard was amazed she managed to do it at all. T'Soni was a hell of a Shadow Broker and definitely a force to be reckoned with. The asari had changed in the years Shepard had been indisposed(she refused to think of herself as dead, even if she had been at the time).

By the time the girls were a year and a half, Shepard figured that it was about time that she and Kaidan take a night to themselves. It had been so long since the two had been on a date, not that she disliked the time she had with her now husband and their daughters. Tali was more than happy to babysit, but had made an unusual request – that Shepard somehow talk Garrus into babysitting with her. Tali swore it was for the girls, because they honestly did love Garrus, but Shepard couldn't help but think that maybe Tali wanted time with Garrus(she had always suspected that the quarian might be carrying a torch for their turian friend).

Somehow Shepard managed to talk him into it, though she regretted having to nearly guilt him into to doing so. He was obviously uncomfortable with the idea. And honestly, as much as she trusted Garrus with her own life, she was a bit uncomfortable with it as well, although Kaidan attributed it to the fact that this would be the first night they both left the girls with someone else. Kaidan told her it was normal, despite how much she thought it wasn't.

"Calm down, love," Kaidan chuckled, squeezing her hand where it was fidgeting on the table top.

"We should call them, make sure everything is alright."

"Shepard, they're fine, really." He brought her hand to his jaw and kissed her palm.

"If you're sure..." she trailed off to nibble at her lip.

This wasn't who she was. She was not a nervous wreck. Even standing toe to toe with a gigantic ass Reaper, she'd kept her cool. Yet the thought of leaving her children unsettled her. What Anderson wouldn't give to see her now, she thought.

Their dinner arrived but Shepard merely picked at it, much to Kaidan's amusement. Shepard paid no mind to it, glaring at him in warning before returning to pick at her food.

"They really are fine, I promise."

Shepard narrowed her eyes on him again. "You can't promise me that."

Kaidan laughed. "Yes I can, Shepard. Garrus isn't going to let anything happen to them."

"He's not exactly babysitting material; what was Tali thinking?" She didn't like thinking about her friend that way, but these were her children.

"It could be a good thing," he ventured cautiously.

"How so?"

"It's obvious he needs to loosen up." Kaidan took a bite of his steak and chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "He's the only one so uneasy around the girls."

"For good reason; have you seen those talons of his? And those fangs? Hell, even his mandibles look like the edges are razor sharp."

She was being serious, but he couldn't help but laugh. "Listen to you – you'd think he was a weapon, the way you are describing him."

Shepard conceded to that point and actually managed to eat some of her dinner. Afterward, they took a romantic stroll through an artificial park in the station. He carried her heels in one hand and had the other resting on her hip. They walked in companionable silence, even as Shepard's mind raced with every possible catastrophe that could befall her kids.

She wasn't able to linger on that thought long because Kaidan took it upon himself to distract her thoroughly and more than once. By the end of the night, she was able to return home without being in a panic.

To her surprise, Garrus and Tali seemed to have had a good time babysitting Riley and Rhiannon. In fact, the girls were sleeping quietly in their beds. It was safe to say that she was amazed. Garrus even seemed happy.

A couple of days passed and then something happened.

Riley and Rhiannon had been playing in the living-room with their dolls when suddenly Riley hopped up, came up to Shepard, and very clearly said, "Gawwus!"

Shepard's brows rose sharply. "Gawwus?"

At that, Rhiannon hopped up excitedly and came over. "Gawwus?"

Shepard's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Okay – the girls had spoken nothing but normal baby gibberish up until this point and the first night that Garrus babysat, they were saying his name. Obviously her turian friend had neglected to tell her something. As much as she wanted to be jealous, she was actually amused.

She fired up her omni-tool and dialed for Garrus, but she aimed it at the girls as it rang. Garrus picked up after a moment and when Riley and Rhiannon saw Garrus's face on the screen, they began to jump up at the omni-tool excitedly.

"Gawwus! Gawwus!"

"Gawwus!"

"Uh, hey there," he ventured carefully.

Shepard chuckled to herself and then swung the omni-tool around so that he could see her face. She raised a brow, not able to hide the smirk on her lips. "Something you neglected to tell me, Vakarian?"

"Tch," he scoffed and glanced away, seeming embarrassed to be caught. "Should have known the squirts would rat me out."

And even as she laughed, Shepard felt herself grow a little more; the expectations were always there, but the reality always ended up being so much better. Maybe now she could find it in herself to let go, if just a little bit. Things could go on without her, without ending in disaster. And, for some reason, that was a comforting thought.

Being a mother? Yeah, she could do that. And then some.