1 Solace, 9:30 Dragon
Highever Castle

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Rhianna stood on the battlements of Highever Castle, having climbed to the highest point of the tallest tower. It was her favorite place in the castle; from here, she could see the surrounding countryside and the Waking Sea for miles and miles. Every stone, every crack, every place where the walls were worn smooth was familiar, and she knew all its history, as well, or at least as much of history as had been passed down through the generations.

It was here, in the tiny round room beneath her feet, that Flemeth of legend was imprisoned, after her husband found her with another man. It was here that Haelia Cousland stood and watched banns from across the Coastlands arrive at the castle, united for the first time in history, to fight the werewolf threat. From here, Rhianna could see the spot outside the castle walls where Elethea Cousland went down on one knee and swore fealty to Calenhad.

All throughout Rhianna's life, it was here she came when she needed refuge. To be alone with her thoughts, or to dream or to plan or to mourn. Sometimes just to watch the boats make their way across the Waking Sea.

Just today, in fact, this was the third time she'd climbed the tower, with Dane at her side.

The first time, that morning, she nurtured a secret hope that she would look down to see a rider approach up the road.

In the afternoon, she prayed that she would.

This evening, she had come to watch the sun set. It was just now approaching the top of the hills to the west, and the sky had barely begun to glow more intensely yellow. Occasionally, she glanced down the road that stretched south to the Bannorn, but the hope she'd held earlier in the day had evaporated, and left behind a film of vague disappointment.

So, she watched the colors deepen in the evening sky as she rubbed the back of her hound's neck, and allowed her mind to wander back over the events of the past few months, treading softly in those places that were still painful.

The voyage home from Orlais had been almost anticlimactic. After she'd impulsively kissed Gauvain where the whole world could see, she had expected Cailan to be angry, and her father as well. She'd expected to be shouted at, chastised, called horrible names and told she was a disgrace. But that first evening aboard, Fergus had brought dinner to her in her cabin, and they ate together without talking about anything serious at all. After he left, no one had disturbed her for the rest of the night; she suspected Fergus was responsible for that, as well.

She'd welcomed the quiet, but even so, that was the first of many nights she cried herself to sleep, miserable about everything, and feeling profoundly alone. As though another piece of her heart had been torn away, knowing she might never so much as see Gauvain again. Consumed with fear that, in kissing him, she had thrown away any hope she had of becoming queen. Even though she had never wanted it, what if she had done something that would genuinely harm Ferelden, or destroy her family? And of course, the pain of Loghain abandoning her was never far from her mind, and loomed ever larger as the ship sailed toward Ferelden, where all her memories of him resided.

The next morning, there was a knock on her cabin door. She opened it to find Cailan, strangely subdued.

"Rhianna?" His voice was uncertain, as though he expected her to refuse. "May I come in?"

"Of course."

"I . . ." he began, once he'd stepped inside and she'd closed the door behind him. "Well, I . . . "

"Perhaps we should talk," she suggested.

"Yes. Exactly. That's why I'm here, after all."

She gestured toward a chair, and he sat, while she settled herself on the edge of the bunk where she slept.

"That man at the dock . . . he was Celene's cousin, wasn't he?"

"Yes, that was Celene's cousin, Gauvain."

"I see. So, you and he . . .?" Cailan squinted one eye and lifted a brow.

"Were involved with one another during my stay in Orlais," she finished for him. "Yes. But you needn't worry; it's over now between us."

"Are you sure about that? The way you kissed him, it didn't look over."

There was a note in his voice she hadn't heard before. Jealousy, maybe? That seemed unlikely. Why would he be jealous? He hadn't cared enough about her to stay faithful until they were even properly betrothed. And if Rhianna was right about Celene, chances are he would have been here right now, ending things with her, whether or not she'd kissed Gauvain on the dock. Either way, Rhianna didn't know what to say, so she remained silent.

"Do you love him?"

She let out a breath. "What I feel for Gauvain doesn't matter. What matters is that it is over. And when we return to Ferelden, I have every intention of fulfilling the arrangement my father made with you."

"Oh." His eyes widened, slightly. "Yes, that. Well, perhaps we should . . . rethink that."

"Should we? Because of my involvement with Gauvain? Have you decided this makes me unsuitable now as your bride?" She knew she was setting him up, but she didn't care. She didn't intend to sit by quietly if Cailan thought to shame her for doing the exact same thing he'd done. "You were with another woman during our trip. How is this different?"

"Oh." His face turned pink, but he sounded sincere. "No, I didn't mean it like that. It's . . . it's not that at all. I suppose I can hardly blame you for . . . doing what you did. After what I did. It's just . . . I . . . um . . . it's just that if you were to want out of this arrangement, I wouldn't try and hold you to it."

"And if I don't want out?"

"You . . . you still want to marry me? After . . . everything?"

She had never wanted to marry him, but of course she couldn't admit that. Not if there was still some chance of convincing him to hold to the agreement they'd made. As much as Rhianna did not want to be queen, that would be far better than for Cailan to marry Celene and put Ferelden at risk.

"You and my father convinced me that, if you do set Anora aside, I am the best possible choice for a new queen. That's not changed. Has it?"

"Um . . . no. Of course not." He paused. "But perhaps we should take a step back, take some time to make certain this is really what's best for . . . everyone."

"What are you trying to tell me Cailan? You no longer wish to marry me? Is that it? Do you intend to stay married to Anora, after all?" He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. "Or, is it that you'd rather marry Empress Celene?"

His jaw dropped, and the blood drained from his face.

Maker's blood.

It was true. Cailan and Celene. Even though she'd believed it from the moment she'd recognized the color of Celene's lipstick, seeing his face right now - seeing the truth of it etched into his features - came as something of a shock.

"W-what are you talking about? Why would you think something like that?"

"I'm right aren't I? It was Celene you were with the night I came to your room. And not just that one night." She paused. "Just tell me the truth, Cailan. Do you have some idea about marrying the empress?" Because why else would he want out of the arrangement with Rhianna?

He sat up straighter. "Look, Rhianna. This is not how I wanted to tell you, not how I wanted to break this to you. But when I saw you on the dock with that man, I thought perhaps you would actually be happy about this. Doesn't it make things easier? You can be with him, if that's what you want. I'd fully support that match. The Teyrn of Highever's daughter and a cousin of the Empress of Orlais? That would send a powerful message, that we genuinely do desire peace between our two nations."

"So you do intend to marry Celene?"

He let out a breath. "Yes. I mean, there's no firm arrangement in place. How can there be, until my situation with Anora is resolved? But Celene and I discussed it. A bit. And yes. It's what I want."

Rhianna shook her head, not quite able to keep the disdain from her voice. "Can you not see how disastrous that would be for Ferelden?"

"What are you talking about? Disastrous? Of course it wouldn't be. A marriage between the empress and I would do nothing but promote peace between our two nations. A true, lasting peace."

"No, Cailan. That marriage would result in the end of Ferelden. It would become no more than another part of Orlais. The Bannorn would be exploited for her resources, and those of us who used to be Fereldan would be lucky to receive anything in return, except chevaliers running roughshod through our towns."

"You have no idea what you're talking about. Ferelden would only benefit. Celene has promised that our economy would improve, and we'd be much safer from outside attacks – from the Qunari, for example – if we stand as a united front. And she's promised to send assistance against the Blight."

"Do you not see that perhaps Celene has good reason to pretty up the picture? That she might not be telling the whole truth?"

"Now you sound just like Loghain."

"Do I? Then maybe you should listen. Because Loghain understands what would be at stake. Is this what you want? For Ferelden to cease to exist?"

"You're exaggerating, Rhianna. Ferelden will never 'cease to exist.' And it seems as though you don't trust me to do what is best for Ferelden. Now you really do sound just like Loghain."

She struggled to hold back an annoyed sigh. "It's not that I don't trust you, Cailan. It's just that perhaps you're being too quick to trust Celene. I like the empress. I truly do. She was lovely to me during our visit, but is it so unreasonable to believe that she has Orlais' best interests at heart, rather than Ferelden's?"

"Why can't there be benefit to both countries? Rhianna, I thought you of all people would want to see peace between us. You seemed so . . . happy while we were in Orlais. So comfortable."

"I enjoyed my time there, yes, but there were a great many things I didn't enjoy. Things I wouldn't want to see forced on us back home."

"Really? Like what?"

"Like wearing masks out in public, and the extremes of the Grand Game. Alienages even more overcrowded than they are in our cities. Chevaliers, free to do what they like to people in the streets."

"None of those things are going to happen. We'll still be Fereldan; we'll just benefit from the wealth of Orlais."

Did he honestly believe that? Probably, he did. Perhaps it was time to try a different tack.

"What about your father, and his Rebellion? Is this what you intend to do with his legacy? He fought so hard to free us from the Orlesians, yet you're willing to just give it all back?"

He leaned forward in his chair. "Don't bring my father into this. He didn't hate Orlais, even after all that had happened. He wanted peace."

Of course he did. But not enough to marry Empress Celene to obtain it. The empress had said she wanted to marry King Maric, and knowing her, she would have done her best to make that happen. That it hadn't come to pass, meant Maric had turned her down, no doubt for the very reasons Rhianna was arguing right now.

"Peace, yes. But not the end of Ferelden as we know it." She made a frustrated noise. "Sometimes I think I knew him better than you did."

"You have no idea what you're talking about." He sat back, and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "You listened to far too many stories at Loghain's knee. Just because something is Orlesian, doesn't mean it's all bad. I should think you would understand this better than anyone, considering what you've been doing with Celene's cousin. Who happens to be Orlesian, in case you hadn't noticed."

"That's not the same, Cailan. I'm not the King of Ferelden."

"No, you're not. But I am. And this is my decision to make."

"Actually, I'm not sure it is," she replied. "Before you can marry the Empress of Orlais, you'll need to get the Landsmeet to agree. I don't think that's going to happen. There will be some who won't want to see Anora set aside at all, and fewer still who would welcome Celene as Ferelden's new 'queen'."

"I don't need the Landsmeet's permission. I'm the king."

"Only as long as the Landsmeet continues to give you their support. Cailan, please. I'm not saying any of this out of jealousy or pettiness. I'm serious. You need to consider this more fully, and when you've done that you'll realize you can't possibly marry Celene. If you don't want to marry me, I'll understand. Find someone else. But find someone Fereldan. Or stay with Anora. She's a good queen; doesn't she deserve better than to be set aside like this?"

In the end, he had refused to discuss it further, and forced Rhianna to swear to tell no one of what she'd discovered, and of his plans to marry the empress.

This, of course, was a promise she intended to break as soon as they were back in Highever. She didn't want to risk that her father might confront Cailan while they were still on the ship, but as soon as they were home, she would tell him. Her father would know what to do.

Bryce had, unsurprisingly, been furious. Fortunately, only with Cailan; this new development seemed to overshadow the revelation that Rhianna had been involved with Gauvain during their stay in Orlais.

"Damn the lad, how can he even consider such a thing?"

"I tried to tell him that," Rhianna replied. "Tried to make him see how disastrous it would be, but he wouldn't listen to reason."

"No, I don't suppose he would." He sighed. "Well, there's no reason to panic. Cailan would need the Landsmeet's approval, which, frankly, I don't believe will ever happen. Still, it would be wise not to ignore the possibility that Cailan might work behind the scenes, hoping to convince enough voting members to go along with this ridiculous plan. In any case, we have time; there's not much he could do until the Landsmeet convenes in August, unless he wants to call a special session, which would be incredibly foolish. In the meantime, I will contact a few people. Rendon and Leonas. Loghain, although I'm not sure how open he will be to correspondence from me." Bryce paused. "And perhaps Eamon Guerrin."

"Eamon?" Rhianna's distaste for the man welled up, although she was never entirely sure why she disliked him so much. "Why Arl Eamon?"

Her father hesitated. "He has some influence over the boy, and might be able to make him see reason. And Eamon has long been an advocate of a match between you and Cailan, so I think he would be unhappy about a marriage to Celene."

"What? Eamon wanted me to marry Cailan?"

"Yes. Back when Maric disappeared, Eamon wanted me to convince Cailan that he should break off his betrothal to Anora and marry you instead; that you were a much better choice to be queen. And I believe it was Eamon who convinced Cailan, during this past Landsmeet season, that he should set Anora aside. Again, in favor of you."

"Eamon said all those things?" Now it all made sense. Why she had disliked him, had the feeling he was scheming about her behind her back.

He had been.

The thought of it made her skin crawl. And if Eamon was the one who put the idea in Cailan's head . . . the reason Cailan approached her father in the first place, then Eamon was, indirectly, to blame for Loghain's proposal being rejected.

Maker's balls.

"You were right to come to me about this," her father continued, "and I promise, you don't need to worry. We'll take care of it. The Landsmeet will not allow Cailan to do anything that puts Ferelden at risk in this way."

She bit her bottom lip. "The way you're talking, it frightens me a bit. It sounds . . . treasonous, almost. As though you're working against the king."

He reached over, and took her hand. "I'm not working against the king, Pup. I'm working for Ferelden. For the good of Ferelden. When it comes down to it, that is my duty. And you know as well as I do that this is what's best for Cailan too, whether he understands it or not."

"But he seems so determined. And you swore an oath to him."

"And in preventing him from doing something that would harm the country he rules - the country he does love - I will uphold that oath. You have to believe this."

"All right." She let out a breath. "The Landsmeet really won't let him do this?"

"No," he reassured. "We won't. I promise." He paused. "What about you? Are you . . . all right? Talking about all this with Cailan can't have been easy. Especially not after what happened . . . on the dock. When you spoke with him, he wasn't cruel to you in any way?"

"Oh." She blinked. "No, I'm fine. He wasn't cruel. He was angry when I made the suggestion that marrying Celene was a bad idea, but he was actually all right about . . . the rest of it. I think he was almost grateful to have a plausible reason to get out of the arrangement he had with me."

"I'm glad to hear he treated you decently." He paused. "Although, to be honest, I'm not sure he won't still wish to hold you to that agreement once the Landsmeet shoots down this fantasy of his about becoming the Emperor of Orlais."

"I understand that. I certainly won't be disappointed if he's decided he doesn't want me after all. But I am still willing to marry him, if it comes to that."

"And what if it doesn't?" His brow creased. "Would you want to go back to Orlais? And stay there?" He paused. "With Celene's cousin?"

Her breath caught in her chest. "I . . . I honestly don't know."

On the one hand, yes. Yes, she wanted more than anything to go back and be with Gauvain. She loved him, and being parted from him caused a physical ache.

At the same time, Ferelden was her home, and being back here after some time away only reinforced how very much she loved it. How much she loved Highever, and her family.

Even so, she had to admit to herself that she'd thought about it. About what Celene had said. That the door would always be open. Perhaps after the Blight was over . . .

"I honestly don't know," she repeated. "But whatever happens, I won't be able to make any decision until after the darkspawn have been defeated."

‹›‹O›‹›

In the weeks that followed her return, she tried to settle into some sort of familiar routine, but after the initial excitement of being home, and telling her father what had happened with Cailan, there was nothing left to distract her, and she was faced with the reality of being back in Highever, alone, and none of her usual activities were enough to keep her mind off how much she hurt.

No matter how much she had missed Ferelden - and she had - being back was dreadful. Not only was her grief over the loss of Gauvain painfully fresh, but as soon as she stepped foot back in Highever, all of her senses were flooded with sights and sounds and smells that reminded of her Loghain. Here, Gauvain seemed less real, more like a dream from which she hadn't wanted to awaken. There were no reminders of him here to take her by surprise. Nothing but her own memories and the necklace he had given her, which she wore against her skin.

Loghain, on the other hand, was everywhere.

Garrick's shop, where they had stopped to buy pasties.

The market square where the werewolves had attacked.

The practice field.

The dining room, and the sitting room, and the library.

The map she had left unrolled on the desk in her bedroom.

The sight of that map, the first time she walked into the room, was enough to bring her to tears. She had collapsed on the bed and cried, and she didn't know what hurt most - being separated from the man she had loved for so many years, or having walked away from the man whose love she had known so intensely for such a short time.

She loved them both, and thoughts of either left her helpless and grief-stricken and more alone than she had ever felt before. But it was the loss of Loghain she felt most keenly now that she was home, as it was here they had been together, and should have been together far into the future.

If she had thought falling in love with Gauvain would help her forget about Loghain, or ease her sense of loss, she had been wrong. If she had stayed with Gauvain, then yes. Certainly, he was bright enough to light up the dark corners and chase the shadows away.

But now he was gone as well, and she missed both of them, so much.

There was more to it than that, though. She yearned for Gauvain, missed his kisses and his laughter, his crooked smile and the light in his eyes. But she knew he would be fine. Of course he would miss her, but he would be back with his family by now: Claire, and their sons. Somehow, the knowledge that he wasn't alone helped her to feel better, lighter, less distraught. He wasn't in her arms, but he was being held by someone who loved him.

But Loghain? He had so rarely been anything other than alone, especially after Maric was gone. Hadn't he told her she was his best friend? Not only had he lost her, but Uthalas was gone as well, murdered by assassins. Loghain wasn't a man to collect new friends easily. She loved him, yes, but what people said of him was true. He wasn't an easy man, even if he had been easy with her, at least for a time. Knowing he was alone, maybe more alone than she was, made her heart ache even more.

For a time it had hurt so much she wasn't sure how to climb out of the hole into which she had fallen.

Guardian had been dreadful; Drakonis somewhat less so. Through it all, she forced herself to keep doing things. Riding out into town, visiting the families who trusted her to help them in times of need. She trained harder than ever with her sword. These things helped chase away the pain, and as the days passed, the desolation began to lift, as Fergus had said it would. By the time the summer arrived she could get through days without the constant dull ache, without feeling sick to her stomach all the time. Occasionally, she even felt happy, even if it only lasted for brief moments before dissolving again into sorrow. And slowly, as the summer ripened toward autumn, she found her way out of despair.

Sometimes, even now, a memory would hit her, or an image in her mind. Gauvain's smile, or Loghain's laughter, which - rare as it was, was a sound to be treasured - and she would hurt so much she hardly knew how to keep breathing.

But these moments grew less frequent over time; her heart had begun to heal.

Thankfully, Rhianna's relationship with her father had also healed. The conversation they'd had about Cailan had broken the ice, and seemed to allow them to release the bad feelings they clung to over the past months. She sensed that whatever disappointment he felt toward her had gone, and her own anger and resentment began to melt, as well, until they once again had something that felt whole and good and completely loving.

It was wonderful to know her father was proud of her again, happy with her again. And it felt good to be happy with him, as well. To forgive him for the mistakes he'd made, and to realize he'd never intended to harm her with any of it. Rhianna was genuinely grateful to have her father back, and only now did she fully understand how painful it had been when their relationship was in ruins.

They went riding together, and for long walks, and talked about things – not things that had happened over the past year, just things in general. How trade had increased recently in town. The prospects for this year's harvest. Whether or not Oren was old enough yet for a mabari of his own.

And of course, they discussed the growing problem of the darkspawn.

Late in Drakonis, word reached Highever that darkspawn had surged out of the Korcari Wilds and destroyed an entire village in the Southron Hills. They killed nearly everyone and tainted the land so thoroughly that no one - no humans, anyway - would be able to live there for years to come.

From then on, darkspawn were sighted regularly in other places, too, in ever increasing numbers. So far, none of them had appeared as far north as Highever, but unless they could be stopped, it was only a matter of time.

Half-way through Bloomingtide, Cailan led the army from Denerim to the abandoned Imperium city of Ostagar. They would use the Tevinter ruins as a staging ground from which to fight back against the darkspawn horde that had gathered in the Korcari Wilds. With Loghain at the head of the royal armies, several battles had already been fought. So far, they'd been able to push back the darkspawn each time.

But the creatures always returned, and in greater numbers than before.

Cailan had begun to send requests to the arls and banns, asking for troops to support the king's efforts, but Rhianna worried that at some point, no matter how many soldiers Cailan could amass, they would be outnumbered, unless they could find a way to destroy the horde completely.

If Duncan was right, and this was a blight, destroying the horde might be no simple task.

Duncan seemed to be doing his part to help, however. He had been traveling through Ferelden, as promised, recruiting for the Grey Wardens. The king had been true to his word as well, and encouraged tournaments to be held in all of Ferelden's major cities. Duncan had seen knights and soldiers paraded before him in Redcliffe, Amaranthine and Oswin. There had been a huge tournament in Denerim, sponsored by the Knight Commander there, that had drawn templars from all across Ferelden. Leonas Bryland had described the spectacle in a letter to Rhianna's father. Apparently, Duncan hadn't even recruited the winner of that tournament. Instead, he recruited a young novice from Redcliffe who, rumor had it, was "quite lacking in anything other than bad manners."

Her father had done his part, as well, and held a tournament in Highever. Rhianna, however, had chosen not to compete. For the first time since she learned to fight, she had no desire to demonstrate her skills in front of others. Especially not in front of Duncan. Rhianna couldn't help but worry that he'd come here to claim her, perhaps even use the Right of Conscription, in which case neither she nor her father could have stopped him. Her fears proved unfounded, though. Duncan never approached her, nor did he speak to her father about her, as far as she knew. Instead, he left Highever with a red-haired knight Rhianna had never met before.

She still had doubts about the Grey Wardens, though. Loghain had been adamant that they were pawns of Orlais, and not to be trusted, and seeing Duncan in Val Royeaux had not eased Rhianna's fears. Especially not when Duncan was there to ask Celene to send chevaliers to Ferelden.

Allowing Grey Wardens from Orlais into the country was one thing, but not chevaliers. Not in Ferelden.

Not ever again.

Finally, last week, her father had received his request to join the king's army at Ostagar. The Highever Regulars would march south as soon as they could be readied to travel, which added a whole new set of fears for Rhianna to consider.

On the whole, it felt as though her life was in a shambles. She was heartbroken and lonely, and now she was afraid for Ferelden, and for her father and brother, both of whom would march south with the army. She wanted to go with them, fight at their sides, but her requests had fallen on deaf ears.

Only one good thing had come of all this: with Cailan occupied in the south, he wouldn't be able to move forward with his plans to marry Celene. There was only small satisfaction in this, however. Yes, one threat to Ferelden was delayed, but at the cost of genuine death and destruction in the south.

‹›‹O›‹›

The sun had dipped below the hills, and a chill wind blew across the top of the battlements. It hadn't been much of a sunset after all; the sky had gone through a few shades of pink, and then almost immediately to the deep blue of night. At the horizon, a glow of brighter blue could still be seen, but that, too, would be gone in just a few minutes, and then all would be dark.

With the onset of night, the last flicker of hope she had held within her heart was extinguished, like a candle in a drafty room. Dane pushed his nose into the palm of her hand, and gave a long, mournful whine.

As the stars blinked into view one after the other, and the full moon rose in the east, Rhianna breathed into the knowledge that her birthday had come and gone with no word from Loghain. She hadn't expected him to come, of course. He was in the south, at war against the darkspawn. But she hadn't been able to stop herself from hoping a messenger would arrive, bearing a letter. A letter that promised, finally, the words she wanted to hear.

That he loved her. That once the darkspawn had been defeated, Loghain would come to Highever and claim her, now she was old enough to choose for herself who she would marry.

She had tried over and over to convince herself it was a foolish hope; he had told her goodbye and had done nothing since to indicate he had changed his mind. But she hadn't been able to let it go. Not completely. Not until now.

Now, it was time to face reality. He didn't love her. Probably he never had.

As one last, almost desperate hope bloomed in her chest, she took a final glance at the road to the south.

But of course, there was no messenger riding toward the castle.

Rhianna shivered as a gust of wind blew past, and a cloud drifted across the moon's path, blocking its light. With Dane at her side, she turned, and made her way back downstairs.

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~~ The End ~~

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This is the end of Book One, but not the end of Rhianna's story. You can follow her adventures during the Fifth Blight in Book Two: "Unshaken by the Darkness, Book Two: Lights in the Shadow."

www dot fanfiction dot net/s/9606856/1/

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Many, many thanks to the extraordinary efforts of my wonderful beta readers, Psyche Sinclair and Sehnsuchttraum, for seeing me this far. Thank you, as well, to all of my readers, whether you commented, or lurked quietly. I appreciate so much that you chose to spend your time reading this story, and I hope you will continue to follow Book Two. And thanks especially to all my reviewers, including Hannahhobnob, Milly-finalfantasy, KrystylSky, Chrismasters, DjinniGenie, SwomeeSwan, Arsinoe de Blassenville, and AnimEfAN506, as well as all the others who have commented on this story over the year and a bit that I've been posting it. Your support and encouragement are inspirational, and kept me going at times when I might otherwise have given up.

Much more is still to come, but there is something definitely bittersweet about reaching the end of this part of Rhianna's story. Thank you all so much.

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