The feel of hands on her body drew her from slumber. She knew that touch; knew those rough, calloused fingers as they wandered over her back in a feather-light caress. With a soft murmur of pleasure, she rolled closer to Kaidan, tucking herself in against him as he continued to slide those clever hands of his along her spine. As her lips curved in a pleased smile, she lifted her head slightly and opened her eyes to gaze at him.

Light blazed, searing into her skull, and she groaned, burying her face in the pillow. She felt him shake against her as her head pounded, knew he was laughing – though at least he was polite enough to smother the sound of his snickers. "Oh my God, how many lights do you have on in here?" she croaked, voice muffled into the pillow.

"The bedside lamp and the aquarium," Kaidan replied calmly, skimming his hand along her side to cup her hip. "I take it you and the girls had quite the time last night?" It took only a little effort on his part to keep her from squirming away, and she felt his lips press into the side of her throat. "What time did you get in this morning, anyway?"

"Go away," she muttered, reaching out with one arm to bat at him as his mouth moved its way from throat to shoulder, his fingers still tracing patterns on her skin. "You're an evil man, Kaidan Alenko. God. What did they pour into me last night?" As her body and mind came fully awake, she became aware of the fact that the top of her head was trying to escape, and slapped a hand onto her short cap of hair to keep it from fleeing, hissing with the pain.

There was no immediate answer as Kaidan drew away. She felt the bed move as he slid out of it, could feel his footsteps as he made his way towards the refresher station. The sound of water hitting glass echoed through her skull and she groped for his pillow, pulling it over her head even as she felt him approach. "Here. Water and some asprin." She waited for him to put them on the bedside table; it didn't take long for her to realize, however, that he wasn't going to make it so easy. Pulling her head out from under the pillow, she squint-glared up at him.

"Gimme." Wiggling her way up into a sitting position, she reached out and snagged the glass and pills, popping the latter into her mouth, then washing it down with a swallow of tepid water. Tears streamed from her eyes as she shoved the glass back at him, then cradled her head in her hands. "I swear, I promise I'll never make fun of your photosensitivity again."

She could hear his low chuckle as he sat down on the bed beside her, reaching out to tweak her chin between thumb and forefinger. "Don't make promises you won't keep, Shepard," came his easy response. "I can tell you had a good time last night. Want to talk about it?" At her bleary-eyed stare, he merely grinned. "What? You, Liara, Tali, EDI, Daniels, and Chakwas all head to Purgatory for, what was it? A 'girls' night out'? And you don't expect me to be curious? Who'd you meet up with there? Jack?"

She couldn't narrow her eyes any further without closing them, so she did the next best thing and drilled a forefinger into his naked chest. "You're lucky I love you, or I'd totally knock you head over ass right now. Yeah, we had a good time," she added when he simply continued to watch her expectantly. "I don't want to know what was in those shots they kept feeding me. I didn't even know Liara knew how to drink – but she's got one hell of a metabolism. I think – I think I remember Jack showing up. I was pretty, uh…"

"Wasted," Kaidan supplied helpfully as she struggled to find the appropriate word. "I think you're looking for 'wasted'." He met her green-eyed glare with an innocent expression. "Sloshed? Smashed? Inebriated? Drunk?" With her reflexes dulled by the hangover still playing with her mind, he was easily able to duck away from the shove she sent in his direction, catching her when she would have tumbled from the bed on the follow through. She swayed where she sat amidst the rumpled sheets, then abruptly twisted and flopped, smashing her face into the pillow.

"Ow."

"Poor baby," crooned the major as he tugged the blankets out from beneath her, flipping them up then spreading them across her naked body. "So tell me, what do girls talk about when they go to the bar and get trashed? Any secrets floating around I should know about?" Something in his voice made her twist to peer at him with one glassy eye, suspicious. "Like, I don't know, any resemblance between me and a – what was it? Nymphomaniac tiger on steroids, I believe."

"I did not call you that. I didn't!" she insisted as he gave her a skeptical stare. "Maybe I said something about how you keep me up at night, sometimes – okay, well, maybe all the time – but I totally didn't call you that. I think that one was from Gabby," she added reluctantly. "It was meant as a compliment? Because, you know, you are pretty insatiable…" Her leer faltered a bit as she met his carefully blank stare. "Sorry. It was the…"

"Drink," he finished for her, shaking his head. "Which I also assume was responsible for you climbing on the table, stripping off your jacket, and showing everyone the – what did they call it? Shepard Shuffle?" Her look of horror was met with a bland smile. "I'm sorry I missed it. I imagine it was even more entertaining in real life than it was on the extranet." When she buried her face in the pillow and gave voice to a shrill scream, he lost his battle with calm and laughed outloud. "Oh yes, you're making the rounds on terminals and omni-tools galaxy-wide right now."

She dragged the second pillow over her head again, held it down tight. Her plaintive "Just shoot me now," came out so muffled that he had to ask her to repeat it – twice. His laugh was barely audible through the stuffing and she felt his hands on her again, soothing over tight muscles in her back. They worked their way down, and she began to relax under the gentle caresses – then abruptly jerked away as a sharp pain radiated through her ass. "Hey! Why'd you pinch me?"

Brown eyes filled with suppressed laughter met her indignant stare as she twisted to face him. "I didn't pinch you," he replied innocently, lifting his hands away from her and spreading them.

"Bull. I felt it." She reached behind her, rubbing a hand over the spot he'd assaulted and was rewarded with another dull surge of pain. "What the – " Twisting around, she tried to stare at her own rear, but was thwarted when she discovered her spine didn't quite twist that far. "What did you do to me, Alenko?" she demanded, wiggling her hips in an effort to see. He watched her with just a bit too much interest, and she recognized the glint in his eye at once. "Oh no you don't," she warned. "You're not getting near me with that thing until you tell me what's going on."

"I didn't pinch you," he repeated simply, folding his hands in his lap and meeting her eyes with a calm smile. "I'm glad you had fun last night, though, Shepard. You needed a chance to unwind, and I think that 'girls' night out' was just the thing. I imagine it was good hooking up with Jack again, hey?" She eyed him narrowly, disconcerted by the emphasis he placed on the biotic's name. He met her gaze with his own, his expression so bland that she felt her eyebrows drawing together in a frown.

"What are you on abo- oh. Oh no." Sheer panic flowed through her voice as she scrambled out of the sheets, shoving him from the bed in her haste to gain her feet. Stumbling at the sudden disorientation of being upright, she grabbed at his arm to keep her balance until her head stopped spinning – or rather, decided to spin in only one direction rather than three. Once she was reasonably capable of movement, she made a staggering dash to the bathroom. "Oh my FUCKING GOD!"

Standing naked by the bed, Kaidan tucked his hands behind his back and rocked on his heels, grinning broadly as he watched her shadow in the bathroom, easily able to picture what she was doing from its frantic movements. "Something wrong, Shepard?" he asked cheekily, and was rewarded with a view of her middle finger. "You just said you didn't want to do that."

"What the fuck is this? Lips? RED lips? Why did you let her do this to me, Alenko?" Tucking his tongue in his cheek, he mulled over his options, then sauntered towards the bathroom, careful to keep himself – and the more tender parts of his anatomy – out of her immediate reach. "Shit, shit, shit," he heard her muttering as he approached. "I sure hope Chakwas knows how to remove this crap. Oh man, oh man, who knows?"

Running his tongue over his teeth, Kaidan leaned to the side to catch a glimpse of his lover standing with her back to the bathroom mirror, legs splayed and one hand braced against the wall above the toilet as she stared down the line of her back. He knew exactly what she was seeing in the mirror – from his vantage, he had all too good a view. "I don't know, Shepard. I think it makes a statement."

"Alenko, kiss my ass."

"That would be the one. At least now, I know exactly where to do it."

When she flipped him off again, he decided it was as good a time as any to take her suggestions to heart – starting with one, and finishing with the other.