Techno music blared from the vid as white names rolled down the black screen. Shepard blinked slowly and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. She leaned forward, pulling herself away from Garrus's draped arm, and eyed the screen, as if demanding answers.

"What the hell kind of ending was that?"

Garrus gazed at her idly, mandibles flickering with amusement.

"I believe humans would call it ambiguous."

Shepard turned her accusing gaze away from the screen. Her eyes were almost blazing; even if Garrus hadn't spent the last few years learning the intricacies of human expressions, the irritation would've been easily apparent.

"That," she spluttered, "is what we humans would call shit."

Garrus chuckled, the laughter a low rumble in his chest. He tugged gently at her shoulder, pulling Shepard back into his arms. She grumbled slightly, but willingly let herself be tucked back into the snug curve between his cowl and shoulder.

"The rest of the vid wasn't bad. Didn't know you slept with Alenko before Ilos, though."

Her hand swatted his chest plates playfully.

"Neither did I. 'Spose it was easier to have a story about me turning to you for a shoulder to cry on instead of just getting completely wasted with Chakwas and then propositioning you."

His talons made a slow, meandering trail up the bare skin of her arm. Shepard sighed softly and snuggled a bit closer.

"Easier, maybe. But that little line about testing my reach and your flexibility...definitely better."

He felt her smile against the sensitive skin of his neck and his mandibles twitched in response. For a few moments, they simply relaxed in the silence of the bedroom and the warmth of the covers. And then Shepard, of course, had to push away from him once again. She sat up, one of her pillows falling off the side of the bed. She ignored it in favor of crossing her legs and chewing absentmindedly on her bottom lip. Garrus watched her with interest; humans and asari both did strange things like biting themselves when thinking. One of the benefits of not having pointy teeth, he supposed. He shifted a bit as he thought of a few other very pleasant perks that came with blunted teeth.

"I just don't understand it. I mean, both the geth and I are very clearly not dead. The mass relays are intact. You definitely didn't fly away on the Normandy and get stranded on a planet. And you'd think one of us would remember a conversation that had me discuss genocide with some sort of...Starchild? Catalyst? I don't even know what the hell that was."

"I believe that was what you humans would call shit, Shepard."

She laughed, then uncrossed her legs to twist around and fetch her pillow from its spot on the floor. She wedged it behind her in its proper place with the other one and rested one hand on her stomach while the other sought out Garrus' own.

"So," she grinned mischievously and lightly squeezed his hand, "what was your favorite scene? Mine was definitely when you took out those three mercs on Omega. With one shot."

He rolled over to face her, planting a hand on each side of her waist and caging her with his arms.

"Technically, it was two. The last one had a heart attack. It wouldn't be fair to include him," Garrus leaned forward, gently resting his forehead on her own and breathing in her scent before continuing, "but my favorite scene? Definitely the love scene."

Shepard closed her eyes and caressed his scars with her fingertips, reveling in the rough sensation and almost omnipresent smell of pine needles that was such a clear reminder that he was still here with her and that he wasn't going to be saving her a seat up at that bar in heaven any time soon.

"Well, well, well. Didn't know my gunnery officer had a soft spot for anything other than calibrations."

"I've been known to make an exception, from time to time."

"Clearly."

She pressed her lips to his mouth, grinning as he returned the kiss as best he could. For a man without lips, he certainly managed well. And he tasted like a damned barbecue.

Garrus broke away for a moment, his pale blue eyes meeting hers with an intensity that only turians could manage. He drew his talons through the tangles of her hair and practically purred,

"So...that love scene. Wouldn't mind reenacting it."

Shepard snickered, but snaked her arms around his neck, gently kneading in little semicircles at the base of his fringe.

"That really the line you're going to go with, Garrus?"

He groaned slightly at her tender ministrations, burying his face in the crook of her neck and nipping lightly.

"If it works," he said, his voice muffled, "then yeah. Definitely."

Shepard gasped and shuddered as his teeth scraped a particularly sensitive spot.

"Well, you can consider me seduced, smooth talker."

Several star systems away, Jacob Taylor watched as the last few names of the vid faded into total blackness. He stared, baffled and bare-chested, for several moments.

"I wasn't even in the movie!"

He sighed in resignation, then returned to his crunches.

I enjoy reviews. Also:

Ah, yes. Jacob Taylor. The Cerberus Operative and love interest allegedly waiting in the Mass Effect universe. We have dismissed that claim.