Title: The History of Aesthetics

Author: AllVowels

AN: I'd just like to reiterate that I know nothing about pageants, but since it's a Greendale pageant, I figure that gives me tons of leeway.

Annie slowly turned around pasting a fake smile on her face.

"Amber? Amber Combie?"

Amber squealed. "Look at you, you've lost so much weight. I guess all that Adderall finally paid off. Or did you get the lap band?"

Annie frowned, "No I…"

Amber interrupted her, "Oh and your acne cleared up. What drug do you use?"

"I don't…"

Amber interrupted again, "We are here to compete in the 6 month to 18 month age division of the competition."

"We?" Annie whispered quietly.

"Me and my daughter, Ashalee. She's such a little competitor. She's won ever competition we've been to. What are you doing here?"

Her eyes centered on Ben and then moved on to Troy, "Troy Barnes? Troy Barnes married you?"

"Oh no! We aren't together. I mean we are friends but not together like that."

Amber nodded her head sympathetically. "Knocked you up and left huh? It's understandable. Once he becomes a football star he wouldn't want all your baggage to come out."

"Oh no, the baby isn't Troy's."

"You don't know who the daddy is? You poor thing, those pills must of really messed you up."

"Of course I know who Ben's father is!" Annie huffed.

"I'm Ben's father." Amber and Annie's eyes swung to the new voice. Jeff stood there smirking at Annie as Amber ogled him.

"But you're white."

Jeff sauntered over to Annie and pulled her and Ben into his chest. "It's true. Annie and I wanted a baby, but we wanted to give back, so we adopted like Brangelina. Plus have you seen her body? Wouldn't want to ruin it by having a baby pop out of that thing. I mean look at you, you were probably a 7, maybe an 8 in high school. And now…"

Jeff trailed off suggestively as Amber's face flushed. "How dare you! Annie, are you going to let him talk to an old friend like that?"

Annie smiled wanely, "I never know what is going to come out of his mouth. That's what is so wonderful about him. Keeps life interesting."

"Well…" Amber looked flustered. "We will see you when the contest gets started. I hope you brought your tissues because there is no way that," She said gesturing to Ben, "is going to beat my Ashalee."

Annie pale face flushed with anger and called out as Amber walked, "Oh yeah! Well Ben is going to do amazing and wipe the floor with Ashalee! Just you see!"

Troy's excited voice joined in, "Yeah! TEAM BEN!"

Abed's calm voice cut through the some of the tension in the air, "Does this mean Annie is allowing us to continue with the pageant?"

Annie looked resolute. "Yes. As long as Shirley doesn't find out."

"Cool. Cool cool cool."

Abed and Troy took Ben to get him ready for the sportswear round.

"So who was that bit…"

Annie interrupted him, "Don't swear. We are surrounded by children."

Jeff rolled his eyes, "Fine who was that GDB?"

"Amber Combie. She was a cheerleader in high school. Pretty. Popular. Perfect. And I was… me. Long story."

The two stood in silence for a few moments.

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Lie and say that about Ben being our son?" Jeff paused as he pondered Annie's question. He had been across the room chatting up some stage mother when he had seen the plastic looking blonde approaching her. He had quickly excused himself and made his way over. The 'Annie Adderall' comment made his blood boil the same way it had when Simmons uttered the horrible phrase. He couldn't make out Annie's face at the time, but he was sure that hurt had flashed through her eyes.

The comments about Troy made his blood boil for a different reason. She was too good for Troy. She was too good for anyone. Even him. And this woman implied that Annie would degrade herself with some random guy. It was just absurd! He had waited for his moment and swooped in. He had been popular in high school, so he knew how to hit shallow people where it hurt.

But he couldn't say all that to Annie, so instead, "Because you are one of my best friends and I care about you."

Annie face which had been sullen and pinched bloomed into a smile, "Really?"

Jeff tugged lightly on a section of her hair. "Really. Now let's go help Troy and Abed beat that GDB."

Abed stood at the foot of the stage, camera in hand.

"Abed, is there anything we can do to help?"

"When Ben comes out, I need you to do something to make him smile."

Annie and Jeff nodded. They watched one little girl finish waddling around the stage dragging a rope which was supposed to be her lasso to match her cowgirl outfit.

As her mother ushered her off stage, Dean Pelton began speaking into the microphone.

"Next up is Greendale's very own Ben Bennett. Ben is 11 months young, and dreams of being a space cowboy!"

Annie turned to Jeff, "Space cowboy?"

"Abed has never made you watch Cowboy Bebop has he?"

"Nope."

Troy carried Ben on stage and set him in the center. He then pranced off stage leaving Ben alone. Ben was dressed in a little matador outfit and had a red cape tied to one of his arms. On his face Abed had applied a felt mustache.

"Ole! Ben is dressed as a matador and uses his red cape to tease the bull!"

Troy ran back on stage wearing a bull head mask. He crouched on all fours and pawed at the ground.

"Annie that's your cue. Make him smile and wave."

Annie called out, "Ben!"

Once Ben's eyes were trained on her, she proceeded to play peek-a-boo with the small child. Ben's face broke into a grin and he clapped his hands together causing his cape to wave. Troy took that moment to charge towards him. Ben, seeing his Uncle Troy approach, him flapped his arms wildly in excitement. He then turned and ran, as fast as a baby could, at Troy. Troy turned and ran from him, causing Ben to chase around the stage while giggling.

Dean Pelton's voice rang out again, "Don't worry folks! This matador is friends with bull! Instead of hurting the bull, they share a cookie after the game!"

Jeff looked at Abed, "Was that put in for Britta?"

"Yep. Troy didn't want to anger her by approving animal cruelty."

An hour later the swimwear contest was starting. Annie and Jeff had taken a seat while Abed continued to film the pageant.

"I should be back there with Troy. He's not supposed to carry Ben by himself."

"He's a big boy. If he needed your help, we would have heard him crying by now."

"Ben or Troy?"

"Either."

"Right."

"I feel like such a pervert sitting here."

"Don't, after all you are the proud father of one of the contestants!" Annie smiled at him and his heart fluttered. Damn atrial fibrillation. It was a medical condition; it had nothing to do with the thought of Annie and children, and Annie having HIS children.

Annie stood and started to pace.

"Just go check on him so you'll calm down."

Abed turned towards the two, "If you are going back stage, take these pixie sticks. They'll need the energy to get through the swimsuit and talent portions."

"I don't feel comfortable feeding Ben straight sugar."

"Fine. Feed him normal food if you must but don't get in on the costumes!"

Annie nodded and hurried behind stage to find Ben and Troy.

Abed turned his eyes back on Jeff, "We will need your assistance during the talent competition."

"No."

"I guess Annie's rival will win, and she will have her wounded puppy dog look for the next 7.56 days."

"7.56 days?"

"That's the average time it takes for Annie to come to peace with her inner turmoil, barring of course that someone doesn't make a gesture to make it better."

"A gesture?"

Abed nodded, "Yes, during the debate Simmons hurt her feelings and reminded her of the outcast she was in high school, and your subsequent kiss and win, overrode those feelings, so her wounded eyes were only in view for 1.2 days."

"And you are telling me this because?"

"If Ben were to beat Amber's daughter, her wounded eye look would be decreased by approximately 5.4 days."

"Fine! What is with you people manipulating me lately?"

"You care about people now Jeff and people can use it against you."

"Yeah, tell me about it." He slumped back in the chair and folded his arms.

Annie had Ben stripped down to his diaper as she feed him one of the jars of food that was in his diaper bag. She took great care not to get any on his tiny face, but he was making it very difficult.

Troy paced around downing the pixie sticks Annie had brought. "Annie we have five minutes until we need to be on stage. We need to get him into his bathing suit now!"

Troy gave the swimsuit to Annie, "Troy he is not wearing this!"

"Yes he is! It is the only one we have!"

"Well he is keeping his diaper on! "

"Fine! Just stick it on him and go!"

Annie forced Ben into the swimsuit and followed Troy toward the stage. On hearing their cue Annie headed up the stairs with Ben.

"I'll be on the other side of the stage!" Troy cried as he ran behind the current.

Annie set Ben down and held his hand as he toddled on stage.

"Ben's swimwear is very nice, very nice! How much?" The dean laughed at his Borat impression, "If you couldn't tell Ben's swimwear outfit is inspired from the movie Borat."

Troy was on the otherside of the stage and was calling Ben to walk towards him. Ben was dressed in a bright green mankini that was fitted over his diaper. He walked towards Troy, but tripped midway across the stage. He caught himself with his little hands, but flashed the judges his diaper covered butt. He straightened himself back out and continued over to Troy.

When Troy met Annie behind the stage he was frowning.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm worried we lost points for that fall. It didn't show poise and grace."

"He's only a baby Troy."

"DO YOU THINK THE JUDGES CARE?"

Annie's eyes widened, "I think you've had too much sugar."

Troy and Annie went to sit with Jeff while waiting for the swimwear to end. One of the last contestants to go on stage was Amber's daughter.

The little girl toddled on stage wearing an adorable one piece polka dot bathing suit, that had pink ruffles on the butt.

Annie frowned, "She's adorable."

"And she didn't fall."

"Don't worry. We will make up points in the talent competition." Abed said.

"What is our talent?"

Troy bounced a little in excitement, "You have to wait and see. It's going to be legendary."

Abed turned to Annie and handed her the camera, "Annie, I need you to film the rest of the pageant. Just try to hold the camera, and do not adjust the settings."

"But I thought I could help…"

"Jeff's helping in this last round. We need to go get ready." Abed motioned for Troy, Jeff and Ben to follow him, leaving Annie alone with her thoughts and a camera she wasn't sure how to use.

Annie was quietly amused by the talent portion. Babies weren't super coordinated so it was a lot of bopping up and down and parents directing them around the stage.

Suddenly the lights went out, and the dean's voice rang throughout the gym, "Oh no! There has been an alien invasion!"

Lights turned on the stage, and two alien like creatures, who based on their body types Annie concluded were Troy and Abed, stormed on stage.

"Oh dear god. What are they doing?"

Abed was doing his best predator impression as he stalked across stage.

Dean Pelton's voice broke the stunned silence of the crowd, "Oh no! Who will save us? I believe that'd be Agent Jay and Kay!"

Jeff walked out on stage wearing a clean black suit. Ben followed him in a matching suit. Once the two got to the middle of the stage, Jeff turned to face Ben, and placed sunglasses his small face. Grinning at the audience he put on his own sun glasses.

Abruptly music started to play,

Here come the Men in Black
(Uh it's the M.I.B.'s)
(Uh here come the M.I.B.'s)
Here come the Men in Black (Men in Black)
They won't let you remember

Jeff started bopping up and down next to Ben. Ben must have found this amusing because he clapped his hands eagerly and started bopping as well.

Nah, nah, nah,
The good guys dress in black, remember that,
Just in case we ever face to face and make contact.
The title held by me... M.I.B.
Means what you think you saw, you did not see.
So don't blink,
Think what was there but now's gone.
Black suit with the black Ray Ban's on.
Walk in shadow, move in silence,
Guard against extra-terrestrial violence.
But yo we ain't on no government list.
We straight don't exist,
No names and no fingerprints.
Saw something strange,
Watch your back.
Cause you never quite know where the M.I.B.'s is at,
Uh and...

Jeff raised his arms, and rolled his arms around each other as if he was punching a bag. Ben soon followed, awkwardly moving his arms trying to mimic Jeff.

Here come the Men in Black. (Men in Black)
The galaxy defenders. (uh oh, uh oh)
Here come the Men in Black. (Men in Black)
They won't let you remember. (won't remember)
(uh uh, uh uh)Now from the deepest of the darkest of night,
On the horizon, bright light in the site tight,
Cameras zoom, only impending doom.
But then like BOOM black suits fill the room up.
With the quickness talk with the witnesses,
Hypnotizer, neuralizer.
Vivid memories turn to fantasies.
Ain't no M.I.B.'s.
Can I please,
Do what we say that's the way we kick it.
Ya know what I mean,
I say my noisy cricket get wicked on ya.
We're your first, last and only line of defence,
Against the worst scum of the universe.
So don't fear us, cheer us.
If you ever get near us, don't jeer us.
We're the fearless.
M.I.B.'s freezin' up all the flack.
What's that stand for?
Men In Black.
Uh, M-m-m-...

Troy and Abed had been lurking in the background until that moment. The two walked forward, one standing slightly behind Ben, the other behind Jeff. The three adults started the steps to the tootsie roll. To the left. To left. To the right. To the right. To the front. To the front. To the back. To the back. Ben watched the awkward movements of their limbs. He was much too short to bend his knees like that, so he clapped his hands and bopped up and down again.

The Men in Black.
(Uh uh uh)
The Men in Black.
(Uh uh uh, ah ah ah)Let me see ya just bounce it with me.
Just bounce with me.
Just bounce it with me. C'mon,
Let me see ya just slide with me.
Just slide with me.
Just slide with me. C'mon.
Let me see ya take a walk with me.
Just walk with me.
Take a walk with me. C'mon,
And make your neck work.
Now freeze.

Troy and Abed froze behind Jeff and Ben. Jeff then handed Ben a prop, which looked like a neuralizer.

Here come the Men in Black. (Men in Black)
The galaxy defenders. (ooh ooh)
Here come the Men in Black. (Men in Black)
They won't let you remember. (uh no, no)

Ben had gripped the object and a red light flashed, causing Troy and Abed to flee the stage.

A-ight check it.
Let me tell you this in closin'.
I know we might seem imposin',
But trust me if we ever show in your section.
Believe me it's for your own protection.
Cuz we see things that you need not see,
And we be places that you need not be.
So go with your life,
Forget that Roswell crap.
Show love to the black suit.
Cuz that's the Men in,
That's the Men in...

Jeff began dancing awkwardly again and Ben followed.

Here come the Men in Black. (Here they come)
The galaxy defenders. (galaxy defenders)
Here come the Men in Black. (oh, here they come)
They won't let you remember. (won't let you remember)Here come the Men in Black. (Oh, here they come)
The galaxy defenders. (uh oh, uh oh)
Here come the Men in Black.
They won't let you remember.

At the end of the song, Ben plopped down and stuck the neuralizer in his mouth. Jeff picked him up and walked off stage.

"Oh my!" The dean cried out, clapping his hands enthusiastically and standing up in his seat. "That is going to be a hard act to follow! Bravo! Encore! More Jeffrey!"

Annie just stood holding the camera focused on the stage. What the hell just happened? It was adorable and awkward. Seeing Jeff dance with baby Ben made her heart melt.

When Jeff exited from the back of the stage carrying Ben, Annie was bouncing with nervous energy. Jeff frowned as he saw her.

"You are never mentioning this to anyone ever."

"But Jeff, that was the most adorable thing I've ever seen. I didn't know Ben liked to dance. How did you know he would mimic you?"

Jeff shrugged uncomfortably, holding Ben to his chest. Abed and Troy used that moment to make their entrance.

"When we were at Shirley's 3 weeks ago, Jeff was left in the room with Ben. There was music playing and Jeff started to dance awkwardly to it, I'm assuming because he thought no one was in the room. Ben started to do it to. When Jeff stopped, Ben stopped. When Jeff started again, Ben started again."

Jeff glared at Abed, while Annie ahhed.

"I hate you all."

Dean Pelton stood center stage with microphone in hand.

"Thank you all for participating in Greendale's first Aesthetic Exhibition. It is with pleasure that I stand before you all today. I would now like to announce the winners of the 6 to 18 month old division. The second runner up is… Lisa Monelli!"

There was a scattering of applause as the child in question accepted her prize, a gift certificate to the local mall and a candy shopping spree at the local candy store.

"Damn, I wanted that candy spree." Troy pouted and slumped down into his chair.

"The first runner up is… Ashalee Combie!" Ashalee got a modest tiara, a sash and the same gift certificate and shopping spree. Amber frowned as she carried her child off stage, clearly upset.

"And the winner is…" He paused for dramatic effect. "BEN BENNETT! Get up here and accept your prize."

Annie stood on her chair and called out to Amber, "YES! Who's the winner now? Huh? HUH?"

Jeff tugged Annie back into her seat as Troy and Abed rushed the stage with Ben.

Dean Pelton paused as he looked at Ben, "Do baby boys get tiaras? We don't have a crown do we?" He looked off stage and one of the organizers shook his head. He shrugged and placed the ridiculously large tiara on Ben's head.

"It looks just like mine! And for winning first place, you win a savings bond of $500 dollars that will be used toward your future education, a gift certificate to the local mall to keep your outfits fierce and fabulous, and… drum roll please. A signed script from the hit series, Cougar Town!"

Annie and Jeff looked at each other, "That's why we were doing this?"

The trio plus baby went to Denny's for dinner. Abed spent the entire meal lovingly stroking his newly acquired script. From Denny's they headed back to the apartment. Annie handed Ben to Jeff while she went to set up the pack in play in her bedroom. By the time she had gotten it set up, Jeff was passed out in Troy's recliner with Ben asleep on his chest. The two were still wearing their matching black suits.

Annie gingerly lifted Ben off of Jeff and carried him to her room, after taking a picture with her phone. She stripped off his suit and wiggled him into soft pajamas. He fussed slightly but she set him down in the pack and play and gave him her favorite stuffed animal to cuddle with, Mr. Brigglebee.

"Is he sleeping?"

"Jeff? I thought you were asleep."

"I was, but now I'm not." He said as he sauntered into her room and plopped onto her bed. He had loosened his tie, and his suit was rumpled and he looked completely out of place on her pink comforter. Yet he still looked unbelievably sexy.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Annie eyed him in confusion. "About what?"

"Amber. You said it was a long story. I'm here if you need someone to talk to."

Annie hesitated as she looked at him. Maybe it would help to talk to someone. She walked to the door and shut it before joining Jeff on the bed. Sitting there, she absent mindedly picked up Charlie and held him to her chest. The whole time Jeff just sat there patiently waiting.

"Amber and I were sort of friends in junior high. She was kind of chunky and had braces, so we were both unpopular. We used to sit next to each other in the cafeteria at lunch, and if there were group projects we'd work together. She was the closest thing to a friend I had."

Jeff just looked at her as she fiddled with the stuffed animal, waiting for her to continue.

"Then high school happened. She shows up one day and she had bleached her hair, and her teeth were straight. She lost a bunch of weight and instantly got on to the cheerleading squad. But yet she would still talk to me. She's the one who helped me become a cheerleader. I thought I really had a true friend."

Annie sighed and closed her eyes, "She asked me to be her science fair partner, which I readily agreed to. I came up with the idea and did all the work. The project was about growing new plants by fragmentation. But the day of the science fair came. I was running late because I had been with my mother at temple that morning. By the time I got there they were already handing out the awards. The project won first prize, but Amber had taken my name off of it and took all the credit for herself. She told our teacher I was dealing with family problems and hadn't helped with the project at all. She 'carried' me."

Tears started to form at the corner of Annie's eyes as she remembered the betrayal. "I thought we were friends, but she was just using me. That same day my science teacher approached and told me how disappointed I was that I had 'lost my focus.' That really hurt. I worked so hard and got nothing out of it. That was the day I started taking Adderall. I needed to get my focus back, and become the best Annie I could be, but you know how that ended."

"Annie, was she the one who gave you the pills in the first place?"

"No, our science teacher did. Apparently he supplied to several other students, including Amber. That's how she lost weight. I was the only who had a break down though."

Jeff shifted and wrapped his arms around her petite frame. "I'm sorry that someone betrayed your trust like that. And this is going to sound horribly selfish, but I'm not sorry you got hooked on pills. If you hadn't, you'd never have gone to Greendale, and you never would have met me or Britta or Pierce and you wouldn't have been there to keep the group together. It was horrible at the time, but it made you the beautiful strong woman you are today."

Annie sniffled and buried her head into his shirt. Tears flowed from her eyes, and they felt cathartic, and she realized that she wasn't sorry anymore either. It was just part of who she had been, not who she was now. Without those pills, she never would have found true friends. Yes life was more difficult at times, but she was happier now than she had ever been in high school.

"Thank you." Annie whispered into his shirt.

"For what?"

"Being there for me today." Jeff placed a chaste kiss on her forehead and cuddled into her, and the two slowly fell asleep.

"Ben? Ben baby, mama's here for you!" Shirley's voice floated through the door. Annie's eyes flew open as she saw Jeff lying on her bed.

"What's going on?" Jeff asked groggily.

"Shirley's here!" Jeff's eyes widened frantically, it wouldn't look good if Shirley found him in Annie's bed.

"I need to hide." Annie nodded and headed to her door to intercept Shirley.

"Shirley! I wasn't expecting you so early!" She cried as she exited her room.

"I know," Shirley cooed, "But I missed Ben and the boys so much, I decided to come home first thing this morning. Now where is he?"

"Don't you want some coffee first?"

Shirley frowned and narrowed her eyes, "Where's my baby?"

"Some juice maybe?"

Shirley ignored Annie and stormed into Annie's room. Annie followed a few steps behind eyes darting around frantically searching for Jeff.

"There's my baby boy!" Shirley scooped Ben into her arms. "Do you mind if I get the play pen later? I want to go get the others and take them out for breakfast."

"Not a problem!"

"Thank you again Annie. Say bye Ben."

"Bu-bye."

Annie waved goodbye, and as soon as she was sure Shirley was gone she plopped down hard onto the bed.

"Oof!"

"Jeff?"

Annie flipped her head over the side of the bed and lifted up her bed skirt. Jeff was huddled awkwardly trying to keep himself concealed under the tiny mattress.

"Is she gone?" When Annie nodded in the affirmative, Jeff unfolded himself and wiggled out from under the bed.

"Thank god. I'm going back to sleep." He wriggled his way back onto the bed. Annie stood looking at the large man in her tiny bed. Deciding she deserved to sleep in too, she sat on the bed and Jeff lifted his arm to accommodate her on the bed. Because the bed was so small she was forced to cuddle into his side.

"Who knew pageants were so exhausting?"

Jeff's eyebrows raised, he thought she was more likely exhausted from the emotional turmoil, rather than the pageant, but he wisely chose to keep his mouth shut. The two relaxed into each other.

"Annie?"

"What Jeff?"

"You need to get a bigger bed."

Annie giggled, "But it fits me."

Jeff shifted angling his legs further onto the bed. "It doesn't fit me though."

Annie froze; did that mean Jeff wanted to sleep in her bed more often? No he was just probably complaining about the inconvenience that he was experiencing right now, with no thoughts of the future.

"Oh, and Annie. Our babies are never going to be in pageants because I refuse to get on stage and humiliate myself again." He muttered that sweet afterthought sleepily into her hair.

Annie smiled maybe he was thinking about the future afterall, "Deal. Besides no one would have a chance against our babies. It wouldn't be fair to the poor other children."

"Damn right!" With those final words, the two drifted off into slumber, with dreams of each other floating through their heads.

"Mama! You're back!"

Elijah and Jordan ran at full speed towards Shirley, escaping from Britta's apartment.

Jordan leaned in conspiratorially to his mother and whispered, "Her animals are weird…"

"I know sweetie. Get in the car we are going to breakfast."

"Are we going to Denny's?"

"Yep!"

"Are we celebrating Ben's win?" Shirley looked at her middle child in confusion.

"What?"

"Well Denny's is for winners and Ben won the pageant. It was on Aunt Britta's paper this morning."

"What?"

Elijah ran back into the apartment, and back out a few seconds later with a paper. On the front page there was a picture of Jeff and Ben dancing in their matching black suits and sunglasses. The headline read, 'Baby Abducted the Title at Local Pageant.'

"Oh, that's nice!"

AN: I know some of this cliché, but I wanted to write a fun fluffy piece, and what's fluffier than Jeff dancing with a baby? Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review.