Fu fu fu.

So this was meant to be a one-shot. But then things got crazy. And real.

So I'll be updating when I have the time.

As a warning, it's overall a humor fic, but there are elements of yaoi.

They're in italics, so don't like it, don't read it my friends.

That being said, this chapter probably has the heaviest of yaoi content, so gauge if you want to read more from here.

To my dismay, I do not own Sekirei, the manga/anime owned and created by Sakurako Gokurakuin.

I believe that's it. Enjoy! Review if you'd like as well!

If there were three things Tsukiumi could wish for at this point in her life, these would be it:

For Minato to acknowledge her as his only, and legal wife,

To beat Homura in a fight for once,

And to find out what the hell the two aforementioned subjects were talking about just now.

It had been her turn to wash the dishes from dinner that night. And she grumpily, yet steadfastly honored the Landlady's rules. But unfortunately for the Water User, there had been quite a bit more than normal, thanks to the loud, starved, and rambunctious Seo and company. Everyone else had disbanded, most likely gone to bed under the Landlady's instruction.

Or at least, they were supposed to.

Tsukiumi stifled a yawn as she dried her hands and surveyed her work. She gave a nod of proud satisfaction; the dishes were sparkling more than when anyone else did them.

Leaving the kitchen, she walked down the quiet, darkened hall, carefully, so as not to disturb anyone. Reaching the stairs, Tsukiumi was about to ascend when she heard voices. Quiet, male whispers. A surge of tension went through her before recognition set in.

"Wait two hours, and then I want you to quietly come to my room. If anybody wakes up and asks before you reach, just say you were going to the bathroom or something. But again, try not to get caught." A smile carried in Homura's voice, "We still have a lot of practice to do after all. You're not ready yet."

Tsukiumi's jaw dropped as Minato's voice replied, "But Kagari-san! We've been doing it for days in a row!" His voice sounded strained, but bashful at the same time, "I don't know how much more my body can take…"

"Oh come on Sahashi, we haven't even done the real thing yet." The Fire Sekirei offhandedly replied, "It's enough trying to get you used to the idea. If you want to be ready by Friday, I need a lot more effort on your part, okay?"

A pause. Some rustling. Finally a reply, more confident than before, "Alright Kagari-san. I'll try harder; I don't want to let you down after all."

"Good man." Homura approved, "So remember, my room, in two hours."

"Alright, Master."

The Fire Sekirei chuckled, "You know it. See you then."

Meeting disbanded.

The front door creaked open while footsteps started coming her way. Panicking, Tsukiumi jumped effortlessly up to the top of the stairs and froze as Minato called to her in a sort of whisper-shout, "Tsukiumi, did you finish cleaning?"

"I-I'm up here Minato."

"Oh…" A few more footsteps and her Ashikabi stood facing her at the bottom of the staircase. The raven-haired boy smiled softly at her and despite herself, she reacted, blushing rather heavily. But she shook her head quickly, focusing on the matter at hand.

"Did you just get upstairs?" Minato asked casually. But Tsukiumi could hear the slight tension, maybe a bit of suspicion in his voice. Or, she thought she could anyway.

"N-no, I've been up here for a while." She coughed into her hand and continued, "Anyway, what are you still doing down there?"

"Me?" Minato squeaked. His hand went to scratch the back of his head, a habitual nervous gesture of his, "I…I came down to check on you! That's right! And I'm coming up now." So saying, he did so, meeting her at the top of the stairs.

The two of them stood together in awkward silence until Minato finally spoke, "W-well then, good night Tsukiumi." He walked passed her, flashing another brief smile, "Sleep tight." And with that, he disappeared into his own room.

The blond surfaced from her musings and nodded absentmindedly, "Good night Mina-"

Tsukiumi realized he was gone. She sunk to the floor, clutching her head as mini-explosions of thought went through it.

Minato… Homura… together at night… doing it…

WHAT THE HELL?

Soon after his winging, Homura assured Tsukiumi, repeatedly, that there was absolutely nothing between him and Minato. That he was still very much interested in women, and that neither he nor Sahashi had any intention of starting some sort of crazy, romantic tryst.

…And yet!

Tsukiumi could barely remember getting into her room. But she slumped against the tatami door, mulling over things furiously. Ohh, when two hours passed, she was going to go in there and catch them red-handed! The blond nodded and clutched her fist in determination. Mm, she was going to deliver harsh punishment to them both, when she got…

Wait…

She would have to catch them in the act right?

Tsukiumi blinked.

…what would they be doing?

"K-Kagari-san…" Minato breathed out, the moonlight highlighting the soft blush on his cheeks. His kimono fell loosely down around him, exposing his chest and ending its undoing at his propped up elbows. The naïve Ashikabi looked up from where he lay on Homura's bed, watching as Homura drew ever closer to him. The grey-haired man dropped to his knees on the plush surface, a raptorial expression flickering occasionally on his handsome face.

Minato pushed himself up onto his hands, his voice flush with urgency, "K-Kagari-san! I think I'm ready now I-!"

Homura slid toward Minato, smiling winningly. The Fire Sekirei slowly pressed his chest against Minato's own and exhaled on the boy's neck. Homura could feel his inner predator begin to uncoil as Minato shuddered against him.

"I don't think so Minato-kun…" Homura steadied himself with one hand on Minato's shoulder, but the other was steadily winding around his Ashikabi's slim waist, "In fact…" He whispered into Minato's flesh, "We still have a lot of practice to do…" With that he licked a long, thick line down the virgin's neck.

Minato cried out and his hands buckled, and the two of them fell into the bed, the sheets tangling as-

Tsukiumi banged her head against the floor. Hard.

She banged her head against the floor again. Harder.

And she did it for a third time, completing the pain tri-fecta.

"Tsukiumi-san?" Musubi mumbled, wiping a sleeve across blurry eyes, "Are you alright?" Her voice perked up suddenly, "Are we fighting anyone?"

"Just my imagination, just my imagination, just my imagination…" Tsukiumi chanted over and over to herself.

"Oh… in that case I can't really do anything…" Musubi settled back into her futon, "Good night Tsukiumi-san…" Seconds later, she added, "Good luck!"

The Water User was left in silence again, save for the rapid beating of her own heart. But that too subsided, as she started to rationalize the facts. Minato and Homura never shared any time together in the mornings, mostly because she, the legal wife, or one of the other concubines would be with her husband almost all the time.

Perhaps this was just this way of platonically compensating for lost memories?

But Minato had said…!

"Kagari-san, we've been doing it for days in a row!" Minato pressed his fisted hands against the wall for support, his head bowed in pleasure. His knees almost gave out but underneath him, Homura supported his Ashikabi's waist with his hands, steadying the boy.

The former host leaned up, placing a series of kisses down Minato's chest as he spoke, "Oh come on Minato…" A small, harmless bite and the raven-haired boy moaned again, "We haven't even done the real thing yet…"

Minato made a small growl of frustration, "L-like I said!" He removed one hand from his brace and entwined his fingers in his Sekirei's soft, thick hair, forcing him to look up.

Homura studied Minato's distressed face until the Ashikabi finally cried out in embarrassment, "I'm ready now Ka-!"

"If you feel so strongly about it…" Homura interrupted, placing a hand at the bottom of Minato's shin and trailing up and up, moving the cotton kimono away and teasing only feverish flesh with his fingertips.

He ended his journey at Minato's boxers, hooking into the waistband as his partner shivered in anticipation, "I suppose I should oblige you, shouldn't I?"

A second after he finished speaking Homura continued his attack with a flourish, pinning Mina-

"…Doesn't seem like your winning does it, Tsukiumi-san?" Musubi sat up sleepily, watching as her companion started making an alarmingly large dent in the floor.

"That's not possible, that's not possible, that's not possible…" Tsukiumi's teeth were chattering and she stroked her temples continuously.

"Yes, Tsukiumi-san!" Musubi pumped her fist and grinned innocently, "As long as you think you can win, you will! Musubi believes in you!"

"…? What are you saying…?" The blond wearily rubbed her sore head for a couple of seconds before turning hesitantly to look at the fighter, "Ne, Musubi… If… if two people were secretly meeting in the middle of the night, what would they be doing, do you think?"

"Tsukiumi-san, that's obvious, isn't it?"

"It is, isn't it?" The Water User wailed in despair, "Then as I thought, the two of them are -"

"Training!" Musubi smiled as she pointed a finger in the air knowingly, "Meeting in the middle of the night, that's the obvious thing to do right? Secret training!"

"…I see." Tsukiumi mulled the idea over. W-well if they weren't… doing it… then that was probably the most reasonable alternative. And it made sense too…

She brightened suddenly. And Minato had called Homura 'Master' before! It made sense! They were training, that's all!

But as her relief started to set in, an evil little voice in her head whispered, 'But what if he meant 'Master'… in the sense of…'

The whip resounded, cackling furiously in the dead of the night. But Minato took it, with maybe the tiniest of grunts. He relaxed his clenched fists and exhaled, the edges of anticipation coursing, first tingling, then growing and spreading steadily faster throughout his body. The hard part was over… now the pleasure would begin.

"And that makes thirty." A slow smile reached Homura's face as he smoothly flipped the whip in his hand. He crouched, to place the handle right below Minato's chin, forcing the adorable face upward to gaze at him. Homura's own anticipation lashed through him as he took in the eyes full of potent eagerness, and he was barely able to hold back his instinctive, immediate urge to ravish his Ashikabi then and there.

…Some things had to be established after all.

"Minato-kun…" Homura whispered, a touch of intimate mockery present in his voice, "You've been doing very well these last couple of days. I am quite pleased with your progress…"

He paused, and his smile suddenly widened rather wickedly, "You sure pick up things quick, little genius~." Homura ran a hand down the nape of Minato's neck, stopping at the leather collar he had ordered Minato to don during their nighttime escapades. Here though, he frowned.

"However…" Homura reluctantly got up, pulling his fingers from the soft skin. He turned away from Minato's confusion and pain, sighing bitterly, "Sometimes it seems as if you don't understand the full terms of our relationship."

"…? Kagari-sa-"

"I'm not finished yet." Homura said sharply. He walked over to the table set up nearby and placed the whip on top. The former host turned, leaning both hands against the counter to survey his charge, "To each one of the Sekirei in this house, you take the form of something different. An onii-chan, experimental material, an innocent lover, tenant… a husband…" He trailed off at that last one, slightly amused. If Tsukiumi could see him now.

"But you and I share a different type of partnership right? Ah, I mean relationship…" Homura smirked and his eyes became filled with something feral and possessive, "So, what are the terms of our relationship Minato? Who am I, to you?"

"…"

"Say it Minato. I want to hear you say it from those delicious lips of yours."

At that the boy flushed, and he clutched at the front of his shirt, immensely embarrassed. He quickly mumbled something under his breath, hoping it would satisfy.

But of course, it couldn't.

"What was that Minato? I didn't hear you." Homura sighed once more and faced the table, gathering his trinkets up, "Perhaps we should stop for today?"

Minato burst out, "…G-GOSHUJIN-SAMA*!"

Homura stood completely still.

He grinned, ferociously, as the pleasure of that one word rolled over him. And once again, he turned to face his breathless, blushing Ashikabi.

"Well then…" Homura began, arms full of exotic and erotic sex toys. He smiled, even as some of his playthings fell to the floor, "Shall we get started?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

That was the last delusion for Sekirei Number 9, Tsukiumi (that night).

Musubi watched as a small explosion erupted from Tsukiumi's head, a signal that her imagination had ultimately triumphed. In the end, it was simply too powerful for her brain to handle.

The brunette fighter sighed. She wiggled out of her futon, and dragged the unconscious Tsukiumi into her own spot as best she could. Eventually satisfied, Musubi collapsed back into bed.

"Don't worry Tsukiumi-san…" She mumbled as sleep returned to her, "There's tomorrow. You can always beat it tomorrow…"

The morning came early for Sahashi Minato.

He had shuffled into bed at around 4:30, utterly exhausted. Barely three hours had passed by though, when he was woken by footsteps.

Thunderous, angry footsteps, headed in his direction.

Tsukiumi cursed as she reached for the closed tatami door. How the hell could she have fallen asleep?

Minato sat up, wondering what in the world was going on. He blinked, watching as the door flew open. A blond, buxom, beautiful woman stared down at him, and he smiled, hesitantly.

"G-good morning Tsukiumi." He paused, "What's up?"

The Water Sekirei said nothing in reply, continuing to survey him. After a few seconds, she suddenly smiled.

"SAFE!" She announced, giving him a thumbs up in reassurance. She nodded to herself, almost absent-mindedly and closed the door.

A few minutes passed.

Finally Minato relaxed, exhaling out his worries. He lay down once again, hoping sleep would meet him quickly.

No such luck though.

Again, thunderous, angry footsteps came in his direction.

Again, Tsukiumi threw open the door, but this time an accusatory, demanding finger pointed in his direction.

"STRIP!"

Minato blinked once more. And then clutched the sheets to himself protectively, "EHH?"

*Goshujin-sama = master~

So what exactly is going on? Will Tsukiumi get to the bottom of this affair?

We'll see in the next chapter :)