Devil's Advocate

By Laura Schiller

Based on: Chobits

Copyright: CLAMP

Chi's eyes snapped open, staring up at the shadowy ceiling. Hideki was snoring rather loudly in the futon next to her, but that was not what had woken her; she was used to it. It was the voice whispering from deep inside her memory banks that would not let her sleep.

Chi, listen.

Yes, Onee-san? Chi sat up straight, careful not to dislodge the blanket. Freya never emerged unless she had something important to say.

I believe you are making a mistake, said Freya.

Her image rose before Chi in her mind's eye: stern-faced, dressed in black, Chi's complete opposite yet also her mirror image.

What mistake is that, Onee-san?

Her counterpart sighed and hesitated, her brown eyes more sorrowful than ever. It was the same look Hideki wore when he came home with particularly bad grades or low finances; the look that made Chi's mechanical heart ache with worry.

Is it a bad mistake? she asked. Please tell Chi what is wrong so she can try to fix it.

You may not want to, replied Freya, with an ironic twist to her mouth that made her look years older. But at least hear me out. I am not sure myself of what we should do … only that I will do anything to prevent you from ending up like me.

Chi shuddered internally, feeling her sister's remembered pain like electric shocks running through her circuits.

But how could Chi possibly end up like Onee-san? Chi has found her One and Only. She looked over at Hideki, tousle-haired and smiling in his sleep, radiating warmth like her own personal sun. Hideki does not belong to anyone but Chi. He loves Chi as Chi loves him. He will never hurt her like Papa hurt you.

So he is not like Papa at all? The tone of Freya's mental voice became something Chi did not understand, but instinctively disliked.

What do you mean, Onee-san? she retorted defensively.

Freya's voice became calmer, almost patronizing, like Shimizu reverting to her grade-school-teacher manners.

All right, Chi, let me put it this way: what did Papa do with us when we were first activated?

Chi does not remember …

He dressed us, installed learning software, took us around the house and laboratory showing us where everything was. Now, Chi, what did Hideki do with you when he found you in the trash?

Chi began to understand where the older girl was coming from, but something was wrong with this picture – badly wrong.

Hideki turned Chi on, dressed her, took her around, taught her to speak, showed her things …

That's right. Compassion softened Freya's imaginary face and voice, but the bitterness underneath was still there. Papa taught us everything we knew – so we thought he knew everything. He was the first human male we saw – so we thought he was the best. I fell in love with him because he could protect me. Because I was weak, and he was strong. You fell in love with Hideki for the same reasons, didn't you?

Chi thought of the time her batteries had weakened, and Hideki had carried her through the streets looking for a place to recharge her. The time she had escaped from the peep show and leaped over the rooftops in her panic, wrapped in nothing but a sheet, and how Hideki had caught her just in time when she fell off that clock. Hideki, teaching her the most basic of concepts, from appropriate greetings to the necessity of underpants. Correcting her patiently (with or without a yelp of embarrassment) after each of her many, many mistakes.

Hideki is a good man, she thought fiercely.

I'm not denying that. Through Chi's eyes, Freya turned to gaze wistfully at the man who, under better circumstances, could have been her brother-in-law. All his flaws aside, I could not have asked for a better man to be my sister's One and Only. What I am trying to ask is … why must you have a One and Only in the first place?

Chi was so thrown by the redundancy of such an obvious question that words failed her for a long moment.

Because he makes Chi happy, of course! she finally answered.

And without him, what are you?

The idea was not a pleasant one, by any means. No Hideki to wave to her through the glass doors of Tirol Bakery and walk her home. No Hideki to cook for, to embrace every evening when he came home from college, to explain all the intricacies of human culture that still puzzled her … no impulsive outbursts, no sunny smile, no crimson blush and rapid hand gestures … even his silly okazu, alwaysturning up at inconvenient places in spite of his mortified attempts to hide them, would be missed because they belonged to him.

Without him, what are you? Freya insisted. Is he all that matters? Don't you have anything that belongs to you alone?

At this, however, Chi revolted. She understood that her sister only said these things out of concern, that she was terrified of seeing Chi lose herself as Freya had done, but there were some lines that even family could not cross and this was one of them. Besides, no matter how much those words hurt, Chi only had to review her memory banks to prove that they were false.

Chi has Mama, the Manager, Yuzuki-san, Minoru-san, Shinbo-san, Sumomo and even Kotoko. Chi has a job she enjoys that lets her earn money all for herself. Chi has books, video games, pretty clothes, cooking, and a whole world of interesting things left to discover.

Only because you owe everything to Hideki, Freya argued.

But even if Hideki disappeared, Chi's other favorite people and things would still be there. Chi would be unhappy – very, very unhappy! – but she would not want to deactivate. Oh no, she would want to keep on living.

He created you, Chi – even though he did not solder you together or sew your clothes, he made you just as surely as Papa made me! He has too much power over you!

But Chi created Hideki too.

For the first time, it was Chi's turn to leave Freya speechless with confusion.

When Chi first met Hideki, he was different. He panicked much worse under pressure. He never wanted to ask anyone for help, not about my underpants or even when he lost his wallet. But the longer we lived together, the more he learned. Now, when there are problems, he is not ashamed to reach out to his friends, and he stays calm enough – mostly – to solve them. Like when Chi was kidnapped by Kojima. Chi made Hideki a better person. We made each other.

You see, Onee-san, she continued, Hideki is not just Chi's One and Only because he saved her. If a selfish man like Kojima had saved Chi – or even a kind, but unreachable man like you say Papa was – Chi would not have chosen him. Chi chose Hideki because we are the same: confused, incomplete, but always doing our best to learn new things and make each other happy.

Hideki is not my master. He said so himself. He loves me best when I am strongest – like when I rescued him from drowning, or defended myself from Kojima, or ran the program to give every persocom a heart.

Hideki is not Papa, and I am not Freya. So please stop worrying so much and let us re-enter sleep mode!

For the first time, as far as Chi could remember, Freya laughed. It was a small laugh, rather dry, but unmistakable, accompanied by a shake of her blond hair.

First-person pronouns, is it? Finally!

It feels right to use them now, said Chi, smiling, pleasantly surprised at her easy achievement of a social milestone which had eluded her for so long. I know Hideki thinks the "Chi" is cute, but I was starting to feel silly.

He will be proud of you, Freya said, dropping an illusory kiss on her sister's forehead. I am proud of you, Chi.

I am proud of myself too. Thank you … and thank you for talking to me like this. The questions you ask are sometimes painful, but I learn so much trying to answer them. Thank you for helping me understand.

Good night and sweet dreams, Chi.

Good night, Onee-san.

And with a final farewell to Freya's consciousness as it faded, Chi closed her eyes, cuddled up to her One and Only, and prepared to sleep peacefully for the rest of the night.