Love, Blood & Tears
Chapter 52:

Flashes of white sparked across the insides of her eyelids. Distant sounds that could be voices echoed through her head as she tried to make sense of the sounds she heard. Some of them were further away and sounded like they echoed while others that seemed closer, sounded like hushed conversations. She couldn't identify the voices but their tone worried her. She tried to turn her head, at least she thought she did, but… she couldn't. Unable to move...she started to panic.

What is going on? Why can't I open my eyes? Why can't I move? Voices... whose voices?! What is happening?!

The panicked voice in her head echoed in her own darkness as she desperately tried to find her bearings.

Jane was screaming on the inside but on the outside, her body was completely still as if she were only sleeping. She was in a coma. She could hear the comings and goings of what she assumed to be medical staff. Amongst all the voices she heard, there was one voice that stood out to her; a voice she knew all too well… Mordin. She had so many questions! Where am I? Why is Mordin here? How is Mordin here? Where is here?! Is anyone else from the crew here with us?! She tried to focus on his voice alone and understand what was happening.

Through her confused haze she tried to learn anything and everything she could about her condition or anything else that happening outside of the hospital. This particular morning, she could hear the excited conversations of the nurses in the hall outside her room. She was puzzled by the sudden excitement and heard the familiar rapid fire of Mordin's voice. She could hear him talking to someone in the near distance.

"Brain-stem stroke. Rare condition caused; locked-in syndrome. Left her paralyzed but fully aware. Can hear. Cannot move, see, speak. Nothing we can do but keep her and baby nourished. Must fight her way out."

Wait, what? Baby?! Did he say BABY? What about Garrus? What about the crew? What about Earth and everyone else? What happened?

She couldn't ask any of her questions, she had no idea what the status of anything was and on top of it all, she was pregnant! She was overwhelmed with the onslaught of her emotions; happiness, joy, fear, sadness, helpless, uncertain. Her chest felt tight, she unknowingly held her breath in and she tried to process every emotion and tuck it away in a little box in the corner of her mind. She needed to find a way out of this coma first, then she could open up all those little boxes and deal with them.

What the hell?! Wait, he said I must fight my way out... but how? What does that even mean? Where's my exit from this hell?! God damn it!

Days turned into weeks and Jane felt no closer to figuring a way out of her paralysis. Other than hearing Mordin's voice from time to time, she was left alone in silence. She could only imagine the patients and the other tasks Mordin had to deal with. She couldn't even begin to imagine the damage left behind from the war and the tasks laid before those that had survived. The medical staff would touch her briefly to swap out IVs and check, what she assumed was, her and the baby's vitals, but that was it. No words were spoken. She assumed she had a room all to herself, no roommates. She wondered what the state of her room was and building she was in. Am I on Earth? Is this a makeshift hospital or an actual hospital? Is it intact or damaged from the war? How many people are getting treated here? How many have died…

She wished someone would talk to her. She missed her crew. She missed Garrus. Was he alive? Where was he? Was he looking for her? Did he think she was dead?

What good does it do for him to find me if I'm stuck like this?! I have to figure a way out!

She had so much fight but no idea how to use it; she was hopelessly hopeful. Then suddenly, she felt something move, but knew it wasn't her... a kick from the inside…

Her mind blinked in awe of the sensation.

The baby... MY baby...

Jane felt like crying, was she crying? There was a cold, wetness on her skin as she felt a tear slip down her cheek. She was crying! Why was no one here to see it? She wanted to speak out to her baby and touch her belly. Wait, did she have a belly at this point? More questions! She focused on the baby's movements and imagined what he or she might look like. How would a human/turian baby turn out? She remembered fondly back to the time Garrus had suggested that maybe they'd find out the answer to that one day. As she wandered through her happy memories with Garrus, she felt a warm electricity surging through her body, starting in her chest and running down her body, through her arms and hands… her finger wiggled.

Hey! Hey, that's new! Okay, that's good... how did I do that? Focus, Jane...Let's see..

She focused all energy on her right hand... pushing all willpower and energy into moving those fingers...She wiggled her finger again...

Oh my God, yes! Okay, okay...

She felt a certain excitement of victory course through her. She was going to win this battle; for her and her baby.

Weeks turned into months, six months to be exact, as she worked on moving more of her body. She was now able to move three fingers on her right hand and twitch the fingers on her left. The wrists were proving tricky and she couldn't figure out how to get her eyes to open. She wasn't checked on much by the staff as much anymore so no one had noticed her progress yet. She was either asleep when they'd check on her or didn't notice her fingers move. One nurse had noticed the fingers twitching on her left hand but chalked it up to simple involuntary reflexes.

She was frustrated with what she felt was a lack of progress at this point. She desperately wanted to open her eyes, she wanted to be able to speak! How far along was her pregnancy? What happened to the Normandy? What would happen if she was still in this paralyzed state when the baby was due? What would happen to her baby?!

Those little boxes of emotions she had put away were thrown back to the forefront of her mind but she didn't open them. She refused to open them but didn't know what else to do or what else to try. If only she had someone to talk to her, someone to help her fight from the other side. A beacon to focus on, putting out the call for her to follow; she could have something to use to find her way back. She laid there feeling emotionally exhausted, overwhelmed and hopeless. As she wallowed in her sorrow of her quiet empty room, she could hear faint screams echoing in the distance. Was that down the hallway or was that one of her dreams from the war?

Oh God… another attack…

The screams drew closer and she suddenly realized they weren't screams of fear… but of joy. She could hear a commotion down the hall, the sounds of cheers and hollering!

What is going on... wait... was that Joker?! JOKER?! Oh my God, Tali?! TALI! The Normandy crew is here?! Please say it's real, PLEASE! They found me! THEY FOUND ME!

She wanted to yell out to them! She wanted to leap out of the bed and run to them! Did they know she was there? Is that why they were there? She could hear the hurried, pounding of footsteps headed down the hall towards her. Suddenly, they halted to silence just outside her door. Mordin... she could hear Mordin. He was explaining her condition to whomever was standing at the door. Why was no one else speaking? She wanted to know so badly who all was at her door!

Silence... complete silence... then a few whispers... and then she heard the door slide open followed by a single set of footsteps softly approaching her bed.

"Shepard..." said a familiar deep flanging voice.

GARRUS!

She could smell his scent and feel his fingers wrap around her right hand. Oh God, how she had missed him. She wished with all her might that she could leap up and hug him! She felt her chest glow with happiness and her heart beating faster. She felt warm tears escaping down her cheeks and soon after, she felt the warm skin of Garrus' fingers wiping them away from her face. His touch was soft and loving. He was there with her and she knew that he would not leave her side. She was no longer alone in this fight and she now had her beacon. She felt another wave of warmth speed through her body and her fingers wiggled within Garrus' hand.

"Jane!" Garrus gasped with surprised delight; his voice cracking overwhelmed with emotions. "That's my girl! Do it again!"

Suddenly, she felt his other hand touch her stomach. She heard him let out a soft, sweet chuckle as he began rubbing her belly.

"We're going to be parents, Jane," he said with tone that sounded happy and sad at the same time, "I need you, our baby needs you. Come back to us."

I'm trying! I'm trying so hard! I need help but I don't know how!

"I'm going to be here every day," he said soothingly, "I know you can hear me. I'm sure you have a lot of questions about what's going on and what's happened over the last few months. I'm going to get all the answers and share it all with you. I'll be your voice. I'll make sure you're aware of everything."

He leaned forward and lovingly pressed his forehead against hers...

"You just focus on getting out of there," Garrus gently commanded as kissed her softly, "I can't imagine how stubborn it is in there... fighting against yourself."

If she could move, she would've smacked him for that. He must have known that too because he chuckled as he gently nuzzled her forehead.

True to his word, Garrus was with Jane every day. He'd updated her on everything he could find out about the conditions and whereabouts of all their allies. As she suspected, the catalyst was a liar and synthetic life had not been affected by her decision. This made her extremely happy. Most of the mass relays had been damaged though, which was why it took so long for the Normandy crew to make it back to Earth. Repairs were being made as much as could be with the limited resources they had. Many ships had stocked up with what they could and set out for long journeys to other planets to gather or barter for the needed resources and materials. It was a slow process but progress was being made and much of the Normandy crew were out on their newly issued assignments.

Shepard has made progress as well. She was now able to move her hands fully and was also able to wiggle all of her toes now; partly because Garrus had been tickling her feet every day trying to get her to respond. She felt so close to being able to open her eyes. Even Garrus could see her eyes moving like crazy beneath her eyelids.

"How's she doing?" Solana asked Garrus as she entered Shepard's hospital room. Artus and Sophira followed behind her; bringing a gift for the baby.

"I've kept this with me all these years," Sophira said warmly as she reached into her bag, "I've packed it with me wherever I've gone. It's kept you close to me, Garrus."

Garrus watched intently as his mother pulled out his stuffed animal toy from when he was a baby.

"You remember this?" she chuckled, "A cute little boryka - your favorite animal when you were a child."

"Mother..." Garrus softly replied, "you've kept that all these years?"

"Yes, and I can think of no one better to give it to than our clanbaby."

Garrus smiled as he took the boryka from his mother and placed it against Jane's belly.

*Knock knock knock*

"Excuse me," said Shepard's nurse politely as she entered the room; rolling a new machine in with her, "We are doing an ultrasound today! Finally got a hold of one in good working order!"

The device was large; made to hover over the belly and do a full scan. It then would project a fully dimensional image of the baby. All readings and measurements of the baby would be completed within a matter of seconds. The nurse wheeled the base of the machine under the bed and rotated the top piece to center over Jane's belly.

"Once completed, I can send the images of the baby to you if you'd like," the nurse offered kindly to the Vakarian family.

"Oh yes please," Sophira gleefully chirped, "It's our first clanbaby!"

"Will we get to find out if it's male or female?!" Solana added excitedly.

"Yes, you will," the nurse replied with a soft smile.

"I think it's a boy," Artus stated matter-of-factly.

"Well, we are about to find out..." the nurse said as she began the scanning process.

Jane was jittery and clung onto Garrus' hand tightly. The fact that she could do that now meant so much to both of them. The baby's image was projected out into the center of the room. It looked like a little turian - but chubbier; more meaty and hearty than a normal turian baby would be.

"And you were right," said the nurse as she looked at Artus, "It is a boy."

Artus smiled proudly as he gazed at the rotating image of his clanbaby.

"Oh my spirits," Sophira gasped, "He's absolutely adorable!"

"He's so chubby!" Solana squealed, "I just want to snuggle him!"

"His vitals are in within a normal range between turian and human," the nurse informed them, "His heart beats a little slower than a turian baby, but a little faster than a human baby. He's a little sturdier than a turian baby would be, due to the combination of turian-human DNA. He's the first of his kind but he appears to be completely healthy."

"That's wonderful news," Artus replied gratefully, "Thank you, nurse."

Garrus just sat there silently, staring happily at the image of his son. He felt Jane squeeze his hand harder.

"A boy," he happily sighed as he looked down at her, "We're having a little baby boy. He looks just like a turian baby would but chubbier and it's the cutest thing, Jane."

Shepard let out a hummed sort of giggle...

What the hell was that... did I just giggle out loud?!

"Jane..." Garrus gasped.

She smiled... lips open, teeth exposed smile...at least in her head, that's what it felt like.

Oh my fucking God…

She was laughing with delight inside her head and then realized she was making some sort of audible low tone, garbled up cackle. It sounded terrible; seeing as how she hadn't used her voice for months. The sound she was making just made her laugh more.

"Oh my spirits..." Garrus whispered breathlessly as he watched Jane intently.

Her eyelids fluttered, her brows furrowed...

"Jane..." Garrus cried happily as he leaned in closer to her, "That's it... keep pushing through. I'm right here."

She forced her right eye open. Everything was a blur... and it closed, scrunching, what felt like her face in frustration. She then forced her right eye open again while slowly working on opening the other eye.

"Yes, Jane!" Garrus shouted, "That's my girl... you can do it..."

She had both eyes open and was staring at the blurry ceiling; willing for her eyes to focus. She pursed her lips as she tried to find her voice; as if she was drawing it up from a deep well. There had to be more to her voice than this dying bird tone she had going on. She closed her eyes again, as she imagined pulling her voice up from her core.

"Garrus..." Jane hoarsely spoke as she opened her eyes again.

Slowly, the ceiling came into focus... and then, the face of her loving turian hovering over her.

"Welcome back," he purred lovingly; gently stroking her cheek with his fingers as he leaned in for a kiss.

Her beacon came through for her; of course he did. Garrus had never failed her and she was so grateful for him in that moment. As she pressed her lips against him, she could feel herself falling even more in love with him. She didn't even know it was possible to love him more than she already did.

Garrus kissed across her cheek and then buried his face in the nape of her neck as he let out a sigh of happy relief. Jane could feel his purr vibrating through her chest and she smiled with blissful contentment. She open up all those boxes of emotions she had put away so many months ago and realized half of those emotions were now gone. No more fear, no more sadness. She was left with only happiness, joy and hope. There were still uncertainties to deal with ahead but with Garrus at her side, she knew they would get through it.

She felt a kick against her belly…

Mama can't wait to meet you, baby boy. Daddy too!