"Chop chop, people!" Justin yelled through the megaphone. "The show's gonna kick off here in…" He glanced at his watch, "about twelve minutes ago! Our sponsors are gonna be pissed."

"Just getting this last… letter…" Alex and three other men finally managed to hoist the Y onto the end of the giant word "JEOPARDY" spelled out behind the three contestants' stands. The word wasn't nearly as big as on the actual show, but damn it, this is a jerry-rigged operation and you take what you can get.

"Thanks a lot, Trebek. And hey, thanks again for helping us with our set."

Trebek wiped a dignified sweat from just above his eyebrow and shook Justin's hand. "For a friend of Hercule Satan, anything."

While Trebek left the set, Justin scrambled to double-check and make sure everything was in order. Before long, he was at his designated spot and waiting for his cue to begin the show. But just before he could…

"Hey! Have you covered my end of the deal yet?" Hercule yelled from his front row seat in the live studio audience. Justin sighed and nodded his head. "Yes, I've called 18 and made steps toward getting your debt taken care of. Now we have to start the show."

THIS ISSSS JEOPARDY!

A mangled-beyond-recognition version of the Jeopardy theme plays as the camera slowly zooms into the face of the host, who is awkwardly smiling and showing his complete lack of camera discipline. He began to speak in a jilted imitation of a game show host.

"Hello, and welcome to Jeopardy, Dragonball Z edition. Thank you for tuning in to the very first episode. I will now be introducing our three lovely first contestants."

Camera pans right to reveal the three… erm, lovely-ish contestants; Dr. Gero, Trunks and King Kai. Yes, this is our motley crew for episode one.

"So, yeah, it's Dr. Gero, Trunks Brief and North Kai, all competing with each other in a whirlwind quiz game where the only losers are the people not watching! Now, let me briefly explain the rules of the game-"

"Everyone knows how Jeopardy works, let's just start already! Jeez!" King Kai blurted from across the room. Justin's teeth were on edge; this early in the show and already shit like this was happening? It was going to be a long day.

"Okay, have it your way. Let's see the categories on the board."

The camera zooms into the category board to the left of the host.

DRAGON BALL LOCATIONS

THE EARLY LIFE OF GOKU

SAIYAN BIOLOGY

HISTORICAL TRUE/FALSE

REVIVAL COUNTS

MUSIC QUES

"Alright, then, we're ready to start the game. Dr. Gero, you may pick a category-"

"I'll take 'The Early Life of Goku' for $500, please."

"Ahh, starting this off with some confidence, I see. Well, I must warn you, the high dollar questions are massively difficult."

"It will be nothing I cannot handle. Hurry up with it."

This is the first thing Goku ever said to Bulma when they met in episode 1.

BZZ! Trunks buzzed in.

"Yes, Trunks?"

"Uh, may I go to the bathroom?"

Justin sighed. "That is incorrect, Trunks, and you should have phrased it as 'What is May I go to the bathroom?' Your score is now -$500. Anyone else want a guess?"

Long pause. The buzzer signifying the end of guessing goes off.

"Ooh, too bad. The answer was, what is 'So you thought you finished me off, huh?'"

Dr. Gero buzzed in for no immediately discernable reason.

"Sir, the guessing has already ended for that question. I even just gave the answer."

"Just how 'early' in Goku's early life is that category implying?"

"The entirety of 'Dragonball', doc. That means some of it is going to be outside of your research, unless you have a time machine in your lab that Trunks destroyed."

Trunks piped up. "That's right, asshole! I blew your lab up! PWNED!"

"Fuck you, Trunks. I'll take 'The Early Life of Goku' for $300."

This is the precious item of Goku's that Colonel Silver of the Red Ribbon Army temporarily destroyed.

BZZ! King Kai!

"What is Goku's right nipple?" Upon ending this sentence, the blue Kai exploded into big gales of stupid laughter as his money went down to -$300 and everyone in the audience groaned and rolled their eyes simultaneously, an event that has never occurred nor will ever occur again.

Or- well, that's not true, I'm pretty sure that was the universal reaction to the Fray's performance of the national anthem. Motherfucking ZING.

"No, King Kai, that's wrong. Anyone else?"

BZZ! Dr. Gero.

"Yes, Doctor."

"What is the flying nimbus?"

"Correct. You are in the lead with $300 and the board is still yours."

"I will take 'The Early Life of Goku' for-"

BZZ! "Pick something different, already! I'm bored!" whined Trunks.

"The board is mine, boy. I will choose what I want, regardless of your insolence."

"Don't you know anything about anything else? Come on!"

"You know, he has a point about that, Dr. Gero," King Kai butted in. "You pretty much only think about ways to kill off Goku. It's kind of weird and creepy after 20 years of trying, and you're getting this from a guy who pretty much does nothing BUT watch Goku and other people in the North Quadrant. You're like some freelance stalker or something."

Dr. Gero scowled. "That's utter foolishness. I have too much intellect for my goal of destroying Goku to take up all of my thoughts. My brain is much too big for such limitation."

"Okay, then I'll give you double the money if you pick a different category and answer correctly."

Dr. Gero remained quiet for a few seconds, then "I'll take 'Saiyan Biology' for $500."

Trunks rolled his eyes. "Oh, duh-"

Goku achieved this special form in his fight with Lord Slug.

BZZ! King Kai. "Hungry!" Cue snorting and chuckling.

Justin couldn't resist. "Jesus, King Kai, you KNEW the answer to that and you still squandered your chance to make money just so you could say something dumb."

"No, it's okay! We're playing by golf rules, I'm in the lead."

"Uh… we aren't. You're in dead last."

With that revelation, King Kai slowly backed away from the stand and left, silently weeping from humiliation.

"Well, he just gave up, I guess. If neither of you have the answer…"

Long, awkward pause, followed by end-of-round noise.

"…then we'll just move on to Final Jeopardy. Oh wait, since Trunks has negative money, he can't bet anything."

Dr. Gero looked puzzled. "So I won… just by answering one question."

"Well, yeah. Time constraints, after all, we only have like ten minutes." Justin turned to the camera. "SEE YOU NEXT TIME, VIEWERS!"

THE END

ALSO, I DON'T OWN DRAGONBALL Z. THAT'S RIGHT, I PUT THE DISCLAIMER IN THE END INSTEAD OF THE BEGINNING. INNOVATIVE. THE SARGEANT PEPPER'S OF FANFICTION