When You Lose Something You Can't Replace

"Should something happen to me while Blaine is still a minor I grant custody of my brother to Burt Hummel and Carole Hummel-Hudson. Please take care of him."

Warnings: Character death.

Enjoy!

00

Kurt had tensed up when he saw Ms. Pillsbury walk into the choir room with that look on her face. No one else seemed to even notice her, or if they did they didn't think twice about it. Everyone was too busy goofing around practicing their current dance moves while Mr. Shue went to talk to her.

Blaine, who'd been twirling around Kurt for the past few moments stopped when he noticed the look on his boyfriend's face. "What's up?" He asked, following Kurt's line of sight to the somber looking teachers talking in the doorway.

Kurt said nothing for a moment, just thought back to when he was called out of class by Mr. Shue and Ms. Pillsbury, both of them holding the same looks they had now. Kurt thought about his dad, about his heart. Panic began to take a hold of him. "Last time I saw her looking like that she was telling me my dad was dying." He whispered.

Blaine's eyes widened, his demeanor suddenly mirroring Kurt's. Taking the teen's hand in his, they watched the two teachers talk with bated breath. Both actually flinched as their choir director turned and looked right at them.

"Blaine, could you come here?"

Blaine let out a sigh of relief, a big smile forming on his face as he turned to look at Kurt. "It's not your dad!" He whispered excitedly, kissing Kurt on the cheek. Kurt let out a slightly manic single laugh, because yes he was beyond relieved they weren't here to tell him his father had another heart attack but a new panic was taking hold of him. Why did they want to talk to Blaine with that look on their faces? What had happened?

Kurt watched, eyes locked dead on his boyfriend as the three went out into the hall, right in front of the door but out of earshot. The rest of the club seemed to slowly take notice that something was happening as Blaine walked out of the room and Kurt watched him go.

Kurt watched in horror as Emma told Blaine something, his face going white as a sheet. He watched as Blaine's knees buckled and Mr. Shue had to catch him before he went crashing to the floor.

If any of his friends hadn't noticed yet they noticed now as Kurt bolted from his spot, running and falling besides Blaine as Mr. Shue slowly lowered him to his knees. "What is it?" Kurt asked frantically, scooping a suddenly shaking Blaine up in his arms. "What's wrong?" Blaine let out a loud, harsh, painful sounding sob that echoed down the hall, through the now silent choir room.

"It's his brother," Emma said quietly, tear-filled eyes locked on Blaine.

"Cooper?" Kurt asked, heart dropping and eyes widening. "What – what happened? I mean – he – he's ok, right?"

Mr. Shue crouched down, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "There was an accident, Kurt. He…he didn't make it."

Another heartbreaking sob echoed down the hall.

00

The wake consisted of mostly Blaine's friends and Cooper's friends and coworkers. A few old friends of their parents who were out of the loop enough not to know Cooper and Blaine weren't in their parents' lives anymore showed up, though made a quick exit when they realized the situation.

No one from their family showed up.

"I can't believe them." Kurt hissed, looking about the room. "Their son. Their own son – and then Blaine –"

"Kurt, take a breath." Quinn whispered, suddenly at his side and pinching his elbow, "This isn't going to help Blaine." Kurt glanced over to his boyfriend, who was sitting with Carole on the love seat, her arm around him as tears streamed freely down his face. He held a blank expression, yet his eyes gave away the broken boy in the tuxedo clad shell. Carole held him close, stroking her hand up and down his arm, whispering softly to him as his head lay against her shoulder.

"You're right." Kurt whispered, sighing deeply. "Just…not one family member-"

"Kurt."

"Right. Sorry."

Quinn gave him a sympathetic smile, squeezing his arm reassuringly. "You can rage about it later when Blaine's asleep or something." Kurt laughed softly, his smile not meeting his eyes, before he nodded and went to his boyfriend.

Sitting on the armrest Kurt gave Carole a soft smile as she looked up at him, but Kurt's eyes were quickly locked on Blaine. He looked terrible. He had bags under his bloodshot eyes. His hair was crazy and un-gelled. And Kurt knew Blaine's suit would be wrinkled had he not pressed it for him.

Blaine was just…lost.

"Hey, baby." Kurt whispered, leaning against the top of the couch and playing with Blaine's curls. "You want to go take a walk for a minute?" Blaine had been sitting in that spot since he arrived three hours ago, eyes locked on the casket. "Blaine." Kurt whispered, begging.

For the first time since they arrived, Blaine took his eyes from the casket, looking up at Kurt with empty eyes. "What?" He whispered, voice rough from lack of use and the harsh sobbing that took place every night. He blinked heavily, as if he'd forgotten how.

"Why don't we take a walk, sweetie?" Kurt said softly, "I bet your butt is pretty numb."

The joke fell flat as Blaine just blinked at him before glancing around the room, almost as if he was wondering where all these people had come from. "A walk." He croaked. "Yeah."

Kurt smiled sadly, swallowing the lump in his throat. Carole placed one last soft kiss in Blaine's curls before freeing him. He turned to her, staring at her for a long moment, before nodding and standing. Kurt looped his arm around Blaine's waist and began to lead him out of the room, nodding in acknowledgment to his dad and his friends as to where he was going.

Once out the room the two made a beeline for the front door. They stood outside for a moment. Blaine took a deep breath of fresh air as if he hadn't taken a breath in years. As if the air inside was just too stifling…for him it probably was.

"Let's walk." Kurt said softly, leading Blaine down the block towards the park he knew was just around the corner. They didn't say anything for a long time. Blaine just allowed himself to be lead down the road, mindlessly watching the sidewalk as they went until they finally made it to the park and sat on a bench off to the side.

"It's supposed to rain tomorrow." Blaine finally said softly after they'd been sitting for a moment.

"What?" Kurt asked, surprised Blaine spoke of his own accord.

"It's supposed to rain tomorrow." Blaine said again, voice still painfully soft and weak. "Seems fitting."

"Oh, Blaine." Kurt whispered, placing a soft kiss in Blaine's curls.

He had no words. He couldn't tell Blaine it would be ok, because it wouldn't. Not yet anyway. Last year Kurt thought he was going to lose his father, that he'd be alone. It was the worst feeling in the world. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to have actually lost him. For Blaine to lose Cooper.

Blaine's brother, his only true family, was gone.

What could Kurt possibly say to make that ok?

"You know last night," Blaine stared, swallowing hard and licking his chapped lips. "Last night I prayed…I prayed that it was actually my dad instead." Kurt paused, eyes widening in surprise. "I—I prayed for my dad to be dead, Kurt. Who…who does that?" Blaine looked to Kurt, eyes bright red and overflowing with tears again. "I'm a horribleperson – I'm – I'm going to hell, and he's probably so disappointed – Cooper's probably –" Blaine doubled over as he spoke his brother's name, bending forward and pressing his chest to his knees. Painful, yet silent, sobs wracked his body once again. "Cooper."

Kurt's heart cracked in half at the sight. His boyfriend was suffering so painfully, so deeply, and he couldn't do a God damn thing about it. Without a thought he wrapped himself around Blaine, bending so his lips were by Blaine's ear, his arm around his shoulder, his free hand rubbing Blaine's shin – just trying somehow to give him comfort.

"You're not a horrible person." Kurt whispered lovingly, his cheek resting against Blaine's shoulder. "You're not. You're amazing, and caring, and kind, and the greatest person I have ever met…you're just like your brother." Blaine merely let out a choking sound in response, "And I know for a fact your brother could never be disappointed in you. He loved you. He will always love you. I doesn't matter what you pray for." Kurt leaned and placed a soft kiss against Blaine's temple.

"But…but I…" Blaine choked, trying to get his words out without sobbing.

"Just miss your big brother." Kurt whispered, swallowing hard and wiping away his own tears. Blaine's body was tense, stiff. He was trying to keep himself together, stop himself from completely falling apart, and it broke Kurt's heart to see it. "Just let it out, baby. It's ok to let it out."

As if Kurt's words gave him permission to completely breakdown, Blaine wailed loudly, startling some birds in the tree overhead. Mid-scream he sealed his lips tight, jaw set, mouth pressed hard into his knees. With his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth closed tight Blaine screamed, screeched, like someone screaming into their pillow. Like someone who's heart was being ripped in half.

Kurt almost choked at the sight, suddenly unable to breathe. He said nothing, just sat and watched his boyfriend fall apart, unable to do anything about it.

00

After a long time the two had returned to the wake, Blaine exhausted and hurt in every sense of the term. He didn't speak a word for the rest of the day, just sat back on the couch and half lay against Kurt. Neither boy moved for the rest of the evening.

The funeral the next day was hard. Blaine had to stop half way through his eulogy because he couldn't even breathe he was crying so hard. Burt ended up reading it for him, which for Kurt was somehow worse. Watching his father break down a little as he spoke Blaine's written thoughts and feelings…it was hard. His father was his rock, his strength. If he broke down how could Kurt be strong?

And Kurt needed to be strong. For Blaine.

With shuddering breaths and shaking hands Blaine, Kurt, Burt, and Cooper's friends Mark, Alex, and Jacob all carried the casket out into the hearse.

Blaine had been right about the rain.

The grass had been muddy and slippery. Kurt's shoes were ruined, but he didn't even notice until a few days later. All his focus was on Blaine. He watched him, held him, the whole time. As the lowered the casket into the ground. As they dropped dirt into the grave. As everyone filed away, but Blaine stayed behind. He took a step away from Kurt, going forward, standing over the grave. He stood there for a long moment, clutching his umbrella for dear life, tears streaming down his face once again, lip quivering.

Blaine bowed his head and whispered, "Goodbye Coo."

00

This is my last will and testament.

I name my lawyer and friend Melissa Masters the executor of this will. I trust her to take care of everything.

My name is Cooper Alexander Anderson. After receiving custody of my little brother I felt this would be what I should do. I know these are normally more formal, more intricate, but I don't need this to be hard.

Everything goes to Blaine. Every last thing I own. My estate, my property, my money, all of it, is now in Blaine Matthew Anderson's. (That better go towards your college fund, Blaine.)

Should something happen to me while Blaine is still a minor I grant custody of my brother to Burt Hummel and Carole Hummel-Hudson. Please take care of him.

00

Three weeks after the funeral and things weren't any easier.

Blaine had been struggling. It was understandable. He hadn't just lost his big brother. He lost the only member of his family he really had left. He lost his family.

Blaine had been doing a lot of crying.

Late at night when he thought no one could hear him. In the middle of the day in a crowded room. During dinner. While in the shower. He cried. Everywhere. It only took one hint, one thought, and he spiraled into a fit of tears.

And he hadn't said a word the whole time. He just let himself get led around. Did whatever he was told. He didn't fight anyone on anything. He had no personality at all. It was as if Blaine had shut off, a robot had taken his place, only to let Blaine take control to cry.

By the third week after the funeral he was doing a little better. He hadn't cried in a few days, he was a little perkier, a little less like a robot and a little more like himself. That was also the week that all the paper work and files and whatever legal crap they had to do was over with and finished. It was the week they'd completely moved Blaine out of his home, got everything boxed up and moved. Blaine could and was officially moving in with the Hummel-Hudson family.

And they had been more than willing to take him in. He had been a little resistant at first, thinking Cooper's idea was far too imposing, but apparently Cooper, Burt, and Carole had all discussed this over the summer.

"He told us he didn't have anyone listed to take custody of you." Carole had said, "He said he'd been waiting for us to come around."

That sounds like something Cooper would say, Blaine thought with a shake of his head.

Most of the furniture and belongings from the apartment Blaine had lived in with his brother had gone into storage. All his own personal items were now piled up in boxes in the Hummel-Hudson guest room. Amongst the boxes was also the Hummel-Hudson's themselves.

Carole was at Blaine's dresser, carefully and neatly taking his clothes from the suitcases and boxes and placing them in the drawers, in the closet. Against the back wall Burt was struggling to reassemble Blaine's bed, Finn attempting to help. Kurt was carefully putting Blaine's books, CDs, and DVDs on the shelves of his bookshelf.

Blaine himself set on the floor in front of an open box.

His box of photographs.

It wasn't until Kurt turned around from his task that he noticed Blaine sitting there clutching a photo of Cooper in his hands, tears in his eyes but not quite fallings.

"Blaine…" Kurt said quietly, crawling over to his boyfriend.

"I miss him." Those were the first of many words he'd speak since the day of the funeral.

Kurt tilted his head, resting his cheek against Blaine's curls as he looked down at the photo. "I know you do."

"Is it ever going to stop hurting?"

"No." Blaine and Kurt both looked up to see Burt had stopped fighting the bed and was looking at them. "It never stops hurting. But it does get easier." Blaine looked down at the photo and then back up at Burt as the father made his way to Kurt and Blaine and slowly lowered himself to the floor. "When I lost Kurt's mom I thought it was the end of the world. I…I was falling apart. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't think. All I could think about was the fact my wife was gone and my son lost his mother." Blaine looked to Kurt, who had tears of his own in his eyes. "And it was hard. Really hard. Time felt like it was dragging by, I wasn't sure I was going to make it through." Blaine looked down at the photograph, hands shaking. "But you know what?" Blaine looked back up, "I did." Burt turned to Carole and Finn, smiling at them. The two smiled back, making their way closer. "I made it through, I found Carole. Life got so much better."

Blaine swallowed a sob, letting his head drop. "I don't know if I can do it…I'm not as strong as you."

"Neither was I." Carole said, causing Blaine to look back up. "I almost lost it. I fell apart. But I…I made it through. And so will you, sweetie."

Blaine sniffled, running his fist under his nose. "What makes you so sure?"

"Because I'm not going to let you fall, Blaine." It was Kurt who spoke, taking his boyfriend's hands in his. "I won't let you slip away. None of us will." Blaine looked down at their entwined hands, then back up around at the others in the room.

"You're part of the family now. Even if we're not as good looking as Cooper." Burt joked.

"Speak for yourself." Kurt said, feigning haughtiness.

Blaine smirked at that, laughing a little. He looked back down at the picture in his hands, then back up at the four people sitting around him. He thought of Cooper, he thought of his brother filing for custody of Blaine the second he turned 18. He thought about Cooper teaching him to walk, talk. He thought of Cooper getting him through Sadie Hawkins, through the abandonment of their parents. Cooper got him through everything, just not now. The one time Blaine needed him most. But somehow…somehow being here now with Kurt and his family, knowing this was Cooper's doing, knowing Cooper had sought Carole and Burt out and talked to them about being a family, it made it a little easier.

"Thank you."

Whether he was talking to Cooper or the Hummel-Hudson's, he wasn't sure. But it didn't even matter at this point.

"Just…thank you."