It's happened before.

You remember the time when, during cheerios practice, you were mesmerized by her figure. How it would twirl in midair, only to be caught by some insignificant figures before graciously leaping to its feet again. Everything she does seems to come so easy for her, and it makes you ache with jealousy.

At least, that's the box you're putting your feelings for Quinn in. Jealousy. Because, honestly, what else could it be? She's tortured you for as long as you can remember. You always used to fight about Finn, who would get him in the end. It was always either you or her. You figure it is because of that figure, that body she's got that makes everything just so much easier for her.

You've never been pretty like her. You'll never be either. But that's life, isn't it? Doing the best you can with what life's given you. In your case, it's your sheer talent. In hers, it's the body that she has been given.

That smile that's able to light up the room. The natural air of superiority that wafts around her. There's no denying it, whenever she walks through the hallways, the sea of students parts for her like the red sea did for Moses. It's incredible, really.

But most of all, it's her eyes. Their deep hazel, decorated with a touch a green. You can gaze into those eyes forever if she let you. But of course, she wouldn't.

She's Quinn Fabray.

And you're Rachel Berry. And that's something not even your talent will be able to conquer.

So the name you give the feelings you get whenever you're watching her is jealousy. And right now, you're feeling it intensely.

You're standing at your locker, changing your books for next period, when you feel the students part. They bump into you, but move as soon as they realize the person they're bumping into is in fact Rachel Berry. You tend to have that effect on people. They move away from you, but not in the way they do for Quinn. They move because they don't want to be seen with McKinley's biggest loser, and you don't even blame them. It's not their fault, after all. They don't know any better. They know that if they're seen being friendly with you, they'll be targets for the infamous slushies from that moment on. So they move away from you.

After this particularly large kid has recognized you from a glance over his shoulder, and he practically throws himself to the locker next to you, you can see her. She's parading through the hallways like always, hands firmly on her hips, chin high, eyes cold. She's being flanked by Santana and Brittany, also nothing new.

You feel yourself press yourself flat to your locker, trying to be as invisible you can manage. You tense up, preparing for a cleverly hidden slushie, pressing your books flat to your chest, inhaling deeply and eyeing the unholy trinity as they walk by.

Just before they pass you, your eyes lock on Quinn's.

It's weird, you expected it to come accompanied by feelings of anxiety, utter fear and intimidation, but instead, you feel nothing. Her eyes, cold as they are, lock on yours and you feel she recognizes you, recognizes you as a person. She shows no emotion, but long after she's passed, you're still pressed up against your locker with your books tightly against your chest.

Nothing happened.

No vicious words, no casual insults, nothing.

You smile to yourself. Lately, you've noticed, the insults and violence have become much less frequent, and every time you're reminded of it by occasions like the one that just was, you can't help but smile to yourself like some kind of dork. Because it's a sign of friendship. Not a friendship one would regularly consider to be a friendship at all, but in the world of Quinn and Rachel, not receiving insults means a lot.

You've been getting closer lately. Once again, not the way regularly happens, but still. She smiles at you during glee, and she doesn't turn you down when you go and talk to her. Not when it's just the two of you, at least. Turns out, she actually wants to hear your thoughts, and on occasion, she even listens to your advice.

She didn't tell Figgins about Shelby and Puck, and afterwards, she even visited to thank you for stopping her. What surprised you most of all, though, was when she asked you about Yale, and actually wanted to hear what you thought of it. It was something she had never done before. Yes, you've given her advice before, but it was never that she specifically asked for you to give advice. You just did. Out of concern for her.

This thought makes your smile falter, and changes your expression in one of slight confusion. Why is it, that you've always felt so concerned about her. Why would you feel concerned about someone's well-being, when that someone has made your life a living hell for the last few years? There's always been something about her that makes it simply impossible for you to be mean to her.

You figure it's because you feel for her, getting pregnant at sixteen, getting disowned by her own family, all of the effort she made to build a reputation gone, in a matter of seconds.

You've never seen her as a bitch, just someone who is truly lonely. Not alone, because someone can be alone, and be perfectly content with it, but lonely. You can see it in her eyes. That's where their chill comes from. You've only so many times seen warmth in them, and you find yourself feeling obligated to do everything in your power to make them shine with that warmth again, because you know you can.

You know, because all those times her eyes had shone, you had been there to cause it.

It's hard though. It's hard because you can't seem to read her. You've never had any trouble with reading people, most of them are like open books to you, but Quinn, Quinn's different.

Finn used to say it; you never know what she's really feeling, because she never shows any of it. You know it's true. Her walls are huge. She's created this thick, unscratchable wall around her, defending her against anything foreign, believing that as long as her walls are up, nothing bad can happen to her. What she doesn't know, is that those walls are also what's keeping her from enjoying life. They don't let any emotions out, but they don't let any in either.

They make her cold.

When you make your way to class, you remind yourself of your promise to somehow break those walls. Somehow, you'll get through to her. You have to, because you swore to make her see how wonderful she can be. After all, she can't see it herself. It's an unspoken promise, but it's there. It's there every time you look at her, every time you lay eyes on her cold ones, knowing how they can shine.

It's a promise that has been always been there, even subconsciously, because there's no other explanation for your need to see her smile.

Except for maybe the fact that her smile makes you slightly giddy, though that is something you still have trouble admitting to yourself.

After all, you're with Finn. You love him, you always have.

Yes, he can be plain stupid sometimes, but you could never manage to blame him, not with that dopey, apologetic smile of his. You could never not feel affection for him, because he deserves it. He's probably the sweetest guy you've ever met, and his unquestionable loyalty never fails to make you smile. You want the best for him, you really do, and you're sure you do love him.

He just never had the ability to make you feel giddy.

In glee that day, Finn takes his usual place next to you, but you don't really notice. Instead, you notice Santana and Brittany sitting close as ever, their fingers entwined, their heads lowered, trying not to draw any attention as they whisper to one another. You can't make out what they're saying, but their smiles give away that it must be something incredibly sweet.

You avert your gaze, and stare at your knees instead. From the corner of your eyes, you can see Finn sitting with his elbows on his knees, which are at lease a three foot away from each other, and you secretly wish he would be so sweet, for once. He's a sweet guy, but other than his puppy dog eyes, he hardly shows any affection. Ever. Well, you kiss and everything, but as his nickname Finncompetent suggests, it wouldn't hurt for him to get any better at it. Seeing your blank stare, he ducks his head to try and make eye-contact. You realise he must be talking to you, and you zone back.

"- you know, and Puck just ran up to him and tackled him to the ground. You should have been there, it was spectacular. The guy was so afraid I seriously thought he might be shitting his pants. He wasn't really, you know, but still."

You have absolutely no idea what he's talking about, why would Puck tackle anyone?

You search your memory. As far as you know, they didn't have practice today, so that can't have been it. But that means Puck would have tackled someone in the hallways. You know he used to do that, but you thoroughly believed those days were behind him.

"- seriously, I get where he's coming from. If anyone has said something like that to you, if you'd been through what she's been through, I would have lost it as well. I mean, after she got kicked out and all, who would even think of calling her a cheap whore?"

The shock hits you like a wave, crashing down on you, forcing all the air out of your lungs, rendering you unable to breathe for a minute.

He's talking about Quinn. After everything she's been through, there are still people harassing her.

It makes you sick.

It makes you want to run out of the room and go find her. You're not listening to what Finn is saying any more, you just want to get out of there.

Then, a flutter of gold catches your attention, and you turn to see Quinn entering the room before sitting down an a chair on the first row, on the other side of the room. Puck comes barging in immediately after, his brows low over his eyes. Frankly, he just looks terrifyingly intimidating.

Quinn on the other hand just sits there, hands folded in her lap, her expression blank. It unsettles you, twists some of your insides, watching her all locked up in her armor of indifference.

Mr Schue enters the room, and all the attention that was just projected toward the two that just came storming in is now shifted to the man writing on the whiteboard.

You keep your eyes on Quinn for a couple more seconds, and for the second time today her eyes meet yours. For some reason you jump. You had not expected her to actually look back at you.

You force a small, comforting smile and watch how something in the hazel shifts. She herself hasn't moved, not a finger, and her eyes stay on yours, but something inside her moved, and you saw it happen. The knowledge, or more the affirmation that she needs someone to care for her causes a real, genuine smile to tug on the corners of your mouth, and you gladly let it make its appearance. You contain it though, this is not the moment for one of your beaming smiles, so you just nod at her, very subtly, before turning your attention to Mr Schue.

Your insides feel light. You know now for certain that a friendship is being built between you and Quinn, and the thought of that alone makes your heart swell