My body was burning. Every movement no matter how small, sent waves of pain shooting up my spine. I couldn't believe what had just happened. There was just no way. Shizu-chan had...he had.. It hurt to even think it. And everything felt so unreal. Except for the pain. It seemed like the only real thing left in my world. The stinging sensation radiating out from my ass. I held on to that. I needed something substantial right now. You're a monster. It was true. Shizu-chan was a monster. We had always fought, but I had never considered him anything of the kind. Until now. I could feel his arms around me, supporting me, carrying me. It disgusted me. I didn't want him touching me. I didn't want him anywhere near me. And yet I needed him, if I didn't want to stay lying in a ditch somewhere. He was walking really slowly and I wanted to scream at him to hurry the fuck up, but I didn't have the energy. We finally made it to our house and then up to my room. He put me on my bed and made to get me some clothes, however I wouldn't have that. I couldn't stand him.

"Get out", my tone was harsh and I was proud of that. I really didn't need to humiliate myself by stuttering now.

"Izaya, I...", Shizu-chan's voice was quiet, there was pain there, yet right at that moment I didn't care. I didn't think I ever would. I wanted to punch him. Hit him until this all made sense. Until I could feel something except fear pain and humiliation.

"You what, Shizu-chan? You're sorry? For hurting me? For raping me? Well Shizu-chan, that's what monsters do. Now get out. Get the fuck out.", I was screaming at the end of it. I just needed to get some of my inner turmoil out. It took all the energy I had to roll off of his lap and face the wall. A second later I herd the door close and I was finally alone. I could still feel blood and semen dripping down my thighs and tears started to sting my eyes again. I wasn't going to cry. Not again. Never again. For the first time in my life I felt helpless, weak. I didn't like it much. But worst of all was that my own twin brother had raped me. My own twin brother had been my first. My own twin brother had stripped every last scrap of control I had and had taken what was not his to claim. I felt dirty. Disgusting. I really needed a bath. Determined I scrambled off my bed and got to my feet hastily, only for agony to flare through my entire body. My vision went white and I fell. I don't know how long I lay there, too dazed to move an inch, too hurt to think. It took a while but finally the pain ebbed though it never quite subsided. For the first time in my life I wished my parents were here. I needed someone I could trust. Someone who would hold me in his arms and tell me it would be alright. However I knew that my parents weren't here and even if they were, I couldn't trust them. I knew that. I had always know. It had been Shizu-chan who had always thought our parents were the embodiment of everything good. And yet he was the one that had turned out even more insane than I was. Tonight had proven that. Finally I slowly got to hands and knees. I felt the pain intensify but I could stand it. Slowly I crawled to the bathroom. I turned on the water and waited till the tub was full and steaming. Getting in the tub was a problem but I managed somehow. I just lay there, trying not to think, trying not to feel. One thing just wouldn't stop nagging at me and that was why. Why had Shizu-chan done it. Sure I annoyed him. A lot. I liked doing it. It was fun. Or at least it had been. The warm water was steadily washing away the blood. But it couldn't wash away the shame. I had gotten off on being raped by my brother. Sure I hadn't wanted it but it had still happened and that hurt my pride. I crawled out of the tub about two hours later and didn't even bother drying off. I just buried under the covers and wrapped my arms around myself. I was squeaky clean, but there were things water and soap just couldn't wash away.

A/N: I hope I didn't completely fail Izaya, but he's a lot of fun to write. Soo I'll stick with him for a bit. Don't worry though, I'll get back to Shizu-chan sometime, too.