Warnings: Phone sex involving talk of nipples, masturbation, fingering, non-graphic anal sex and orgasms. Yippee!

"Sherlock?"

"John."

"What is it, Sherlock? Are you okay?"

"No."

"Why not? What's the matter?"

"Don't sound so frantic. I'm fine, physically anyway."

"Why are you calling? You never call when you can text."

"No, I know ... I just wanted to ... hear your voice.

"..."

"Stop laughing."

"I'm not laughing."

"Stop smiling like I just gave you a compliment."

"How did you..? Never mind. But it was a compliment really."

"Well it wasn't meant as one. I was simply stating a fact."

"Are you trying to say that you miss me?"

"..."

"I miss you too."

"Well come back then."

"I can't. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I need you here right now."

"What could you possible need me for?"

"Well I seem to be having some trouble masturbating. It doesn't feel the same as when you touch me."

"Jesus."

"It's Sherlock."

"Yes, alright, don't be smart. What, er, seems to be the trouble?"

"Well I was bored, and I haven't got a case, and I couldn't stop thinking so I tried to do what you told me to do."

"To focus on something really important to you."

"Yes. So I thought about you."

"..."

"You're smiling again."

"Sorry, I can't help it. Don't let it distract you, carry on."

"I thought about you and then I thought about the night before we left when I had you in my mouth and you were making those lovely noises. Really John I don't think I've ever heard any sound more beautiful. Not even my violin... Well, perhaps..."

"Sherlock..."

"Yes you sounded quite like that but a little more ... high pitched. Desperate."

"Are you going somewhere with this?"

"With that same huskiness to your voice that you used just then."

"Well, are you?"

"Yes. Well anyway I was thinking about that and then I realised that I had an erection."

"And you touched yourself?"

"Not at first, no. I thought it was rather inconvenient actually because you weren't here and I really don't have much experience of pleasuring myself. So I just ignored it. But it won't go away and that's why I need you to come home now."

"You want me to come home just to take care of your hard-on."

"Well I suppose you could put it that way."

"And then what? Come back again. I think that might seem a bit odd, don't you?"

"Well, yes but I wasn't planning on you going back."

"Hmm, weren't you?"

"No, I thought once we had taken care of my 'hard-on' as you so eloquently put it, I thought we could just... be."

"Be?"

"Yes, you know. Like we normally do when we don't have a case."

"..."

"I do actually enjoy your company, John."

"Well I suppose that's a bonus. This isn't just about you being horny then?"

"Not entirely. Mostly, though."

"Well I'm sure we can sort that out over the phone. And then I'll be back in a few days and we can be. How does that sound?"

"What do you mean, over the phone?"

"Well, you said you're having trouble doing it. I guess I can tell you what to do, I happen to be an expert in that matter."

"Yes, well, they do say practice makes perfect."

"Funny."

"It is, rather."

"I only did it so much because I thought you were 'married to your work' and that there was no point making another move. And humiliating myself. Again."

"Was it humiliating?"

"A bit."

"My apologies."

"I guess it's alright. Especially now as I get to fuck you into the mattress every night."

"John."

"That works for you does it?"

"Apparently. Is this phone sex?"

"Not yet. Okay, tell me what you've been doing."

"Well I'm just doing what you do to me."

"Describe it."

"Just stroking my hand from the bottom to the top."

"Is that it?"

"Well ... yes. Should there be more?"

"Think about it. When I touch you do I concentrate all my efforts on your cock?"

"Well, no... You normally build up first by kissing down my chest while you stroke my inner thighs with your fingers and then you put your mouth on my nipples and oh."

"See?"

"Don't sound so smug."

"Put me on speaker and I will tell you what to do."

"Alright."

"Have you got any lube handy?"

"Honestly, John what would I need that for? You aren't here to penetrate me."

"Just trust me."

"Fine. Yes I have some."

"Alright, well put some on your hand before you start stroking again. Slowly. And circle your nipples with your fingers."

"Mmm."

"Oh God, I'm getting hard now."

"Where are you?"

"In my bedroom, I excused myself as soon as you started talking about masturbating."

"Mm, speaking of talking about masturbating, please could you continue?"

"Alright, erm let's see, where were we?"

"I'm stroking my cock and rubbing my nipples."

"Mm, good, are they hard?"

"Quite."

"Pinch them slightly."

"Mmm, John."

"Oh, I love it when you moan my name."

"Mm."

"Stroke faster and gather some lube on to you other hand, especially your fingers."

"..."

"Have you done that?"

"Yes."

"Do you feel good?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"Are you touching yourself, too?"

"Mm, yeah."

"Mmm."

"Mmm."

"Tell me what you're doing."

"I'm stroking my cock and circling my finger around my entrance. You should too."

"Way ... mm ... ahead of you."

"Oh God."

"Indeed."

"Are you close?"

"Fairly."

"Me too. Alright, insert you finger."

"Are you doing it, mm, too?"

"Ye-oh, yeah."

"Mmm."

"Okay slowly thrust your hips against your finger until you're open enough to put a second one in."

"I already put a second one in."

"Mm, eager, aren't you?"

"Yes, John. I am eager for your penis."

"Only you could make that sound sexy."

"Mm, can't you come home, now? My fingers aren't, ah, thick enough. I want you inside me."

"Oh, Christ, I want that too. I promise as soon as I get home I'm going to grab you and kiss you and push you up against the wall and push into you, slowly at first, and then I'm going to fucking pound your arse until you're screaming my name."

"That, ah, sounds wonderful."

"It does, doesn't it? Oh God I'm close now, I – OH!"

"Did you just touch your prostate?"

"Yes, oh, yeees."

"I can't, ah, locate mine."

"Crook your finger a bit."

"Okay ... I ... No, I – Oooh!"

"There you go."

"Thank you, I, oh."

"That's it Sherlock, do you feel good?"

"Yes John, but not as good as when it's you inside of me."

"Just imagine it is me. Imagine I'm bending you oh-over the bed and, ah, slamming into you as you shout and moan into the, mmm, pillow, I – oh God, Sherlock I'm close, I'm gonna..."

"Yes, John! Come inside of me! Come on, come on!"

"Sherlock!"

"John, God, John! Yes!"

"Yessss..."

"Joooohn."

"Oh, Sherlock, Sherlock that was..."

"I concur."

"Good, then?"

"I feel better now, but still slightly unsatisfied. I feel much better after orgasm when I can feel that lovely emptiness after you've stretched me open, a constant reminder of your lovely cock."

"Shit, I love it when you swear. You're going to make me hard again already."

"Come home, John."

"I'll be back before you know it. And believe me, you will know it."

"That's very cheesy John."

"True, nonetheless."

"Well I look forward to your return then."

"Yes, me too. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. That doesn't mean blow anything up. And you can always call me if you get, er, bored again."

"I prefer to text."

"Evidently."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Feel free to text, as well then. Or sext, if you prefer."

"What's a sext?"

"Oh you're going to love this..."

A/N: So here's my first attempt at a dialogue fic and I REALLY enjoyed writing it! Let me know what you think ... I'm considering turning this into just a series of random dialogues because they're super fun to write! I'm going to put this as complete because this one really is finished, but if you think I should write more just story alert this and if I get enough interest I'll keep writing! I already have a plot bunny for another one which I might just post separately if there isn't enough interest also, if you have any ideas PLEASE leave them in a review or in an ask! I'm happy to take requests as long as I've got the time! Thanks for reading!