Written in collusion with Vegetables-will-have-their-revenge (minus the hyphens).

To make a long story short, we were discussing what would happen if Merlin had come to Camelot and saved Arthur's life as a girl, largely with frustration with the number of stories which seem to think that it would be perfectly feasible for a girl to undertake a manservant's job. Needless to say, crack! occurred. Currently a One-Shot. We hope you enjoy reading it even a portion of the amount we enjoyed writing it :D

Disclaimer: Neither of us own Merlin. Much to our dismay.

As Merlin lay on the cold stone floor with the Prince's lean, muscular body pressed against every contour of her own feminine form, she could not help but recall the previous few moments with alarming clarity. Watching the knife spin end over end towards him, she could not help but move instinctively to wrench him from the imminent clutches of death. She could have never dreamed that he would twist mid fall to fulfil his role as a misogynistic man and protect the delicate flower of a woman from the small bruise the meeting with the floor would incur.

Now, feeling his warm breath against the nape of her neck, she couldn't help the rolling of her stomach or the tremors of disgust which wracked her frame. If she had known her actions would lead to her being so intimately entwined with so obnoxious a prat, she would never have bothered to save him in the first place. And the worst thing was she was certain his interpretation of her actions and expressions would be entirely wrong and, worse, wholly inappropriate.

A sigh of relief reverberated in her ear as the prince's slow brain finally caught up with events and deduced he was actually still alive, sans knife. This, coupled with the slight murmurings beginning to erupt from around the cavernous chamber, sent a jolt of horror through the young woman's mind as she abruptly realised that she was clutched in what looked like a passionate (and somewhat drawn out) embrace...

With the prince...

In front of the entire court...

And said prince's father...

...who also happened to be the king of, quite possibly, the most prominent nation of all.

…

…

…

...oops...

Within a split second of her thoughts amassing at this conclusion, Merlin had, rather ungracefully it must be said, thrown the prince off her and scrabbled backwards a good two metres. Leaping to her feet, her eyes swept the hall anxiously before engaging in a battle of bemusement with Gaius. The battle came to a close only when her mentor's eyes skittered to the side and widened comically. Or it would have been comical had Merlin not know on whom they had settled. The crashing of a chair had her pirouetting daintily to face her seemingly rather bewildered monarch. His confusion, she believed, must in fact only be a mere cover for his mounting fury, which, she was sure, would be descending upon her at the slightest of triggers.

The king strode towards the unfortunate youths. In a moment of blind panic, Merlin considered whether her singing voice would be adequate enough to reproduce the now deceased witch's song, and escape while, once again, the whole hall slept unawares.

"You saved my boy's life. A debt must be repaid." Though his voice was filled with gratitude, there was an undeniably begrudging air accompanying the words, which left Merlin hurrying to deny his offer.

"Ah well-"

"Don't be so modest. You shall be rewarded."

Rather put out at being interrupted, and with a continuation of the offer she had tried to rebuff, Merlin tried once again to politely, yet firmly, decline the proposition, "No honestly you don't have to your highness."

"No absolutely. This merits something quite special."

"Well-"

"You shall be awarded a position in the royal household. You shall be Prince Arthur's manservant."

There was a deafening silence in the hall. Merlin was acutely aware of Arthur's gaze straying slightly south, coming to rest briefly on a certain visual aspect of the female anatomy which was considered generally impolite to gawk at. Especially in public. And a rule which applied even more so given the current company, not to mention the social status of the gawker in question. Merlin found herself rather hard put to restrain herself from socking him in the face.

"Father?" Arthur queried, his eyebrow rising slightly. "You do realise..." he trailed off, coughing to hide the faint blush tinting his cheeks. " You do realise, umm I mean, you are aware-err, that the... position proposed is..." He paused steeling himself, before looking his father directly in the eye and blurting out, in a single breath, "Father I'm not really sure that position is entirely appropriate."

Uther looked somewhat puzzled, before turning to allow his gaze to rove over the form of his son's saviour. Merlin could have sworn he gulped, and she dearly hoped she had only imagined the small look of appreciation in his eyes.

"Ah. I see what you mean." So Merlin hadn't imagined it then. "Perhaps 'maidservant' would be a more fitting title?"

Arthur looked somewhat flustered. Leaning forward he practically hissed, "Father I am not having her attend-serving, I, I mean...Father no. Just, no. Father you are aware of what that job entails?"

An unladylike snort drew Merlin's attention towards the farther end of the high table, where the Lady Morgana was attempting to muffle her sounds of amusement. In trying to restrain her own glare, Merlin found herself strangely grateful when Arthur obliged on both their behalves.

"Well," spluttered Uther, turning to include the court at large, "What title would you suggest?"

The room burst forth in a flurry of ideas, but many were influenced by the events during and immediately following the prince's saving. As the suggestions escalated Arthur reddened still further, and even Merlin felt her cheeks heat a little.

"She can be Arthur's Bolster!"

"She'll have to wake him up in the morning, so how about his Getter-Upper?"

"Royal Dresser!"

"She can be his Armour Polisher!"

"Have her be the Prince's Sword Cleaner!"

With each new suggestion the men of the court began to laugh, and as it continued their laughter increased until guffaws were echoing off the chamber walls. While this went on, Merlin turned toward the king (who was trying, and failing dismally, to remain unimpressed with his men's antics), and trying to remain polite.

"To be perfectly honest sire, I would much prefer to be untitled."

A harsh voice cried out from across the room, "So you'd do it all for free then?"

Another added "She doesn't want the job Arthur! Your charm must be dulling." Arthur looked indignant at the jibe.

"Enough!" commanded Uther, before this new onslaught of outcries could manifest in full. Sighing, he turned to Merlin and asked tiredly, "How about a cash reward?"

Sometime later, sitting in her small room, Merlin tried in vain to block the earlier humiliation from her mind. The five fat gold coins hidden in the compartment beneath the floorboard did little to assuage her turmoil, and so instead she turned her mind to something else. Unfortunately all that came to mind was the previous day's conversation with the dragon. She snorted. Shared destiny indeed. And change Arthur? That idiot? Was that even possible? The overgrown lizard must have been in the dark too long. Or maybe he'd confused her with a male Merlin somewhere. She was sure someone else, somewhere, had to share her name. Whoever that was, she felt sorry for them. Content with this, she snuggled under her blanket and fell asleep, happy in the knowledge that she would never have to deal with Arthur again.

So there you have it. What do you think? This was originally intended to be a one-shot, but we both agree that there seems to be plenty of space to manoeuvre around that. If you think it should be continued, please let us know.