A/N This is just a test chapter, but I will do the whole series if people like it enough. Please review, and tell me. This is a retelling of the Lightning Thief Chapter 1, but with a slightly smarter, more sarcastic, and overall more epic Percy. Hope you like it.

IMPORTANT: I'm not American, I live in New Zealand, so I'm guessing a large amount of the American culture and idiom. I did, however, revise the words to be spelled in American style.

Disclaimer: I am not Rick Riordan, and therefore do not own Percy Jackson

Chapter 1: I Vanquish my Evil Pre-Algebra Teacher

I didn't ask to have issues.

My name is Percy Jackson, and at the moment I'm sitting in a bus on the way to a field trip for Yancy Academy. My friend Grover was chattering nervously next to me while I stared out the window, he was looking at Nancy Bobofit while sending me these glances, probably to tell me to stop spacing out. I guess he's right, as Nancy or any other bully would have no problems yanking him out of the way to get to me while I was staring out the window.

I didn't really care; I may have only been a 6th Grader, but getting kicked out of school each and every year gives you a thick skin. See, doctors and school shrinks kept telling me I have ADHD and dyslexia, but all I know is that reading gives me major headaches and I get bored REALLY easily. I don't think I have ADHD, you know, 'cause they say I can't keep still and have trouble concentrating. I just notice all these things that other guys don't, my eyes keep darting around. I only told kids about this once, but being 'uncool' for the rest of that year told me I shouldn't give them more ideas.

I guess I have complex thoughts because when I'm bored I pay attention to things. I still can't read without a lot of time and headches, but it didn't matter that much as I was usually around some teacher or other yelling at me for being lazy; you pick up some really colorful language when you listen to the teachers mutter about you. That's probably the only reason I was going on this trip, Mr Brunner.

First, I should probably tell you, Yancy is a private school in upstate New York for troubled kids, and I am sure as hell a troubled kid. I picked up my attitude when docs kept on saying I have these mental illnesses, and then kept expecting me to go back to school to just try harder. Good job docs, give the kid headaches and tell him that's the rest of his life. The only reason I kept going back to school was my mom, but I'll tell you about her later.

So, I just went from school to school, worked hard for D grades, and generally just put effort in so I wouldn't add a delinquent son to my mom's list of problems. Going from school to school you learn to pick up things about the kids and teachers, and Mr Brunner was unusual, I liked him a lot.

Mr Brunner taught Latin, which was my favorite subject since he started teaching, and he was awesome. He was the only teacher who seemed to want me to pass their class, and the lessons were kinda cool. It kinda sucked that he was a middle-aged guy stuck in a wheelchair, and I'm pretty sure he can't feel his legs since I tripped over them on the first day. It didn't stop him, though, from dressing up in Roman armor and forcing us at sword-point to recount every Greek and Roman person who ever lived, who their parents were, what god they worshiped, and when they were alive. It was cool though, because he wasn't exactly the type you would expect to be awesome, he had thinning hair and an old tweed jacket. It was the glint in his eyes that told you the truth, if you looked, as he seemed to be enjoying his own private joke, which was probably true. Class was as tough as hell as it was mostly reading and writing, but Brunner was a good teacher, and he let us play around a bit, so it didn't put me to sleep, like when I had given up on my other classes.

Mr Brunner was leading this field trip, so there was hope for it yet. Why they sent us on field trips was beyond me, I mean they advertise the school as one for troubled kids, and they send them out into public places they can wreck? Either way, I would have skipped this one if it weren't for Brunner; who actually wants to go to a stuffy old museum of Greek and Roman stuff? Yeah, as if we really care.

The trip in took forever, and Grover shook me from one of the only times I had actually managed to get caught up in my thoughts when he lurched sideways in his seat. Looking up, I saw peanut butter-and-ketchup sandwich dangling from the side of his head, and turning around I saw a smirking Nancy Bobofit. If it weren't for the fact that I was actually trying to get through the year without getting suspended, I would have already jumped up and wiped that smirk off her face.

I was in a bad mood by the time we arrived, no-one messes with my friends. Well, friend, as Grover was the only friend I had. Still, though, I had to look out for him. Grover's scrawny, and he sorta cries when he gets frustrated. Grover also must be way older than the rest of us, because he had acne and a wispy beard on his chin; he was definitely not 12. The G-man was also crippled, he shuffles along as he has what looks like a muscular disease or something in his legs that gets him out of PE, but you still should have seen him run when it was enchilada day at the cafeteria.

Nancy Bobofit, on the other hand, was unfortunate as she was downright ugly, I mean crooked-teeth-red-hair-and-Cheetos-freckles-ugly, and she thought she was cool because she was the only klepto 12-year-old in school. She was still smirking though, because the last time I beat her up I was threatened with in-school suspension for the remainder of my natural life, which went double if I did anything to mess up this trip. Sure, I wasn't the only troublemaker in the school, but the fact that they don't change anything and just up the punishments still boggles me, I guess it's because we aren't properly teenagers yet.

I picked the sandwich pieces out of Grover's hair and threw them on the ground while scowling at Nancy. I couldn't do anything and she knew it, and I got this feeling that despite Brunner, this trip was only going to get worse. I sarcastically patted myself on the back when Mrs Dodds turned up, she hated me and I had a bad reputation with field trips. Last year I got expelled when I somehow managed to misfire a Revolutionary War Cannon at the school bus, and the year before I managed to tip the catwalk with a lever so we all went swimming with sharks. I never meant to do any of those things, but it was probably suspicious when I was the closest person to what caused the accidents and the only one that found them funny; the sharks were friendly, honest!

As another piece of Nancy's lunch hit Grover's head, I sent him a look, dude, please let me deck her, but he just shook his head. "It's alright mate, I like peanut butter." I sent him a warning look, that was so not funny, but pulled it in and shrugged. It was his decision to make, and sandwiches are relatively non-lethal, so I let it slide. This time.

Mr Brunner lead the museum tour, which I imagine would have been great if I was at all interested or it was a subject that I liked. Still, I put on a mildly interested look on for the other people visiting and convinced myself that what I was forcing myself to look at was... what was that word all the stuffy old English teachers and shrinks use? Oh yeah, fascinating.

I guess museums aren't really my type of place, but that was probably for the better considering my fate if anything disruptive, embarrassing, or mildly entertaining happened on this trip. Still, the huge echoey galleries were kinda spooky, and they were filled with huge amounts of weathered marble statues and fragments of ancient Greek pottery. It was all really boring for someone with ADHD, but it was still a bit mind-blowing how it had all survived for so long, however many years it had been since those ancient empires had been around.

My attention snapped back to the tour when Mr Brunner started talking about a stele that we were obviously standing next to. Apparently they were ancient Greek grave markers or something, but I just saw a huge 13-foot-high stone column with a sphinx carved on top. Weren't sphinxes Egyptian, anyway? Apparently this stele was for a girl about our age, and all the carvings on it meant things and stuff. All I could think of gazing up at the huge thing was that this girl must have had really rich parents, or parents that were wealthy carvers that could afford to make this between commissions.

The kids around me, actually our whole class, were talking really loudly and generally being immature and overall just pissing me off. Sure, I didn't care about this stuff all that much, but I had some idea of the respect it should be getting, and the museum halls magnify sound, so all the chatter was giving me a headache. "Would you please shut up!" Apparently hissing for quiet wasn't allowed either, as Mrs Dodds was giving me the evil eye from the back of the group. I just had to fall back on giving myself a sarcastic commentary and grumbling under my breath, I'm sure Mrs Dodds was out to get me.

See, she's like 50 years old or something, which is creepy enough without her coming to school every day in a black leather jacket looking like she'd ride a Harley to your house and make your parents ground you for the rest of your life if you annoyed her enough. She was like the little old evil bag lady in your neighborhood that no-one talks about, but you get pissed off with every time she disrupts your daily life.

Which for me, was basically all the time, because ever since she started teaching at Yancy Nancy Bobofit was her precious student, which meant I was the delinquent she just loved to punish. She only arrived halfway through the school year, but since then I had become closely acquainted with her crooked little finger, which she would point at me and simper "Now, honey" in gross sweet tones that meant you were going to get detention after school for the next month.

I swear, she has this campaign to make me miserable, I'm almost scared she's going to stalk me in the summer holidays since she made me erase workbooks until almost midnight. Who has that amount of spare time? And why was she up at night watching me perform her stupid detentions instead of sleeping like a normal person? Just thinking of that makes me shiver, and I said to Grover straight-faced once that "She's evil! She's sooooo not human!" I didn't even think twice when Grover looked me in the straight in the eye and told me that I was absolutely right.

Mr Brunner was still talking about the stele, and I'm starting to think that it was the point of the field trip, because we haven't moved on. He kept sending it these glances like he was there at this girl's funeral. Nancy's sniggering was getting louder, and she kept making immature comments about some naked guy carved into the side of the column. I lasted all of thirty seconds until I turned around and glared "Oh will you shut up!"

My eyebrow was twitching and I was trying to reign in my temper, so it took a few seconds for it to sink in that it had come out louder than I meant it to, and it was still echoing around the gallery. Everyone was laughing, and I glared, trying not to blame them for me yelling, it was their fault in the first place. I swear everyone was baiting me into that. Mr Brunner paused in his story and looked at me, "Mr Jackson, did you have a comment?"

I was scowling, and I felt my cheeks start to turn pink as the embarrassment set in. "No, sir." Stupid teachers. He pointed back to the stele and I inwardly groaned. It didn't matter what happened, when a teacher turns their attention to you, your their prime kid for testing what they were talking about. Sure, pick on the dyslexic kid that can't read the textbook. "Perhaps you'll tell us what this picture represents?"

I looked at the carved picture, inwardly groaning. There was no way I was going to recognise some ancient weathered old carving of one moment in all of Greek Mythology. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw what it was, and flashed Mr Brunner a grateful smile, he really was the best. "Um, I'm pretty sure that's Kronos eating his kids, isn't it? I mean, it's kind of faded..." Mr Brunner was wearing an amused expression, but looked slightly impatient when he said "Indeed, Mr Jackson, you are correct. But he did this because..." Oh crap. "Um, Kronos was the king..." Was it god? I'm not sure. "And there was this prophesy that said one of his kids was going to overthrow him... Or he just didn't trust them because he did that to his dad..." The kids in the group were snickering now. "So he ate his kids, but his wife didn't like that so she hid baby Zeus and gave Kronos a rock to eat. Then Zeus grew up until he tricked Kronos into barfing up his brothers and sisters..." I tried to remember what came next, it wasn't easy remembering class lectures when I wasn't exactly focusing.

"Eeew!" Some of the girls in the group didn't seem to like the image I gave them of Kronos barfing, *smirk*. "And then there was this big war between the gods and Kronos' kind, what were they called again? Anyway, there was this big war, and the gods won." Pause, then cue snickers. What was wrong with some of these kids? Oh yeah, some of the kids were here because they were jerks. They were probably acting like they were in first grade again because the dyslexic kid answered better than they could. Nancy was definitely jealous when she huffed and turned to the girl next to her and whined "Like we're going to use this in real life. Like it's going to say on our job applications, 'Please explain why Kronos ate his kids.'" Brunner looked like he heard her though.

Oh crap, I'm gonna be put on the spot again. "And why, Mr Jackson," Yep, Brunner was definitely making me a seer, "to paraphrase Miss Bobofit's excellent question, does this matter in real life?" Grover whispered "Busted" as Nancy's face turned that shade of red you just know that you can fry an egg on. And I still insist that the egg would taste like Cheetos, if you could persuade me to eat anything that had touched Nancy's skin. "Shut up!" As she hissed I wondered if having Cheetos freckles was a diagnosable medical condition. I don't even know what those words mean, but I have a pretty good guess as I've heard them a lot when shrinks talk to parents about their troubled kids.

Pity I didn't get to see her this shade of red that often, she only turned this colour when she was caught doing something wrong, which usually doesn't happen since she's in Mrs Dodds' pocket. And that red is absolutely lovely with her hair. Only Brunner could do that to her, he must have radar ears or something, as no-one else except him and me ever hear her say anything bad, and I usually hear her because I'm right next to her when she says stuff. Looking back at Mr Brunner I realised that I hadn't answered his question, so I thought about it. "Well, I can't think of a situation off the top of my head, but the information has to be useful in some way, right? I mean, it is information and all..." I trailed off, hoping my answer was better than the blunt 'I don't know, sir' it was probably going to get if I had to be brutally honest.

Mr Brunner looked contemplative and mildly amused at my answer, but then he was a middle-aged man that had probably been teaching all of his adult life and therefore had heard most of the cop-outs students use. He did seem a little disappointed though, but at least he accepted that it was a tough question and I at least tried. Or at least, that was what I hoped was running through his head. "Interesting, Mr Jackson." Out of all my teachers, he was the only one that found my smart mouth amusing, it usually seemed to piss everyone else off. ""Well, half credit, Mr. Jackson. Zeus did indeed feed Kronos a mixture of mustard and wine, which made him disgorge his other five children, who, of course, being immortal gods, had been living and growing up completely undigested in the Titan's stomach. The gods defeated their father, sliced him to pieces with his own scythe, and scattered his remains in Tartarus, the darkest part of the Underworld. On that happy note, it's time for lunch. Mrs. Dodds, would you lead us back outside?"

The class sort of drifted towards the entrance of the museum, the girls looking sick and the boys pushing each other, snickering, and generally being doofuses. I was about to follow, but kept an ear out for Mr Brunner, he didn't like leaving students without answers to his questions, as his questions usually had points to them... or so he tells us. I'm not sure anyone fully understands what the point of all of it is, but that's generally why we're the kids at Yancy Academy for Troubled Youths.

Sure enough, I was about to follow at the back of the group with Grover when I heard Brunner's voice: "Mr Jackson." My automatic reply "Sir." was out even before I turned around. It still wasn't my fault that teachers found my overly polite response sarcastic or mocking, they were the ones that wanted me to be polite in the first place. Still, when I did turn around, I was drawn to his eyes, like I always was when he would tell me things that made his voice go all serious. Those eyes were ancient. They looked like they were thousands of years old and had seen empires rise and fall, and they were looking at me like I had better listen or else I would be the next empire to fall. It was nerve-wracking to say the least.

"You must learn to answer my question." Brunner made it sound like life or death, so I had to respond sarcastically, even though I knew better. "About the Titans?" My raised eyebrow only accented how small this matter was to me. A sneaking feeling had me wondering if it really was life or death that I had to learn this guy's subject, especially when I looked into his eyes and saw them like they were now. "About real life, and how your studies apply to it." That was kind of a big ask for a 6th grader, so I felt a little dwarfed by what he was asking me to do. I hadn't given any thought about my life or my future, I mean, I was just going to hop from school to school until I was like 18 or something. Then I would drop out and... do something. I had six years to figure that out.

Mr Brunner could definitely see my skepticism, "What you learn from me is vitally important, and I expect you to treat it as such. I will accept only the best from you, Percy Jackson." Did everyone always have to say my last name in casual conversation?

Still, I was going to try harder for this guy. I know he expected me to be better than everyone else by the amount of pressure he put on me, but I learnt how to shrug off things like that ages ago. I was always going to do things my way, but it was nice to have a teacher that wanted me to do well and wanted to help me. That's not the kind of support kids like me got on a daily basis, so hell yeah was I going to try harder in the future. Aside from my mom, Latin is the only reason I'm staying in school and passing at all, so even if I could never spell it correctly, I would learn the subject for this guy.

The conversation was over then, so Mr Brunner told me to so outside and eat my lunch. I found the class out on the steps at the front of the museum, goofing off and watching the foot traffic on Fifth Avenue. Some idiots cat-called the people on the sidewalk. Sitting down next to Grover and turning my attention away from the class, I looked for something to focus on that weren't my idiotic classmates. The weather was horrible, thunderclouds gathering. It looked like a huge storm was brewing, which didn't look good for us but was hardly out of place, since the weather had been going to the dogs since Christmas. Must be Global Warming or something like that, because snow storms, flooding, lightning strikes and subsequent wildfires across New York State were hardly normal. I wouldn't be surprised if a hurricane didn't show up soon, weather like this definitely was a mood killer.

Watching the goofing off of my classmates inch ever closer to where we were sitting, I elbowed Grover and pointed over to the side of the steps. There was a fountain there, with a bench opposite that no-one was sitting on, and was far enough away from the rest of the class that we might even have a hope of not being lumped with the rest of the group by people walking down the sidewalk. It was nice, quieter anyway, but of course Nancy watched us leave. I just know for a fact that she was going to join us at some point and ruin the peaceful space we were looking to escape to. Ah well, my inner voice hates me sometimes, mostly because it sides with life over me. And this was why I stopped talking about my problems to people, because they would think I was nuts, and they'd be right.

"Detention?" Grover asked, pointing in Mr Brunner's direction when I just looked at him blankly. I really should stop spacing out, but at times today it feels like there's an invisible curtain hiding a large part of the world behind it, and I should be able to see through it. "Nah, not from Brunner. I do wish he wouldn't be quite so dramatic about his subject, you know? This troubled kid can't exactly read the textbook." Grover looked sad for a long moment, like he was remembering something bad. He had a small frown and right when I thought he was going to come out and say something deep to cheer me up, he asked "Can I have your apple?"

Meh. I wasn't hungry, so I gave it to him. In the awkward silence that was only broken by the sound of Grover chewing, I noticed that some of the guys were pelting pigeons with Lunchables crackers, and Nancy Bobofit trying to steal something out of this lady's purse while Mrs Dodds watched the group but didn't see a thing. Mr Brunner sat in his wheelchair reading a book and eating celery. Nancy looked up and saw me watching her. She gave a nasty little grin and made her way towards us after grabbing a few of her friends to try and make herself look more intimidating. I just snorted inwardly and leant back with my eyes closed. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, since the sun wasn't out, and I would have no notice if it started to rain, but it still felt good to stick it to her even if I couldn't exactly go up to her and wipe the smirk of her face. Despite the fact that there was no sun, I didn't need a shadow to tell me that she had arrived and was standing in front of me.

Nancy stood in front of where Grover and I had sat down, right between us and the fountain, actually. She had this little smirk and this little posse of friends behind her, and I could vaguely detect a feeling of foreboding amongst my growing headache. She was annoying at the best of times, and these weren't the best of times. Being ADHD generally gives me a shorter temper about things I care about than other people, and Nancy was an expert at pushing those buttons. She also seemed to take joy in taunting me and then hiding behind stupid teachers smirking right before I give her what she's asking for. I won't even try to remember all the times I've come this close to lashing out properly, with full intent of breaking her jaw. Still, she'd been hammering the point all along this trip that I really didn't care about in the first place, so something was going to snap, and my headache tells me that it's going to be soon.

Nancy suddenly seemed to fall into her 'innocent little girl' act by suddenly whispering to her little girlfriends and going all giggly. Did I mention that I was in a bad mood? Then she took out the rest of her lunch... and tipped it on Grover's lap. Now my head was pounding, because if she had done that to me, I would have up and decked her right then and there. Doing that to Grover, however, was something far worse. The shrinks have never been able to explain my protective instinct, when by all rights I should be looking out for my own skin. So when she did that to Grover, despite the fact that chivalry hasn't been around since, like, the Middle Ages, and the fact that Grover seemed less concerned about it than I was, I was still trying to reign in my temper from doing something I might regret later.

"Oops." Her sarcastic voice made me look up at her, and I probably shouldn't. Yep, watching her grin at me definitely didn't help my temper, so I tried a last ditch attempt to not get suspended and remember what the shrinks told me about anger management. "Close your eyes, count to ten, get control of your temper." Yeah...

Closing my eyes didn't help much, I could feel the smugness radiating off her. And counting to ten wasn't helping, I could only hear the sea. The waves sounded bigger and more vicious the angrier I got, until my mind blanked and I'm pretty sure I actually heard water. Opening my eyes, I was greeted to the sight of Nancy Bobofit on her butt in the fountain, completely soaked. The crowd that gathered to watch the confrontation were as stunned as I was, although at least they saw what happened.

"Did you see–"

"–the water–"

"–like it grabbed her–"

Yeah, that would have been pretty cool to watch if it had happened like that. Mrs Dodds materialized next to me, but I was pretty sure Nancy hadn't raised the alarm yet. She was still sitting there in shock, until she seemed to come to her senses and screeched "Percy pushed me!"

Mrs Dodds went into mother hen mode, like she always was around her poor little Nancy. Still, I didn't miss how creepy it was that she'd arrived like that, that seemed beyond normal teacher's instinct. She turned to me, looking almost triumphant and... hungry? Like she had been waiting for this or something? "Now honey..." She took a step forward as I took a step back, not entirely sure when I stood up. Holy crap she was scary, I had to try and diffuse some of the tension: she was a teacher, and I was a student, and so far there was nothing weird or paranormal about it. "Yeah, yeah, I know, a month erasing workbooks. Will I get to sleep during that month?" I managed what I thought was a winning grin as she growled and grabbed me by the shoulder to face her... Oh yeah, still got it.

Grover was panicking, and my heart went out to the guy. "W-Wait! It was me. I pushed her." And that's why we were best buds, we stood up for each other. I was still shocked though, I mean, Mrs Dodds scared Grover nearly to death each time they met. She glared at him, " I don't think so, Mr Underwood." My poor friend, he tried so hard. "B-But..." His chin was trembling, but he refused to back down. "You–will–stay–here." She practically hissed at him. I tried to reach out, I clasped him by the shoulder, "It's okay man," I flashed him a reassuring smile, "thanks for trying." Our moment was ruined by the evil teacher. "Honey, Now!"

"Okay, okay. Geez..." I sent one last glance back to Nancy, seeing her soaked again would cheer me up, but she had this triumphant grin; I so wanted to break her face. Instead, I took a deep breath and sent her my deluxe 'I'll-kill-you-later' stare. I made that stare so that when I was forced to leave a confrontation it wouldn't look like I was backing down. I've been suspended for giving teachers that stare. I turned around back to Mrs Dodds, but she was already at the top of the museum stairs. How did she get there so fast?That was... strange, I'm sure my ADHD brain wouldn't let me space out long enough for her to walk all the way there, I'm sure there hasn't been enough time. Still, I have moments like that quite often, when there's something that happens that shouldn't. There have been times I've heard flapping, turned around and a person I had never seen before appeared right behind me. Then I turn away from them, hear that flapping sound again, and they're gone. I'm sure they aren't quite human, or something like that, like those huge guys in trench-coats I see from time to time that I swear have only one large eye in the middle of their faces. Great, now Mrs Dodds is probably a monster, demon or alien of some kind, and I have to follow her because she's my teacher and she told me to.

I walked slowly after her, trying to process what my brain was telling me and the fact that it is supposedly diseased and I shouldn't listen to it anyway. Halfway up the steps to the front of the museum, I looked back to Grover. He looked pale and sick, and his eyes kept darting between Mrs Dodds and Mr Brunner, like he wanted our Latin teacher to notice what was going on. Looking back, Mrs Dodds was even further ahead of me, in the museum proper passed the entrance foyer. Maybe I was overreacting and she was only going to make me buy Nancy something from the gift shop? I somehow doubted it.

When I finally caught up to her, not only were we all the way back in the Greek and Roman section, but she looked like she hadn't even broken a sweat. She was just standing there with her arms folded in front of this huge marble frieze of the Greek gods, and we were alone. She was also making this like growling sound in the back of her throat; I was starting to get seriously creeped-out here. "You've been giving us problems, honey." Well, that was innocent enough, except for the fact that she was looking like she wanted to pulverize that marble frieze, followed by me... "Um, was this one of those times I already said was an accident? Because sorry and all, but... You are talking about something I did at school, aren't you?" She ignored me as she tugged on the cuffs of her leather jacket, I got a feeling that she was talking about something else, and I had no clue what. "Did you really think you could get away with it?"

Hmm, options... I know, I'll taunt her! "Um, yeah, if it was that big a deal, then I don't think I would have come back to school right after I did whatever you're talking about. I mean, there are teachers here with the police on speed dial! Come on, what are you talking about?" I was getting a sinking feeling that this wasn't the time to play the smart-alec. Maybe that had to do with the absolutely evil look in her eye, or the terrifying thunder that just now conveniently shook the building. "We are not fools, Percy Jackson," I couldn't resist, she was laying herself completely open for this one, "Could have fooled me." Her eyes narrowed and I had the feeling she was about to inflict great bodily harm on my person, so I clammed up as she continued, "It was only a matter of time before we found you out. Confess now and you will suffer less pain."

I don't know what's up with the thunder and the lightning, but it really punctuated her little speeches well, I thought. A small voice in the back of my head also told me that I had a death wish, but that's the lame voice of reason or something like that. Maybe it's self preservation? That would explain a lot. "I confess! Wait, was that the line? Because you have this really great play going on here, with the lightning and the spookiness, and the evil. It's really good theater." I suddenly leapt to the side as lightning arced through the window to where I was standing, but it seemed kind of weak, it didn't even break the glass and left just a small scorch mark on the floor. It seemed whoever the weather god was didn't like theater, meh. Still, I didn't think that this was because they found my illegal stash of candy I had been pawning off to the students, or because they found out I had copied my essay on Tom Sawyer off of the internet without reading the book. Despite the fact that all my instincts are screaming that this was a lot more serious and that I could die, I couldn't help but internally breathe a sigh of relief: they hadn't found out and weren't going to make me read the book.

Mrs Dodds looked like she was fighting her own internal battle. Maybe she had this whole speech she was going to spring on me to make me confess whatever it was that she'd thought I'd done, but I was pretty sure I had pissed her off to the level where she was ready to take her most drastic action. I was proven right when she just screamed "Your time is up, DIE HONEY!" as she turned into a winged-and-clawed-monster-with-teeth-that's-going-to-eat-me and lunged. Mr Brunner conveniently appeared in the archway to the gallery and tossed me a pen shouting "What ho, Percy!" Time seemed to slow down as my brain ran through all the important thoughts of the moment. One, someone had to teach me how those guys moved around so fast, I was so jealous. Two, Mrs Dodds was really ugly with shriveled-up skin stretching all over her body and wings, and if it wasn't for the fact that she was currently lunging at me with tallons and teeth intending to slice me to ribbons, then I would have felt sorry for her. Three, the pen Mr Brunner threw uncapped in my hand and turned into the sword that he would use in class that I always wanted to hold, and it was epic and sharp.

Feeling absolutely awesome, I instinctively shifted my weight to counter-balance the sword and leant into a single strike that rent Mrs Dodds from shoulder to hip with a hiss, turning her into a sandcastle in a power fan. Literally. I mean that she turned into yellow powder as she disintegrated, that was still lunging at me, making me have a coughing fit and totally ruining my epic moment. She also left a smell of sulphur that I know is just going to stick to my clothes, along with a dying screech and an evil chill in the air. Despite it all, I felt great, as I had vanquished my evil maths teacher, and I was pretty sure it would be alright since people don't die like that, so I wasn't a murderer.

Looking around, I was suddenly alone in the gallery, and Mr Brunner was nowhere to be seen. He so had to teach me how he did that. Looking down in my hands, I saw the pen he had thrown me, so I was pretty sure I hadn't imagined the whole thing. Looking at the pen, I saw it wasn't capped, and I growled "Come on, don't play games with me." The pen flickered into the sword for a moment, before turning back. Satisfied, I capped the sword-pen and put it in my pocket, I wasn't sure I wanted to give it back.

I went back outside, it had started raining. That in itself was annoying, as the class hadn't prepared for wet weather. I wanted to talk to Grover, so I barely even registered a soaked Nancy Bobofit grumbling to her friends before saying to me "I hope Mrs Kerr whipped your butt." I felt pretty in control of the situation, and didn't ponder who Mrs Kerr was but instead just walked right past her, not even looking at her and patting her on the shoulder saying "Sure, why not. You just believe that." I felt a smirk grow as I heard her splutter behind me.

Grover was still by the fountain, holding a museum map over his head to protect him from the rain. He looked like he expected me to say something, probably about Mrs Dodds, but I was glad no-one else remembered her since it would have been awkward to explain what I had done to her. Still, he looked like the only person who remembered, so I humored him, "Hey mate, I think I ran into a wall inside the museum and knocked my head, what does Mrs Kerr teach again?" He looked like a deer in headlights and I realized my best friend couldn't lie to save his life when he knew differently. Mr Brunner was calling us over so I let him off the hook and said "It was maths wasn't it? C'mon, or we'll miss the bus back to Yancy."

Mr Brunner was in his wheelchair, putting his book away as if he had never moved. As we approached, I saw a perky blond woman I've never seen before in my life herding students out the corner of my eye. Three guesses tells my that's Mrs Kerr, which was kind of disconcerting. What exactly was she doing during the field trip when Mrs Dodds chaperoned? Does she remember what she did, or were her memories altered like the class' seemed to be? When I reached Mr Brunner he saw me and spoke up. "Percy Jackson, I believe I lent you my pen..." He trailed off and looked at me expectantly, but I didn't want to give it up. I made a show of thinking before I replied, "Oh, that pen, the one with Greek on the side, right?" I took a good long look in the museum at the pen. "It read alpha, nu, alpha, kappa, lambda, upsilon, sigma, mu, omicron, zeta, right?"

Mr Brunner's eyes were wide, he obviously didn't expect me to take a good look at it, or probably recognise the Greek. "Well, you see, I tried writing with it in the museum, but there was no ink. Sorry sir, but it was a kind of useless pen, so I threw it out in a trash can in the museum. I bought you a new one from the gift shop though." It was a lie, I had filched it on the way out so Mr Brunner would have to drop the subject. I figured he would know I hadn't gotten rid of it, but since Mrs Kerr was so sudden, and he seemed to know what Mrs Dodds was, I also figured he didn't want to explain everything to me at the moment. He would have to, of course, explain properly if he wanted his pen back, but not here. He surprised me though, by sighing and saying "Ah well, thank you for the pen Mr Jackson, perhaps losing the other one was for the best."