I do not own Star Trek 2009, Supernatural, NCIS or NCIS:LA.

Hi. I owe you all an enormous apology. This update is very, very, very late. In my defense, a new job with a demanding training period (that is not over yet), moving not once but twice in a single month, some serious family drama, a wedding in a different province and then food poisoning really put a cramp in my writing style. Still. I'm sorry. I don't really get mad when a writer drops off the map, but I do find it very irritating when an author leaves without a word so if this happens again, please know it's not because I got bored or skipped away without reason. It's usually because life reared up to bite me in the ass.

As recompense…all I have to say is that this chapter is going to be good (In my humble opinion, at least). I'll be impressed if anyone spots the ninja-sneaky reference to a certain anime.

Captains Collective

The entire plan hinged on timing – just like a shotgun.

You see, a shotgun is a deceptively simple weapon. Load it up with the ammunition of your choice, point it in the direction of whatever you want to perforate and pull the trigger once, perhaps twice. It will obediently blast away.

To use a shotgun effectively though is an entirely different proposition. It requires experience, steady nerves and discernment. It's not a phaser or even a machine gun – a shotgun has limited ammunition and when it runs out, you'd better hope you have a) time to reload, b) back-up or c) the ability to use the damn thing like a club.

Use a shotgun just right and the fight's usually over before it really begins.

According to Gibbs, their 'shotgun' had one slim window, three shots and the potential for destruction no matter who won and who lost.

Impala

"This is the stupidest thing we have ever done, bar none," Sam muttered under his breath, sore arm complaining as he feverishly stripped wire and rerouted circuit boards.

"Stupider than exploding a sun?" Dean quipped and Sam kicked his brother's ankle.

"Yes, stupider than exploding a sun."

"Stupider than trusting a Goauld System Lord?"

"Dean, we are not SG-1. And this is definitely stupider than trusting a Goauld System Lord. I can say that with absolute certainty because Daniel told me how that particular gambit turned out."

The Impala shuddered and Dean glanced over his shoulder. "Ash?"

"Los Angeles let that one slip through man, you'd better get moving," the navigator confirmed. "I don't want to have to yank Cas out of the infirmary any earlier than we have to."

"I still can't believe we're doing this," Sam continued to complain. "Trusting alpha shift's food replicator weapons to defend this ship is retarded."

Dean considered kicking his brother in retaliation but withheld the urge when he spotted fine lines of pain still etched around Sam's mouth. The Sasquatch was distracting himself through bitching. Dean could let it go. It'd be funny in a week when Dean played back the recording showing Sam that he had, in fact, been the one to suggest alpha shift's crazy inventions.

"Dude, how is liquid phaser pasta not awesome?" Dean asked, clearly expecting no argument from anyone on the bridge.

"Liquid phaser pasta?" Castiel asked quizzically as he limped onto the bridge, white gauze taped to his forehead. He could almost hear Sam rolling his eyes under the console.

"That's what Shari's calling it. Technically, the name is – " Sam's diatribe cut off with a surprised yelp as Dean shoved him back into his hoverchair.

"Stay there. Out of trouble. Cas, we're pulling a bait and switch. Kind of."

Without turning a hair at the decidedly sketchy explanation, Castiel settled into his customary seat, running bruised hands over battered controls with hungry anticipation. "What do you need me to do?"

Dean grinned madly. "Fly into the teeth of hell shooting liquid phaser pasta."

Cas shrugged with beautiful unconcern.

"Very well."

Enterprise

"Ready?" Kirk demanded over the comm.

"Aye," Scotty replied mournfully. "If ye don't mind me sayin' capt'n, this is one of your crazier plans."

Kirk grinned. "Why don't you come right out and say it, Scotty? This is one of our stupider plans and if we pull it off, Starfleet's going to be pissed as hell."

"I'll thank ye to remember t'was yourself that said it, not me, sir."

The flagship captain was practically bouncing in his seat, blue eyes snapping madly as the final team returned to the ship. "LA, stand by to make your run. Impala, you're free and clear to broadcast. Light up this corner of space like it's the Fourth of July. Let Lucifer's idiots know we're toothless and ripe for the taking."

With that cue, space chatter exploded from the three ships, all blabbering about incoming enemies and failing defences and kids in trouble and how the world was generally coming to an end around them. The warbirds that had been chasing the Los Angeles arrived at almost that exact moment, lending credibility to the Starfleet freak-out taking place. Chaff filled the space around them, little glittering bits of debris clouding sensors all around and baffling the Romulans, who immediately called for their allies to show up and eliminate the Federation scum.

Soon the three Starfleet ships were almost completely surrounded.

Kirk's jaw ached from tension as he waited, waited, waited. Gibbs had suggested the Enterprise captain be the one to direct the operation, knowing that of all the commanders present, Kirk still felt the most drive for success. Callen wasn't as emotionally invested and Dean too focused on revenge. Kirk was still chasing a successful rescue of the Impala. For him, this mission ended when the Impala was docked safely at Starfleet Command and he would see it happen, come hell, high water or the devil himself.

So Kirk was given command, given the privilege of waiting until almost the entire fleet surrounded them, waiting until his bridge was humming with anticipation and a decent dose of fear. Only an idiot or a liar would claim to be fearless at this point in time.

Wait. Let the trap close fully. Draw them in, just like a spider.

When even Spock glanced over at his captain, Kirk broke through the now-frantic 'pretend' communications that undoubtedly had the Romulans licking their chops.

"Now."

Los Angeles

"Go," Callen snapped and Hetty slapped a small hand down, activating the program set to a hair's trigger. Deeks sat back with his hands hovering just over his console in anticipation as the Los Angeles screamed around, the big ship hurtling along its pre-plotted course with inhuman and uncaring speed. Her crew sat strapped in, their teeth rattling in their heads as she ran with everything in her.

Impala

The Impala beat both the Enterprise and the Los Angeles in their mad dash for open space.

"Cas, now!" Dean barked from Ash's console. Working in tandem with the LA and Enterprise pilots, they worked seamlessly as the hidden weapons came into play. Remotely piloted shuttles roared out of their hiding spots under the silent, empty starbase. Power had been diverted from every major system except shields, propulsion and weapons. Life support had been the first casualty.

The shuttles-turned-missiles, all fifteen of them, bewildered the enemy for a split second until one intrepid enemy fired first, disruptor fire spattering off an Enterprise shuttle with its usual effectiveness, spurring a barrage of fire. Shuttles started dropping like flies but Dean hissed in triumph when four enemies shied away from the kamikaze shuttles. When the figurative smoke cleared, almost every enemy had taken some form of damage. As expected, that only enraged the Romulans, who charged into the sensor-blurring chaff.

Alpha shift came through brilliantly.

They had taken Spock's concept of chaff and integrated it into a series of lethally small mines specifically targeted to reach through shields and disable sensors with a unique electromagnetic pulse.

Ship after ship ploughed through the minefield, seemingly without any effect until they all drifted to a puzzled halt, sensors off-line or haywire, most vessels circling cautiously around the silent, darkened space station.

Enterprise

"Do it," Kirk ordered.

Spock flicked a switch.

The space station ignited, hot-wired power plants and electrical systems booby-trapped with photon torpedoes spewing death, destruction and liquid fire all over the Federation's enemies with impunity. Blast after blast shattered metal and shield alike, belching hot anger over the Romulan ships, whose captains had clearly been expecting the usual, typically harmless Federation base.

When the skeleton of the star base finally decided to give up the ghost, the Impala, Los Angeles and Enterprise circled back around to finish the job.

The entire operation had taken three and a half minutes. They hadn't even needed the liquid phaser pasta.

Just like a shotgun. Loud, messy and brutally over in the blink of an eye.

Enterprise

"I'm going to track down the Washington and make sure she's still in one piece," Callen volunteered. "While I'm not crazy about leaving you to limp along on your own, Gibbs has a ship full of kids."

"We get it," Kirk replied tiredly. "Go. I think we can scare off any more Romulans stupid enough to pick a fight with two Federation ships surrounded by twenty two ruined warbirds."

Callen's mouth quirked in a humourless grin. "You have a point." The LA skipped away a minute later, leaving the Impala and the Enterprise to catch their breaths for the first time in…who knew how long, Kirk mused to himself as he watched his crew move off the bridge like zombies. They were all exhausted, battered and bruised. It was almost at the point where if an enemy showed up, Kirk would just laugh hysterically and crawl under his bunk to hide.

"Winchester, you need anything at the moment?"

"A case of beer, a really big steak and Lucifer's head on a platter, but I'll settle for drugs."

Kirk couldn't muster the energy to grin. "Pike says he's on his way with someone to get us back to Earth."

"Oh goody. Then they can arrest us!" Yep, Dean was definitely getting punchy, that same hysterical exhaustion Kirk was suffering from cropping up in his friend's voice.

"Pretty sure Pike's pissed enough to keep us out of the serious clink."

"Great. Then we can escape from the not-serious clink and go on the run with Mal, except only an idiot would take us on because we'd make the Federation's Most Wanted in no time flat."

Kirk tipped his head back against his battered chair, staring up at the cracked bridge ceiling. Dean had a point, a very valid one. Mal would be sympathetic, would want to help, but definitely would not want them hanging around the Serenity. After all, Mal had people to protect just like Jim and Dean. "Got a better plan?" he demanded hotly, surprising himself with a spurt of anger.

"Both of you idiots need to have a little more faith," a gruff voice barked, startling the captains. Bones looked like his titular skeleton, his skin grey and hands trembling, bags under his eyes deep enough to get lost in. But the doctor carefully checked over his captain and ran a remote scan over the Impala's counterpart. "I may not like brass but Pike's a damn decent man and you two just racked up enough for him to monkey around to fit Federation goals. On top of that, Vance isn't going to let two of his best ships sink, not when the four of you just saved an entire starbase of kids."

"Yeah, by blowing it up," Kirk pointed out.

McCoy rolled his eyes. "What else are they going to expect, a sunshine-filled romp through daisies and petunias in which you conquer the Romulans with the power of love and peace?"

The scarring image planted in their heads by the pragmatic doctor had both captains gaping for a minute before Dean disappeared from the screen, howling with laughter. Kirk joined him a minute, relief pitching the sound almost towards mania. "D-d-d-aisies!" Kirk managed to sputter.

"L-l-love and p-p-peace?" Dean added, bona-fide mirth chasing the doctor as Bones stalked towards the elevator in feigned high dudgeon.

When the door swished shut behind him, McCoy heard Dean suggest something crazily stupid about planning contingency plans involving the unused liquid phaser pasta.

They'd be all right until tomorrow when John woke up to take over shepherding the idiots, a weary McCoy decided. The peace would hold until then.

Washington

Carrying their precious cargo safely, the Washington ripped into Earth space with little regard for the ponderous trade traffic that usually clogged the Milky Way system. "Tell 'em to get the hell out of the way," was Gibb's stoic reply to Ziva's inquiries. She did so with vitriolic glee, Dinozzo swearing under his breath until the zippy Miranda-class ship finally screeched to a halt beside the mass-transport depot on Mars.

"Get those kids off the ship now and prepare to defend against pursuers!" Gibbs ordered sharply. McGee and Ducky had every single child and civilian prepped for immediate cargo-transport in their individual life pods and they were safely whisked into a very surprised Mars cargo transporter pad.

The Washington whirled to dish out abuse on the four warbirds brave enough to chase the ship all the way to Earth itself. "No Federation casualties," Gibbs ordered calmly. "I want this mopped up without trouble."

His crew did just that in remarkable short order, just in time for the Potemkin to show up.

"We're here to help – " Captain Poole began.

"You're late." Gibbs interrupted bluntly. "Make yourself useful and pick up the prisoners while I go figure out what happened to the Impala, Enterprise and Los Angeles."

"We're also supposed to take you into custody," the Potemkin's captain added awkwardly.

The Washington crew blinked several times in amusement as Gibbs' mouth quirked up in a wry grin. "Really. You and what army? Dinozzo, get us out of here."

"You shouldn't be able to do that. You're just a Miranda-class captain," Poole complained, knowing he was talking to empty space.

The Washington was gone.

Constitution – Three days later…

"Come back to see me, Admiral Pike?" Lucifer asked with painful curiosity. "Have you finally pulled all the corpses from the twisted wreckage of your precious ships?"

"Sorry to disappoint," Kirk drawled. "The admiral had better things to do. So did Captain and Commander Winchesters. Something about another commendation? Apparently if you save several Federation politicians' children, they don't give a damn what you blow up in the process, up to and including twenty odd Romulan ships and a star base."

Lucifer sat rooted to the spot for a minute but Kirk didn't relax or bask in his temporary victory. This was their most dangerous enemy yet and he wasn't so easily defeated.

"So," the half-Romulan said on a slow exhale after a few minutes. "You've managed to surprise me, you and your little band of rag-tag heroes. You squashed my little mess of cockroaches. Now what?"

Kirk leaned against the trim of the cell block's door. "If I had my way? You'd be dead. But I'm not in charge. So you go to stand trial. Seems you've got nine lives."

The being in the cell stood, placing two gentle hands against the snapping, stinging security screen. "Or I'm just…impossible." Kirk inclined his head. Acknowledging the enemy's capabilities is half of defeating him. "Prison won't hold me," Lucifer promised with a sweet and deadly coldness. "You and everyone who has hindered my plans will die in screaming agony from the most junior ensign right up to Sam Winchester himself. You'll spend your lives looking over your shoulders, dogged by misfortune until you finally beg me to let you slit your own throat."

Kirk stepped into the room until his nose hovered half a centre from that same security screen. "Dean Winchester sends you a message: Rot in hell."

Lucifer lifted his hands away from the screen, skin irritated lime green. "Why not?" he whispered. "Then I'll know exactly where to put each of you when I come back."

Kirk shrugged carelessly and strode out of the brig.

He shuddered as soon as he stepped away from Lucifer's line of sight.

One month later – Lucifer's trial

As expected, the Federation made Lucifer's trial very quick, very thorough and very public. He, Alistair and a whole host of Romulan prisoners, all abandoned by their government after some nasty posturing by the Admiralty, stood to lose everything except their lives, which would be regulated to extreme boredom in isolation. The accused never appeared in the courtroom, locked down in the very bowels of Pluto's solitary super-max prison. Starfleet officer after Starfleet officer testified to actions taken, backed up by hour after hour of footage taken where possible by Spock, Sam and Hetty, who had anticipated this course of events.

Finally, Starfleet law demanded that each of the accused show up for their sentencing.

The Romulan prisoners were each data-chipped deep in their skeletal system for easy tracking and returned to their home-space. If they survived their government's retaliation, the Federation would know where they were at all times.

Alistair and Lucifer, however, weren't wanted by the Romulans. They would stay in Federation space. The leader and his toady arrived without incident on a day when the four captains involved in the incident were scattered across the galaxy at their admirals' orders.

Sentencing was being pronounced when a guard groaned and keeled over at the back of the courtroom. In the brief blink of confusion, Lucifer ducked behind a pillar in the old courtroom and simply vanished.

A phaser stream hissed out and Alistair collapsed, a round black hole bored in his head.

"Did you get him?"

The sniper shook his head. "He never showed to any of the six vantage points. Apologies."

The captain shrugged. "Figures. I thought he was too smart to expose himself like that."

The sniper patted a worn, loved phaser rifle. "Got the Romulan bastard though."

The captain nodded sharply. "It's a good start. We'll just keep our eyes open for Lucifer. A man like that won't hide forever. He'll have to kill again and when he tries we'll be waiting."

How far would you go to rescue/protect/defend/save a friend?

The End

It ends like this for a reason (minus the usual happy end scene and all). I wanted to make a point. Please don't kill the author and no I'm not skimping on the end because I'm still busy. There are evil, evil plans floating around in my head. It might be a few weeks (I'm going to sort out said evil plans and go beat up life so I have more time to write) but then the boys will be back. Even Lucifer. Possibly a few newbies :D