As soon as I saw her, I knew.

Shepard was approaching me, cautiously, with a strange look on her face. I'd seen that look before. It was an expression she wore only when delivering the worst kind of news. Whatever it was had obviously affected her to some extent as well. My Commander had always been the picture-perfect soldier, never letting herself become too shaken, rarely if ever showing signs of weakness. Now, concern was etched in the set of her eyebrows. Her face was pale, her mouth a strained line. Whatever it was, she was dreading having to tell me, and it was painfully obvious.

I saw the datapad clutched in her hand. Her knuckles were white. 'Alliance News' flashed across the top. My mind jumped to all the worst conclusions, all at once. Auntie Raan had been killed, the Geth had turned on us again, a ship had gone down, the flotilla had been routed, Rannoch was being invaded. My mind raced in a panic, jumping from one scenario to the next, each growing worse and worse until I felt like I was going to lose it. I wanted to scream, to rip the datapad from her hands and have it be done with already. My only consolation was that, for all the awful things I was imagining, the truth couldn't possibly be worse.

I was completely unprepared for what I read in that data pad. It was a report from the Alliance News Network. I scanned it briefly. A Quarian tech team had unexpectedly volunteered to repair a communications relay that was vitally important to the effort on Palaven, and sacrificed their lives in doing so. It was a truly noble act. Though it was sad that the team had lost their lives, I was proud of them. They were my people, and they had selflessly put themselves on the line to help the turians. They were heroes.

Then my eyes fell upon the name of the man who had led them; the loyal, noble, squad leader who sacrificed his life for the cause. Kal'Reegar.

He was gone.

My stomach felt heavy. My blood ran like ice. My mind froze. Kal. He was…gone? Just like that? Some stupid email and suddenly he's gone forever? It wasn't possible. It couldn't be happening.

But it was.

I started to shake, uncontrollably. I tried to bite back the cry that threatened to overflow. Shepard was looking at me, those brown human eyes boring into me, torturing me with that concerned expression.

Stop looking at me.

She reached out to touch my elbow, and I jerked away from that strange, five-fingered hand.

Don't touch me.

"Tali?"

Stop looking at me like that!

"Tali, are you going to be okay?"

No, I'm not going to be okay! The only man in the world I had ever wanted to be with was DEAD.

It hit me then, without warning. I had loved him. I had loved him, that stupid, uptight soldier-to-the-end who could never even call me by my name. Always "ma'am" this, and "ma'am" that and all I ever wanted was to hear my own name from his lips. The only time I had ever heard him say my name was when he stood up for me at my trial. He spoke with a passion and fury I'd never heard from him, for my own benefit. I dimly recalled wondering then if he felt something, the way I did, but I never had the chance or the courage to ask...

Now I would never know.

"Shepard…" the voice I heard wasn't my own. It was weak, barely audible, and trembling. "Shepard," I breathed again. "He's gone."

Suddenly I was in her arms. I screamed. I screamed as loud and as long and as hard as I possibly could. My throat ached and burned. Tears poured down my face, stinging my cheeks. I felt them pooling in the bottom of my mask. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wished I would drown to death in my own tears. I don't know how long I was there, screaming and crying like a child, with only Shepard to hold me up. My legs had turned to jelly. I had only my commander, anchoring me, supporting me as she always had.

Eventually, I just couldn't cry anymore. My screams were reduced to a sort of raspy whimpering. I felt pathetic, but was beyond caring anymore.

"There's so much I never got to tell him." I choked out. I felt the warm pressure of her hand on my head.

"I know, Tali," she murmured. "I know."